I'm Back...Mostly

 

Well, my wife Liz and I's vacation to the Florida Keys was eventful, with many unexpected turns.

Since I have quite a bit to write about, I will start at the beginning of our bus trip. As we boarded a nearly empty bus way before dawn in suburban Cincinnati the morning was very cold and clear. From our boarding point, we needed to make two other stops to pick up other passengers for the trip in nearby Northern Kentucky.  Since we were nearly the first on the bus, my paranoia about being the only transgender passenger was calmed, especially since I was under the cover of darkness. 

As daylight came around and the bus filled up, the pressure for me to make a good first impression came with it. I managed to cope with a small mirror I put away into my purse, along with my foundation powder and lipstick. So instant touch ups were within my reach.

Of course, all too soon came the all-important first rest room stop. I stayed very close to Liz as we went in and there were no problems with anyone on the bus, or other strangers who were already coming or going in the women's room. I did my business, washed up and left with no interference which made me feel relieved after all the months of worry I put into thinking of what could happen. 

At this point, our bus driver deserves a strong recommendation for his work in getting us safely through very snowy and icy road conditions we encountered as we made our way south from Ohio. He also was available to help me on and off the bus when needed. 

Long story short, we made it to Georgia and spent the night in Macon. Then off to Orlando for our next stop.  By this time, I could not wait to make it to our staging destination of Key Largo. Then Liz and I began to notice how many people on the bus had bad coughs. Which is a spoiler alert for what happened to me later in the trip and would involve a trip to a hospital in Georgia. 

More on it, plus a very pleasant trip to Key West coming up when I finally begin to feel better, because I caught Covid on the bus. Even though I had been given the booster three months ago. Make of that what you will.

 

 

Vacation Post

 

Image from Johannis Keys
on UnSplash.

The day finally is here before my wife Liz, and I depart for our long-awaited journey to the Florida Keys very early tomorrow morning. So, this will be my last post for approximately ten days. The first time in my history of writing a blog I have missed this much time in over a decade. 

As luck would have it, we are traveling on a charter bus and there are hefty storm warnings for the bus to attempt to out-run when we depart Cincinnati very early Sunday morning. 

Outside of the weather, long term, I have spent quite a bit of time worrying about potential hassles I may receive from a stray transphobe in the group. Magically however, after we packed this morning, my fears began to disappear. As Liz told me, this is not our first trip, and on the other ones, I have had no problems. In addition, I have steeled myself to facing any detractors if I run into them. Confidence in myself is one of my keys to a fun trip. After all, I paid as much as the next person to go on the trip.

After we arrive in the Keys, I am going to do my best to enjoy the brief respite to the Ohio winter and even try swimming for the first time as a transgender woman. Hopefully, this trip will be less physically demanding on me since I have mobility issues. Since the last trip we went on out west to Colorado seemed to leave very little time to relax and enjoy our surroundings before moving on, I was exhausted before we came back. I didn't like it.  Plus, this time, I have made sure I tried to walk as much as I could to build a little stamina. 

I look forward to rechecking back in with you all after we return and hopefully share a few pictures of me with my new short hair cut. 

I'm sure I will go through some sort of withdrawal when I can't write daily but then again, a little break should do me good so I can refocus my efforts. 

Hope to see you then. 

Gender Harmony

 

My friend Racquel and her dog.

When asked when I first realized I had issues with my gender I began to tell the truth and say I had known forever.

In fact, my statements were only partially true. I knew something was wrong with me, but I did not know exactly what. When I was young, I knew how much pleasure I received when I dressed as a girl. What I was lacking was the knowledge of how much harmony I was missing by learning the aspects of living in two genders.

Over a long space in time of nearly fifty years, my male and female selves battled it out, which naturally created huge disruptions in my life. My already frail mental health was in shambles most of the time. Since I had already been diagnosed as being bi-polar by a therapist before, my gender issues seemed to be a bigger problem. In reality, both issues were working together to make my life miserable before I took action and did something about it.

I started with the easier one, my bi-polar condition. After I tried several medications, I found the right ones which I am still taking to this day. The much more difficult of the two issues destroying my inner harmony was my issue with my gender. Had I listened to my first therapist years ago when she told me there was nothing, she could do with me wanting to be a woman, I would have been better off. Maybe I would have been able to relax more with my issues and realize my transition into transgender womanhood was going to be a scary yet exciting journey I should try to relax and enjoy. Rather than fight and destroy my mental health as I did it. Plus, what made matters worse was all the people around me I attempted to make miserable too. Leading my second wife to even consider telling me to be man enough to be a woman. The problem was, back in those days, I did not have the feminine experience yet to do it. So, my miserable life continued.  Any sort of gender harmony seemed to me an impossibility.

During that time, I really set out to seriously discover what measures I would have to take to restore any sort of harmony to my life. Which essentially saved my life after a failed suicide attempt. I found I had to discover harmony or face losing my life totally. 

Initially, I was obsessing on my feminine appearance over any other aspects of being a transgender woman until my trans friend Racquel told me I passed out of sheer will power. Deep down, I knew what she was talking about. I was not and never would be the most attractive woman in the room, unless I could afford the expensive facial femininization surgery. Which I couldn't. It did not matter anyhow, since I had already decided to move forward in the world with the best possible appearance I could put together. 

Long story short, I found my path to a new life and am very fortunate to live as a full-time transgender woman. Racquel went on to several appearance altering surgeries and moved away so I have not seen her for years. I owe her for the honesty she expressed to me concerning my coming out experience. As my wife said too, there was so much more to a woman than just looking like one. Finding harmony with myself, enabled me to find harmony with others. I made friends in my new life and moved on.