Asked to Leave!

A restaurant, a store, a rest room? No a transgender group blog on Yahoo! Yes girls that's right. The moderator showed me the virtual door.
Why? Because I was backing Misty's case concerning the California DMV person. *You can read my post from a couple days ago and or follow Misty's "Bad Tranny" link on our blogroll. Misty really provides much more info!
The moderator stood firm in his belief in the sacred rules of the group. No political or religious discussion.
I know rules are rules and the German's knew they were following Hitler's rules in WWII. That's all good.
Where would we all be as transgendered beings? I remember laws against even being out in public in women's clothes when I was a kid.
Bravo to all that fought those rules!
Yes I know I'm over reacting to being kicked out. There are a zillion other groups on the web and in fact one (yahoo) stepped up to email us with an invitation to their group.
It's the principal that one of ours basically supported the guy at the DMV. The moderator effectively shut down our protest.
The light of the closet when it opened ever so slightly must have blinded him.

Halloween Party?

Due to work obligations, I knew my Halloween this year was not going to happen.
I didn't give the matter much thought as I entered my usual hang out last Friday night-and walked right into their Halloween party.
I almost panicked!  A Halloween party is one of the hardest places to present as an actual female. People are obviously looking for all others in costume. "Ha Ha dude, want a beer? Nice costume" is exactly what I heard one place last year when I went to one of the biggest Halloween street fairs in the state. Unfortunately I was just dressed as me...no costume.
This year again I  was just in jeans and a sweater as I quickly surveyed the scene and got ready for reaction.. I saw about half the group was actually in costume.
I was sure someone would spot me as a possible costume contestant but  I was able to find a seat at the bar with no trouble. I got no reaction.
Soon, after my first beer, it was time to survey the crowd to see if anyone else was dressed as a girl. Interestingly enough, the only remote possibility was a person across the bar wearing some big blond hair. "He" turned out of be one of the female managers in costume and probably wouldn't appreciate my thoughts on her costume. She made a great "drag queen"!
I guess you could say my Halloween was real boring this year for all the right reasons!

Am I Going To Hell For Being Transgendered????

Why Me?

Click edit above to add content to this empty capsule.

Does God really hate me? Am I really an abomination? Will I join my other transgendered friends in hell?
NO! The California "DMV" person who took it upon himself to create a major upheaval will probably make it to the hot part of eternity before I will.
If you haven't heard the story, he sent a letter to a transgendered woman seeking to change her sex on her driver's license. He took it upon himself to condemn her to hell along with some other choice statements.
I really don't like to discuss religion here or in social settings but the fact remains mankind has always twisted religions for many different self serving reasons-including wars. I will not even attempt to make any in depth complex argument. This is a very simple view of the way I feel.
Does the fact I choose to live as my non birth gender take away from my belief in basic Christian principals? Is there some giant scoreboard somewhere?
My belief is that ideas such as the "DMV" guy come from single minded non thinking humans. Obviously your life is less complex if every Sunday someone gives you their opinion on how to run your life. Life is easier If every election day you automatically vote for one parties candidate or if your boss is always right. (He is the boss!) You don't have to think and that is a good thing for you!
I know for a fact the bible has many contradictory writings and it is man's oldest history book. I'm not educated enough to know that for sure about the "Koran", but it is probably true too.
I also know for a fact I follow many of Jesus principals. I strongly believe in treating others as I want to be treated. I don't cheat or steal. A simplistic attitude to be sure will that get me to hell?
I try to be sympathetic. When I hear stories such as the DMV, I don't want to hate. Maybe someday he and the guy who attacked me with religion one night will find a kinder gentler Christianity...the real one. Then non of us will meet in Hades!
A side note. I ran across a blog which presents A Jewish slant on transgenderism which I had never seen. I will include a link. http://gavigirl.wordpress.com/
May the "force" be with you. What ever one you choose!

I've been attempting to consolidate and bring back some of my older posts for some of your new followers. This one is more lengthy than some of the others. I hope you enjoy it!

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What is a Woman?

A True Female Is?

During an unusually bitter discussion about my transgender leanings and our relationship, my wife said "you (me) would make a terrible woman!"
Naturally the comment was a tremendous blow to my egos. My male ego was harder hit than my female ego. Of course, at that time I really didn't have a female ego. I was just a guy dressing like a girl.
How could she say such a thing? In the past several months I was turned down for admission to a TV only event. I had to prove I wasn't a real single woman. I had slutted myself up successfully with three other tall beautiful genetic girls at Halloween and held my own. I even had a male admirer sending me letters. (A long time ago!)
Then she said, "I'm not talking about looks. I'm talking about being a woman."
It took me years to fully understand what she meant. I really mean years! The time frame I'm referring to is the mid 80's and we were into the third year of a 25 year marriage. And yes, she did know about my "hobby". I told her before we got serious. That's another story.
Now, lets compare your idea, my idea and society's idea of what a woman is. First off, you have to separate sex from gender. Sure you can be born female. Does that make you a woman? No. You are just a biological female. Life experiences make you a woman, between the ears that is. At least it has worked that way for me and I've seen in it my young granddaughter. The way she plays and interacts with other young girls. My wife knew I had none of that experience and it showed.
I could look like a woman but had no idea of how a woman feels or lives in the world. Slowly and very insecurely over the years my female self began to evolve.
The first step was a quick lesson in a woman's use of non verbal communication. My initiation came at a straight/gay neighborhood bar in Cleveland. It was summer and a handsome guy rolled up on his Harley and parked it on the sidewalk outside the front door. After a couple of drinks my wife came about as close to flirting with someone as I had ever seen her. He wasn't shy about checking us out either. She looked me in the eyes and all of the sudden I was not husband but competition and she was considering winning! She gave me the look "I'll get him you won't and I will see you later."
She didn't go, but the lesson was learned that words don't have to mean anything. To this day I have quick and meaningful eye to eye communication with many of my genetic girl friends. Just a glance can tell me yes or no or even danger!
Other meaningful lesson's I've learned are listening, dispute resolution and passive aggressive behavior. You genetic girls reading this already will know what I'm going to say. You trans girls who truly want to play in the other sandbox-listen up. No pun intended!
Most men, as we know, are not good listeners. They are listening for the short term. Most just long enough to make you feel they listened and or cared. I wish I could tell you the ones I've talked to in person or on line that can not get it through their heads that I an NOT a drag queen. It's not their fault it's the wiring.
Another huge gender hurdle is problem solving or dispute resolution. A shoulder to lean or one to cry on helps a woman. Men are problem solvers- take care of that problem and lets move on! Much of this gets back to listening! What did she really say?
Last (but certainly) not least is passive aggressive behavior. Over the years my work has been primarily with female dominated crews. I've been dazzled and sometimes scared with the workings of alpha females on down. Fortunately I try to stay clear of all of that on my perch in the middle.
Why do I want to go down this path? I like the feminine style. I respect it and feel comfortable in it.
I know that no matter how much money or hormones someone puts into their body-they will never be a biological female. On the other hand I have met some transgender women who are more female than any real girl I've ever met. Some are more comfortable being women than more than a few women are. I guess that's why I place experience over biology in gender.
Personally I hope I have reached the point where people say I'm friendly and fun to be around. Sure, most know I'm still a biological male but mentally a girl. I really want to grow into a woman my wife (deceased) would have liked and respected.
On the other hand, I do understand the confusion people have with humans like me. Gender after all, is a main building block of life. What I don't understand is the fear.
But I do have a very positive outlook for the future! I believe that many of our youth are getting over the fear factor and into understanding.
Maybe the best idea is to have this discussion with them? Or with you?

Trans Girl Socially Challenged?

Absolutely!
My genetic girl friends tell me- "all the good one's are taken". Are they right?
I'm not looking for much. Just a person to hang out with and I'm not totally alone. I have my guy friend and a small group of women friends.
My personality always pushes for more so I signed up for a dating site. I probably drove them all over the map with my gender changes. Woman seeking woman all the way to man seeking woman. The bottom line is that my expectations have been reached. Nothing!
I knew the whole thing would be like finding the needle in the haystack, but needles have been found!
Then I started wondering, do I threaten other women?
I read a great post concerning just that by "Hope Alexander" on "Hub Pages" of why we do. One of the reasons is that we look better and put more work into being a girl. The usual examples of clothes and makeup come to mind. I've added one of her posts to look at! http://hubpages.com/hub/Are-You-A-Man-Or-A-Woman--How-To-Deal-With-A-Crossdresserhttp://hubpages.com/hub/Are-You-A-Man-Or-A-Woman--How-To-Deal-With-A-Crossdresser
I do believe it is true with some women because they have let themselves go-but not most. I also believe we play into the insecurities of genetic girls because we do play in their sandbox.
Is all of this another social problem?
We are too much girl for the gay guys. Not enough girl for the Lesbians and a competing girl for the straight women? OMG!
Finding good people in the world is hard enough! I've been blessed to find more than my share.
I can't help but think there are a least a couple more out there!

Act Like You've Been There!

Humans are natural predators, they do sense when something is wrong. When you consider your presentation as a woman, your attitude should be a big priority.  You, after all, are doing nothing wrong.
Now, put the high heel on the other foot.
What if you see one of us in public and it is fairly obvious.  Do you say anything?
What if you are wrong? Are you going to hurt the other person's feelings? Do they really want to know you read them?
I'm sure you can add at least 5 more questions to this list, but would you like to be approached?
I would from the stand point I would really love to find a friend who gets out and lives life as I do. If she is shopping too as a girl-that's a great start to a friendship!
However, my ego would be bruised as it always is when someone picks me out as a guy not a girl.
The bitch in me dictates that the other person doesn't know the truth until I talk to them.
The instances of all of this happening have been exceedingly rare.  I would say, over a ten year period I have spotted around five individuals who I was positive were transgender.
Two were walking the same mall I was in. Two were in stores and one came into my favorite casual bar in heels and hose. One other time I was approached by a guy who said he dressed.
That's it!
The only one I talked to was obviously the guy. I was going into my "spot" for a drink and I asked him if he wanted to come in. Yes it is a straight place and no he didn't.
The one I wished I would have talked to was the "heels and hose" girl but she drank her wine and left before I even knew it.
All the others looked so nervous, I was afraid to say a word.
Maybe they broke the number one rule? Did I notice something was wrong with the way they looked or the way they acted? Probably actions on two and looks on two.
The bottom line is-if you are going to say something positive do it! You can approach us in typical female style. "Wow, I love those earrings!"
If you think I'm a girl and you really do like them, that's great! If not, that's OK too!

Red Head Hall Of Fame candidate "Lola Davidovich"!
I happened to see her in the 1994 film "Intersection" with Richard Gere and I was mesmerized by her style and of course the hair!
The way the makeup and costume people worked with the browns and tans of her clothes was amazing.
I was in love! With her look.
We have discussed the sexual disconnect I have with women. It literally took me years and years to figure out I was not lusting after women sexually but visually. I wanted to look like them, to wear clothes like them and to experience the same sensations.
What we haven't discussed are some of the ways to do just that. On a whim, I subscribed to the "Fashionista.com" website.
Most of the info is fashion info about clothes and designers I know nothing about and could care less.
Every now and then, however, some really good ideas are presented. The review on "L'Oreal's Magical New Primer Base" was wonderful information as was the ranking of the world's best fashion stores. Tied in with all of that was the news that the big fancy stores have started to stock sizes up to 20 in some departments.
Now I can't afford any of that. But I can afford the "L'Oreal" and I do see some of the stores they ranked.
My goal is to piece together fashion trends and mold them into my own style and budget.
If you are interested in "Fashionista" just hit them up and subscribe. The only downside is they will hit you back with a lot of info on your email. Again, you have to sort through for something that pertains to you- unless you are tall, skinny 21 and gorgeous! In which case I hate you! Just kidding.
I do get many questions and comments about my look and like anything else it does take work. This is just a another tool I use. Plus a picture of "Lola"!

Let's Be Careful Out There!

If you have followed the developing story of "Victoria Carmen White" in
New Jersey, I don't have to tell you about the sadness involved with this senseless act. She was found murdered.
Recently, the family and her best friends have stepped forward to wonder why investigators used her male name 4 years following a legal name change and 9 years after her SRS. (Sex Reassignment Surgery) The final cruel jab in a transgendered person's life. 
Misty, one of the visitors to the blog has an equally sad story on her "Hub Pages" Blog. I have added a link for you to read the whole story.
Briefly,  it seems she made an "over the fence" friendship with a lady who lived next door. After some conversation, the woman confided in Misty  her daughter committed suicide-because she thought she was gay.

"Victoria Carmen White"

I can not begin to speak to the indescribable pain suffered by the loved ones of these two individuals. I buried a wife but burying a child would be so much worse.
I know I'm "speaking to the choir" here, but what triggers such  violence against transgender people?
Is it the same basic reasoning that leads most men to think we are very loose sexual beings waiting to satisfy their every need?
Victoria was obviously a very attractive woman.  Allegedly, her attackers learned of her past and became violent.
Answers to all of this can only exist in better communication from and about the transgender community.
The "T" in LBGT must become more important.
I know it's difficult. We are too much girl for the gay guys and too much guy for the lesbians and we get compared with the drag queens. It's easy to say the transgender folks shouldn't have been in the grouping to begin with.
I wish I was powerful and rich enough to do more than write about all of this. I do feel things are changing, but not nearly fast enough for Victoria and the daughter of Misty's friend.
May whatever force you believe in-protect you until society changes. Hopefully in time to slow down these senseless acts of violence.

I'm Sure Going To Miss Him!

Outside of work during the past year, I've had very few opportunities that I have chosen to present as a guy.
Last night was one of the occasions. A few of my male family members and I went to a professional sporting event.
Everything was fine until we got there. We walked a couple blocks to the arena which is located in an upscale entertainment district. 
I became so jealous of the women around me in their heels and boots I couldn't stand it! I persevered and played the guy game until we actually went into the arena. Yes I knew the girls filled out their jeans nicely. Where the heck did they get them!
About half way through the game I had to use the restroom and went to stand in line with the guys. As I stood there I had the opportunity to reflect back on how easy it was to "alpha male" a rest room. Cute tricks like holding your half full plastic beer cup between your teeth (while you peed) always seemed to work.
Now I was feeling like a stranger in the men's room.
I thought "I'm sure going to miss him when he's gone". But he has already left and that is sad. I never hated him and to this day he takes care of me.
He's not gone yet, but we've become strangers in our own body.
He knew I would have been happier walking the streets to the arena in my own boots and jeans. He knew I could have watched the game with the same intensity.
He's knows the time is coming near to leave.
In my mind- I picture us in the same room staring sadly at each other. Finally he gets up and silently walks out the door. Never to return.
Choices in life are never easy and never fair-but necessary. This one is for the best.