Retro Transgendered Girl

I get one question the most, especially from civilians who are new to the transgendered culture: "When did you first feel the need to do this?" (Their words not mine.)
For awhile I had sort of an autobiography on one of the blog pages about my life and how similar it probably is to many of yours.
I say similar because it if wasn't for a little twist or turn here or there we could all be in the same place. If by chance you are a fully changed transsexual, I've seriously considered that route more than once and could be in your shoes.  You could be more of a weekend crossdresser who could be more like me with the proper opportunity.  But that is not what I'm writing about here.
I believe many single gendered individuals think we transgendered folks had this great blinding realization of "hey! I want to be another gender!"
For one, I can say it wasn't like that with me. I can safely say I was between the ages of 10 and 12 when I had this growing suspicion that something wasn't right. I had a real fascination with the female gender but somehow, someway it just took a twist with me. Many years passed before I finally realized my fascination with women wasn't so much sexual. I wanted to be them.
I do remember as clear as day when I made up an excuse to dress in the few girl clothes I could buy with my paper route money and appear in front of some of my pre teen friends-makeup mini skirt hose and all. My quick introduction as a girl was quick and did embarass them more than me but somehow I never heard much more about it from them. I do know I wanted so much for them to like the way I looked.
We lived in a very rural area and one of my "get aways" happened to be the woods behind our house. I would abuse my Mom's electric shaver and kept smooth legs most of the time. I would sneak out past my brother ( a couple years younger) and actually go to this special place I picked just to feel the wonderful caress of nylons, bras and dresses.
One important question I don't have the answer to is how I kept my legs shaved as much as I did. I was a very athletic kid and played three sports. I just don't know.
The person I feel the most sorry for during this time of my life was my brother. I was always sneaking behind his back barricading myself in the bathroom experimenting with makeup. Of course he did catch me on occasion and that's another story.
On the rare occasion I was home alone we had a long hallway in the house that for some reason had a full lenght mirror on it which was a transgendered kids best friend! The slow trip down the hall admiring myself in the mirror was heavenly!
So that was the beginning of the journey which brought me here to all of you today.
As I have said many times all of this occurred way before the Internet.  For years I was certain I was the only one who felt this way.
Of course as my life progressed I know now of the sign posts which directed me here.
In future posts I will try to take you there!

I am...I said

A friend of mine once told me...you pass because of will power.
Of course that was back in the day when "passing" was the politically correct term indicating you could move through society as your chosen  gender.
His comment was not much of a compliment.
Essentailly he was saying I was not a natural female beauty and he was and is right.
Little did he know how right he was-for different reasons.
All the trial and error of venturing out in the world as a girl slowly but surely turned "will power" into "attitude".
The more I interacted with the world, the more I felt more assured of who I was as a transgendered female. The more assured I felt my confidence grew.
When I arrived at the point when I didn't care if the public knew I was transgendered, my life became suddenly easier.
As the drag queens say "It's all in the attitude."
If I have a solid mental attitude about my gender choice, the general public will too.
I have sadly lost contact with the friend I had for years. He lived a  life many transgendered people know; go totally into the closet or risk losing your spouse and or financial life as you know it.
Hopefully someday I will get to see him again and thank him for his insight!

Nuture Your Transgender Style!

Style! We all see it and admire it. Style seems to be this vague yet concrete visual of who you are.  Men have a decided simpler edge in the style department. Fewer choices and in most cases women to help them with their choices.
Women of course have it much tougher. Everyone looks at us-men and women. Two girls I follow continually here on the blog are "Stana" and Janie". They define style at it's best.
The fun part with their style is they are so different yet so similar in how they approach it.
Examples? Just take a look at their blogs (linked here). Janie's Christmas pictures and Stana's pix of her latest trip say it all.
It's easy to think some of us are born with a unique sense of style. Is it just an accident that certain scarf or pair of shoes you just have to add to your wardrobe look so good on you?
Obviously not. A quick follow of Stana alone shows the complete dedication she has to her style and it shows.
On one of her blog posts she recommended a site which takes a total approach to style. "Nurturing Beauty" by Ginger Burr. I followed her advice and subscribed to her blog (free). Ginger's latest offerings included one called "How to Dress Cozy Without Feeling Sloppy".
As I read it, I started to think how it applied to my current situation. Essentially, Ginger writes about how you can feel good about your style even when you know no one else will see you. As I still live the dual male/female dynamic for a short time, I constantly think of what I can do to further the transition.
Of course there is the well known  female underwear worn under male clothes, but what else? I started some time ago wearing my breast forms any time I'm not working in guy drag.
Ginger's advice took me to a whole new level of what I can do to always feel better about my style if I'm out in public or at home doing the dishes. None of her advice meant you should wear a fancy cocktail dress all the time but you should make sure your work clothes fit well at the least. Subconsciously you need the sense of well being. I'm paraphrasing of course, check the link for more.
I know so many of you here have your own wonderful unique style. Some of you have discovered your style and nurture it. For those of you that haven't, check out Janie, Stana and Ginger for great hints!

Missing the Transgendered Feminine Experience

Sometimes I just want to scream.
I should be more patient when I receive a comment such as this. "I'm glad you get to dress up and go out and party; Ive done it a couple of times."
Really?
I replied "I did get dressed as a guy recently and went out and partied."
Then I calmed down and told the person the depth of my transgender experience. I am not playing dress up.  It's nice your wife has participated in your fantasy of being a girl but lifestyle and fantasy are vastly different creatures. If you are into labels, when your fantasy becomes your lifestyle you have moved from crossdresser to transgender.
If nothing else I should be content to be an educator. Hopefully the person I chatted with walked away with a whole new appreciation of transgendered life.

Check this wonderful transgender journey!

Transgender Spotlight- Janet Mock

Janet Mock is a beautiful and extremely successful transgendered woman. Quite possible though, her most impressive attribute could be her decision not to go "stealth" and disappear into society.
Her article in the "Huff Post Gay Voices" tells her story of telling her boyfriend she was born a boy.

Telling her boyfriend is one thing, telling us is another.
She has also lended her efforts to public support campaigns for young transgender people.
Coincidentally, Nicole the young transgendered twin we featured in a recent post came out of stealth mode to help others also.
If you were able to read the entire article about the Maine teen, you learned she actually went to a different school for a couple years without telling anyone.
Now she speaks to others about her past and has even helped to try to push through anti-gender discrimination rest room bills through the Maine legislature.
"Back in the day" (way back) when I was younger, most transgendered people I knew just made their transition and simply disappeared.  Their life, their choice and that's fine but having the courage to speak up about the transgendered experience really separates the women from the girls.
Lighting the path for the future transgendered boys and girls is huge!

Could It Be Me?

I watch many of the male to female video changes on YouTube. I'm mesmerized by some of the changes I see.
Over the years I thought I would never see myself in those transistions.
Now of course.all of that has changed as I prepare myself for hormones.
I do wonder how fast and how dramatic the changes will be of course.
My "Bestest GF" has told me others will notice changes quicker than I. A daily dose of the mirror will slow progress in my eyes.
She also says the internal changes will be more dramatic and I do believe that to be true.
I have to say the whole process seems surreal.  I use the term in the unbelievable and fantastic sense. The process I've seen in others is now going to be part of me? Really?
Yes...really.
As my journey continues, I do run into the occasional peep who is curious to seeing the "before" me. (Always women)  I don't believe in showing my past to others and I wonder if that is part of fascination I have with others who do it on YouTube.
Surely, they have a sense of pride in their journey as they should. More importantly a video documentation of the transgendered crossover could be a real benefit to others. Once you get past the fetish peeps and admirers there certainly are many gender confused individuals. They can see the light at the end of the tunnel is not the train.
I can see that light and it is not train.
I see myself in the videos now and the light is future sunshine!

A successful human rights lawyer who lived as a woman outside work was pushed under a Tube train by a preoperative transsexual whom he had befriended, a court heard.

David Burgess, 63, known as Sonia, died after falling under a Piccadilly Line train at King’s Cross Underground station on Oct 25 last year.

Senthooran Kanagasingham, 35, known as Nina, went on trial yesterday charged with his murder.
Mr Burgess, a divorced father of three, had built “an enviable and brilliant reputation” as a solicitor in human rights and immigration law.

“However, socially, the deceased lived as a woman and was known by friends and family as Sonia,” said Mr Altman.

“I intend to refer to the deceased throughout as of the female gender because that is the wish of her family.”
Mr Burgess was “gender-variant”, the court heard. He had not wished to have surgery to become a woman, but to all intents and purposes outside his professional life, he lived as a woman.
This was “accepted and embraced” by everyone, including his three children, the jury was told.
“A close friend states that physically Sonia presented as a good-looking, very slim, middle-aged woman,” said Mr Altman.
“Sonia was caring and generous with her time. She was tolerant of others and she habitually helped others with their problems.” Kanagasingham, of Cricklewood, north London, had been undergoing sex-change therapy at the time of Mr Burgess’s death. It had been his desire to “pass completely as a woman”, the court heard.
It may be true: "Only the Good Die Young?"

Weekly "Horror Scope"

Libra:
If you need to lose your mind, do it. This is the week when going all out, balls to the wall psycho will have its benefits. Besides, if done properly, it’s merely a freedom of expression, a creative statement. Whatever the case, the style in which you approach this can make it all okay, so think of yourself as an abstract expressionistic fireball of passion and fury and let loose!

I thought this was me every week??????
Horror Scope compliments of   the Frisky.