Transitioning Without Hormones?

As I write this post, I wonder how many different directions it can go.
You know I don't often jump into the cat fight between the transsexual and transgendered camps.  I don't have time for the bitterness.
Speaking of bitterness I surfed across a blog that one of you may have seen. Of course I can't seem to back track to where I saw or read it.  The main point of the transgendered woman's post was disagreeing with a "gold star" transsexual view of basically the rest of us poor transgendered "wanna be" women.
The definition of a "gold star" transsexual is a person who assumes the female gender and is absolutely gorgeous. (basically)
Since I fall into the category of the poor downtrodden transgender "wanna be", I started to think of how I really felt about the situation.
I know no matter how long I try and how many hormones I take I will never achieve the "gold star" status. I feel so very fortunate to be able just to interact in the world as a female as much as I do.
Also, when I read or hear a "gold star" put herself up on a lofty pedestal, I always believe somewhere in their male past they always wanted to be really good at something. That something just happened to be a beautiful looking female.  Maybe they are just are the best looking guy in the room. (I've told you in the past I knew someone like that.)
That is just me playing in both sides mud hole and I'm moving on. Life is too short for their petty arguments.
The discussion does raise other personal questions however.
As I have posted in the past, I really wonder where my "internal transition" fits with either group. In response I asked my therapist what she thought. What did she think about my recent subconscious feminine reactions to movies, music. language etc. Obviously without hormones.
My psychologist brought up the "gender cube". Basically, the cube lists nearly 30 different sexual/gender combinations from "straight hetero male" to whatever. When I bypassed the transgendered categories altogether and identified with a masculine feminine female; she simply said I had been burying my true self. My inside self just had never had the need to transition. Just being open to who I really am (I realized) was transitioning without hormones.
By now, you are wondering what point am I trying to make.
Since I am not planning on any radical surgery, will the "gold stars" ever accept me as much of a woman as they are? (Even though I am feeling more and more as one?)
How many of them are still really just guys who became enamored with the pretty girl in the mirror and simply went for more?
Better yet...who cares? I guess sometimes I do!

It Wasn't A Dream When I Woke Up!

Today had to be my best birthday ever!
My third visit to the VA therapist seeking a hormone permission letter was late in the afternoon.
As I got ready to meet my daughter for a birthday breakfast, I received a text from a long time female friend who I have progressively come out to over the past couple months.
She wished me a good birthday and a positive trip to the "Doc" which meant a lot!
My breakfast with my daughter was very different. Almost immediately she asked me if I knew one of the performers in one of the top drag queen acts in the area. They are known as the "Rubi Girls" based out of Dayton, Ohio.
As it turns out I had seen their act (impressive) and actually knew one of the performer's employees.  As surprising as this was, more surprising was the fact I was having the conversation with her at all.  The rest of the breakfast was equally as good and I'm still not sure how I did so well in the daughter department.
On to the therapist appointment.  We exchanged the usual "how's life" questions before I asked the magic question: "what reservations did she have about writing a permission letter?" She didn't hestitate and said she expected the question and pulled a file folder off her desk
The folder contained the "Harry Benjamin Gender Dysphoria Care Standards". As we went through the highlights it seemed I met most all of the criteria. (I'm not exactly sure anyone but Harry understood them all.)
She was very positive and said she would like to take one more step before writing the letter. The step was a final consultation about me with a very experienced gender specialist in Columbus. Ironically she is the same person I went to for help over 20 years ago.
I know "nothing is over until it's over" but I'm causiously optimistic I will have the letter in two weeks at my next visit.
My last (but far from least) stop of the day was a lite dinner date with a GF down in Cincinnati.
Without getting too personal, it was a wonderful ending to a special day.
On the trip home I was going pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming but I have a real aversion to pain and just made sure I wasn't driving up I-75 in a dream. I can guarantee you I-75 between Dayton and Cincinnati, Ohio is no place to be dreaming behind the wheel and I wasn't. The day was all so real and so wonderful!

Transgender Clock Ticking Again

I think I mention this before every return trip to the therapist. "I can't believe two weeks of my life has sped by" and I'm a day away from appointment three.
Obviously my "horrorscope"was completely right about my life moving at the speed of light.
The good thing is for the most part, I'm enjoying the ride!
My upcoming "day with the shrink" is going to interesting and fun for several reasons. I'm starting the day with breakfast with my daughter.  I will be dressed in guy drag but undoubtably the subject of hormones will come up.  My appointment is later in the afternoon. Plenty of time to to get dressed for the occassion. I try to pick out a casual feminine outfit.  My goal is to project a quiet confidence in who I am.
Following the appoitment I'm meeting up with my best gf for coffee and a discussion of our night at the "Witches Ball" we are going to in a couple of weeks. How much fun will that be!!!!!
The way "time flies" I'm sure I will be sharing details of that evening before we know it!

Transgender Backlash?

As "Chaz Bono" whirls and twirls on "Dancing With the Stars". As ABC "Primetime" runs a hour show on transgender adults and kids. As the New York City Fire Department becomes home to it's first transgendered fire fighter; is it a real surprise segments of society in any country are expressing misdirected views and even hate at the trans community.

Beautiful transgendered actresses such as "Candis Cayne" (above) and "Jamie Clayton" (left) are appearing increasingly on mainstream television.
Seemingly we are in an increasingly positive transgender era.
More and more of us are out, proud and successful.
Unfortunately times like these motivate others to become increasingly vocal.  The others are trying to push us back in the shadows and closets.
Fortunately, the closet door has opened and together we can keep it there!

Another "Horror Scope"!!

Libra (September 23- October 22)
"The world will be spinning faster than you’ll know how to handle, but that doesn’t mean it’s time to sit back and just let it all take control. No, this is the time when you have to be the one to bite the bullet and start steering this energy into new directions; you can’t fight fate, but you can play with it properly when need be.
This one gets a big capital OMG!"
It hits what's going on in my life totally!!!!!
As always the "scope" comes from "The Frisky".

Transgender Mother in Law

The signs of an aging population in our country has reached our transgendered culture.
In an article I found from a site called "10,000 Couples", a woman tells the story of her transgendered mother in law her husband was so reluctant to talk about or even know.
Here is part of the story:
"I wanted to be sure in the early days of our courtship that we were aligned on the values and principles of life, and accordingly, I put him to a few tests. Among the first was the acceptance test. Tolerance was a deciding factor, so being from San Francisco and thrilled by the opportunity, I took him to a transgender bar. Asia SF was well reputed for gorgeous transgender starlets and amazing food.  Not realizing, of course, that I was exposing him to the world I found so normal and fun, he had a heck of a time wrapping his head around the idea that the headliner, “Jasmine,” was a transgender, as she cooed to him to the tune of Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” in her provocative and skimpy wedding dress and promised abundant and firm cleavage that, quite honestly, gave me a run for my money.  Later that evening, while we talked of the fun we had had, he blurted out, “My father is transgender.”  I remember smacking him in the arm hard, telling him that it wasn’t funny to make a joke, and then I watched all the color drain from his face, and he cast his eyes downward in what I perceived at the time as shame.  Barely audibly, he whispered, “No joke.”
When we began to plan our wedding, I wrote a personal letter to his “dad,” expounding on my personality, tolerance, and absolute acceptance, and I made clear that “he” was welcome in our lives at any time. I didn’t share this with my husband-to-be, writing the letter instead in confidence and quiet, as we never spoke much of “Dad.”  A few days later, we got a phone call from “Dad,” who told my future husband about the letter and the relief "he" had felt upon receiving it.
Ann made her transformation in the years before modern medicine recognized the possibility. Funded entirely by Stanford Hospital in the late 1970s and cared for in the children’s wing to assure privacy and avoid media sensationalism, this remarkable man, after a life of inauthenticity, joining the Navy as a man, marrying his high school sweetheart, seeding three children, and ultimately discovering he could no longer live this lie, saw fit to allow science to use him to pioneer the way for medical alterations that are all but customary on many fronts today, almost 40 years later.
Thirty-plus years later, Ann is now 72, and although many deal with the needs of aging parents, our aging parent in need is much different than the norm. Being a “lab rat” for modern medicine to pave the way for the future left in its wake medical obstacles and an entirely new understanding of the human condition in aging."

This story sheds a huge amount of light into some of the transgendered or transsexual "pioneers" in our culture and the absolute resolve to follow their path into another gender. Not to mention the wonderful courage and caring soul of the woman who wrote it.
More to come...follow the link to experience it!

Damn Mirror

As I arrived home from a very long and difficult day to a slightly chilly house; I took off my male drag clothes and slipped on an comfy oversized sweater.
On a trip through the bathroom I happened to take a quick glance in the mirror.
Normally at this point in time I see a guy with a slight beard and tasseled hair.
Not tonight. 
For some reason I suddenly saw a softer feminine version of me. The moment was so surprising I went back to the mirror for a second opinion and there she was......

Writer's Cramp PMS?

Every so often I just can't come up with anything "profound"
I know what some of you are thinking...hell, she never comes up with anything profound. Ha Ha.
My week was profoundly good this week due to some great interaction with several friends I have. You are all sooo wonderful! You see you have to use the word profound in it's context!
As I sit here wondering if this post will go any further than the last three I started and stopped; what am I missing? Where can I go?
Well....there are several coulds.
Could it be the candid honesty of a 7 year old at a friends house when he first saw me. He calmly said "boy?" and I calmly said "sometimes". His lesbian grandma tried to silence him somewhat and I said he was only being honest and the whole process was just educational.
Could it be the all encompassing process of spending an entire day with a friend and discovering yet another layer of femininity. I didn't have time to worry about the world viewing me as female.  I only had to view the world as one.
Could it be my gender forces within having yet another brief battle with the tire guy as a guy or the intense sympathy I felt as a girl as I tried to softly console her.
So I guess life is always tossing "writer's cramp" at all of us.  We just can't see the forest for the trees.
Some trees just grow faster than others and are difficult to write about!
Let's see...where  did I put that Midol?

Transgender and the "Chaz"

By choice I really haven't written much about "Chaz Bono's" appearance on "Dancing With the Stars."
After all, what could I really add to the story about "Cher's" former daughter who crossed the transgender fence and became her son.
I do however, follow a "Chaz" story or two and occasionally find something of interest on occasion.
One was an affirmation of Bono's recent television appearances. (Which I do find to be a positive for the transgender community)
The affirmation came from a transgendered female to male attorney by the name of  Dhillon Khosla .
I wondered who "Dhillon" was anyway and who cared?
It turns out he wrote a book about his transgendered journey to manhood called One Man’s Journey Through Womanhood
I haven't read the book but decided to pass along the before and after pix of Dhillon.

I've mentioned several times how fascinated I am with our transgendered brothers. Perhaps the before and after pix here explain why.
For the life of me I can't understand why Dhillon would give up that wonderful hair!
No just kidding.  (Maybe)
Deep down inside I do understand why he made the change. I just have a hard time accepting him giving up the female existence that I desire so much!
The end result is I'm so happy he could do it!