Trans Girl and the Christmas Season

 

Image from Roberto Nickson
on UnSplash.

Little did I know that Christmas would pass Halloween as my favorite season when I transitioned genders to the one I wanted. There were several factors which contributed to the change I was going through.

The first one was the ease I found I could get lost in the Christmas shopping crowds when I shopped as a trans woman. As long as I followed my fashion instincts. I learned I could follow several different shopping paths. For example, one day I could dress up and go to an upscale mall, and on the second, I could dress down and go shopping at a nearby local antique mall. I enjoyed the feminine freedom of choice immensely.

The second main reason I came to love Christmas so much more was I could really get into the spirit of giving. For some reason, being my transfeminine self-slowed me down and encouraged me to choose more thoughtful gifts for the people I cared about.

The third man reason was I could get lost as a woman in the hustle and bustle of the season. I forgot all about the buy something quickly and move on person I was as a man. My second wife was a huge gardener which made garden themed gifts popular with her, so I could shop at both style of malls for her garden gifts…new or vintage. In particular, I remember finding her a vintage seed merchandising box which she ended up cherishing in her collection. Right or wrong, she never found out my male self-did not buy it at all, my transgender side did.

Reason four was shopping as a woman took all the guilt of sneaking out of the house dressed as myself to buy gifts. I told myself I was not cheating on her when I did it if I was buying her a gift. Probably not the best reason in the world, but at that time it was the best one I had.

Reason five was that Christmas was such a longer season for me than Halloween. Halloween was an intense build up just for one day, and then the let down set in. Christmas of course lasted much longer, and I had the satisfaction of knowing my feminine self-bought all the gifts under the tree.

The final reason I can think of is since my wife always had a special gift giving night for my transfeminine self, I always felt guilty when I came up short for gifts for her. She was not much into makeup and fragrances and such, so the traditional ciswoman gifts were out. She never found out all her gifts could have been given out that night because of who they really came from. Instead, I ended up letting her open a few gifts at a time before Christmas itself.

Christmas at my house and my restaurant became a major holiday from the point of decoration. My wife had quite the collection of animated holiday figures, some new and some vintage which I was expected to find a way to display. As I did, I was put in a festive Christmas mood and made me more impatient to join the masses and do more shopping. Or at least all my finances could stand. Through it all, I was gaining the all-important confidence I would need to consider if my transgender dreams could become a reality after all. I could only discover if I was on the right gender path by the trial-and-error method. By attempting to stay out of the mirror and let the public tell me if I was right or wrong. I don’t know if the public was kinder at Christmas or not, but for some reason I was getting by and enjoying myself as a transfeminine person even more.

All these Christmas holiday positives did not leave me like the Halloween ones did. They became ingrained as I built my new life. A trans girl at Christmas soon became a trans girl period. All my learning gave me a new foundation to stand on when my life hit the skids, and I nearly lost everything. I lost my wife, what close friends I had, and my restaurant within a two-year period to death and recession. As it all crumbled before me, my feminine self-stood strong and ready to help. All I needed to do was let her with no strings attached. To ensure I could make a living until I could retire, I sold all the vintage items I had accounted for and was able to make enough to pay my back taxes and then retire from a job I hated. It worked because then, I would not have to worry about transitioning to a new job.

Now, since my second wife and her love for Christmas has long since departed, my daughter has converted to the Jewish faith and my wife Liz is wiccan, my overall interest in Christmas has waned. However, I will forever remember the festive seasons I went through in my past which helped me along so much in my male to female transition. I developed the instincts I needed to survive in a scary, exciting new feminine world. Being a trans girl at Christmas really worked out for the best for me.