Catching the Trolley

 

The Trolley Stop, Dayton, Ohio

Since one of my college degrees is in History, I always have been a fan of historical restoration.

When I was considering my male to female gender transition, a portion of the baggage I was looking at bringing along was my love of history. All the way to the point of where I lived, an 1860's brick building I restored myself in my home town. To do it, I taught myself many of the basics of plumbing and electricity. 

One of my inspirations in my restoration was in close by Dayton, Ohio in a area known as the "Oregon District". Home to many beautiful Victorian homes. Included in the many residences was a commercial strip of businesses along a brick street which had been there for years and years. Plus, it just so happened, many of them were old taverns. 

I know I write often about my fondness for going to the large sports bars when I transitioned since they provided me with a more pleasurable experience than the local gay bars did. While it's true I did go to the sports venues quite a bit, there was another place I went to also. It was called the "Trolley Stop" located on the strip I was telling you about in the Oregon District. The "Stop's" building was constructed in 1839 and is believed to be the oldest continually operating tavern in Dayton. As well as being known for it's drinks, the kitchen features cooking made from scratch. 

Since I was a customer before I transitioned, I knew what to expect and thought with a little work I could be accepted at the "Trolley" without much problem. I was right and in no time at all, I became a regular with one of the fulltime bartenders. With that accomplished, I was awarded with restroom privileges and others in the tavern being nice to me. I rarely had any problems. I could enjoy two of my passions, history and living a life as a transgender woman. 

My fondness for the venue grew except for the fact the restrooms were upstairs and when I consumed a few cocktails, navigating the steps became quite the challenge for me in my heels. Until I quit wearing them when I knew I was going to the "Trolley." 

Along the way, I ended up meeting my small group of friends there. Including my transgender friend Racquel. To the casual observer, I am sure we seemed to be quite the group. On occasion also, the venue hosted lesbian mixers which were always quite fun for me. In fact on several occasions I was able to steal a kiss from an admiring lesbian woman. 

Now, since I moved fairly far away to Cincinnati from the Dayton area where I lived, I have not been back to the "Trolley Stop" for years. Hopefully the venue and all it's fond memories will out live me. 

Never Give Up

Image from Amin Rk 
on Unsplash

 Similar to so many transgender women or men, I live a fragile existence. Or I should say for the most part I lived a fragile life as a cross dresser.

These were the times I was fighting totally any feelings of being feminine. Naturally, my ingrained male self fought the entire idea completely. Several times when I was caught cross dressing in front of the mirror, I gave up and decided to "purge" (or throw out)  almost all of my feminine belongings. I say almost because every time I stopped purging, I stopped just short of throwing out my favorite wigs or dresses. I guess deep down inside I knew I would need the clothes or wigs again. And I did because I never gave up on my dream to live as a fulltime transgender woman. 

By never giving up, I had several obstacles to overcome along my gender path. Everyone goes through tough times in their lives and looking ahead, I could see many more on my horizon. Mainly because, I was far from a natural when I looked at myself in the mirror. How could I ever turn a rather gruff bearded overweight man into a presentable trans woman. 

First things first. As soon as I could the beard had to go along with the weight. The first part was easy but the weight wasn't. Fortunately, I was able to cut back on a few fattening items and let my still robust male metabolism do the rest. In no time at all, I was able to lose nearly fifty pounds which helped completely in finding women's fashion in my size. At the same time, I started to concentrate on my skin. After shaving, I made sure I used a good moisturizer to aid in the process. I learned how much better my foundation looked on my face when I cared for my skin, plus by shaving daily, I was exfoliating my skin very effectively. In my case, along with practicing "extreme" shopping methods for fashion, I was able to do better in presenting my feminine self to the world. I suppose you could say, the whole process was a labor of love.

On occasion, I am amused when someone thinks my gender journey into trans womanhood was an overnight success. They never saw or understood the "error and trial" methods I went through when I first began to explore the public as a novice cross dresser or transgender woman. The most important moral to the story is I never gave up. No matter how difficult and bumpy the path became. Why? 

The easy answer is no matter how hard life became, deep down I knew what I was doing made me feel so natural. I felt if I lived long enough, I could leave my old male self behind and finally live in the world as a trans woman. 

Destiny proved me right and I was able to fit into a life in the world, I had always only dreamed of. I learned the hard way to achieve any goal in life, you never can give up.

How the Heck did I Get Here

Image from the 
Jessie Hart Archives

In many ways, this post is an extension of yesterdays. 

When I woke up this morning following a night of having multi gendered dreams, I glanced at my femininized body and wondered how I arrived here. The answer of course is not an easy one to come by. Plus, most of you have followed a similar path. You started in the mirror and slowly made your way into the public's eye. Some of you actually made it as a transgender woman in the public and others still make it as a cross dresser on line with your own blog. Whatever path you take, perhaps you wonder also how the heck did I get here on the gender divide.

I know many of us offer up the suggestion we had no choice because of the effects of the pregnancy medication "D.E.S.". Here is a description: " DES is a synthetic form of female hormone estrogen . It was prescribed to women between  1940 and 1971 for problem pregnancies."

Even though I will never know for sure, I am positive my Mom probably was prescribed the medication because she suffered through several still births before I came along. In the transgender community it has long been suspected being subjected to an overdose of estrogen in the womb, set us on a path to being trans. So essentially I didn't have a choice on the life I eventually determined I had to lead. 

I had several main gender cross roads to navigate before I could arrive where I was this morning. The tragic part was, I couldn't stop to appreciate my work and all I had gone through. All the times I was stared at, or even laughed at when I was a novice in the world as a transgender or cross dressed person. All the time I wondered all the gender hassles I was going through to figure out where I was going was the right way. After all, I was walking the tight rope on sacrificing my entire life as I knew it. All to jump into a life as a transgender woman I didn't know if I could do at all. 

Finally, I could take the pressure no longer and I decided to take the plunge and transition into a new world. I knew deep down I really didn't have a choice after I tried suicide which was tied to my gender issues. Maybe all along, I truly did not have a choice and just had to do it. At that point, destiny led me to seek out a new group of women friends who helped me along in my journey. Plus the new gender affirming hormones I was on proved I was doing the right thing for a change. It was as if my body recognized the new hormones as doing the right thing and all the resulting changes I recently wrote about felt so natural. As my life changed, so did my mental health as my long hidden female soul kept telling me I told you so.

Now I wonder how long it will take for my old male life to fade away and I won't have to be so amazed by my body when I wake up in the morning. I will be to recognize my body for what it is and should have been all along.