Trash in - Trash Out

 By now you all should know how I feel about "Benedict Donald" tRump. From his election day on, I watched in desperation as he tried to destroy at the least the transgender community and at the worst our country as a whole. 

I can only share this screen shot taken from the "Tony Burgess Blog" and CNN which shares my shame and horror. It's what happens when a masterplan to dumb down the country by neglecting it's educational system and then lie continually to it by right wing media outlets. All of a sudden, being conservative in the country became the same as being a tRump supporter. Which isn't fair or good for the health of the political system.  

I'm not here to write another political post but I'm am here to say the shame of yesterday can not happen again.

The Past can Haunt You

 This morning as I was going through all my social media seeking topics to write about here in Cyrsti's Condo, I stumbled upon a transgender woman seeking any help she could find. Her problem was years ago she went to a therapist who used the Kinsey report to treat patients with gender dysphoria.

I know I am going to over simplify this but let me explain why I will. To make a long story short, the transgender woman seeking guidance was told to lead a "dual" existence because she looked too much like a guy. You know the old story, big stature, big bones...blah, blah blah. So the person in question decided the therapist was right and set about to live an ill fated dual gender existence.

I feel so deeply about this subject because I went down the same road with an early therapist I paid my hard earned money to see. He essentially brushed me off with the "man up" and get over it answer. Of course that didn't work and ultimately led me down the path to self harm. I realized quite early I was cursed with testosterone poisoning and processed the stereotypical male characteristics mentioned above. I just did my best to find women's clothes which helped me to disguise my male body and mold it femininely the best I could. I guess you could say I was obsessed.   

Fortunately, these days, times have changed and there are more and more therapists who have knowledge and understanding of what gender dysphoria means and how it impacts a transgender person.  

I'm not sure either how effective therapy is on communicating how little appearance has to do with actually living a feminine life. In many cases hormone replacement therapy, along with a basic knowledge of makeup can get you by in the world. Or farther. I can use Venessa as an example and can vouch for her appearance. I have had the opportunity to see it all.

Remember too, we transgender women suffer from societies view of women as a whole. The pressure to be attractive is intense. Cis women learn from an early age to work with what they have. Transgender women have to learn quickly without much help. Which is a topic for another post. 

In the meantime, if you underwent therapy years ago and are still trying to live within it's unrealistic goals. It could be time to try it again and get out from under the past. 

The Women in the Band...Part Two

 Recently, I wrote a Cyrsti's Condo post concerning a Connie comment about women in music and I asked about her perception of any kind of a future. In the live music industry that is. 

Here is her response:

"I feel for musicians who had been trying to make a living from their music before Covid. Typically, most musicians don't even earn minimum wage for the set-up and tear-down of their equipment, let alone their performance (after countless hours of rehearsal). This being New Year's Eve, when it may have been possible to play a gig for a decent paycheck, it's even more depressing. I never have given up on my music, and I will always consider myself a musician, whether I ever perform on stage again or not.

As a nearly-seventy-year-old transgender woman, I see very few opportunities for me to perform after this pandemic is over. I will probably only ever be able to sit in with other musicians for a few numbers, sign up for "jam nights," or (ugh) sing Karaoke. Those are what I had been doing for the last couple of years before everything shut down. I fear that even those opportunities will be limited after those venues who will have survived the long shutdown can begin to reopen and start recouping losses. If they had little money to pay musicians in the past, they will have much less of it in the near future.

My band mates were correct in claiming I was a "novelty." I understand how I can be perceived that way, even though I try very hard to show I am not. I don't do a drag act, but it can be difficult enough to change that perception from the get-go. I think the best I can hope for now is that I'm seen as a slightly washed-up lounge singer, using the piano as much to prop myself up as for musical accompaniment. Having given up on any notion of "making it," I picture myself singing the last lines of the Billy Strayhorn song, "Lush Life.":

Romance is mush,
Stifling those who strive.
I'll live a lush life,
In some small dive.

And there I'll be,
While I rot with the rest,
Of those whose lives are lonely, too.

On that note, have a Happy New Year! ;-0"

Happy New Years! Thanks for the comment. 

"Mo" Music

 I'm sure some of you more "mature" Cyrsti's Condo readers will remember your favorite "Top 40" radio station which was always claiming to play the most music when in fact, they were cramming in the most commercials at the same time.

I worked at one of those radio stations as an announcer/disc jockey for nearly five years before moving on to another profession. It turns out during my career, I nearly missed working with other transgender women. One in Thailand who I met briefly later and one in Springfield, Ohio who I never met. Later on I wondered if the profession itself was what attracted transgender people. 

After hearing from Connie and Paula, I wonder the same thing about musicians as I know another transgender musician locally. 

In addition, you will learn from Paula how she witnessed another "coming out" of sorts during her ongoing career as a musician:

"My experience as a trans musician has probably been a bit different to most, for a number of reasons, I play mostly as an amateur, and I play in orchestras, concert and brass bands. I came out rather dramatically https://paula-paulasplace.blogspot.com/2014/06/still-good-day.html but so far have had only positive reactions from other musicians and audiences alike. I am quite sure that I have not got a couple of conducting jobs I've auditioned for because of my gender identity, but is that because I'm trans or because I'm a woman?

Curiously a pro "German" Band I used to play in (you might call them polka and waltz bands) had a rolling membership in all there were a bout 30 of us, but we would generally go out as a five or six piece (sometimes up to three a night!). We had a very good trombone player, who was clearly having issues, he was ultra competitive and could verge on aggressive. We later found out that he was trans and gave up playing after she transitioned, I have often thought that if either of us had felt able to say anything we might both have been saved a lot of angst."

FYI, Paula is located "across the pond" in Great Britain. Thanks for the comment!

Venessa

Recently I posted here in Cyrsti's Condo about a friend I have known for awhile now who I met the first time at a cross dresser - transgender support group meeting I attended. She appeared to be very shy and reserved about the daunting process she was facing during her Mtf gender transition. 

She was facing a long road ahead since she was determined about coming out at work and doing the best she could to save her marriage and family connections. 

Over time, I followed her transgender transition and the difficulties she encountered. Through it all, she was resolute in her journey. As we all know it's a marathon, not a sprint and once we think we have something figured out, something else pops up to push us backwards. 

To show you how secure she is about her transgender transition, she even provided a montage of pictures recently on here Facebook page (below)

 Also, I need to point out Venessa has overcome the obstacles of being tall and working in a male dominated industry. 

I don't think she realizes what an inspiration she is to transgender women everywhere. 

You Go! Girl!!
 

Confidence...The Perfect Accessory

 

Transgender Upheaval in Germany

 "Degrading, expensive and illogical" — that is how one trans* person described her experience of legally changing her gender in Germany.

Felicia Rolletschke (below) is one of many transgender activists who is fighting for a reform to the so-called Transsexual Law, which determines the legal process for trans* people to change their gender and name in Germany. By the beginning of 2021, the law will have been in place for 40 years — a time frame in which many countries around the world have seen great upheaval in their legislation around trans* rights.

There are currently two bills before the German parliament that aim to ease this process with a new "self-determination law" (Selbstbestimmungsgesetz). Activists hope such a law would reform the current costly, lengthy process — but the reform has faced some stiff opposition.

The Power of Passing

 I know many of you follow Stana's Femulate Blog as I do. If you do, I am sure you saw the series of responses from readers to Stana's question concerning the time or times they have "passed" as a cis woman even though they were transgender or a cross dresser. I read the experiences with great interest but decided not to add my own oft repeated occasion when I went to a transvestite mixer and was nearly turned away for being a "real" woman. 

Ironically then I read a lengthy and in-depth insight into passing written by Phaylen Fairchild on "Medium". 

"Let’s call “Passing” what it really is: The desire to meet the standard of an external social gaze. The privilege of blending in with the rest of society as a “norm” rather than stand out as an “other.” I am not sure why no one has told these incredible people why standing out is far more powerful than falling into formation to satisfy the often unreasonable definitions of femininity and masculinity as if they have firm definitions… they don’t. I know many women with masculine traits, wide shoulders for example, arms with ample hair, some stand over six feet tall or are mistaken for a man on the telephone because their voice is not received as explicitly female. There are men with small waists, even proud busts that make small-breasted women jealous. Some have soft features or mannerisms that have been classified as traditionally feminine. That fact is, while masculinity and femininity are identifiable characteristics, they are not and never have been exclusive to men or women, transgender or not."

She goes on to say: 

" The demand we place on ourselves to satisfy the external gaze becomes nearly excessive, thus, self destructive. What does the perfect woman look like? How does she sound? The ideal man?"

You can follow this link to read more but in the meantime, I think Phaylen's next post should be based on "passing privileges'" which she seems to have from her picture above. 

I know in the all so brief fleeting moments when I have completely passed, I could only describe the time as wonderfully liberating. To the point in which I immediately wondered if it happened at all. 

Once the Genie is Out of the Bottle

I used to equate the adventures I went through as I began my feminine lifestyle as sliding down a very slippery slope towards a very steep cliff. Later on, I began to think of it as letting the Genie out of the bottle.

A few experiences were very positive and reassuring such as being turned away at the door at a transvestite "mixer" because I was a real woman all the way to being laughed at and scorned in a couple different venues I frequented.  Through it all I had a tendency to resolve I was doing the best I could to cross a very difficult gender frontier. As a guy, I did my very best to cover up any feminine tendencies I had. Needless to say, once the Genie was released, the gender dysphoria was unbearable. 

The picture above is with two of my friends who made my journey smoother. They embraced who I was and never interacted with the old male me. You might say they saw the Genie appear and approved.

Even with their help, life was still difficult. I was still recoiling from the loss of my wife and other close friends. My business was gone too and the only reality I thought I could cling to was the fact I wanted to transform myself to a transgender woman. 

Very quickly I found I could and didn't want to go back.  

All of this occurred before I even met Liz which would have been approximately ten years ago. She too, fully embraced me as a woman and I started HRT. (Hormone Replacement Therapy) By this time, the genie was fully out of the bottle and there would be no turning back.

3