Let's be Careful Out There

 This is actually a continuation of a post I wrote a couple days ago concerning losing one of our main male privileges' when we transition to a feminine life. The privilege is personal security. It's more or less a natural transition since so many cis women know of and have lived around male harassment their entire lives. 

Following the post, I received a couple of comments. The first is from Connie:

"You're absolutely correct. We should never (short) skirt the issue of security. I've had my share of dicey moments, too. Fortunately, for both of us, we may have learned the hard way....but not the costly way. The closest to getting hurt I had was being sucker punched by a creep while I was stepping in to help some younger girls he was stalking late one night. I've reached the age where I'm not out late at night much; bedtime is 10:00 pm, usually. I also have slowed down, physically, so my confidence in being able to outrun an assailant has dropped considerably. I used to be a fast woman, but not a "fast" woman. Not that creepy men care what kind of woman I am, because they are just...uh...CREEPS. Watch out for them!"

Thanks for your unique perspective on a difficult problem.

The second comes from "Girlyboy":

"Part of my own desire to transition is the desire to have the weakness you describe. Part of me wonders if that weakness that comes with a feminine body is not part of why society seems to hate trans MTF so much–that you would willingly give up power and physical strength must seem ludicrous to some…for me, feeling vulnerable is part of the goal." 

Interesting comment. I think very early in my Mtf gender transition, I think I felt the same way because feeling vulnerable validated my femininity.  As I grew into my stronger transgender self, the potential violence all women are subjected to became more important to me and I began to be much more careful. 

When Nature Calls

 Amanda not so long ago wrote into my email describing a few of her experiences using the women's room when nature calls and she has to simply go to the bathroom.

She also asked for some of my experiences. First of all, I haven't used a man's restroom for over a decade now but my introduction into using the women's room wasn't an easy one. I have written before when I had the police called on me several times when all I was trying to do was relieve myself of excess beer. 

Looking back, realistically, I brought on most of the problems I had upon myself.  As I explored the feminine world in the early days, primarily I fell victim to ill fitting wigs which were poor fashion choices. Until I was able to grow my own hair, was I able to present more effectively as a woman. Which in turn enabled me to have my own female rest room "pass". No pun intended.

Other factors which helped me immensely were how I viewed and adapted myself to the new rest room etiquette I was being exposed to. I made sure I was neat and tidy as I took care of essential business even to the point of trying to duplicate the sound of women peeing in the toilet bowl as close as I could. Plus, just to make sure I was prepared years ago, I always carried a feminine hygiene product in my purse in case anyone asked to try me. 

The rest was relatively easy.  I had to learn to adjust my urges to the normally longer lines to the women's restrooms. Plus I had to learn to make eye contact and not be afraid to converse with other women in line. 

Finally, I had to make sure I quickly checked my hair and makeup as I always washed my hands and quickly (or efficiently) left and returned to my seat. To this day though, I still retain the scars of my early experiences in the rest rooms. I always check to see if anyone is going out of their way to stare at me or even glare. 

I must say though, along the way, similar to the rest of the transgender journey I have chosen, I have been exposed to a number of humorous or even surprising rest room experiences. The most interesting one was at a Cincinnati Pride

Picture from Pride

event a couple summers ago when one of the few free standing restrooms available was half closed due to a hornet infestation.  All the men were forced to use the women's room and the response was comical and classic as toilet paper was passed along the line. The most surprising experience I ever had was when I was at a concert one night and was waiting in the woman's room line. Once I finally made it close enough to the room itself, I observed a woman swinging from one of the stalls trying to break the lock off the door. My ideas of women respecting their restroom more than men was forever shattered. 

Overall, I think attitudes over restroom usage have definitely lightened up. Plus the number of gender neutral restrooms have increased.

Thanks Amanda for the question. 

Hey Lady!

 Yesterday was my time to head north to the VA blood laboratory to have my bloodwork completed. I prefer to go on Saturdays for a couple of reasons. The main reason is I can talk my partner Liz into going with me and the second is there are very few other veterans there on Saturdays. 

When we arrived, per norm, Liz had to use the women's room after the rather lengthy trip from Cincinnati to Dayton, Ohio. I didn't have to go, so I stayed behind and simply leaned against the nearest wall.  Very soon, a lone figure in a wheel chair approached.  Due to my past experiences at the VA, I have a tendency to not speak to others until I am spoken to.  Yesterday was one of those days I was spoken to first. 

The amputee in the wheel chair looked at me and said loudly "Lady take a seat." He then pointed to a group of unused wheel chair type devices next to me. I tried to politely decline several times until he finally left me alone. What seemed like an eternity, Liz finally returned and we headed for the laboratory. 

Predictably, I was second in line to be jabbed. And, jabbed I was over and over again since I had three doctors asking for blood samples. The most important one is the sample which checks my iron levels. If they are too high, I have to go to hematology for a phlebotomy which means the vampires extract a pint of blood. Second in importance is my endo hormone blood results. The levels determine  if and when my HRT meds stay the same or are increased, potentially. Finally, the third test goes to my med doc to determine if my other meds blood levels are correct. Seven vials of blood later, I was done and we were heading home. 

As we left the medical center, my new found acquaintance looked at me and didn't say anything. I thought at the least, he didn't mis-gender me. 

The trip home was uneventful.

On an unrelated topic, I found this picture of one of my earliest transgender girlfriends along with a mutual friend down in Dallas:

Security

 Over the years here in Cyrsti's Condo I have tried to make it a point to write about our security when we leave the comfort of male privilege and attempt the gender journey into the feminine world. I found out the hard way it is something to be taken very seriously. 

Older Red Haired Photo from Trans Ohio

As I have written before, my first real foray into possible feminine violence came at a party my deceased wife and I went to years ago in nearby Columbus, Ohio. For the evening, against my wife's wishes, I wore a very short mini dress to the party. As much as I hated to admit it later, she was right. It turns out I was cornered in a hallway by a much bigger crossdresser "admirer". It seemed to me before I knew it he had me stuck in a physical situation I couldn't extract myself from. About the time he was seemingly going in for the kill, my wife appeared and diffused the situation. That was the good news, the bad news was she wouldn't let me live it down my skirt was too short. This was many years ago. Way before the "me too" movement and other causes which focused on how women still shouldn't suffer sexual abuse no matter what we wear. 

The bottom line for me was the realization all of a sudden I could be overcome by a bigger person and forced into a compromising sexual situation.

The second lesson I learned  could have involved more physical violence.  It was late one night on a downtown urban street in Dayton, Ohio. I was by myself leaving a gay venue when I was approached by two men. To make another long story short, I ended up being cornered again and was able to defuse the situation by giving them my last five dollars. Lesson learned, the next time I was there, I asked for a trans guy I knew if he would walk me to my car. Which he did. 

I learned the hard way why cis women live their lives living with a totally different awareness than men. It goes way past walking past the leering stares of men in a construction project to the prospect of losing so much more of your personal security.

It's one of the most important aspects as you transition into a feminine world. 
     

Supergirl's Next Gig?

Being the somewhat paranoiac person  I am, often I wonder if I was in the acting business, would I be forever wondering where my next job would be coming from. I wonder also if transgender actress Nicole Maines can land another starring role after her current gig as "Supergirl" comes to a close.

Then again too, there have been other transgender actors such as Jesse James Keitel who has expanded the traditional trans binary narrative past the more simplistic transgender woman and man into referring to herself as a transfeminine person with the "she/her-they/them" pronouns.  She is currently starring  on the ABC television series Big Sky" (below).

At the least, hopefully these groundbreaking trans actresses will help pave the way for the next generation of transgender acting talent who are simply known for their skills.