KIlling Me Softly...

With his song!
OK girlfriends, I don't pretend to be a music critique. But as you know I'm not shy on writing about what I like and dislike with you!
I do live in the Central Ohio area (Go Buckeyes!) and the 4th Saturday of every month a mixer is held for T-Folks at "Club Diversity" in Columbus.
Last Saturday was actually my third visit and truthfully mixers aren't really my cup of tea or glass of beer. I don't mix well and actually I'm kind of shy.
Fortunately I was meeting a new friend from Columbus and we attended together. She is gorgeous and was immediately attacked by a couple of dirty old men in dresses-leaving me to kind of roam the club.
"Diversity" is located in an old Victorian house just south of downtown and does have a very diverse clientele!
In the main room with the bar is a small entertainment area.  As I walked by, the musician was singing "Angie" by the Stones. I liked it!
As luck would have it, as the night progressed I kept making my way back to hear more of "Shane" who was the entertainer. To preclude being a total bitch, I still made my presence known with the T-crowd...but loved Shane's music! The mix of music I heard was classic and diverse and kept bringing me back.
Finally, I could only describe my emotion "Roberta Flack" style. Shane was "Killing me softly with his song"!
It has been years since I've felt that way about music!
If you live in my area and would like to hear a non-rap, diverse (Beatles, Stones, Seger and MUCH more) musician- I know Shane will be back at "Diversity" November 6th. I do have an E-Mail if you would like more info!
The nice thing is I wasn't killed softly and can still chat  with you!

Can You Ever Go Home Again?

If I can quote "Bob Seger's Hollywood Nights" tune-"he knew right then he was too far from home. He was too far from home." Then relate it to losing your male identity, I would. Wait! I just did!
The reason I did quote the song (basically about a beautiful California blond and a Midwestern boy lost in her charms) is that I remember defining moments when I didn't want to go back home to my male self.
I know many of you girls have always known you were just that-a girl. Many of us however, did not have that luxury. I went through the first 30 years or so of my life fighting and giving in to my female urges.
I knew I could never go home happened to me when this Midwestern boy moved to the NYC area.
Within two months, I enjoyed two defining moments that would set my life on a female path.
The first was a trans "mixer" of sorts I attended on Long Island . The real lady at the door wouldn't let me in until I proved I was a guy. "No single real women allowed!"
The second was a Halloween party I attended with a couple friends at work. It just so happened that one of them had two other tall female friends that were dressed as sleazy as me! To this day I remember walking across an intersection in a mini dress and heels WITH 3 other real females. What an evening! The girls insisted I dance with them and even a couple of their boyfriends.
I knew then, I could never go home-even if I did move back to the Midwest.
If I was a betting girl (not) I bet you girls have defining moments too!
I welcome any stories you might have, when you knew you could never go home!

So Much-So Little Time!

As fall and October get ready to make their appearance (already has where I live) there are so many things to consider!
I already bought a pair of new fall boots that I managed to fall in last night in front of a bunch of people. I know what your thinking! The boots were not the four inch stiletto style. Still had a heel of course but not enough to go down!!!! Just a little sore in the body and very sore in the ego department!
But girl friends it's almost the magical time of the year called Halloween!
If you've got that fun Halloween story, feel free to share it here!
I have mixed emotions about the day now. Since I'm out so much, I can't attend a party with friends. There is too much of a chance that they have seen me!
But some of the bigger parties at venue's in the area are too much fun to pass up. I went to a big outdoor event last year and just kind of hung out and watched the crowd.
I pretty much just went as female. No real costume.
This year it might be fun to head out to one of the big straight clubs..haven't decided yet!
Halloween was my first high heeled step out of the closet. It very much has a near and dear place in my heart! I dressed as a hooker years ago and went to a party with friends and ended up telling them it was more than a costume to me!
Two rules, however-don't expect to win a contest unless you are dressed as a female
character. (not just as a girl) Sarah Palen comes to mind. Rule two is don't expect to present easily as female! People are really looking at each other!
Then again you may not want to on Halloween! Don't know what delicious trouble you could get into!
Trick or Treat!

Quote of the Week!

To be or not to be; that is the question.

I am everything and nothing – male/female, beautiful/ugly, shy/outgoing, saint/sinner, humble/egotistical and I’ve been known to be happy, sad and angry all at the same time. I am, and more importantly, I am not.
Wish i was good enough to write it!
The quote comes from a person called "Ophelia Rising" on the "Genderfork.Com" sight!

Disclaimer!

I thought I might post a small disclaimer to my book and "how to guide" on the blog.
What you are seeing here are works in progress.
If they seem to be a little off center it's because I'm working on them!
The goal is to remember and add different experiences that could be a value to someone else!
Thanks to all!
Cyrsti

Another New Term?

Aw-right girls. Start making fun of me now for either living in a cave OR introducing yet another new term-"Bi Gender".
I saw it as a question on another blog. Of course I had to throw in my two cents worth!
I am a "bi gender" person. It means to me that one day I can live as a girl and a guy the next. It takes a lot of work for me since I'm not an androgynous looking person.
As a guy I've been able to run with the "alpha males" and as a girl I've been fairly good at moving through society with few problems. I shop, party and socialize mainly as a girl.
None of this came easy and I would not recommend it to my worst enemy.
On the other hand my girl side absolutely adores her girlfriends (real) and female communication, clothes etc. More importantly I do feel a deep satisfaction in my soul when I'm presenting female. Not enough, however to do it permanently.
Bi gender should mean you can take the best of both genders and mold yourself into this wonderful person. Both of me have not perfected this! Yet I have had some truly outstanding moments in both genders. In a strange way, I've been blessed.
When life gives you lemons-you make lemonade. When life gives you two genders to play with-you play!

The Sun, The Moon-The Stars....

Finally came back together and I had a great day out yesterday!
For some reason, my presentation was off kilter and too much male was showing through on about three of my previous outings.
I've told you girls about my percentage plan. I consider a good day when only a few people break their necks turning to look and stare. I was breaking a few necks recently!
I went back to the basic shorter black straight look which is not as much fun but presents better.
Actually I was out two days in a row with little or no reaction from anyone. This included one night at a straight bar restaurant when I went in late and ate! Usually the hardest test is passing folks who have a chance to look at me for awhile. But it worked!
I paired the outfit up with jeans and my cami that shows the girls well and just a little tiny bit of bare tummy.
The fun part about the look is that I can really highlight my eyes which everyone says are my best feature!
I will have to get a picture with yet another of my sunglasses (which are my latest summer addiction) for you.
What a relief it is to have both of my lives back in order and thanks to all of you for reading!

Transgender.A Blessing OR A Curse?

For transgender folks like us, this question has burned a deep hole in our psyche.
On one hand we hate one side of ourselves. On the other we can't wait to return to the other side.
How many times have I written about the joy of feeling my long curls on my bare back and shoulders or the soft feel of a skirt on my freshly shaven legs. How exotic is it to throw back my shoulders and give my "girls" a little extra exposure in a soft slinky form fitting top. I will forever remember the looks I have had on occasion that I know saw me as female.
I also remember the looks that didn't. The pointing, the whispering and yes-even the laughter. How many times have I wanted to go home and forget any of this insanity ever happened?
But then there are times when friends of both genders approach me with questions about their opposite gender.
Why do guys act a certain way? Why do women? They believe I should know, and I'm learning!
The blessing is to have been added to several female circles and to learn a whole new form of communication.
The secrets of genetic females aren't so earth shattering-their reactions to them are. Just one glance can say it all about a guy being an idiot.
The curse is the amount of time it takes an individual to understand what is going on and how to make it a positive. Letting your female grow up and learn is a painful process! Just like with genetic females.
The curse is sharing her with family and friends. Most men really don't want anything to do with you and women have a whole different of way of letting you be a part but not accepting you as a friend. Especially a spouse!
During the course of history, transgendered people have been elevated to higher levels in certain societies.
We just have to learn to elevate our inner selves in the meantime!

Quick Quote!

Ana Fernatt, a contributor to Chicago Now! Writes an "Accidentally Sexy" Blog. She says a woman should be "classy and fabulous!' Great words to live by.