Tiers of Acceptance

I received a couple of thought provoking comments concerning my Cyrsti's Condo post about outing myself when I talk about my military past.

The first came from Paula:

"Yes, it's very easy to out ourselves by accident, I have had to be careful how I refer to much of my past, I now make sure that I was a "child" and a "Chorister" I played "Sport" and yes my wife often become my "partner" or my "ex", I have to make sure that I am a "tradesperson" and a "parent"; sometimes it can get quite tiring."

Connie also added:

"Even mentioning to someone, " After all, I met my wife in Germany and she became the Mother of my only daughter" pretty much outs you.

Although I have no actual war stories to tell, there is so much from my past life that I have to think twice about before discussing any of it with others. My wife has been changed to "my partner," and then I must be careful when I mention that we're still together, married now for 47 years. That's something for which I take great pride (though most of the credit goes to her), but I have often had to bite my tongue to keep from sharing that information. Still, I am surprised by the number of people who just assume that I am married to a man, and that I am a mother to my daughters and a grandmother to my grandchildren. I never correct anyone for those assumptions right away, but the further I might go into our past, the more apt I am to have to explain things.

Can I tell you the story of how I won the football game on the last play by ripping the ball from the quarterback's hands and running it back for a touchdown? No, I guess not; that story has not been in my repertoire for years. Oh, welll"

Thanks to both of you for the comments! 

As I wrote I judge how much I tell a person on how they are reacting to me. Plus I rarely have the chance to interact with total strangers. At that time, I only mention now I have a partner of eight years and a daughter with three kids.
I don't think it is any of their business that I did meet my first wife in Germany when she was in the Army too and she was the mother of my child. 

Then, if I leave out the twenty five year relationship with my second wife, I am caught up with my life. If I am chronically doing it relationship wise. 

Again, it goes back to who I am talking to and placing them on a tiered "need to know" basis. 

Ironically, if I mention which war I was part of (Vietnam), it does more to out my age than anything else.

Emmy News

For once, thanks to Laverne Cox and Indya Moore, transgender women received quite a bit of positive  publicity at this years Emmy awards.

Check out Laverne's clutch she carried on the purple carpet!

Cox was nominated for the Outstanding Guest Actress in a Drama Series category for the final season of Orange is the New Black. After receiving three nominations for her performance on the Netflix series, Cox has said she is more than ready to become the first transgender actress to take home an Emmy. But on the purple carpet she decided to say something else.

Cox wore a tiered Monsoori gown, complete with a shoulder ruffle, as well as a full, lilac skirt. But what was more powerful was what she brought with her: an acrylic clutch as well as her guest, lawyer and activist Chase Strangio.

Transgender actress Indya Moore also sizzled on the runway.

Moore stars as Angel on FX’s Pose, which boasts television’s largest cast of trans actors in series regular roles and the largest LGBTQ+ cast for such scripted shows. The series was a contender for six awards , including Outstanding Drama Series, in addition to Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series for Billy Porter. 

Back in the Day

I have always had problems with veterans who seemingly hit the peak of their lives during their time in the service.

Even though I have been fortunate enough to live a very full life, last night I found myself in the same spot.

Liz and I joined a mixture of cross dressers and a few transgender friends at a local steakhouse for dinner. Towards the end of the evening, the topic of traveling came up. Along the way, I mentioned to one of the cis-women I lived in Thailand for a year and was able to travel through three continents in three years when I was in the Army...Southeast Asia, Europe and North America (of course.) She was fascinated and didn't really question the why's and when's of why I was there.

At that point I began to feel guilty of acting like that period of my life was the highlight.

As I began to think about it though, it may have been. After all, I met my wife in Germany and she became the Mother of my only daughter. And, since I utilize the Veteran's Administration for my health care, including my gender transition meds, I have to include it too.

Either you could say my time in the service turned out to be one of the unexpected highlights of my life, or I made the best of a potentially very bad situation...serving directly in the Vietnam War.

However, unless I automatically want to out myself, I have to be careful about how I talk about my Army service. I have a tendency to tell the truth and say I was drafted. Of course then and now, women have not been drafted into the military. So I have concocted a story which is semi true, I worked as a contractor for the Army, since I worked for the Air Force for part of my enlistment.

It seems to work.

Das Boot

Yes, I am still wearing this damn walking boot. At certain points in time it seems as natural as being transgender. At other times, as unnatural as being trans is.

While I know (after so many years) I have always been gender dysphoric, it is sad I have taken this long to come to terms with it. So, how did I?

Unfortunately, I don't have any magical formula. Everyone is on their own discovering their gender boundaries...or should I say, their personal gender compass.

As so called science is coming to terms with the differences in the human binary concerning sexuality and gender, I am a believer in yet another binary. The one which involves the so called transgender umbrella. Some of us opt to be part time cross dressers, others decide to go all the way through sexual realignment surgery. Ultimately, we are all related in a very complex, difficult process.

The problem is dealing with feuding under the umbrella. Who gets wet and who stays dry. Seemingly, too much of the male ego bleeds through, leading to pushing and shoving for room.

Again, I wish I had an magical answer for all of this too. An example was the other night when I met another two people going to the ill-fated Transgender Day of Remembrance meeting which never happened. I innocently introduced myself, received a nice return from one of the people. But of course the obviously transgender person, had a tough time revealing her name. I have no idea why she was being that way. Unless we had met before and I did something she didn't particularly like. Oh well!

These days I am concentrating on not aggravating people. So that means being secure in my little space under the transgender umbrella.

Hopefully, the boot is on it's way out so I won't take up so much room! 

Carmen Carrera

Every once in a while, I see a post concerning a LGBTQ transgender person I hadn't heard from in what seems like forever. This time it was Carmen Carrera.

It turns out Carrera is speaking at the "Transgender Unity Banquet" this September in rain soaked Houston.

As you may remember,

After launching her career on RuPaul’s Drag Race, Carrera became a high-profile trans model, actress, performer, and advocate for LGBTQ and human rights issues. She recently partnered with Christina Aguilera to perform at Radio City Music Hall and hosted events at the Sundance Film Festival for AT&T and at NYC Fashion Week for Fashion News Live on Amazon Prime. 

I thought you may enjoy a rainbow inspired picture of Carmen to brighten up your day.