It's All in a Name

Connie brought up an interesting point about responding, or not, to one's old "dead name."

"Your slight digression made me want to know more. At that time, you had two names. Today, you have a different one. How, then, do you respond, should someone call you by any one of them? I imagine that you would react differently, depending on which one was used. My dead name has become almost incognizant to me after adopting my new name many years ago.

If I hear someone in a crowded place say, "Connie," I will likely turn my head in recognition these days, but I no longer do that when my dead name is heard. Well, not until just a couple weeks ago, anyway. I was grocery shopping, and I heard a woman say, in a stern voice, "(Dead name), stop doing that!" I turned around to see a small boy holding a can of something from the bottom shelf, and Mom was standing right over him with a waving finger. It doesn't take a psychologist to tell me why I reacted to the sound of an irritated mother shouting (Dead name), but I can only laugh now about such a thing. 

Among many other things I did, as a kid, that would irritate my mother was my natural walk; placing most of my weight on the balls of my feet, rather than using a firm step on my heels. I did learn to affect a more-masculine walk, but my mother would always let me know when I had "regressed" to my natural one. Later, as an adult, I started shaping my eyebrows as much as I thought I could get away with, and every time mother saw me, she would say the same thing she said to me regarding my walk: (Dead name), stop doing that! Hmm, maybe I have Cowboy Nightmares and Cowgirl Dreams. :-)"

Sometimes I think I more than burnt out the name situation. Like so many other cross dressers and early transgender women, I chose the name of the cis women of the period I was in whom I admired the most. For example, my earliest feminine name was Karen. Because I used to sit close to a cis girl named Karen in middle school. Back in those days, I didn't understand why my crushes weren't really sexual ones but more out of admiration. I wanted so bad to be them.

Over the years, I have been a Darcy, a Roxy a Cyrsti (of course) and finally a Jessie which is my legal name now. Ironically, Cyrsti's Condo was so established by the time I chose my legal name, I decided to leave it alone. Jessie is actually a family name. 

As far as responding to my dead (male) name, I still catch myself turning around on the very rare occasions I hear it. I am more likely to fight responding when someone uses the "Sir" word when a stranger is using it with another person. Fortunately. more times than not they are directly not referring to me anyhow. 

Now on to my Mom:

My mother and I were much alike and thus never agreed on anything.  I was so focused on living a lie as a guy, I don't think walking was ever an issue. On the other hand, I con't imagine she never noticed my forays into her clothes and makeup. Either I covered it up better than I thought, or she ignored my cross dressing urges thinking it was a faze. 

When I came out to her when I was discharged from the Army as a transvestite, she offered to send me to electrode shock therapy. I told her she wasn't going to plug me into a wall socket and the subject was never brought up again. 

I guess I got the final revenge because I chose her name as my middle name.

Looking back on it now, I hope she would have considered it a honor of sorts. You see, it's all in a name.

Cowboy Dreams

This is an older experience I haven't shared for awhile here in Cyrsti's Condo. In fact it goes back to the 1990's.

In those days, I was spending my life divided between the two binary genders. Along the way, I managed to locate a couple small lesbian bars I liked to drink in. One disliked me totally, the other I was accepted in.

On certain nights, the venue I was accepted in had karaoke. I don't sing at all (except for a David Allan Coe song I knew.)  The song was/is "You Never Even Called Me By My Name but I digress.

I was only vaguely aware it was karaoke night when I got there. I didn't really care because of course singing was the last thing on my mind.

I also remember I was wearing my blond wig with jeans, boots and some sort of tight top. Indirectly, I wanted to look nice for the other patrons. It turns out I did I guess!

About half way into my second beer, a big butch lesbian comes up (in a cowboy hat no less) and demanded, not asked, if I would sing with her. Of course I tried to politely decline. Then I learned quickly I was going to choose the song and sing it with her.

As I panicked, I thought there was only one song I knew and mentioned David Allan Coe to her, hoping she wouldn't want to do it. No such luck though, she grabbed my hand and headed to the stage. Fortunately the lights were dim in the place and there weren't many patrons there yet and I did the best I could to sing with her.

After we were done, she looked at me and said my voice was lower than hers and headed another direction. I took that as my time to escape. I paid the bartender who knew the truth about me and took off.

I never saw the butch lesbian in there again and wondered if she ever learned the truth about her duet partner that night so long ago.

Positive Results

Regardless of all the anti LGBTQ hatred being spewed from the White House, there were positive results in elections this week.  In Kentucky, the home of such notables as Moscow Mitch McConnell, the Democratic nominee for governor managed to narrowly defeat the solidly trumper Republican incumbent. Which hopefully bodes well for the upcoming presidential election.

Around the country, After a string of successful general and special elections, the number of LGBTQ elected officials in the U.S. today stands at 698 — the highest number ever, and an increase of nearly 25 percent over last year, according to the Victory Institute, which tracks openly lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer elected officials.

While in Virginia:

From the New York Post:" Danica Roem, the first openly transgender person to be elected and serve in a state legislature, was reelected to her Virginia seat on Tuesday.

Roem, a Democrat, bested her Republican opponent Kelly McGinn by a 57-43 margin.

When she was elected in 2017, Roem beat a longtime GOP delegate who led efforts to restrict bathrooms to transgender people.

Her opponent that year, Robert Marshall, sponsored a “Physical Privacy Act,” which was modeled after controversial bathroom legislation passed in North Carolina in 2016.

“Danica inspired trans people across the nation to run for office,” Mayor Annise Parker, president and CEO of LGBTQ Victory Fund said in a statement."

Reasons being given for the increase are more people are running, more are getting elected and more are coming out of the closet who are already serving. 

Now all we need is a solid front from the "L,G and B's" to help the "T's" in our struggles.