Lifestyle?

 Somehow I must have given some sort of impression being transgender was a "lifestyle". Obviously, none of us had a choice when we embarked on this tremendously intricate and  difficult journey. Here is the reason I may have given that idea (lifestyle) from Connie:

"Whoa! What, exactly, is a "trans lifestyle" (I can't italicize "lifestyle" here, as you did)? Lifestyle indicates a choice; trans is not a choice. While we may have made the choice to live, openly, as trans women, we don't, necessarily, have the same lifestyles.

It could be argued that a cross dresser (included under the trans umbrella) who attends meet-ups with other cross dressers every Thursday night has adopted a lifestyle. Of course, I'm not saying that's a bad thing, and it certainly shouldn't define who that person is. It also is not something I, as a trans woman, choose to do as a lifestyle. Still, I can be an ally to a person who participates, without engaging in said lifestyle, myself.

I think that attaching a lifestyle to trans perpetuates a stereotype that those who are not allies like to use to define trans people. Here's an example, from my own life, just after I had come out in an email to some long-time "friends":

"> Thanks for your reply to our invitation for our 2013 Christmas Holiday Party.
>
> We are pleased that you have decided to live your lifestyle in all honesty to yourself. This must be bringing a contentment and joy that you have never felt or experienced before. And that's a good thing.
>
> That said, we feel our Christmas Party is not the best setting for your first appearance in our house in this new guise.



> We are your friends, and look forward to seeing you soon. Perhaps at your house or the Eagles. Here's to a happy and joyous holiday season."

As you might imagine, I was not happy to receive this email. But, it wasn't just because I had been uninvited to a yearly party that I had been welcomed at for years. Their use of the word, lifestyle, followed by the shoe-drop phrase, "That said," and the condescending tone, infuriated me. I still have my unsent response draft in my email archives, as well. It was nasty and unbecoming of the lady I try to be, however, and I did the right thing by not sending it. Ironically, their response was much more about their "lifestyle" than it was any they perceived mine to be. And, yes, I was invited to subsequent holiday parties, and I did attend. And, no, they are not my allies; they have really not changed much at all. I have only maintained a relationship with them in hopes that they may, one day, realize that I am not just living a "lifestyle." Oh, did I fail to mention that these people are Trump supporters? So much for my hopes, then."

I too years ago was rejected from attending my blood relatives Thanksgiving dinner when I announced my decision to be there as my true self. In essence, my brother and sister in law caved into pressure from his right wing in laws. I moved on and was very fortunate to have been able to reestablish a very inclusive new family unit and haven't spoken to my brother since. 

Back to the transgender lifestyle comment, I feel as if in many ways we are dealing with semantics. After all, we have been forced to build new lives (lifestyles) even though we had no choice to do it.   

Cultural Humility

 Today is another of the webinars I am attending concerning educating professionals on the care of elderly LGBT adults. Check out the title of this one: Cultural Humility for LGBT Older Adults.

It goes further to explain what will interest me. " 

Activity and Life Enrichment Professionals and Ohio Nursing! Participants will be able to... • Learn basic terminology relating to sexual expression, sexual orientation and sexual identity. " I feel the more information which is presented to the world about elderly LGBT care (and transgender in particular) is made available, the better life could be for all of us. 

Now, and I can't resist this, speaking of elderly transgender adults, it is Connie's birthday!

Happy Birthday my friend!

Inspiration

 From "Kira Moore's Closet" Blog:

Party On!

 To the left, a picture of my granddaughter, daughter and myself. Included to my right is my ex wife's husband who had the strokes and behind is my youngest grandson. 

Not shown (of course) is my daughters father in law who seems to hate the world with me in it. 

Connie, it seems has the same problem:

"I have the same problem with the F-I-L of my eldest daughter. I know that I make him very uncomfortable, which is great, because he had always made me uncomfortable before I was out. He's one of those with whom any conversation leads to nowhere. That is, he never gives more than a three word answer to any question - unless it is about his church and their fundamentalist teachings, the subject of which I have always tried to avoid. I rather enjoy watching him biting his tongue now, because he is afraid to talk about things that he knows would offend me, as well as everybody else in the family. It's not really that he doesn't want to offend; he's afraid of the repercussions. I still greet him with a friendly hello, and convey that it was nice to see him again upon his departure, but I'm so glad that just being myself is enough reason for us to not have to engage the whole time in-between. I'm thinking that he's just burning up inside that he sees everyone else accepting and loving me, and my happiness is not affected by his presence or glaring from across the room.

It's great that you had such a wonderful reunion. Let's hope we never have to go through such a separation again."

Let's hope not indeed! Thanks for the comment!

Finally

 Yesterday was finally my first day out supposedly under "normal" conditions in other words, going to my oldest grandson's graduation party.

Unfortunately,  Liz wasn't feeling well, so I made the nearly three hour round trip alone. 

Once I arrived,  my greeting was warm and inviting, even driving my daughter to tears. Other than that, not much else had changed. Her father in law ignored me when he wasn't busy glaring at me. The grandkids were all nice including my rainbowed hair granddaughter  who is on summer break from The Ohio State University. My son in law was pleasant but detached as always and his sister along with brother in law were busily getting drunk. (Sounds like a Christmas family dinner, right?}

A Picture Taken at my Very First Girls Night Out. 
That's me on the Bottom Row Left. 

Ironically, a year and half from the last time I saw everyone, very little had changed. Also my ex wife who is also the mother of my daughter was there along with her husband who recently suffered another stroke. 

What I enjoy most is the acceptance I receive from the overwhelming majority of the group. As I was coming out and entering the feminine world, their backing was invaluable.  I had years of toxic male behavior to make up for. 

Of course I dressed to blend. I wore my "Memorial Day" stars and stripes smock top with a pair of leggings and tennis shoes. 

The best part of the whole day was my daughter and I pledged to set up a girls breakfast get together with her, my grand daughter, Liz and I. She has time off coming from her job soon to make it happen.

Turkish Delight

 

Cagla Akalin is a Turkish actress, model, columnist, singer, and human rights activist..

In 2013, she became the first trans beauty pageant title holder at the Miss Queen competition for transgender women in Turkey. She is also Turkey's first transgender model.

The Power of Having an Ally

My Partner Liz (Right)

 I have written extensively here in Cyrsti's Condo on my relationship with my long time partner Liz. After all, she was instrumental in kicking me out of the closet and into a feminine world so many years ago. Even though she is a cis-female, she still maintains I am more of a girl than she is. 

So it is no surprise I am very much a supporter of transgender allies. The problem becomes when allies are discussed in many corners of the trans community, it gets bogged down in the minutia of the subject. An example would be a few people would describe a transgender ally as one who simply uses the right pro nouns. 

I believe an true ally supports the trans lifestyle all the way to not backing politicians who vote for anti LGBT legislation. 

I am fortunate in that I have met several other spouses of transgender women and men who completely support their spouses. In fact, I presented my idea to the "powers to be" at Trans-Ohio yesterday about putting together a video presentation on the powers of allies for this years' Pride month. 

The only opportunities I have to do it are simply getting the go ahead from the people I am thinking of asking. Then having the technological knowledge to make it happen. 

I have until the 18th of June to do it. 

 Jin Xing is a famous Chinese transgender celebrity.

Along with being director of the Shanghai contemporary dance company, she is also a well known actress, ballerina, modern dancer and choreographer. 

She was born in 1987.  She was also a member of a military dance troop and rose to the rank of colonel. 

Don't Worry Be Happy

 Yesterday I attended the first of two webinars I scheduled for myself between now and the end of the month.

The one yesterday was on the subject of humor and elderly care givers. The facilitator did a good job keeping the subject on point until it came time to end it promptly. I had other things to do so I didn't stick around to make my point. 

I was going to mention the difficulty yet priority of using humor as a positive tool when you are a transgender woman or trans man. I find when I am meeting a new person for the first time if I am able to break the ice with a nice smile it makes the whole experience go smoother. Whatever people think of my feminine presentation, there still is the fact I am a big thick person. Also I try to be aware most people have never met a transgender person before and don't know how to act. Then, there was the woman at the post office the other day who was killing me with kindness. 

Personally, I prefer using a smile rather than try my sometimes sarcastic and wicked sense of humor on a person I don't know. The best part about it now is at least I have nice teeth to do it and can start to not wear a mask anymore to show them off.

Finally, what I took away from the whole webinar was, if you can condition yourself everyday to start your day on a positive note, the happier overall you will be.