Tuesday, November 1, 2011

The Transgender Girl Next Door?

Every now and then I get questions from men who want to meet a transgender woman. Typically the questions center on how to meet a transgender girl and even how to talk to a trans woman.
The situation becomes worse when the guy expects the transgendered "girl next door" to immediately want him for sex.
However there are men who just want us for what we are. A woman with something extra. I know what you think I mean but I don't.
What I mean is... what we have between our ears.  Sure we have discussed sex is between the legs and gender is between the ears. Between our ears lies a deeper understanding of both genders. None of this necessarily  makes us a better potential partner with a man but it does give us a head start in understanding the male existence.
On a deeper level this connection does resonate with some men.
I used to feel a man who felt this way was exceedingly hard to find. Now I feel the opposite could be true. We are the hard ones to find. Why?
The transgendered girl next door could be living stealth or deeply in the closet and invisible. In addition there are so many transgendered girls who are in the middle of a deep confusing transition of their own and aren't ready for a male relationship.
Finally, the man gets the courage to act and then what?
Well, the easiest place to turn is  is the Internet.
In my case I have been successful in finding a dear friend through a dating site and a couple others through simply "networking" myself here and there.
To get there was not easy. As you probably would expect, there are seemingly a thousand failures for the very few successes.
Many men go back into their own closets for what ever reason. A transgendered woman could be ideal for them on several levels but they are reluctant or even afraid to act upon their feelings. (They are men after all and that does come with the territory).
One thing is certain, the transgendered girl of his dreams probably isn't next door to the guy but she could be out there if he is patient and sincere.

Gender Is Only A Word

Expressing and understanding gender is another.
In Chicago, "Loyola University" hosts an annual drag show which encourages student to question why gender is so rigidly controlled.
“We all step in line when it comes to gender. Men wear pants. Women
put on makeup. Girls get pink and boys blue,” states Advocate LUC, the
school’s gay rights group, on the event’s Facebook site. “This is not
necessarily a bad thing, but it can be if we never question why gender
is rigidly controlled.”
One of the participants in Loyola University's "drag" fashion show said it best!

Monday, October 31, 2011

New "Horror Scope!"

This will be one of those crazy weeks that’ll stick in your memory for ages, as it’ll be quite an eye opening experience — but in a totally fab way, so don’t freak. However, you’ll have to be willing to slide down a rabbit hole and open your mind to this new point of view, because once you do, you’ll never be the same — but in a totally lovely way.. From "theFrisky"
Wow! I thought that was a couple weeks ago!

Transgender Privilege?

I commented on a post on Matt Kailey's blog and thought I would pass it along here.
"Is trans male “privilege” include an easier acceptance in the male community? I’ve always wondered?
Growing up male and working most of my life in female dominated jobs, I always felt women have a more complex “acceptance” system than men.
I do agree, the physical effects of “T” hormones enable the outward gender transition from female to male easier initially. (Hate using that word, nothing is easy I know). Sure the more completely you assume the “vision” of your chosen gender, the true inner transition is just beginning. I know one person who went down the full journey to change her sex only to become the best looking man in the room.
Let me mention I feel privilege does not have to be totally negative and will always be part of the human gender spectrum.
I am an middle aged transgendered woman who is beginning hormone therapy soon.
Over the years, I have been fortunate to gain an understanding of how to interact in the world more completely in my chosen gender… with females.
For the most part I have wonderful experiences with a whole new group of friends and I consider this “female privilege”. Again, is there a similar assimilation trans guys feel? Could it be described as “male privilege”?
I quickly learned much of what I had heard from genetic women on a stereotypical level was true. I did lose a few IQ points here and there and I certainly lost my rights to much of the “space” I occupied. Men have no respect for my space and reach over me and around me with no problem and I now have to always move for them.
On a larger scale, I did lose a huge part of the respect I had gained as a middle aged fairly successful white male in my American society, I lost the automatic sir I gained with age and replaced it with a feminine one.
Of course the path was exactly what I chose and all so natural I found. Female privilege to me became being treated in a softer and sometimes more open way.
Again I’m curious of how the overall transition in “privilege” works from the female to male side although I know no story is alike!
As far as the “LGBT” community, I believe our privilege is a farce. We are only included when need for more “clout”. I do have interactions with a few lesbians but most view me as a “wolf in sheep’s clothing” Gay guys are as clueless as straight guys and view me as another queen most of the time. So again, will someone, anyone show me a privilege?"

Are You A "Lady"?

Immediately I thought do I think I am? Before I thought about what  it takes to be a lady, I thought I would take a look at the flipside. To do that I went to one of my favorite places to visit for "girl stuff" the Frisky . I read an article called "What It Means To Be A Gentleman?". Here's an excerpt: "Are you really a gentleman who treats women with genuine respect or are you just performing like one? Are you actually making the women you date feel uncomfortable or disrespected, even though you think you’re “gentlemanly duty” has been done (so to speak) because you paid for dinner? Do you actually hold rather sexist attitudes towards women — sexual women, complicated women, real women?"
OK, fair is fair. If you interact with men, are you really a lady who treats men with genuine respect or are you performing as one?
Perhaps the terms themselves are as outmoded and narrow as most of the gender labels we live with today.
In reality I'm sure you have encountered sexist attitudes towards you as a transgendered female or male. One that infuriates me most is the idea that some men have that I am automatically promiscuous.Really?
Regardless of all of that, I believe being described as a "lady" is fine but "old school girl" is more accurate for me. I love being soft and feminine and stylish.
Sure if a door is opened for me or a courtesy extended to me that's all appreciated but not needed. I do however, appreciate and react to it and attempt to return the favor to the man because I feel it's the right thing to do.
I hope that very appreciation gains me the "old school" tag.
 After reading "the Frisky" excerpt, I came to more of a realization of why I feel many females have forgotten how to be women. Life has made them jaded and that's a shame.
Then again the whole deal is just part of "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus".  Transgendered folk are from Earth. We've traveled to those other places and understand the lifestyle!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Have a Holly Jolly Halloween!



Or maybe you already have. Hope you got out out the closet and showed the world your true self!
Christian Greenia as "Elvira"
If the closet is not your home Halloween is the best day of the year when real girls and transgendered girls alike get to get out and "slut it up"!
I always found the night was a great time to try my hand at going to the bigger straight clubs. After all, whats the worst that could happen? Lose a "costume contest"?
Two evenings out of many stick out in my memory other than the couple I passed along.
If I have already passed them along, sorry it's just old age setting in!
The first story comes from a local Halloween trip to two big clubs having big parties.  For some reason that year I settled on some sort of French Mistress outfit. Of course it was short and black from head to toe with dark eyes and red lips. I had a long straight blond wig that I topped off with a black beret. I was comfortable and felt sexy so the night was good!
About half way through the evening, a guy in a mask came up and whispered in my ear "I know who you really are". For once, I was a lost for words. I finally said  "how do you know and who are you?" He simply said "you look like your mother!"  When I found out who he really was, he could have send a lot more! He was one of my friends when I was 12ish and tried my first tentative steps at dressing as a girl around my friends. Obviously he thought I didn't grow out of it! Hopefully he thought I grew in to it!
The second night was an out of town experience. I was training in another city that year during Halloween and of course had to put together a "costume" and go out. That night I chose one straight and one gay club and really slutted it up. You know the story.  Tight short skirt (leather look) and matching top with black hose and high heeled boots.
I went to the straight club first and to my amazement passed several of the partiers, especially the one who molested my behind as I walked through the crowded room. All too soon and it was time for my first trip to a gay club Halloween party.
If you have never been, the costumes are amazing! Creative and sexy, you can see it all if you happen to hit the right party! I remember the "Elvira" who spent the night checking herself in the mirror as well as the guy dressed as an "outhouse"
By the end of the evening I was sad that Halloween comes but once a year. Then again there is Mardi Gras". To this day I haven't partied it up it a fancy mask and dress!

Transgendered and Strong!

Chris Bruce before......













Chris Bruce after.....

Friday, October 28, 2011

More Halloween "Re-Runs"

I won't tell you how many years ago this occurred . Only that I had a decidedly better figure!
It was "back in the day" when a Halloween party was a rare coming out event.
I believe as a transgendered person you can only do one party with the same people before they start to gossip. If you care.
I got an invite to a classic party in an old Victorian mansion in one of the town's historic districts. At the door was an antique coffin with a very real skeleton observing the guests.
My first wife (who figured that some day I was going to take off and be a girl full time) didn't much care I was going to the party with a female co-worker-dressed like a complete tramp. Halloween is a great time for genetic and TG females to strut their stuff. (Who do they think they are kidding?)
Shaved legs, heels, micro mini dress and long blond hair pretty much described my outfit.
When we arrived, I pretty much didn't say much and I found that a lot of the guests didn't really know  I wasn't as I appeared to be. I was in heaven!
Later in the evening, a couple did approach me to tell me how good I looked and didn't know the truth initially and did I want to go with them to another party?
Reluctantly I had to turn them down. My ride was with my co-worker and I thought it would be rude to do that to her.
The couple left and I asked the hosts who they were.
It turns out he was a very new politician who was running for a state representative seat. As the years went by, he went to Washington and became a very powerful congressman.
I've often wondered how deep the attraction was that night and did I destroy my chance for a job in the capital or even a "tell all" book?
Let's see: "Monica and Cyrsti" A Life Under The Desk! lol

What Would Mom Say

Image from Jenna Norman on UnSplash This week my question to answer on the year long bio I am writing for my daughter and family as well as ...