Transgendered Veterans!

From "The Advocate" comes this update near and dear to my heart!
The story is called "Trans American Military Stories" and features interviews with four transgendered vets. The four transgendered vets are a very small part of the nearly 300,000 transgender people who may have served in the military — even though the government won’t officially allow it.
For you new visitors to the blog I am a transgendered vet and I am testing the hormone waters with them.
The number comes from The Transgender American Veterans Association.
"TAVA"  reports there could be up to 300,000 transgender military veterans in the U.S. today. In 2005, when the TAVA put a wreath on the Tomb of the Unknown Solider, there was a transgender person representing every U.S. military conflict since WWII.
Still, the very psychological diagnosis that allows transgender folks to get medical care — Gender Identity Disorder — makes them ineligible to serve. And those who’ve gone through corrective surgeries are listed as having “physical abnormalities.” Anyone who is caught wearing clothing of the perceived opposite sex receives a court martial.
According to “Transgender People in the U.S. Military: Summary and Analysis of the 2008 Survey” by the Transgender America Veterans Association the vast majority of transgender vets are trans women (of those using VA hospitals, 13% identified on the FTM spectrum, while 82% identified somewhere on the MTF spectrum) although trans men were three times more likely than trans women to have been asked by an officer about their sexual orientation (33% versus 11%).
Clearly our transgender community has come a long way. We have come close enough to the cliff to see how far the fall is and how hard the landing will be if we come out to the world.
Truly, I can't imagine coming out in the military I knew in the 70's. (Ironically though, I did come out for the first time as a crossdresser with a couple of close friends when I was in the Army.)
As I have posted, I do plan to challenge the initial statement by my therapist that the VA hospital I deal with does not dispense hormones like the VA centers "on the coasts". First of course, I need to get the letter and go from there. My point is why can a transgendered vet on the "coasts" get hormones and I can't?
Reading the stories in this article encouraged me to do more if I have the chance.  How great would it be to open some new doors if I can!

The Only "She" In The Room.

You would think I would be more aware of certain situations I encounter as a transgendered girl.
Before my session, I ended up waiting with a room full of men watching TV.
The television was turned to a soap opera. One guy looked at the others and said "there has to be something better on the television." One of the others said "turn the channel." I couldn't see it anyhow from where I was sitting and I was acting like I was really reading a magazine when yet another guy said "before you turn it, is she watching?" Relatively quickly, my inner self said Hey! I'm the only she in the room. Quickly I looked up from my magazine and shyly told them "No I wasn't watching, but thanks!" (More than they knew!)
Shortly the therapist came and she loved the story!
I also told her about the longest three minutes or so of my life as I waited with a group of ten or so patients, nurses and visitors at the main set of elevators. I couldn't make myself invisible so I tried to casually look disinterested in my surroundings. I'm fairly certain I looked at the directory sign about a hundred times! To my knowledge no one said a word or even noticed the transgendered girl dying inside!
As you all know I spend much of my life in the public eye as a girl and for the life of me I can't understand why this VA setting intimidates me so much.
My next visit corresponds with my birthday. What a great gift a letter would be and the mean old hospital may take on a different purpose!

Trip #2 In The Books.

I wish I could tell you the letter was mine from the VA psychologist approving me for hormone therapy.
No that didn't happen. Do I think it will? Yes and I will press the issue in our next visit. One of the biggest reasons I think I will get approval is how she said goodbye.
She made a really big point of calling me Cyrsti.
I believe during the session I settled two really big points she is concerned about.
I recounted the "tire" experience I posted a couple days ago.  She wondered how I would have approached the situation as Cyrsti. I simply told her I realize the difference in how genders approach problems and I would have went to more of a please help other than a do it. In addition I recounted stories of how my late wife was such a great mentor if she meant to or not. Bottom line, I had to prove to her I know being female is more than the clothes.
We transitioned (ha ha) into how I just don't feel much fulfillment from my male life. My female life is filled with a new set of friends I enjoy immensely. I can just be more compassionate and grounded and feel more from the world. I mentioned to her and you I just feel out of place now in most settings as a guy.
Finally, she asked about financial ideas.  I actually have several that I believe I can support my female life.
The hour seemed as if it went by in minutes and probably only contained 10 or 15 of key information.
I just hope the key's were clear enough to convince her and I think they will!

Transgender Liberation

Trans Liberation is the belief that all people have the right to express and define their own gender. Basically that drag queens/kings, gender queer, transsexuals and cross dressers are sane human beings with worth. Through education and better understanding of gender we can all be liberated to be who we really are."

From The Detroit News: http://detnews.com/article/20110916/OPINION03/109160312/‘Love-will-prevail’-in-transgender-issues#ixzz1YYhPnRlU

Just read this and thought you all may enjoy it!
Cysrti

Transgender Validation?

We talked about my experience as a guy at the tire store this weekend. Of course I thought a lot about it. Especially since I have my second therapist appoitment coming up today.
I needed validation of my desire to be female.  Were the feelings of warmth and contentment still there? What changes (if any) would there be dealing with the public?
Going to a place where validation and non validation has taken place in the past seemed to be a great idea.  You have read my posts about my adventures on Tuesday's at a huge sports pub filled with a 20 to 40 something crowd. Tuesday is 2-dollar pint night with 64 drafts so the pub is the place to be in the area.
Last night was just wonderful.  Not only was I accepted as a woman to the casual observer, I had to stand in line once in the women's room waiting for a stall. No problems.
All of that was well and good. The internal sensation was what I was really searching for.
The feelings of satisfaction and the realization I was at home with myself were the same.
I guess I reassured myself the brief macho me was only a return to a past I'm trying to put behind me.
Maybe I'm lucky he was there when I needed him...and leave it at that.

Fall Pleasures!

Cool crisp fall mornings. Leaves changing to bright oranges and reds.  Pumpkins appearing on porches and in brown harvested fields.
All cherished visions and memories of fall in my part of the world.
Memories made all so much special by the soft swell of my breasts in a fuzzy warm sweater and tight jeans tucked into a new pair of boots.
It's time to pull the black leather coat out of the closet and softly fluff my hair down my back.
All welcome memories of fall on a cool crisp morning as a friend of mine and I head to one of many fall festivals!

Transgender Therapy Session Two!

Time flies faster when you are transgendered? I'm sure it doesn't but it does seem like yesterday (2 weeks ago) when I sat down with a therapist to discuss the possibility of starting hormones. Since I've been into "label-mania" lately, I wonder if she will be too on my next visit? Will she want to discuss the 3 "Big T's"? (Transgendered,Transsexual or Transvestite)
I have no idea. I was at a total loss what the first session would be and a bigger loss for this one.
If I was a guessing girl, the first session was about talking about me and the second could be the therapist asking about me.
If indeed she writes a letter recommending hormone therapy wouldn't she want to know which of the "3 T's" I would fit?
Yet another question would be how many sessions should I expect.  Several of you readers with more experience in this area have told me to expect 3 or even more sessions and that's fine.
It is very difficult for me not to look too far ahead. Focusing on each session and not selling myself should be my main focus.  This is not a job interview.  I just need to be me and I am.  It's just that all of this is something I want badly and I'm afraid trying too hard could ruin it all.
The best part is? Session two is only a day and a half away!

Out of the Closet.

I brought him out of the closet, dusted him off and used him.
Did he care? Probably not because he was me.
During my tire dilemma Saturday, I had to play macho as completely as I had in years to get some service in the shop I was in.
Interestingly enough it felt so strange to have to do that again.
I learned again what I had always taken for granted, my eyes go far in communication as a girl or a guy.  They were instrumental in staring down one of the big burly workers in the shop and getting him motivated to help me.
I can't tell you I feel guilty about pulling my guy out of the closet but he sure was convenient!
Surely the situation this weekend proves I will miss parts of him when he's gone. 
The same as any separation?

Sisters Of The Trangendered Cloth?

Saturday night I experienced an epiphany of sorts.
You have probably seen or read some of the recent  "flim flam"  rhetoric tossed about concerning transsexual and transgendered folks. How insane the rhetoric is became clearer again this weekend.
My "epiphany" on the subject didn't really involve either the transgender or transsexual camp but was more directed to drag queens on one end of the spectrum and cis-women on the other.
I have written a number of times of how I really don't frequent gay venues...except for an occasional drag show.
The exception was Saturday when a female friend and I went to a bar and show.
The experience was her first and she was fascinated about how good the performers looked. She even thought  some looked better than her. I told her she was right "the best looking women in the room were men!" Some were better looking than all of us put together!
I have felt for years I had very little in common with my "drag queen" sisters.  However, as I sat between a "real" female and a few wonderful copies, the realization of how similar and different I am started to set in.
I dislike dealing in assumptions but I assume most queens are gay and I don't identify gay.  I assume most of the real women I know have a different outlook on the world as me.
Strangely the more I felt apart from the two sides, I began to feel a kinship.
We really are all sisters of the cloth. Women, transgendered or gay queen...we all feel a certain amount of discrimination from society. We all feel a deeper emotional attachment about how we appear to society. Some would argue we all are the emotional beings in our society.
As we sat and watched one of the black performers in a beautiful flowing gown and a stunning matching hat; we thought of how the performer must have felt growing up around older black women and their hats. We took it a step further and spoke of the influence both of us obviously felt from the women around us as we were growing up. The more we are different, the more we are the same it seems.
Like it or not, more and more of us are proudly or tentatively out in the world. As I walked though the restaurant with my friend before the show, sure we got some looks. Hers were complimentary (she more gorgeous than she knows) and mine more quizzical. (I will have another post on a real educational weekend experience!)
I have accepted the fact I am an educator. A"Chaz Bono" on a tiny scale.  The performers that night were educators too. I'm sure my friend wasn't the only "first timer" in the room watching men becoming women.
Life is truly a circle. From the queens entertaining as beautiful females to the female beside me entranced with the whole experience, I was firmly in the middle. I did feel a real attraction to both. More attraction than I feel to the "dueling" transgender camps. I know it is human nature to quarrel and nit pick over the smallest things. 
When mere labels and the such occupy so much of our time it is time to step back and look at ourselves as a group.
Who cares if  "Virgina Prince"  did coin the transgender term first? REALLY?
 If we all go down that road aren't we losing the essence of a nurturing accepting true woman?
Maybe we all need to spend a night out together.