Building on the Positive

 

Sex is Power?

 Recently here in Cyrsti's Condo I wrote a post about the idea of why women (cis or trans) scare men so much. Essentially it is because sex is power and to many men, women hold most all of the power. After all, women are often stuck with raising children if unplanned pregnancy's occur. Along the way too, men end up perceiving women as possessions. 

Many women (again cis or transgender) eye being with a man as a validation of their femininity. I was guilty of that also when I started to date after coming out as transgender. Plus I thought if I could find a man to be with, I could present better as a woman in public. Ironically, my brief flirtation with men didn't last long after I found I was experiencing much more attention from women.

But through it all, I found sex was power as I pursued companionship with men on the newer dating sites which were springing up on that new found contraption called the internet. I don't want to remember how many times men were willing to flirt with me on line and just as willing to stand me up in person. After seemingly hundreds of contacts, I did experience several dates with above average men...including a couple way above. Including a transgender man. 

During it all, I was always acutely aware I was different and yet I was still able to sense the strong sexual attraction rarely between men and I and seemingly always with the women who were intrigued by me. So, sex was power.

Actually this whole post came about from this comment from Michelle:

"I have to agree with you about ego vs need to feel wanted. As for the complexity of the subject, it's somewhat simple in the way, women need to feel the emotions of wants and needs. We give ourselves freely in order to secure those emotions, with the hope that a man can live up to the responsibilities of providing the security. We need to understand that it isn't just for a one night stand but a long term commitment.

As for the sex drive portion, in today's society, it's because of several factors. One is that women have learned from our male counterparts that sex can be used to secure power. It can be used for both aggression as well as passiveness. The second factor is that we have been inundated, since the 60's, with people telling us that sex is the pleasure we need to maintain our sanity. In a way they are right since a woman's body does need that kick of hormones that sex gives us to help maintain a healthy body."

Thanks Michelle! One of these days we will have to examine the role high heels play in the gender power struggle. 

Isis King

Isis King, the first transgender woman to compete on “America’s Next Top Model,” has been making inroads since her groundbreaking appearance on the show, most recently appearing in an episode of HBO’s “Equal.” Her picture is below:

Adjectives

 We all spend incredible time and effort to achieve a feminine transgender life. 

Seeing as how most all of us had a late start on the world and had to make up all of our own rules as we went along, changes were inevitable. Over the years, the woman in the short jeans skirt (me referred to in an earlier post) became the woman who is rarely seen in a dress or skirt at all. Instead I concentrated on refining and building my new person I was building. Seeing as how, very few humans have the opportunity to legally reinvent themselves, I didn't want to screw it up. Since I ran into fewer and fewer other cis women I encountered dressed like I use to dress, I began to dress to blend. 

Instead, I will let Connie add a few adjectives I wanted to achieve:

"Qualifying adjectives I like are: smart, witty, loving, caring, kind, lovely, pretty, talented and capable. The more I try to present myself as a woman who could be described by any of these, the less important it becomes that anyone might also add "transgender" to my identity."

Great words to live by! Thanks.

Giggles

 There are many reactions I have encountered over the years here in Cyrsti's Condo. The most memorable being "Just another old guy on hormones." When I wrote on starting hormone replacement therapy. 

Recently, "The Cat Lady" commented on another reaction...giggles:

"I'm sorry but you made me giggle when you talked about learning the ways of the bra. I guess since I've worn bras, off and on, since I was in my teens, I don't even think about it anymore. For me, it's like putting on a blouse, a tight fitting tee shirt or stretch jeans. You feel it at first but not until later in the day do you feel it again. Yes, I still feel the restriction at times but in reality it all depends on the bra.

Now on to you mentioning about cup sizes. I learned a long time ago that when transitioning our breasts will usually only develop to one cup size smaller than our mother's size. I am a C cup and my mother was a DD cup. But here's a little insight into womanhood, a lot of women will tell you that they are not satisfied with their breast size. They are either not big enough to be ultra sexy or too small for the same reason. That's why plastic surgeons make so much money.

Here's an article you may want to check out and talk to your endo about: https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/104/4/1181/5270376

Just remember lady, being a woman is a complex situation that we all find somewhat confusing at times. Especially to those of us that didn't have the luxury of learning in our younger years."

Thanks Michelle and a giggle or two is fine, I am sure I have had much worse! 

Unfortunately, I somewhat restricted by my Veteran's Administration endo doc and what she can prescribe by the VA standards. I can say though she is learning quickly and is suddenly asking all the right questions about feminine results to my body. The link above refers to progesterone which will be an interesting conversation. As I have written before, my endo is concerned about my age when prescribing me meds. 

As far as all women and their breasts are concerned, it seems to me the "grass (or the breast) is always greener on the other side. I know my partner Liz (DD breasts) comments on hers are too big and a hassle.  I feel with my frame, D's would be ideal but I can certainly live and be satisfied with what I have achieved. A "C" cup. 

When the Covid crisis lifts and we can begin to go out again, I plan on doing some serious bra shopping.

Obviously the model below is not me!

Have You Seen "Big Sky?"

 From NBC:

"As a rising nonbinary and transgender actor, Jesse James Keitel was hesitant to audition for the role of Jerrie on ABC’s “Big Sky.”

Keitel, who uses she/her and they/them pronouns, felt there was something “murky” about the inconsistent character breakdown that cast doubt on the show’s ability to properly represent a transgender character. After landing the role, Keitel — the first nonbinary series regular on primetime television — was able to sit down with the writers and producers to craft the character into something that was much more representative of the contemporary queer experience.

On the new procedural drama from creator and executive producer David E. Kelley — about two private detectives (Kylie Bunbury, Ryan Phillippe) and an ex-cop (Katheryn Winnick) who team up to solve a kidnapping case in Montana — Keitel portrays Jerrie Kennedy, a transfeminine, nonbinary musician and sex worker abducted at a rest stop by truck driver Ronald Pergman (Brian Geraghty) for a potential sex trafficking ring. Keitel said they have been able to bring their own lived experiences to Jerrie throughout the season to rebuild the character’s appearance from the ground up."

There is more here as well as a picture below.

Jenna

 Talackova entered the history books in 2012 when, after securing entry to Miss Universe Canada, she was outed by someone who recognized her from a 2010 Thai beauty pageant for transgender women. The Miss Universe pageant disqualified Talackova, who contacted famed feminist lawyer Gloria Allred, who took on the case and challenged the pageant. The organization reversed its stance under the pressure, and Talackova made it into the top 12 contestants before losing out, though she was one of the pageant’s Miss Congeniality winners that year. A picture below:

A Blast from the Past

For those of you who don't know, I have a Facebook page which also has a very loyal group of followers. The difference in the group is many of the people I know personally and have interacted with over different periods of my life. 

One of which is Zena ( a cis woman) who I briefly met and saw a number of times when I first started to come out as transgender. This would have happened around 2010:

"The first time I saw you in a short jean skirt I was jealous, for lack of a better word. I have hardly had the courage to wear one as a cis female and you were so nonchalant and darling....I will never forget that day or your idyllic sweetness. You are so strong. I admire and miss you so"  

Shortly after the jean skirt our lives went separate ways and I remember vividly a few of the feminine "lessons" Zena tried to show me. One of which was mentioning I should probably practice a few of the feminine arts on bananas if you catch the drift. All along I was dazzled this beautiful woman was willing to meet me out in public. 

I also remember the wonderful spaghetti dinner she invited me and a couple other of her friends over for. I think I also wore the short jean skirt then too. Ironically, while she thought I was nonchalant, in reality I was terrified on the inside. Fortunately for me. I was able to learn from women such as Zena and move forward into my own feminine creation. 

Zena, thanks so much for the memory and I miss you so too!

A "Passing" Game

 If you follow American professional football at all, you probably have heard of the frustrations over the years from the hapless Cincinnati Bengals. This year, once we drafted Joe Burrow our passing game dramatically improved until he suffered a major injury and is out for the remainder of the year. In other words, their "passing game" went away.

The same can happen to transgender women as they work their way through life. Early in my life, as a prolific cross dresser, I had various levels of success and failure when it came to my appearance. When I came out as a transgender woman in my sixties, I relied on any natural success I acquired cross dressing along with the changes brought along by hormone replacement therapy to mostly succeed at presenting as a transgender woman.  

Along the way, I received several comments on the passing post. Ironically, the last thing I wanted to do was try to fish for compliments on whether I passed or not. At this point in my life I am way past all of that. If I can't get by in the world the way I am now, I never will.

As a change of pace in this post, I have decided to pass (no pun intended) along a couple comments.

The first is from Connie:

"  Gee, the way you started this post, I thought you were referring to a Hail Mary Pass. ;-) Self-deprecation does not become you, sweety.

If one looks at passing as a last-ditch effort or a win/lose proposition, it rarely works out favorably. Desperation is more telling than one's actual physical presentation. In continuing the football metaphor, I am a Seahawk fan who has learned that attempting to force a pass (as in a certain now-infamous Superbowl play) can lead to disaster. :-)"

If you don't know, the Seahawks were basically on the goal line attempting to score the winning touchdown with time running out. They pulled a Bengals and tried a pass which was intercepted in the end zone as time ran out. No "passing privilege" for them!

And now, here is another comment from Emma Gray:

"I love your self-description of yourself: "a woman of transgender experience." I use that a lot for myself too.

As for "passing": I know it's the common lingo and although I've tried I haven't come up with an alternative. The thing is, I don't care for that word because it implies that I'm like a secret agent, passing within society for something I am not. I thus worry that it could reinforce unsupportive cis people's ignorance. Anyway...

I also like Rachell Brindell's quote. I've wondered that myself, for me, but especially for trans children who are increasingly being raised with pubertal hormone treatment that supports their authentic gender. So, they won't be identified as trans until and unless they disclose. I suppose there will always be post-pubertal transitioners so we won't disappear per se.

Then again, it seems to me that gay people are not nearly as identifiable as they were in the 70s and 80s when they needed to establish pride, self-esteem, and community identification.

The worst situation IMHO is for non-binary (NB) people. My therapist is AFAB NB. Visibly feminine, they are consistently triggered by well-meaning people using the wrong pronouns and gender for them. And there's nothing they can do. Should they wear a sign? I certainly don't think so as it brings the Nazi treatment of Jews to mind.

Anyway, being identified as a woman without qualifying adjectives is delightful isn't it!"

It is indeed! I look at it as a payback for the years of harassment I went through! Thank you all.