Transgender Validation?

We talked about my experience as a guy at the tire store this weekend. Of course I thought a lot about it. Especially since I have my second therapist appoitment coming up today.
I needed validation of my desire to be female.  Were the feelings of warmth and contentment still there? What changes (if any) would there be dealing with the public?
Going to a place where validation and non validation has taken place in the past seemed to be a great idea.  You have read my posts about my adventures on Tuesday's at a huge sports pub filled with a 20 to 40 something crowd. Tuesday is 2-dollar pint night with 64 drafts so the pub is the place to be in the area.
Last night was just wonderful.  Not only was I accepted as a woman to the casual observer, I had to stand in line once in the women's room waiting for a stall. No problems.
All of that was well and good. The internal sensation was what I was really searching for.
The feelings of satisfaction and the realization I was at home with myself were the same.
I guess I reassured myself the brief macho me was only a return to a past I'm trying to put behind me.
Maybe I'm lucky he was there when I needed him...and leave it at that.

Fall Pleasures!

Cool crisp fall mornings. Leaves changing to bright oranges and reds.  Pumpkins appearing on porches and in brown harvested fields.
All cherished visions and memories of fall in my part of the world.
Memories made all so much special by the soft swell of my breasts in a fuzzy warm sweater and tight jeans tucked into a new pair of boots.
It's time to pull the black leather coat out of the closet and softly fluff my hair down my back.
All welcome memories of fall on a cool crisp morning as a friend of mine and I head to one of many fall festivals!

Transgender Therapy Session Two!

Time flies faster when you are transgendered? I'm sure it doesn't but it does seem like yesterday (2 weeks ago) when I sat down with a therapist to discuss the possibility of starting hormones. Since I've been into "label-mania" lately, I wonder if she will be too on my next visit? Will she want to discuss the 3 "Big T's"? (Transgendered,Transsexual or Transvestite)
I have no idea. I was at a total loss what the first session would be and a bigger loss for this one.
If I was a guessing girl, the first session was about talking about me and the second could be the therapist asking about me.
If indeed she writes a letter recommending hormone therapy wouldn't she want to know which of the "3 T's" I would fit?
Yet another question would be how many sessions should I expect.  Several of you readers with more experience in this area have told me to expect 3 or even more sessions and that's fine.
It is very difficult for me not to look too far ahead. Focusing on each session and not selling myself should be my main focus.  This is not a job interview.  I just need to be me and I am.  It's just that all of this is something I want badly and I'm afraid trying too hard could ruin it all.
The best part is? Session two is only a day and a half away!

Out of the Closet.

I brought him out of the closet, dusted him off and used him.
Did he care? Probably not because he was me.
During my tire dilemma Saturday, I had to play macho as completely as I had in years to get some service in the shop I was in.
Interestingly enough it felt so strange to have to do that again.
I learned again what I had always taken for granted, my eyes go far in communication as a girl or a guy.  They were instrumental in staring down one of the big burly workers in the shop and getting him motivated to help me.
I can't tell you I feel guilty about pulling my guy out of the closet but he sure was convenient!
Surely the situation this weekend proves I will miss parts of him when he's gone. 
The same as any separation?

Sisters Of The Trangendered Cloth?

Saturday night I experienced an epiphany of sorts.
You have probably seen or read some of the recent  "flim flam"  rhetoric tossed about concerning transsexual and transgendered folks. How insane the rhetoric is became clearer again this weekend.
My "epiphany" on the subject didn't really involve either the transgender or transsexual camp but was more directed to drag queens on one end of the spectrum and cis-women on the other.
I have written a number of times of how I really don't frequent gay venues...except for an occasional drag show.
The exception was Saturday when a female friend and I went to a bar and show.
The experience was her first and she was fascinated about how good the performers looked. She even thought  some looked better than her. I told her she was right "the best looking women in the room were men!" Some were better looking than all of us put together!
I have felt for years I had very little in common with my "drag queen" sisters.  However, as I sat between a "real" female and a few wonderful copies, the realization of how similar and different I am started to set in.
I dislike dealing in assumptions but I assume most queens are gay and I don't identify gay.  I assume most of the real women I know have a different outlook on the world as me.
Strangely the more I felt apart from the two sides, I began to feel a kinship.
We really are all sisters of the cloth. Women, transgendered or gay queen...we all feel a certain amount of discrimination from society. We all feel a deeper emotional attachment about how we appear to society. Some would argue we all are the emotional beings in our society.
As we sat and watched one of the black performers in a beautiful flowing gown and a stunning matching hat; we thought of how the performer must have felt growing up around older black women and their hats. We took it a step further and spoke of the influence both of us obviously felt from the women around us as we were growing up. The more we are different, the more we are the same it seems.
Like it or not, more and more of us are proudly or tentatively out in the world. As I walked though the restaurant with my friend before the show, sure we got some looks. Hers were complimentary (she more gorgeous than she knows) and mine more quizzical. (I will have another post on a real educational weekend experience!)
I have accepted the fact I am an educator. A"Chaz Bono" on a tiny scale.  The performers that night were educators too. I'm sure my friend wasn't the only "first timer" in the room watching men becoming women.
Life is truly a circle. From the queens entertaining as beautiful females to the female beside me entranced with the whole experience, I was firmly in the middle. I did feel a real attraction to both. More attraction than I feel to the "dueling" transgender camps. I know it is human nature to quarrel and nit pick over the smallest things. 
When mere labels and the such occupy so much of our time it is time to step back and look at ourselves as a group.
Who cares if  "Virgina Prince"  did coin the transgender term first? REALLY?
 If we all go down that road aren't we losing the essence of a nurturing accepting true woman?
Maybe we all need to spend a night out together.

She's Baaack! My Little Transgendered World Was Busy!

Wow! It seems like I've been gone for months. During  my short absence, life hasn't been too exotic.   Transgender or not however, it never was boring!
This weekend was no exception and it all started on Friday night. 
 I have two dear friends who are long haul truckers and literally about every four months or so they will swing back through the area.  They made a home stop and called and asked if I could come over to dinner. In addition to the pleasure of seeing them again, the thought of a home cooked dinner was very appealing!
(Yes, I do know how to cook and was told more than once "I would make someone a good wife someday". If they only knew!!!)
When I got home from work and changed genders, I was really looking forward to the evening and BAM! A flat tire. Not a small one that could fixed with a "fix it flat" can.  A nuclear explosion had taken place in one of my tires.
Well I had a couple of problems.  First and foremost, I can blame my guy self for not finding another spare when the first one got stolen. You are right. No spare.
Number two, I wasn't quite dressed for changing a tire in the dark  I'm not a "girly girl" but again I wasn't dressed to "wrestle" a tire.
The silver lining to all of this is? I was close enough fill the tire with "purchased air" from a gas station and get to their house.
I was agitated of course. I do have a membership to a certain large car club which gets me a free tow. BUT my experiences with tow truck drivers have ranged from great to the greatest degradation I have experienced ever!
Here is the most wonderful part of the whole experience. Not only did my friends feed me, they let me borrow their vehicle to get back and forth to home to get a new tire in the morning. Plus cooked me breakfast! Wow! So nice!
I gave them the blog address and hopefully where ever you two are in the country right now, you can read my public thank you! You are the best!
More on the weekend is coming up! Stay tuned to the same "trans" channel.















**Any posts I write in the blog are about my life as Cysrti. While it is true I think more and more as Cyrsti internally. I still do have a male life. When he enters the scene, I will tell you! Otherwise I am interacting with the world as her.
Something else I don't particuarlly like is pointing out all the genders and sexual preferences of many of the people I interact with but feel it is neccessary . I feel if I don't , much of what I'm trying to write will lose some of it's mening.

A Transgender Girl's Fantasy Evening!

I couldn't make up this idea if I tried. This time of year of course is the time to shine for most all transgendered girls. Transgender or transvestite or what ever label you want to put on yourself and Halloween are closely connected in my part of the world.
Most of us have some sort of story or two about how we met the world crossdressed in female clothes for the first time.
I have my stories too of course and have plenty of time to relate them to you before Halloween arrives this year on October 31st.
Yesterday a very close friend invited me to an event which is and isn't Halloween in the strictest sense. My friend is a "Wiccan" witch and the event is a "Witches Ball"! She is also is a cis-female.
Actually the ball is a couple weeks before Halloween and does have a costumed theme and I will not even try to connect any dots between the "Wiccans" and Halloween.
I will connect the dots between a chance for both of us to dress up in sexy fun costumes with others!
Of course I immediately thought of something extremely short  with fishnets. It turns out she has some other ideas! We are close to same size so she wants to open her closet and have some fun AND has a real fondness for long hair. I was already on some other planet when she told me of her wig collection of several long exotic wigs. I was thinking this was one of the best dreams I have ever had and I didn't want to wake up.  I didn't have to wake up. I already was! I have a real adversion to pain so I didn't want to pinch myself!!!!
So now the date of the ball (middle of October) seems to be years away.
As the time grows nearer, I will certainly have more information and maybe a picture or two!

"Horror" Scope is Here! OMG

Libra (September 23- October 22)
Confidence will get you everywhere now, so don’t be scared to show off for your honey. After all, what they need from you now is a show of support and a solid one, which means no more acting on the defensive, but on the offense. Take charge and be in control. Even if you don’t know what you actually mean, as long as you sound strong, they will believe too.
From the Frisky!
My "honey" knows how true this is! OMG

Gobbley Gook?

Maybe I'm too simplistic. I just know what I feel as a human. When I'm a girl I just feel better.
I (and we) deal with labels our entire lives. We are "jocks" or "intellectuals" and "pretty" or "plain". I won't insult you with more.
I've gone through my entire life attempting to eradicate or accept my gender status. How ironic at a time in my life when I have accepted my life as a girl a group of "gender nazi's" are going nuts on labels in our community.
Here's an example from "En Gender"
natasha_

September 11, 2011 at 7:52 pm

My comment on Julia’s blog:
I think what you’re missing here are the issues surrounding appropriation by crossdressers of a transgender narrative, as that, in my view, is at the center of the calls for separatism.
As a transsexual woman, I’ve been told point blank by crossdressers that I am male, and that I should “stop being so foolish” in insisting that I’m female. This comes about because these people are projecting their experiences and identity on me – they dress as women but identify as male, so they assume that I’m the same.
Incidentally, this sort of thing happens right after they’ve done the “oh my god, you’re so beautiful” thing and hit on me, and I’ve rejected their advances.
So take an attitude that says that transsexual women are really awesome full time crossdressers, add in better societal tolerance of transsexual women than of crossdressing men, throw in an umbrella term like transgender, and you’ve got your instant umbrella.

OK, I know every community needs their intellectual snobs.
Please be aware I'm not debating the pro's or con's of what she wrote and you have to follow the link to read the entire post.
I'm sad she had to say it at all.