I not naive. I understand much of the inner force that drives a person to go through the pain and expense of sexual reassignment surgery. Many times, that is only the beginning. Many have facial surgery and more to complete their journey.
If my last week or so are any indication, I have hit that wall in my own way. I am the woman I always wanted to be...except. The angle look of my face. If you look at me from the side at a certain angle you do see a male face. Much different from the face that gets doors opened and admiring glances. The proof is in the action. I moved through places I would have been laughed out of not long ago without so much of a second look...except the woman who sat next to me when I stopped for an appetizer and drink. She looked from the side and smiled and bit her lip and said something to her boyfriend. Wonder what that was?
I have to decide if I'm satisfied where I'm at now. I know I really want my own breasts.
I written about this road before. Last night it became a little clearer!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Well, It Was Almost True!
One of my favorite bartenders has long straight jet black hair. She is a young beautiful woman. I model my look after her a lot. Dark eyes, olive complexion and burgundy lips.
Ironically, along the way I've been able to convince her my hair is mine.
The story sort of took on a life of it's own about a year ago when I went red. She asked then if I did my own color or had someone do it. No inclination at all of a wig. I simply said I had a friend who helped me who was also a beautician. I do have a friend who gives me ideas but she isn't a beautician.
When I went dark it wasn't much of a stretch to tell her we simply colored it and took some of the curl out since it was about the same length . I knew she would like it because our colors were the same.
When I saw her tonight in my latest hairstyle, I knew she would really like it because it is long and straight and black like hers. The difference is my hair has what I call a "henna" rinse. In the right light it has just the slightest red tone to it. She immediately commented she wanted to do something similar to hers. She asked what we did to mine and how long did it take to wash out in the shower. The final question was the best "did I get it out of the box?" She meant the hair color box and I thought the wig box.
I didn't hesitate and said yes i did get it out of the box...just not which one!
Ironically, along the way I've been able to convince her my hair is mine.
The story sort of took on a life of it's own about a year ago when I went red. She asked then if I did my own color or had someone do it. No inclination at all of a wig. I simply said I had a friend who helped me who was also a beautician. I do have a friend who gives me ideas but she isn't a beautician.
When I went dark it wasn't much of a stretch to tell her we simply colored it and took some of the curl out since it was about the same length . I knew she would like it because our colors were the same.
When I saw her tonight in my latest hairstyle, I knew she would really like it because it is long and straight and black like hers. The difference is my hair has what I call a "henna" rinse. In the right light it has just the slightest red tone to it. She immediately commented she wanted to do something similar to hers. She asked what we did to mine and how long did it take to wash out in the shower. The final question was the best "did I get it out of the box?" She meant the hair color box and I thought the wig box.
I didn't hesitate and said yes i did get it out of the box...just not which one!
A Tough Old Broad?
From the UK "Scotsman".
Burst Baw weekly: transsexual set to chair club
Published Date: 11 March 2011
Wrexham could soon be the first team in Britain to be headed up by a transsexual, it emerged this week.
Hotelier Stephanie Booth, pictured, appeared on the pitch before Saturday's Blue Square Bet Premier league match against Forest Green Rovers and announced that she was the person that the current owners wanted to head up a bid to put the club into community ownership.
The would-be chairman,63, who was once jailed on porn charges, hopes to save the club from going into administration.
You might remember Stephanie from her "transformation" biz in the UK. I think I remember a television piece about her years ago.
Cyrsti
Let's Chat!
I'm always on the prowl for an interesting person. The true individual who sets themselves out from the group.
I've mentioned the datng sites I'm on and the connects I run into on Yahoo where I have my main email.
Recently I sent this disclaimer:
Hi ----, Tonight is party nite for me. It's my day to do errands, have some fun shopping and go out. So chatting tonight will be very difficult it would have to be late in the evening! I can't guarantee the condition I will be in! lol
Hey,I'm sorry about your loneliness, no fun...I know!
Chatting with someone new is always such an experience.
I've learned it usually takes this road.
The guy doesn't understand my profile...sometimes I don't either and that's fine.
I'm extremely rare in that area.
We have nothing in common or he won't open up to any of his interests. Why bother?
He is married.
He leaves chats in a hurry when wife comes into room and makes up an excuse.
He is afraid to tell me anything about himself. After all if I'm trans it's possible I could come through the computer and destroy his life.
He flames out! In such a hurry to have such a great time and do this or that and fly me to Paris...for about three days.
So that's where I'm at with all of this!
Please don't find this to be negative. It is just my realistic look at chatting on today's web.
I love fascinating people and have found a few here that I'm proud to call friend.
Being lonely does not rule out being fascinating!
I look forward to chatting soon!
Maybe I can save this and "paste" it in to a chat?
I've mentioned the datng sites I'm on and the connects I run into on Yahoo where I have my main email.
Recently I sent this disclaimer:
Hi ----, Tonight is party nite for me. It's my day to do errands, have some fun shopping and go out. So chatting tonight will be very difficult it would have to be late in the evening! I can't guarantee the condition I will be in! lol
Hey,I'm sorry about your loneliness, no fun...I know!
Chatting with someone new is always such an experience.
I've learned it usually takes this road.
The guy doesn't understand my profile...sometimes I don't either and that's fine.
I'm extremely rare in that area.
We have nothing in common or he won't open up to any of his interests. Why bother?
He is married.
He leaves chats in a hurry when wife comes into room and makes up an excuse.
He is afraid to tell me anything about himself. After all if I'm trans it's possible I could come through the computer and destroy his life.
He flames out! In such a hurry to have such a great time and do this or that and fly me to Paris...for about three days.
So that's where I'm at with all of this!
Please don't find this to be negative. It is just my realistic look at chatting on today's web.
I love fascinating people and have found a few here that I'm proud to call friend.
Being lonely does not rule out being fascinating!
I look forward to chatting soon!
Maybe I can save this and "paste" it in to a chat?
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Another "Heart" Sister?
A friend brought this up to me. The woman on the right is "Ann Wilson" lead singer of the band "Heart",
He pointed out I could be the third sister. Ironically, I have taken most of the wave out of my hair currently and the style really looks like hers!
"Dana International"
Observations
Being called "she" has always been music to my ears.
The music turned really sour the other night because of a couple of cis-women who have actually known me for awhile. One moved across the bar to sit with her husband. The other sat next to me.
We actually enjoyed a very pleasant conversation about her life and family but somewhere along the line I said something she found funny. She then shouted across the bar "He said...." Obviously, I could have slipped to the floor.
The two women were black. Is it OK to refer to them as "Negro" or "Colored"? NO it is not and two wrongs do not make a right. I said nothing so the two of them weren't as wrong as I was by not to bringing it up. I am NOT a he, she or an it.
What was proper? I went to the official "GLAAD" site to see what they had to say.
Their answer was a simple one. Use the name of the transgendered person or refer to he or she as the gender they are presenting in.
Simple to say, harder to do as not all people know my name. (The women didn't know the other night)
I felt ashamed that I failed a chance to stand up for myself and all of us that night. I became an instant hypocrite. Not a pleasant feeling!
On a whole different subject:
If you haven't heard of "Kate Bornstein", she went through SRS nearly twenty years ago and has been in the public eye ever sense.
In a recent interview she was asked again (I'm sure) how her parents accepted the gender change. She said her father passed away before the operation and it took awhile for her mother to come to terms with it. Why?
Her mother "was raised in a generation where women were judged by their proximity to men." For a woman whose sense of self worth was based on being Mrs Bornstein, having her husband and father die, and one of
her sons turn into a daughter was difficult.
I quickly wondered how my recent "proximity to men" has affected my self esteem? I definately know that my recent dates with guys have validated my years of trying to be a girl but did it go deeper? It did.
After my first date and I parted ways that night, I went back in for a "night cap". I really needed to think about what the last couple of hours meant. As I reentered, I did have a new assurance in my step. In the strictest of meanings, my proximity to a man did give me more worth as a girl.
I'm not sure the "feminists" of the world would agree but it sure worked for me!
The music turned really sour the other night because of a couple of cis-women who have actually known me for awhile. One moved across the bar to sit with her husband. The other sat next to me.
We actually enjoyed a very pleasant conversation about her life and family but somewhere along the line I said something she found funny. She then shouted across the bar "He said...." Obviously, I could have slipped to the floor.
The two women were black. Is it OK to refer to them as "Negro" or "Colored"? NO it is not and two wrongs do not make a right. I said nothing so the two of them weren't as wrong as I was by not to bringing it up. I am NOT a he, she or an it.
What was proper? I went to the official "GLAAD" site to see what they had to say.
Their answer was a simple one. Use the name of the transgendered person or refer to he or she as the gender they are presenting in.
Simple to say, harder to do as not all people know my name. (The women didn't know the other night)
I felt ashamed that I failed a chance to stand up for myself and all of us that night. I became an instant hypocrite. Not a pleasant feeling!
On a whole different subject:
If you haven't heard of "Kate Bornstein", she went through SRS nearly twenty years ago and has been in the public eye ever sense.
In a recent interview she was asked again (I'm sure) how her parents accepted the gender change. She said her father passed away before the operation and it took awhile for her mother to come to terms with it. Why?
Her mother "was raised in a generation where women were judged by their proximity to men." For a woman whose sense of self worth was based on being Mrs Bornstein, having her husband and father die, and one of
her sons turn into a daughter was difficult.
I quickly wondered how my recent "proximity to men" has affected my self esteem? I definately know that my recent dates with guys have validated my years of trying to be a girl but did it go deeper? It did.
After my first date and I parted ways that night, I went back in for a "night cap". I really needed to think about what the last couple of hours meant. As I reentered, I did have a new assurance in my step. In the strictest of meanings, my proximity to a man did give me more worth as a girl.
I'm not sure the "feminists" of the world would agree but it sure worked for me!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Is Less Really More?
Last night (Fat Tuesday) it certainly was. I straightened the black curls, cut the makeup back and went out with a friend of mine.
I wore a sweater top that ties off in the middle with a pair of black patterned jeans. No flair, straight leg jeans with a pair of shiny flats.
I can't tell you the look was very exciting but it sure was effective!
The pub we were at is my regular place and by 8 ish it was jam packed with guys around the bar. My friend and I were close to being the only women there. When I got up to make the long trip to the ladies room I was kind of scared. I have had some real unpleasant reactions before.
Amazingly, last night was just the opposite. As I stood up and put my purse over my shoulder, it seemed all eyes were on me (they weren't). I stood straight, shoulders back and slowly made my way through the crowd. The only reaction I got was positive. There were a few admiring glances but for the most part my semi-professional attire was accepted or ignored.
The whole affair was repeated of course as we left. With the same results. I was on "cloud nine"!
I even stopped at the same grocery store on the way home. No one even gave me the side glance or out and out stare I usually get.
Maybe you can teach an old cougar new tricks!
I wore a sweater top that ties off in the middle with a pair of black patterned jeans. No flair, straight leg jeans with a pair of shiny flats.
I can't tell you the look was very exciting but it sure was effective!
The pub we were at is my regular place and by 8 ish it was jam packed with guys around the bar. My friend and I were close to being the only women there. When I got up to make the long trip to the ladies room I was kind of scared. I have had some real unpleasant reactions before.
Amazingly, last night was just the opposite. As I stood up and put my purse over my shoulder, it seemed all eyes were on me (they weren't). I stood straight, shoulders back and slowly made my way through the crowd. The only reaction I got was positive. There were a few admiring glances but for the most part my semi-professional attire was accepted or ignored.
The whole affair was repeated of course as we left. With the same results. I was on "cloud nine"!
I even stopped at the same grocery store on the way home. No one even gave me the side glance or out and out stare I usually get.
Maybe you can teach an old cougar new tricks!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Living In A Cave?
Are you just tuning in? Those would be the only reasons you probably haven't heard of "Andrej Pejic"...the very beautiful male model.Andrej tuned up the heat a little hotter this week when he said he would have a sex change for a "Victoria's Secret" contract. (Follow the story here: http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-the-prettiest-girl-on-the-runway-is-a-boy/ )
Can you imagine the PR people at "Victoria's Secret"? What could they gain? Massive publicity. All good? Probably not, even in our own community.
Would you go for it? I would in a second if I was that drop dead gorgeous. I have no idea what a "Victoria's Secret" contract is worth but I'm sure it would easily cover the cost of the surgery. Obviously he doesn't need much of facial feminizing work or even electrolysis.
The only concern is he would look too much like a woman with the curves, he wouldn't be in demand anymore!
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