I've been attempting to consolidate and bring back some of my older posts for some of your new followers. This one is more lengthy than some of the others. I hope you enjoy it!

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What is a Woman?

A True Female Is?

During an unusually bitter discussion about my transgender leanings and our relationship, my wife said "you (me) would make a terrible woman!"
Naturally the comment was a tremendous blow to my egos. My male ego was harder hit than my female ego. Of course, at that time I really didn't have a female ego. I was just a guy dressing like a girl.
How could she say such a thing? In the past several months I was turned down for admission to a TV only event. I had to prove I wasn't a real single woman. I had slutted myself up successfully with three other tall beautiful genetic girls at Halloween and held my own. I even had a male admirer sending me letters. (A long time ago!)
Then she said, "I'm not talking about looks. I'm talking about being a woman."
It took me years to fully understand what she meant. I really mean years! The time frame I'm referring to is the mid 80's and we were into the third year of a 25 year marriage. And yes, she did know about my "hobby". I told her before we got serious. That's another story.
Now, lets compare your idea, my idea and society's idea of what a woman is. First off, you have to separate sex from gender. Sure you can be born female. Does that make you a woman? No. You are just a biological female. Life experiences make you a woman, between the ears that is. At least it has worked that way for me and I've seen in it my young granddaughter. The way she plays and interacts with other young girls. My wife knew I had none of that experience and it showed.
I could look like a woman but had no idea of how a woman feels or lives in the world. Slowly and very insecurely over the years my female self began to evolve.
The first step was a quick lesson in a woman's use of non verbal communication. My initiation came at a straight/gay neighborhood bar in Cleveland. It was summer and a handsome guy rolled up on his Harley and parked it on the sidewalk outside the front door. After a couple of drinks my wife came about as close to flirting with someone as I had ever seen her. He wasn't shy about checking us out either. She looked me in the eyes and all of the sudden I was not husband but competition and she was considering winning! She gave me the look "I'll get him you won't and I will see you later."
She didn't go, but the lesson was learned that words don't have to mean anything. To this day I have quick and meaningful eye to eye communication with many of my genetic girl friends. Just a glance can tell me yes or no or even danger!
Other meaningful lesson's I've learned are listening, dispute resolution and passive aggressive behavior. You genetic girls reading this already will know what I'm going to say. You trans girls who truly want to play in the other sandbox-listen up. No pun intended!
Most men, as we know, are not good listeners. They are listening for the short term. Most just long enough to make you feel they listened and or cared. I wish I could tell you the ones I've talked to in person or on line that can not get it through their heads that I an NOT a drag queen. It's not their fault it's the wiring.
Another huge gender hurdle is problem solving or dispute resolution. A shoulder to lean or one to cry on helps a woman. Men are problem solvers- take care of that problem and lets move on! Much of this gets back to listening! What did she really say?
Last (but certainly) not least is passive aggressive behavior. Over the years my work has been primarily with female dominated crews. I've been dazzled and sometimes scared with the workings of alpha females on down. Fortunately I try to stay clear of all of that on my perch in the middle.
Why do I want to go down this path? I like the feminine style. I respect it and feel comfortable in it.
I know that no matter how much money or hormones someone puts into their body-they will never be a biological female. On the other hand I have met some transgender women who are more female than any real girl I've ever met. Some are more comfortable being women than more than a few women are. I guess that's why I place experience over biology in gender.
Personally I hope I have reached the point where people say I'm friendly and fun to be around. Sure, most know I'm still a biological male but mentally a girl. I really want to grow into a woman my wife (deceased) would have liked and respected.
On the other hand, I do understand the confusion people have with humans like me. Gender after all, is a main building block of life. What I don't understand is the fear.
But I do have a very positive outlook for the future! I believe that many of our youth are getting over the fear factor and into understanding.
Maybe the best idea is to have this discussion with them? Or with you?

Trans Girl Socially Challenged?

Absolutely!
My genetic girl friends tell me- "all the good one's are taken". Are they right?
I'm not looking for much. Just a person to hang out with and I'm not totally alone. I have my guy friend and a small group of women friends.
My personality always pushes for more so I signed up for a dating site. I probably drove them all over the map with my gender changes. Woman seeking woman all the way to man seeking woman. The bottom line is that my expectations have been reached. Nothing!
I knew the whole thing would be like finding the needle in the haystack, but needles have been found!
Then I started wondering, do I threaten other women?
I read a great post concerning just that by "Hope Alexander" on "Hub Pages" of why we do. One of the reasons is that we look better and put more work into being a girl. The usual examples of clothes and makeup come to mind. I've added one of her posts to look at! http://hubpages.com/hub/Are-You-A-Man-Or-A-Woman--How-To-Deal-With-A-Crossdresserhttp://hubpages.com/hub/Are-You-A-Man-Or-A-Woman--How-To-Deal-With-A-Crossdresser
I do believe it is true with some women because they have let themselves go-but not most. I also believe we play into the insecurities of genetic girls because we do play in their sandbox.
Is all of this another social problem?
We are too much girl for the gay guys. Not enough girl for the Lesbians and a competing girl for the straight women? OMG!
Finding good people in the world is hard enough! I've been blessed to find more than my share.
I can't help but think there are a least a couple more out there!

Act Like You've Been There!

Humans are natural predators, they do sense when something is wrong. When you consider your presentation as a woman, your attitude should be a big priority.  You, after all, are doing nothing wrong.
Now, put the high heel on the other foot.
What if you see one of us in public and it is fairly obvious.  Do you say anything?
What if you are wrong? Are you going to hurt the other person's feelings? Do they really want to know you read them?
I'm sure you can add at least 5 more questions to this list, but would you like to be approached?
I would from the stand point I would really love to find a friend who gets out and lives life as I do. If she is shopping too as a girl-that's a great start to a friendship!
However, my ego would be bruised as it always is when someone picks me out as a guy not a girl.
The bitch in me dictates that the other person doesn't know the truth until I talk to them.
The instances of all of this happening have been exceedingly rare.  I would say, over a ten year period I have spotted around five individuals who I was positive were transgender.
Two were walking the same mall I was in. Two were in stores and one came into my favorite casual bar in heels and hose. One other time I was approached by a guy who said he dressed.
That's it!
The only one I talked to was obviously the guy. I was going into my "spot" for a drink and I asked him if he wanted to come in. Yes it is a straight place and no he didn't.
The one I wished I would have talked to was the "heels and hose" girl but she drank her wine and left before I even knew it.
All the others looked so nervous, I was afraid to say a word.
Maybe they broke the number one rule? Did I notice something was wrong with the way they looked or the way they acted? Probably actions on two and looks on two.
The bottom line is-if you are going to say something positive do it! You can approach us in typical female style. "Wow, I love those earrings!"
If you think I'm a girl and you really do like them, that's great! If not, that's OK too!

Red Head Hall Of Fame candidate "Lola Davidovich"!
I happened to see her in the 1994 film "Intersection" with Richard Gere and I was mesmerized by her style and of course the hair!
The way the makeup and costume people worked with the browns and tans of her clothes was amazing.
I was in love! With her look.
We have discussed the sexual disconnect I have with women. It literally took me years and years to figure out I was not lusting after women sexually but visually. I wanted to look like them, to wear clothes like them and to experience the same sensations.
What we haven't discussed are some of the ways to do just that. On a whim, I subscribed to the "Fashionista.com" website.
Most of the info is fashion info about clothes and designers I know nothing about and could care less.
Every now and then, however, some really good ideas are presented. The review on "L'Oreal's Magical New Primer Base" was wonderful information as was the ranking of the world's best fashion stores. Tied in with all of that was the news that the big fancy stores have started to stock sizes up to 20 in some departments.
Now I can't afford any of that. But I can afford the "L'Oreal" and I do see some of the stores they ranked.
My goal is to piece together fashion trends and mold them into my own style and budget.
If you are interested in "Fashionista" just hit them up and subscribe. The only downside is they will hit you back with a lot of info on your email. Again, you have to sort through for something that pertains to you- unless you are tall, skinny 21 and gorgeous! In which case I hate you! Just kidding.
I do get many questions and comments about my look and like anything else it does take work. This is just a another tool I use. Plus a picture of "Lola"!

Let's Be Careful Out There!

If you have followed the developing story of "Victoria Carmen White" in
New Jersey, I don't have to tell you about the sadness involved with this senseless act. She was found murdered.
Recently, the family and her best friends have stepped forward to wonder why investigators used her male name 4 years following a legal name change and 9 years after her SRS. (Sex Reassignment Surgery) The final cruel jab in a transgendered person's life. 
Misty, one of the visitors to the blog has an equally sad story on her "Hub Pages" Blog. I have added a link for you to read the whole story.
Briefly,  it seems she made an "over the fence" friendship with a lady who lived next door. After some conversation, the woman confided in Misty  her daughter committed suicide-because she thought she was gay.

"Victoria Carmen White"

I can not begin to speak to the indescribable pain suffered by the loved ones of these two individuals. I buried a wife but burying a child would be so much worse.
I know I'm "speaking to the choir" here, but what triggers such  violence against transgender people?
Is it the same basic reasoning that leads most men to think we are very loose sexual beings waiting to satisfy their every need?
Victoria was obviously a very attractive woman.  Allegedly, her attackers learned of her past and became violent.
Answers to all of this can only exist in better communication from and about the transgender community.
The "T" in LBGT must become more important.
I know it's difficult. We are too much girl for the gay guys and too much guy for the lesbians and we get compared with the drag queens. It's easy to say the transgender folks shouldn't have been in the grouping to begin with.
I wish I was powerful and rich enough to do more than write about all of this. I do feel things are changing, but not nearly fast enough for Victoria and the daughter of Misty's friend.
May whatever force you believe in-protect you until society changes. Hopefully in time to slow down these senseless acts of violence.

I'm Sure Going To Miss Him!

Outside of work during the past year, I've had very few opportunities that I have chosen to present as a guy.
Last night was one of the occasions. A few of my male family members and I went to a professional sporting event.
Everything was fine until we got there. We walked a couple blocks to the arena which is located in an upscale entertainment district. 
I became so jealous of the women around me in their heels and boots I couldn't stand it! I persevered and played the guy game until we actually went into the arena. Yes I knew the girls filled out their jeans nicely. Where the heck did they get them!
About half way through the game I had to use the restroom and went to stand in line with the guys. As I stood there I had the opportunity to reflect back on how easy it was to "alpha male" a rest room. Cute tricks like holding your half full plastic beer cup between your teeth (while you peed) always seemed to work.
Now I was feeling like a stranger in the men's room.
I thought "I'm sure going to miss him when he's gone". But he has already left and that is sad. I never hated him and to this day he takes care of me.
He's not gone yet, but we've become strangers in our own body.
He knew I would have been happier walking the streets to the arena in my own boots and jeans. He knew I could have watched the game with the same intensity.
He's knows the time is coming near to leave.
In my mind- I picture us in the same room staring sadly at each other. Finally he gets up and silently walks out the door. Never to return.
Choices in life are never easy and never fair-but necessary. This one is for the best.

Are You "Lady Gaga"?

Or is it really you in your Halloween costume?
Well girl, it is almost Halloween. The time of year for transgender and real sisters alike to strut their stuff.
It's our Christmas, New Year and Thanksgiving all rolled up into one glorious weekend. At the least, you can hit more than one party!
It's the party where the women are jealous of your legs, hair and makeup, and by the way, where did you learn to walk in those heels? Who did do your makeup?
It's the party where your guy friends either shy away from you or to you after a few adult beverages. How innocent is it when they run a hand up your nylon covered leg?
That's you isn't it? The witch in the low cut dress. Hanging with Count Dracula your golfing buddy? Will he ever look at you quite the same again after a few beers in the clubhouse?
The fun part is, you have so many ways to attend a Halloween party. You can wear a fun, sexy comfortable female costume or slut it up and go as a hooker. Remember girlfriends, those heels are very unforgiving after awhile and that short skirt becomes very difficult to be ladylike in all evening. Especially if you happen to get buzzed.(Yes, I've tried it)
OR learn from Le Anne's example (she is a follower here) She dazzled a party by attending as a Hollywood starlet. Everyone was amazed by her look and how she presented as a woman.  To LeAnne however she wasn't dressed in a costume. She was just dressed up! I paraphrased much of her comment but she makes an excellent point.
Your big party night can be a coming out bash for the girl in you.
Beware though, once you let her out and the compliments start rolling in-you may never be able to shut her in again.
Finally, be careful of thinking you are one heavenly creature and go to WalMart the next day in the same clothes.No one will be impressed with you in the heels and the mini trying to look like "Lady Gaga"!
Instead, take the compliments and build your confidence. Remember though,  many of them are saying you make a great looking woman...for a guy.
But that's OK! That's when the fun starts.
I'm sure you all have some great stories like LeAnne's! Be sure to share them with all of us!

Transgender Militants?

Lisa, Christina and baby.

Transgender people seem to be getting more and more press these days. From transgender high school and college students competing for homecoming queens and kings to "Ophra" chatting with  transsexual women. One of which had her sperm frozen and "fathered" her own baby.
Surely "sensationalism" has a lot to do with the upsurge. The difference today is that many of these forums provide the public with an understanding of the transgendered culture in an educational manner.
Referring to these people as "transgendered militants" may not be a totally accurate description-but close.
You and I both probably think of "militants" as angry protesters yelling about their problems. If you use "Andy Moreno" who was nominated by his friends as homecoming queen as an example, militant would be the last word you would use. Andy lives her life as a girl. As confusing that is to some, it wasn't to Andy as she explained why she should be allowed to run for queen.
The tag of transgendered "pioneers" probably is more accurate.  Decades after "Virginia Prince" went public with her "female" life, Christina (formerly Chris) is explaining how she went from a former Naval flight surgeon to fathering her own child in a lesbian relationship.
These transgendered people didn't have to step forward. They did with courage and dignity to inform a world about their lives. Pioneers indeed!
If you are on the inside looking out, locked into a room of no escape. All of this may give you a glimpse of freedom. Of course you hold the key to the door but spouses and families are on the other side. I don't have to tell you how difficult it is risking your whole life by going through the door. Been there.
Just maybe some of your loved ones are watching the pioneers and will have an understanding of your feelings.
So, if you are on the outside, be responsible. You too are a pioneer.
You will be talked about, just make it positive!
No, you just weren't on Ophra-but that person you just interacted with left with a positive feel about you.  She probably will tell her family or friends and one of them may know your spouse. The spouse who hates any thought of a transgender being in her world.  Maybe then, she will start to understand and the world as transgender people know it- will be just a little better.

Trans Girl-Too Far From Home.

This post is a re-written piece from last summer. It is more or less a work in progress that reflects some recent life changes!
The first time I heard "Bob Seger's Hollywood Nights", I knew exactly how he felt. The lyrics: "He knew right then he was too far from home. He was too far from home." burnt a hole right through me.
In your life I'm sure you've been on some very slippery slopes. Relationships, family or job issues made you feel you were sliding towards a very steep cliff.
I was there, on that cliff (with Seger) looking down on the lights of a big city. I'm a Midwestern boy too, but I went to New York City, not L.A.
Did you fall off your cliff and lose a spouse, a family or a job? I fell off my cliff too and lost my gender.
I know many of you have always known you were just that-a girl or a boy. Many of us however, did not have that luxury. I went through the first 30 years or so of my life fighting and then giving in to my female urges. During that time in my life, I was afraid to lose touch with my male side. My female side was scary but wonderfully euphoric and exciting. NYC, of course proved to be the perfect cliff for her to jump off of. Making the whole decision terrifying was a beloved spouse and an "Alpha" male side who had his fun moments too.
.
Within two months however, I experienced two defining moments that would set my life on a female path forever.
The first was a trans "mixer" of sorts I attended on Long Island . The real lady at the door wouldn't let me in until I proved I was a guy. "No single real women allowed!"
The second was a Halloween party I attended with a couple friends at work. It just so happened that one of them had two other tall female friends that were dressed as exotic as me! What an evening!
I knew then, I could never go home-even if I did move back to the Midwest. I didn't want too!
A couple years later I did move back to the Midwest but the cliff moved with me. Yes, I'm still falling -as I'm sure many of you are too!
Good luck with your cliff! I finally found there is a girl at the bottom waiting for me. You know, she resembles me a lot!
I hope you have someone waiting for you too!