Loving my Inner Dork

I probably am not going out on a huge limb and say many of ourselves grew up not loving our inner transgender selves.

In addition for many more of us, just finding out for sure who our inner "dork" was a huge task. In my own case I find it completely fascinating I know my dork is female orientated but takes my life as a guy and uses him to build from. Along the way she has looked at him and said "really? that was such a stupid guy thing to try".

Along the way though,  writing about my  girl dork has gotten me slammed as "yet another old guy on hormones" to "just an upscale cross dresser". For the record: nothing wrong with either. So get over it and get a life of your own.

Dressing the dork to society's standards is the difficult part. I have mentioned the hormones and my hair length have led me down an increasingly androgynous path but I still live in an area where people have known me for years. I do take the easy way out and let androgyny take it's course rather than put up with the hassle of seeing these people with eyeliner and lip gloss. It just makes me feel a little better knowing I still have enough other problems to worry about and you know? My dork doesn't care. After all she has biding her time for a half century and she can feel the bodily changes going on under my loose clothes.

The bottom line is I'm coming to love my inner dork. So much so I have given her a new label.  Now I call her a feminine "essence" or spirit.   

Certainly her life is getting better as society is picking up a whole new set of clues. We are all just mirrors anyway and society just picks up it's clues from the mirror.  Having softer smoother skin , longer hair and real boobies to work with obviously just makes the process easier.. Plus, it's evident that slowly but surely I'm taking the male props out of the costume for good. Finally,  I'm secure in the fact my female essence will have her day in the sun or mirror...full time.

Perhaps calling her an "essence" rather than a "dork" will make her feel better too?

Horror Scope!

It's a dreary rainy Monday here in Cyrsti's Condo so we are going to part the clouds and gaze at the stars. Here is our weekly "Horror Scope" for Libra's :


(September 23-October 22): An “ah ha!” moment is on its way and will add purpose and focus to your system. While this will hardly seem sexy for anyone else to hear all about now, who cares? This is your time to indulge your inner dork and love it—which means no judgment. After all, this is progress, your progress — so make sure no one rains on your parade!

As luck would have it, I was considering a post on almost the same subject which I will write later.

The "Horror Scope" term is my own and you can go to theFrisky to get yours!

Amanda Lepore

On the Cyrsti's Condo big screen, we are featuring a documentary video featuring the much photographed Amanda Lepore transgender model from NYC:

Genetic Girl to Transgender Woman?

This is a fascinating study I found during one of my endless surfing trips on the web. From the Huffington Post:

Stunning photos from a 2008 project by artist Charlie White pair teen girls with their transgender adult female doppelgängers. Titled the "Teen and Transgender Comparative Study," White's project is a "a correlation of two stages of transformation, pairing teen girls with like adult male-to-female" transgender women. "I was working on a larger, ongoing project titled 'Girl Studies' at the time," White, who is based on Los Angeles, told HuffPost Gay Voices in an email. "Within that broader idea, the intersection between girls transforming through the biological patterns, and transgender through chemical and surgical processes became very important to me."

For more go here.

Winning Womanless Pageants

Hunter Edwards was named Junior Mr. Miss Ernest Ward Middle School in a womanless beauty pageant Friday night. First runner-up was Jacob Weaver, and second runner-up was Luke Ward. Edwards also received the audience vote People’s Choice Award. For more go here.

Sweet Sarah

From the magic of world wide YouTube comes the story of Sarah on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:


 

Cyrsti in Wonderland.

Very few humans have a chance to reinvent themselves-legally of course.
Now it seems for whatever reason, I may have that chance.
I'm not taking any credit. In fact if it wasn't for more than a couple very understanding friends and a family member like my daughter (and another who I consider family) there is no way I would have made it here.

I am a believer in being at the right place at the right time but not in blind luck. Luck is putting yourself in a position to take advantage of a situation.
But, on the other hand as you probably know by now I'm also a huge believer in Karma. Sooner more than later life has giveth and taketh away for me. I went through the dark years of no transgender information at all to tons of it now. Plus, when I was growing up it's possible I could have been arrested for even dressing as a girl in public. Now I pretty much have my own regular mainstream spots I'm accepted in. I could go on and on with examples.

Now the sky is the limit. I still have to get my ears pierced before the summer but past that I'm thinking of picking up yoga and even belly dancing. In other words, I'm really starting to embrace this reinvention idea.

I think the biggest problem with doing all of this later in life is the subconscious idea I can't do it somehow. Of course we all know the first sign of failure is thinking you can't do something. Anyway you cut it, living 50 years fighting my gender issues with every fiber of my being is tough to change. We've talked about the practice of muscle memory here in Cyrsti's Condo. My challenge now is to embrace every challenge coming and think yes I can do that!

So this reinvention thing I think an invention in itself (give that some thought) The end result is I'm just being me. On the other hand this whole idea just fires up my imagination.

Maybe I should start a short story called "Cyrsti in Wonderland"? Nah! I have nothing to wear!

Sweet Candy

Several years ago Columbus and The Ohio State University hosted a huge Andy Warhol exhibit which even encouraged guests to come in drag one of the days! I was fairly certain I would never see a public invitation like that in my life.
Of course I thought I knew quite a bit about Warhol's story and work but came away from the exhibit thinking I knew very little.

Many photographers have documented the Warhol 1970's era in New York City but not with the stark black and white quality of a man we have mentioned here in Cyrsti's Condo before- Peter Hujar 
He was an openly gay man who lived during the AIDS crisis.  Hujar photographed transsexuals, drag queens and icons of gay community.  The portraits have been compiled into an exhibit at the Pace/MacGill Gallery in NYC. Hujar died at the age of 53 in November 1987 of complications from AIDS.

To our left is the classic "death bed" picture of transsexual icon Candy Darling by Hujar.

For more of Hujar's other work go here.

Inspirational Story

Some transgender video's need no introduction this You Tube presentation is simply inspirational: