Non Binary Discussion

 This comment on considering yourself "non binary" or not, comes from Connie:

"I know that I am not non-binary, and never have been. I have purposely lived toward either end of the gender spectrum for nearly seventy years, but never felt comfortable anywhere in-between. For those who are wanting to find comfort there, I can only imagine how difficult that might be. Of course, I absolutely know how difficult it has been for me to live as either a man or a woman, but I have always tried to be as unambiguous about it as I could be; people can usually conclude my gender by my presentation (whether they accept it, or not, is a different subject). To be non-binary in one's gender (or genderless) identity, though, can only be made known to others by declaration.

Non-binary people don't necessarily present themselves ambiguously or as androgynous. Some can be easily perceived by the average person as decidedly binary. As difficult as it may sometimes be for a binary trans person to project their true gender identity, non-binary people cannot rely on their presentation for others to see them as they see themselves to be. Mis-gendering must be a constant problem for those who see themselves as neither he/him/his or she/her/hers. They/them/theirs would have to be conveyed in some way other than physical presentation, anyway.

Somewhere between gender binary and gender non-binary, there are those who consider themselves to be bi-gender, or even pan-gender. Others may still be gender questioning. The only thing we can be sure about, then, comes from the adage: If you've met one trans person, you have met one trans person."

Perhaps the difference comes with the younger generation. Several of the ones I have met recently have steered clear of the "transgender" label.  But as I said, a label is just a label. 

A Day at the BMV

 To begin with, the BMV stands for "Bureau of Motor Vehicles" here in Ohio. Because of social distancing and other factors, the fun filled wait to renew any number of personal or motor vehicle licenses can be completed at the "BMV." 

Because I wasn't really pressed for time, I decided to wait for the middle of the month and go early in the morning. Unfortunately there were many other people thinking the same way. Of course I was optimistic and didn't use the call ahead option either, so I spent nearly two hours of my life I will never get back waiting for my turn. 

Through the whole experience I couldn't help but feel the same gender dysphoric feelings I have felt in the past. Would I get called "sir" or asked any other inappropriate questions. As it turned out, my anxiety was wasted. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. I had my vision checked, answered a few questions and was soon seated for my lovely drivers license picture, which I won't get to see for at least two weeks. 

As I sat and waited, I remembered back four years ago when I got my first license which said female on it and how proud I was when I got to use it to vote. Since normally I can't remember what happened last week, my license will always be a way to remember when I changed my legal gender markers.

Maybe it was all worth the wait at the "BMV". A couple hours was sure starting to feel like a whole day.

Non Binary Fun

 These days I have seen the term "non binary" used in place of transgender in many instances. I find it interesting yet another term is finding it's way into the LGBTQ vocabulary. I'm sure many of you remember how prevalent the transvestite term was before transgender came along. 

I would imagine non binary maybe a more appropriate term to use with younger people who still might be on the gender fence. Would it replace androgyny as a major used term eventually? Or are we dealing in too many terms again in our culture. In which case who cares? I am sure especially the newer people dealing with gender change do. Imagine again having a very androgynous child who is still working their way through gender. In her/his case I think non binary works. 

I wonder too if the world will ever come to the point where acquaintances we transgender people run into over the years will ever come to think of us as non binary? My own personal example is the cis woman I met years ago in an art gallery who chose me for a woman's photo shoot which featured women of different backgrounds. Of all the people who lives I have crossed, I think she is the one who would embrace the non binary term.

Plus, since I have decided hormone replacement therapy would be as far as I will go to further my Mtf gender transition, maybe non binary describes me more accurately too. 

As a matter of fact though, I don't really care, I just wanted to try to write a fun post on the subject for all of you to consider.       

I'm not Brave

 I find it generally humorous when someone describes me or any other transgender women or men as brave. 

In my case I had to move forward to live as my authentic self as a transgender woman before it was too late and I was successful in committing suicide. I then embarked on a gender journey which at some points was down right scary and at other times completely wonderful. In other words, I learned I wasn't so brave as much as I never had a choice and was beginning to live a life I was always destined to live.

Of course at times, my transition was less than fun. I can't begin to tell you the number of times I was driven to tears by very rude people. I don't believe it was being brave to keep subjecting myself to abuse, it was beginning to feel more and more natural and the abuse faded away. 

It's always a debate too about how much different the situation has changed over the years and decades. When I came out, it was primarily a solitary time for novice cross dressers or transgender women. There was no social media and very few groups who would hold monthly "mixers". The times were so solitary, trans individuals who went the distance all the way to genital realignment surgery were expected to go stealth by moving away and completely starting a new life. In many ways, I felt they were the brave ones.

Currently, in many parts of the country there are LGBTQ groups which a person can reach out to for support. The group I am part of locally has helped many trans people come out of the closet and a place for cross dressers to explore more fully where they want to go. Small groups are able to go shopping and socialize in socially distanced situations. In fact, there was a virtual social this weekend. 

I am fairly sure most of the girls/guys don't consider themselves brave. It is something they just had to do.

Sneaking Out

 These days, thanks to the continuing affects of Covid 19, it seems every night Liz and I decide to go out, it is an adventure. First, we don't get to do it very often and second, we have to make sure we can do it as safely as possible. For example, I can count on one hand the number of times we have been out in the past several months. 

Last night we returned to our favorite Mexican Restaurant for a pitcher of margaritas and a bite to eat. We like the venue too because it has a nice sized patio we can eat on and stay more socially distanced. We managed to stay reasonably away from everyone except the pesky owner who kept drifting past our table.

For the evening which was slightly warm and humid, I chose a black pair of my favorite leggings along with a white tank top along with my lightweight black and white patterned blouse which comes down to my hips. Finishing off the outfit were my black flats. What I am most proud of is being able to go without foundation these days. The most recent picture I have shown you all here in Cyrsti's Condo, is an attempt to show the natural me. With no fancy photo filters and wearing just eye makeup along with lip gloss. Of course, most of the time, I am wearing a face mask so no one would notice anyhow. Back to the evening... 

I was comfortable,  accepted and as always, immensely enjoyed the food and my night out with Liz. 

Rumor has it I might have a birthday coming up relatively soon and Liz along with my daughter may be coming up with a surprise. So who knows? Maybe another evening to sneak out.  

Hard Core?

 Until today, I have heard my Mtf gender transition described many ways. Now I have another. 

On Facebook, I posted this picture.

You may remember it was taken at Liz and I's ninth anniversary dinner. 

Ironically, I had only met this person once last summer. At the time she seemed to be a LGBTQ ally and we had several good conversations. 

Shortly after that, she moved away and the only way I ever saw her was on Facebook. Interestingly, after she saw the picture this morning, she remarked I had a gone through a "hardcore" feminine transformation since she had seen me a year ago. Even during my days in the Army, I never earned the hardcore distinction from anyone. It was in the military when I first had heard the term.

I thanked her profusely but didn't give credit where it was due, I believe the increased dosage of Estradiol I have been on for the past year have finally produced the desired results I was looking for. 

Plus a compliment is a compliment...right? 

9-11

 It's September 11th. A day which was seared into the reality of most American's who were alive at that time. 

I still remember vividly I was getting ready for work and I happened to be watching television. My wife at the time worked at a bookstore very close to a major air force base so I called her with the news. At the same time the second plane hit the other tower. Life changed forever in that instant. 

Let's take this moment to remember all of those lives lost and affected. 

Liz's Turn

 I recently completed my colonoscopy at the Veterans Administration Hospital here in Cincinnati, Ohio. During my visit I was treated with respect for the most part, except for one nurse who disappeared suddenly and  promptly sent another nurse in to finish the prep work. I don't really know or care what she thought. 

Liz was scheduled for her colonoscopy this morning. Since Liz is a cis gender woman, she had all the usual worries. She did really well though, as she emerged with no problems. 

So, the only people I came into contact with was the nurse who wheeled Liz to the car when she was done and of course I had my mask on and a very lethargic drive thru clerk at a nearby Starbucks who didn't really seem to know what day it was, let alone worry about dealing with a transgender woman. 

Since Liz had the first appointment this morning, sleep last night was hard to come by. So I need to wrap this up and get my nap in.

Stay safe!!

Transgender Thesis

 From Temple University, comes the true experience of a young adult's experience coming out as their authentic self, transgender. It is called "Halloween 1987".  This comes to us from "The Temple News."

“Halloween 1987” tells the story of Cory, a teenage boy whose girlfriend wants them to wear a couple’s costume to a Halloween party. She comes up with the idea that she dresses as Cory, and Cory dresses as her. Cory, although hesitant, agrees, and the night changes Cory’s life.

The premise is based on the real-life experience of Jenny Jae Cory, a transgender woman from Towanda, a small, rural town in Appalachian Pennsylvania. Bursic met Jenny Jae Cory while working as the lead media coordinator for the Pennsylvania Youth Congress, the state’s sole LGBTQ youth advocacy organization, according to its website. 

Bursic, a 2020 film and media arts alumnus, was in Towanda to film the LGBTQ pride parade Jenny Jae Cory had organized. As they talked, Jenny Jae Cory shared her draft of her autobiography, which included the story about her epiphany during that fateful Halloween night.

Jenny Jae Cory remembered that, at that time, it was hard for her to figure out that she was transgender because of a lack of information. Back in the 1980s, her main resources for information were her grandmother’s encyclopedia, her local library, and her peers.

“The only information you got was from your friends, and it was that you’re weird and you’re a freak,” Jenny Jae Cory said.

Although the film’s initial screening could not be done in person, Kenagh Babcock, the film’s producer and a senior film major, is working with the rest of the Halloween 1987 team to raise funds so the film can be shown at festivals in 2021.

“I think the world needs films like this so people feel seen, or can be educated about the experience,” Babcock said."

For more, go here.

Do You Pass?

 Recently, "passing" seemed to be a term which may be finding it's way out of our main vocabulary as transgender folk or cross dressers. Then again, maybe not. These days, if you can afford it, or your health allows it, you now have several different avenues to achieve passing privilege. There is surgery including facial feminization, breast augmentation all the way to genital realignment available for those who can afford it or have access to good insurance. Plus, let's not forget electrolysis to get rid of those pesky facial beards. It seems to me, after you go through all of that, you damn well better "pass". 

Personally, I feel hormone replacement therapy has helped me to present favorably in a feminine world. But that is just me.

Sadly, though, just passing doesn't bring happiness to many. A transgender friend of mine years ago once told me I passed on sheer willpower. Which I took to mean if someone had a problem with me, they could go to hell. While that was true in many instances, I still suffered the same paranoia other novice cross dressers or trans women felt as they began their journey into the feminine world. I could fill several blog posts alone with my adventures waiting for a stall in women's bathrooms. 

During my endless searches for quality posts to share with you, I found this one about a transgender woman in the UK who ran into problems just trying to try clothes on in a store. It;s called "Joni's Story" and you can find it here. Joni is below.  A brief synopsis of the lengthy post looks into how Joni was rejected from a women's fitting room and how the episode led her to an unwanted public life and a search to fit in with the butch lesbian culture. 

The end result of passing of course is how you feel about yourself. Sadly, no matter how much work some people have done on themselves, they still have difficulty finding a gender piece within.  

I "Doesn't" Know It Part Two

 Michelle sent a comment in checking up on Liz and I, making sure everything was okay. She hadn't seen a post for two weeks. Thanks for asking, but we are fine and now I am wondering what happened since it has been so long since she has seen a post. I am fairly sure I only missed a day or two posting over that period.

The only real change on my end was a big one. Google, the giant who runs the platform Cyrsti's Condo runs on has decided to change the whole system.  The same Google whose "Adsense" format controls running ads on blogs. You may, or may not have noticed the pesky ads disappeared from the blog too...with no warning.  

Google also makes it nearly impossible to interact with anyone with concerns you may have. 

The problems must be more than just minor since Connie has had problems too and visits to the blog have dropped drastically. 

Hopefully, all of this will be settled soon.