Damn Hormones

I haven't written for awhile here in Cyrsti's Condo about my involvement with feminine hormones.  To be sure, it's been a rocky affair, with plenty of blind corners and unexpected results.

I guess since my recent brush with discontinuing my hormone replacement therapy all due to health concerns, has brought taking the life altering meds back into focus.

Many people over the years have asked about the process. First of all, most of all the usual changes in skin, breasts, hair etc, started taking effect for me relativity quickly. I would say in the first six months. However, as time passed on, the changes began to slow and all of a sudden, I was looking at 4 plus years on HRT.

Looking back, the biggest change over the years had to be the emotional roller coaster ride I experienced.  I think perhaps the emotional ride contributed to extra problems when I was in the middle of negotiating a particular difficult bout of gender dysphoria.

It was during that time I have considered re-evaluating the whole gender process I was going through. Calmer minds prevailed though.

Here's an example of the effect feminine hormones have on me. Yes, I cry but mostly when good things happen (especially during football games when Liz is making fun of me.) Yes, I have my own modest sized breasts which seems to fascinate some people. My skin is softer than it has ever been and am slowly and surely developing hips.

I an truly fortunate to be able to have undertaken this gender adventure health wise.

Blue Skies?

For the first time in weeks, I am starting to feel better.

I am sure it helps that all my critical heart tests are coming back normal. Whatever normal may be for me. Of course I still have pulmonary, colon and the final (I hope) X=ray on my ankle to go.

I also had my two mental check ups the last two days. For once, I needed both of their help. It will be interesting to see if all the survey's and interviews I filled out with the VA are effective. I wasn't in the best state of mind when I did them.

Included in my conversation with my therapist was my unfortunate cross dresser ugly interaction.
Which Connie commented on:

 "Are you saying that, if you spent a whole lot of time worrying about what others think of you, you'd still be cross dressing, yourself? I remember having the revelation that I was cross dressing, but I had come to know that I wasn't a cross dresser. Had I continued to be afraid of what others would think of me, should I transition, I would have retreated back to the closet completely. There's nothing wrong with cross dressing, but it tends to lead to frustration, eventually, if one is not a cross dresser. It's like being a singer who is only allowed to lip-synch or, at best, nailing it at karaoke.

Hmm, maybe I have just pissed off a few cross dressers, myself."

I meant if I worried about transitioning as a transgender person into a feminine life as far as what others thought, I would have never done it. So, I agree with you, I would have found a closet that eventually would have killed me. 

As far as cross dressers, or anyone else goes, I try my best not to stereotype.  Which I guess I failed at miserably Saturday night.  This comes close to saying it all.

Lost

Well, last night I lost an election to the board of the transgender - cross dresser support group I am part of.

I am not really too torn up about it, as during the meeting I remembered how mind numbing boring a board meeting could be.

I think too, I lost votes because of my Facebook tirade Saturday against an old cross dresser I have known for about thirty years. After the cross dresser made a big deal out of the clear blue sky to praise resident rump and all his policies I told another friend of ours what I felt about the cross dresser. I wasn't kind and said something to the effect the cross dresser didn't care about the long (and short) terms of what the current administration is doing to the transgender community because he didn't have a dog in the fight anyway. Unfortunately, I didn't say it that nicely and now I have several cross dressers in the group who hold a grudge against me now.

But...if I spent a whole lot of time worrying about what people think of me, I would be in a whole different spot now anyhow.

They will get over it. 

Another Busy Week

After a brief break for Labor Day on Monday, life kicks back into high gear again.

Tonight is my vote (or the board's vote) on my application to fill a vacated board post on the transgender - cross dresser support group I am part of. I am running against someone else, so there is no guarantee I will get it. I am experienced in sitting on volunteer boards for ten years or more during my life, so I am qualified. Basically, I am putting myself up for extra hassle because Liz wants me to do something to get out of the house more. So in reality (since I am retired) I do have have more time to give. The one thing which could go against me is a Facebook interaction I had Saturday night with another transgender woman about an ultra right wing bigoted cross dresser who had jumped into the conversation. It's complicated enough for a whole post but making a long story short, I hurt a couple of cross dressers' feelings during the interaction. One of which sits on the board.

One way or another it won't be the end of the world.

Wednesday's appointment is much more important. I am having my third (and hopefully final) heart exam. It's an ultra sound on my heart. The first two tests went OK on my heart, so hopefully this one will too.

Thursday, I head back up to Dayton, Ohio for two more appointments. I have to have more blood taken for a hematology test and also see the doctor who prescribes all my Bi-Polar meds.

Friday, I finish the week with another trip to Dayton to see my therapist. At least this time, we will have plenty to talk about!

Oh, and I forgot, Friday night is another one of the cross dresser - transgender socials Liz and I go to.

Plus, the weekend brings an interesting regional college football game. The local Cincinnati Bearcat team is playing The Ohio State Buckeyes. It is a must watch game.

So far, I think that is it!

To Be or Not to Be

Recently here in Cyrsti's Condo, we featured two young transgender women who decided to come out and be LGBTQ activists...if even it's because they came out at all.  One was Teddy Quinlivan. Along the way, Connie wanted to clarify a comment she made:

"I didn't write what I did because I disagreed with Ms. Quinilivan's decision to come out as she did. In this age of cyber-information, though, it's likely that someone else would have exposed her gender status eventually. My point was that much of what made it possible for her to even have that option was by those of us who had gone before her. Whether it was more difficult for us (baby boomers) than it was for her could be debated, but I was more interested in the evolution and history of it all. We, who are the old-timers now, also owe much to those who had gone before us.

For many women, cis or trans, fashion models represent the unrealistic, if not impossible. I agree with Paula that it is about so much more than clothes and looks, but, unfortunately, there are so many who develop feelings of inferiority - and even hopelessness - when they compare themselves to these models. We trans women often talk about how passing is not really important, but I think most of us would like to be able to do so. If I could, I believe I would do everything I could to keep my trans status a secret. As a child, I fantasized about moving away to a place where nobody knew me and live as a woman. By the time I got close enough to my eighteenth birthday, though, testosterone had done so much damage to my body that my dream seemed to be forever quashed. Had I thought that I needed to look as good as a model, however, I never would have considered it in the first place.

Anyway, those of us who are trans and not models (although I want to be a contestant on a new show, "America's Next (Muffin) Top Model," can still have an impact. Just being out in the world and living regular lives can make a big difference. I think it's pretty obvious to most everybody I meet that I'm a trans woman, so I never bring up the subject. If someone else does, I do my best to educate them, but I always make it clear that I consider myself to be a woman, and trans is but one adjective of many others I wish to be used in reference to me. How about: loving, caring, friendly, good, or even bitchy (sometimes)?"


I agree. Unless you happen to be totally passable, you definitely are on the front lines of transgender acceptance/education. If you like it or not.  It's one of the reasons I respect those who come out despite having a ton of passing privilege .

I Tried it Once.

Today I was surprised when a person who should have known better referred to me as he twice in the same conversation.

Finally, I took the next opportunity to throw in the chat I had tried the "he" part of life already and it almost killed me.

He was taken aback and from then on he referred to me with an emphatic "she."

At least I didn't have to explain further what I meant.

Georgie Stone

Another young (19 years old) transgender woman has come out as a LGBTQ advocate. Meet Australian actress Georgie Stone:

Transgender Privilege

The Cyrsti's Condo post on the new Chanel transgender model Teddy Quinilivan brought on two great responses:

1. PaulaAugust 29, 2019 at 8:26 AM

   "What an excellent advocate, of course we can't all look that good, but this is about so much more than clothes and looks. I am pleased and proud that so many trans women who have "passing privilege" are proudly coming out as being trans. I am sure that this helps normalise our existence."

   

   
   
2. 
   ConnieAugust 29, 2019 at 12:33 PM

   "Wow! I can understand her feelings, because being trans will probably always emote them. At the risk of sounding like a curmudgeon, though, she has no idea how much privilege she has in comparison to those of us who were struggling with our gender identity at her age - forty-some years ago. It's not that I consider myself a hero, but those of us in our sixties and beyond, and who have taken the steps necessary to be living authentically, have paved the way somewhat, at least.
   
   In just two generations, then, "coming out" is taking on a new meaning. Instead of it being a declaration of identifying as a trans woman - after establishing oneself as a man, it is now possible to be a trans woman who would have to declare herself as such - because most everyone thought her to be a woman all along. If I were her, I might think twice about making such a move, but then, I'm thinking from an old (trans) lady's perspective."
3. From another "old" transgender lady, I think it is great (as Paula does) that she (Teddy) had the courage to come out and be an advocate. Something which was so so missing in my generation.  Just looking at her and others of her generation who have come out, it's hard to realize  the  distance we have come.  Just think of the availability now of hormone replacement therapy and even puberty hormone blockers.  A great example is Cincinnati Children Hospital which has a transgender program for anyone up till the age of 24.  I often wonder how it would have been not to have worked so hard (as Connie said) to establish myself as a man.
4. I guess maybe I have come out of this with a better, more complete knowledge of what gender is. It alone could be considered privilege.  

Teddy Quinilivan

She’s a rising star in the fashion industry and is using her position to advocate for the LGBTQ+ community.

Teddy Quinlivan has made fashion history by becoming the first openly trans woman to appear in a Chanel campaign.

She demonstrates some of the brand’s beauty products, along with a tutorial for how to get a summer glow.

In an impassioned Instagram post, Quinlivan says: “I find I don’t cry anymore when things are sad, but isn’t it interesting when we shed tears in moments of triumph. This was one of those triumphant cry moments for me. My whole life has been a fight.”

It’s a particularly powerful moment for the 25-year-old because she walked for Chanel before publicly coming out as trans, writing: “When I came out I knew I’d stop working with some brands, I thought I’d never work with the iconic house of Chanel ever again. But here I am in Chanel Beauty advertising. I am the first openly trans person to work for the house of Chanel, and I am deeply humbled and proud to represent my community.”

Quinlivan in her coming out video, called ‘World Meet Teddy’ (YouTube/PA)

Quinlivan describes how “I always knew I was female”, despite being born in a male body. She says: “I went to extraordinary lengths to present as cisgender”, but she wants to stop hiding the fact she is a trans woman.

There are pretty powerful reasons for her wanting to speak out about this – knowing full well how tricky it is for trans models – saying: “I want to help break the stigma” and “I wanted to be the hero that I never had growing up for somebody else”.