On the Edge

Recently here in Cyrsti's Condo we have been discussing the ramifications of coming out as a transgender woman. Mmarsha in particular has commented on her struggles in deciding to come out or not. Obviously, there is no easy answer for attempting one of the more difficult journeys a human can attempt. While it's true the final decision may come down to transitioning or the grave (in my case), even that can turn out to be an oversimplification. After all, in many transition cases there are families and jobs to consider. At the least, it's a daunting journey for anyone to take. Perhaps the worst part is when it takes years for wins for anyone can appear. After all, any way you approach it, a gender transition is not an overnight experience. It is definitely a marathon, not a sprint.

Speaking of transgender marathons and journeys, here is Connie's take on her trip: 

"Of course, my trans journey has involved a self-sabotage to my income, through my yielding to my gender identity over taking care of my business. The stress of trying to live a balanced life between the two, with the added stress from the fear of being outed, finally became impossible. My business would have suffered a quick death, had that fear become reality, but I realized that a slower death of the business was taking place with the distraction of my dysphoria. It could have resulted in my own death, as well. Ultimately, I chose to be a woman of very modest means instead of the moderately successful businessMAN I was. I still hold hope that I may, someday, become a moderately successful businessWOMAN, however. Nevertheless, I am still a woman alive!

My congratulations, or sympathies, go out to those who are doing their balancing acts. It depends on their own aspirations as to which of those I may extend. For me, though, "Lord, I can't go back there!""

I too empathize with those doing the balancing act. Like Connie's reference to the old "R. Dean Taylor" song about Indiana and the law, I can't go back there either. 

I found my true home after crossing the gender frontier. It was far from easy but worth it in the long term. Then again, I learned I never had much of a choice. 

Bond Girl

"Back in the day", I remember distinctly looking for more information anywhere I could find it when I learned there was a transsexual woman who landed an acting job as a James Bond girl. Of course I found out her name was Caroline Cossey.  She appeared in the 1981 James Bond film "For Your Eyes Only." Following her appearance in the film, she was outed in the tabloids and ended up as the first transgender woman to pose for "Playboy" in 1991.In 1992 Caroline Cossey married Canadian David Finch and they currently live in the Atlanta, Georgia area. As far as I can tell from the information I can find.

She still has an active Twitter account which you can follow if interested. It should be remembered after Cossey was outed and lost her career, she became a true pioneer fighting for transgender rights.

Caroline Cossey

With a Little Help from my Friends

Recently, Mmarsha has been writing in with comments to a Cyrsti's Condo post from 2018. The post was called "Sink or Swim" Without going to deep into the post, it revolved around a lonely forlorn transgender woman who was coming to the support group meetings. Then Connie added her comments in also, providing other fascinating looks into life under the "transgender umbrella" which often leaks badly.

Here is one of Mmarsha's comments: "Is it possible that we are all a little different in our sexuality no matter how much we think we are like somebody else or think they are like us. In other words you just have to be you and you probably will change over time some people a little more than others. Lets celebrate our diversity and make that our strength. xoxox Mmarsha" 

For sure our sexuality is on a spectrum as broad as human existence itself. As far as my own sexuality is concerned, I experimented briefly with men before I just happened to land firmly into a group of lesbians. One of which I am still with after eight years. Even though my experimentation only went as far as heavy kissing, I often wonder what would have happened if I had ever been more deeply involved with a guy. I'm biased of course but I still feel more men could benefit from the companionship of a transgender woman. For the most part because we have been on their side of the gender fence and can understand their needs more completely. But again, that is just me.

As far as celebrating our diversity, it seems sometimes the Washington administration is trying to make it as difficult as possible to do, although in many local situations trans women and men seemingly are making strides. 

Connie's ideas as always reflected a little different look at the situation: "So much has changed in the trans community since the original post. Acceptance of diversity is not just something we are expecting from the general society, it is also expected of trans people toward each other more than it was before. Especially when considering Non-binary gender expression, things have moved far beyond the relatively simple concept of "Transer Than Thou" attitude that many of us fought in the past. Although I consider myself to be, strictly, a Binary Trans Woman, I often have to remind myself that being so is not the ultimate goal of many other trans women. I keep learning that it's not my job to "fix" anyone else, but I'm happy to give advice, when it's asked of me. I think that I still carry a bit of internalized transphobia, and, if anything or anyone needs "fixing," it's me."

Finally, Mmarsha and I discussed the idea of how difficult it is to initially come out at all: "Yes your right just get out and do it. I am just so intimidated by the prospect of coming out. Some days I don't want to some days it seems if the right chain of events took place it would happen."

It's a huge topic and one which begs for it's own blog post. 

If you would like to see all the comments, go here. As always, thanks for the comments!

Out...to Dinner

Saturday night we met with a few old acquaintances for dinner at the upscale Italian venue we normally go to.

I got dressed up as far as I normally do with my fancy patterned leggings along with a nice sweater and a new knitted neck cowl Liz just made for me. As we entered the crowded restaurant, I received the usual amount of attention my arrival usually attracts. No matter how you cut it, I am not the tallest woman in the room but there is very little I can do about my big boned body. To make matters even more interesting, for dinner I washed and moussed my hair with a different hair product which adds volume as well as curls. Seemingly my hair took on a life of it's own. I had plenty of volume and curl.

Dinner proceeded smoothly until the very end until it was time to pay our bills. We had a new server who was struggling through our maze of orders and demands. Then, to add insult to injury our server had to try to decipher the different discount cards everyone carried. Liz and I had a ten dollar off email coupon she had emailed to her. It took the server two tries to get it right. In the meantime, we all noticed we had the same male name on our checks. It turned out he ran all the checks discounts under the name of the person at the table who very much didn't want to be outed. It was humorous as the other very out transgender woman kept asking who it was.

Needless to say the outed person was very upset but is such a basket case anyhow, so I for one didn't care how successful or who he was in his male life. But Liz couldn't help herself and came home and researched the cross dresser on Google. What Liz found out made sense. The person is from a small Indiana town and is active as an oil company owner and developer. It's no wonder he makes a big deal of knowing the most closeted gay guy in America, Vice President Mike Pence who is also from Indiana.

So, all in all it turned out to be an interesting evening. As I said before though, He doesn't have to worry about me outing him. As you noticed, I didn't even use his name in this post.

To each their own. As long as they don't hurt me.

Transgender Model

Transgender model Arisce Wanzer:

Gender Euphoria

During the cross dresser - transgender support group meeting this week, we welcomed two new attendees. One was very young and confused. The other was in their 60's dressed in male attire with finger nail polish earrings and light make up. Both were able to contribute nicely in their own way.

Perhaps the most interesting question of the evening came in opening remarks from our new moderator who happens to be a life coach of sorts in her real profession. She helps corporations with dealing through gender issues. So she brings a definite professionalism to the meeting.

This week, her initial question to everyone was instead of gender dysphoria, what was everybody's moment of gender "euphoria."

As my noggin quickly rewound through the decades of my life, one defining moment of gender euphoria became very clear. It happened years ago on one of the nights I cross dressed and went out to one of my favorite venues to ostensibly be by myself. It was a dark period of my life, during which I knew deep down I was sliding down a slippery slope towards changing the way I lived by adopting a feminine lifestyle full time. Overall, my feelings were doing nothing more than causing extreme gender dysphoria.

Finally that evening, I considered the lonely life I was living since my wife of 25 years had passed on along with three of my closest friends. So, I really didn't have many close friends left and very few family members either. Also, it was around that time when the Veterans Administration was publicizing they were beginning to prescribe hormone replacement therapy hormones to veterans. I was already receiving health care from the VA, so it was a no brainer...even for me.

All of a sudden, the whole weight of the world lifted from my shoulders and I realized the impossible dream of living full time as a woman went past being possible all the way to being probable.

Adding to the whole idea was the fact I was nearing retirement age too, so I wouldn't have to worry about transitioning on the job.

So my gender euphoria evening was complete and I could then concentrate on building a new life as my true self.

Doctor Who Introduces Transgender Character

Rebecca Root

The Doctor is definitely in as the Doctor Who franchise will soon get its first transgender companion played by the trans actress and comedian Rebecca Root. She (Rebecca) is one of the few openly transgender actresses in Great Britain.

She stars as the character of Tania alongside Paul McGann, who played the eighth Doctor in the made-for-TV movie. It’s a role she’s thrilled and honored to play

 For more, go here.

Relevance versus Transgender Activism

Connie wrote in this comment in regards to the Cyrsti's Condo post on activism within the trans community. Or, at least on how it pertains to me:

"The subject of relevance was discussed a couple of posts ago. This post seems to fit right in with that subject. If the TOS was cancelled, do you think that it was done so because of its becoming less relevant in today's culture? Also, I can certainly understand how trans/cross dresser meetups might be less relevant to you these days.

I live in a state that has legislation protecting trans people's rights, for the most part. Still, there are bills introduced every session that are designed to strip some of those rights. It's more difficult to overturn current legislation, so I would hope that Ohio would also put more protections for trans people into law. Rather than just working to defeat the negative bills, maybe you could get involved in trying to get more protections in place. I think that it would have more direct relevance, anyway. Through your work on trans elder care, the opportunity to do that may well be the most relevant thing you could do.

The fact that I can live a fairly normal life, as a transgender woman, is largely the result of the laws that protect me. Still, it is my own ability to have control over my life that gives me the flexibility to choose, as well as avoid, those situations in which I place myself. Losing that control, and surrendering it to the institution that would be designated for my care, is my worst nightmare. I hear horror stories of how infirm individuals are mistreated, and I can only imagine how much worse they could be for trans people. I can picture myself lying in bed with a two-day beard growth, having my genitals wiped down by a caretaker, and then feeling helpless in my ability to convey my trans-woman status when even mis-gendered. My imagination only shows it getting worse from there.

There are so many more of us trans people who have been able to embark on a transition in gender at an older age now. Many of us have decided that the transition not necessarily include GRS, hair removal, voice therapy or surgery, or even HRT. I know that a successful social transition can be made without any of those things, because I have done it. It has not been without effort, on my part, however. Without the energy or physical ability to put in the effort, though, what success would I really have? We should all have a living will, directing how we would like to be treated, should we be unable to convey our wishes - most typically in the form of a "Do Not Resuscitate" order. Perhaps we should also have a stipulation that "I Am a Woman" be tattooed in a prominent place on the body (OK, that is rather drastic, I admit). Still, though, we would be at the mercy of our caretakers as to how we would be treated, in that regard, unless there is an actual law that could be as enforceable as a "Do Not Resuscitate" order.

I rather prefer the thought of being proactive than being reactive, if one is inclined toward activism, at all."

I don't know if I mentioned it but Ohio's bill regarding transgender rights is being debated currently. Supposedly this time it has a better chance of being passed because of backing from quite a few forward thinking major corporations in the state. Plus all of the major cities in the state have passed protection bills too. So, I am keeping my fingers crossed!

Thanks for the comment.

Carnival Transgender Taboo Shattered

Camila Prins Transgender Carnival Dancer

In Brazil transgender dancer Camila Prins became the first trans dancer to lead a large drum section of a major samba school in either Sao Paulo or Rio de Janiero. By doing so, she fulfilled a nearly three decade old dream! As you can see in the picture, she did well!