Important Message

"Hi! 

My name is Beatrice Rothbaum and I am a clinical psychology doctoral student at Adelphi University. I currently contribute to the Intersectional Development Lab at Adelphi University, directed by Chana Etengoff, Ph.D. Members of our research group identify as trans, queer, and cisgender. 

I am reaching out to you about participating in my research project titled “Trans Self-Efficacy and Well-Being.” The purpose of this study is to explore the relationship between trans well-being and self-efficacy (an individual's belief in their ability to achieve goals). This project additionally explores political activism and psychotherapy experiences.

This project is informed by my trans-positive clinical and advocacy work. In my work, I have learned that every trans story is important and I look forward to learning more about yours.

If you identify as trans, are at least 18 years old, and reside in the U.S.you are eligible to participate in this online survey! The survey may take an hour to an hour and fifteen minutes to complete.

Your participation and responses will remain confidential. Thank you for your trust.

If you are interested in participating or learning more about the study, please click here.

Adelphi University's IRB has approved this research study and all responses will remain confidential. If you have any questions or concerns, you may contact me at beatricerothbaum@mail.adelphi.edu or my Co-PI/faculty adviser, Chana Etengoff, Ph.D., at cetengoff@adelphi.edu.  

I look forward to learning more about your views and experiences, "

Beatrice Rothbaum (she/her/hers) 

Clinical Psychology Doctoral Student 

Intersectional Development Lab

Gordon F. Derner School of Psychology

Adelphi University

Whatever!

Perhaps by now you have heard the Log Cabin repugs have come out (no pun intended) and voiced their support of resident rump. What upsets me is the stories I see which call the Cabiners a LGBT group.  Sure, and I don't know this for sure, there may be privileged gay cis men in the group who don't care about any LGBT rights other that they already have. But are they a majority?

What I don't understand though, is why they would support an administration which is so actively trying to trying to take our rights away. How are they going to react when their legal same sex marriages come under attack.

Perhaps too, maybe you have noticed I haven't even mentioned the continued attacks on transgender rights. I guess we have no rights either with the Log Cabin Republicans.

On a brighter side, Laverne Cox maybe the first transgender actor to win an Emmy! From Out:


 "In 2014, Laverne Cox became the first transgender person to be nominated for a primetime acting Emmy for her work on Orange Is the New Black. Cox was not only the face of the transgender tipping point, she helped humanize trans folks through her dynamic performance as Sophia Burset. 

In the final season of Orange, which premiered this summer, Sophia was largely absent — something Cox said was mostly due to a scheduling issue — but did make a final, triumphant appearance as the new owner of her own salon (thanks to a prison settlement). While many of Orange Is the New Black’s characters had tragic endings, something the creators felt was necessary to illustrate the many ways the correctional system ruins lives rather than rehabilitating them, Sophia was one of the few who was gifted with a happy ending, something all too rare for trans women of color in the real world."

For more, go here.

Gender Quiz

Yesterday, I went in for my pulmonary breathing test.

I arrived early, checked in at the kiosk and pulled out my phone to pass the time. Nobody gave me a second look.

As I sat there though, my regular Doctor appeared briefly and saw me. Since I wasn't supposed to see her, I was surprised when she came over to talk. She is very nice and I enjoyed talking to her quite a bit until...she stuck the dreaded "he word" into the conversation. For the life of me, I don't know why all of the sudden I am having such a miserable time being mis-gendered.

I have examined how I go about my prep work before I go out and don't think there is much of a difference. But why would someone call a person obviously wearing feminine clothes with breasts and wearing makeup a he?

I have always believed in the power of how a person projects their personal aura. Perhaps, with time, I have become more lackadaisical in public. I just assume most of the public accepts me as a feminine being.

Maybe I should spend more time channeling my inner female.

Then again, the great majority of people don't understand what it does to a transgender person to be mis-gendered. I know it can really destroy or make my day when I have achieved the lofty "she" status in a conversation.

One thing is for sure, the redneck woman glaring and staring at me on the way out didn't care about pronouns. She was just all ugliness.

Then again, you can't educate everyone.

More Ideas

Connie had a comment concerning my Cyrsti's Condo post about trying to establish yourself in a feminine sense before anyone else has a chance to do otherwise:


"Another way to firmly establish that you are "she" is to refer to yourself using feminine terms. You could say things like: I'm not your average housewife; I've been so busy, even Wonder Woman would be challenged; or I like to be helpful - but it's not like I consider myself to be a heroine or anything. I like to work into the conversation "femme fatale" when referring to myself (well, I could be one if I wanted to). ;-) "


Femme fatale would work beautifully as you water your flowers!

Or look at it this way, you could be like Geena Rocero ( Transgender Playmate) who makes her swimsuits out of natural materials.  Just an idea! 

Self Promotion

Yesterday, my day was filled with going to see the vampires. What I call my team of lab techs and Doc's who monitor my blood work...or hematology.

It's mostly a hurry up and wait experience. First, I had a lengthy walk to negotiate in my walking boot to even make it to where the blood labs are taken. It was relatively pleasant though as I took my time and three other women spoke to me along the way. I thought I looked OK with my summertime outfit and reasonable makeup. In fact, just wearing reasonable makeup and nice clothes probably set me up to be mistaken for a staff member. At any rate, I waited for my turn and my blood work was taken without any problems. Then it was off to eat some lunch and wait for the results.

I took the easy way out and just picked up a tuna salad sandwich, chips and drink. I can always judge how my day is going when I am in the check out line. No problems as the clerk called me mam three times.

My Fancy Footwear

After lunch, it was time to head upstairs to hematology and wait. The first thing they do is take all vitals including weight, blood pressure and body temperature. My day took an immediate turn to the gutter when the nurse screamed my name as "Mr. Hart." I just sat there until she changed it. She should know better.

When I finally made it to my Doctor, I began my visit with a brand new resident student. She was very pleasant and asked how I hurt my ankle. I told her most likely on a ghost hunt. Of course she was very interested and I gave her a few of the details. I don't know why I didn't think of this years ago but when I was able to refer to myself as "she" a couple times, the Doc did too.

Since my iron level came back high yesterday, I was taken back for a possible phlebotomy (or when I have to have a pint of blood removed to keep it low). All of a sudden I was the topic of a conversation between two nurses and two doctors who used my proper pronouns flawlessly. I believe it all got started when I was able to call myself she and I will definitely try to remember to do it in the future.

The best news of all though was when the lead Doc said I could skip the blood letting because the higher level of iron could be caused by my injury. So I was able to get out of there as fast as my one and half legs would take me! 

Trace Lysette

Transgender actress, Trace Lysette:

Trace Lysette posted nude for Women’s Health Naked Strength issue, which she described as an incredibly empowering experience given the pressures she faces as a transgender woman, according to an article dictated by the actress for Women’s Health.

In the photo, the Transparent actress posed nude against a tree with her side turned toward the camera. With one hand, she supported herself against the tree while the other rested on the knee of her bent leg, strategically covering her side breast. With the other leg stretched out behind her, the 31-year-old showed off her flawless figure and ample backside while gazing unsmiling at the camera. She wore her long, brown, curly hair loose and flowing down her back while her face was made up with subtle eye makeup and pink lips.

In the article, Trace also opened up about being trans. The Ohio native went on to say:

“As women, we are told not to show our bodies, and as trans people, we’ve been told not to exist. There is something so liberating and beautiful about being naked on your own terms.”

We all should be able to transition as well!!! 

Thanks

Thanks to those of you who commented on my health issues.  The Doc's are checking my breathing this coming Thursday and I am still awaiting an appointment for extensive heart tests. It's a good thing I don't feel any worse than I do...I guess!

Actually, I am being a whiner. Outside of an occasional pain from my ankle, I don't feel bad at all. However I do know the risk HRT brings to a person in my age range and am ready to go through more tests.

On top of all of that, I still have had a busy week. Yesterday was a combined party for my grand kids at my daughter's mother in law's.  It went well and the Mother in Law managed not to mis-gender me through the whole party. Perhaps it was because I had my transgender feminine batteries recharged Friday when I went to my hair stylist. Quite frankly, I was feeling quite ragged before she worked her wonders on my hair. After she was done, I felt refreshed and ready to face the world again.

Monday night, I have another transgender-cross dresser support group meeting. Tuesday I have two appointments at the Dayton, Ohio Veterans Administration. The first, a visit with my hematology Doc and the second, my monthly therapist appointment.

Wednesday I have a tag a long appointment with Liz to one of her Doc's. Which brings me back to Thursday and the breathing appointment.

It's a good thing I have a walking boot to protect my ankle!  I am supposed to get it  X-rayed again in two weeks.

One more thing...as I have mentioned before HRT and blood clots are nothing to play with. As Connie commented:

"I'm glad that you didn't have a blood clot. Those things can be very dangerous and life-threatening. I know; I've had two of them. The doctors take no chances, and so off to the emergency center you go. My doctor must have decided that I was lying about not taking hormones, and so he ordered blood tests specifically for my hormone levels. That's how I discovered that my testosterone/estrogen balance was very close to the average post-menopausal woman (whoopie!). Still, though, there was never any determined cause for the clots. Their only answer was to put me on blood thinners for the rest of my life, and HRT would, forevermore, be out of the question for me. When I got the first clot in my calf, my ankle and foot became so swollen that I thought my skin was going to burst open. 

Do you know how you broke your ankle? I don't want to alarm you, but HRT can also cause one to lose bone density. You should have a test for that, as well. Osteoporosis may not kill you like a blood clot can, but it can sure affect your lifestyle."

Ironically, the ankle problem could be a result of an old football injury. Plus, I was tested for Osteoporosis in the past. I'm sure they can do it again! Thanks!

Hormones and the Boot

After a fun filled visit the the VA Clinic, I established a couple more firsts in my life. I ended up taking my first ambulance ride and being fitted for a decidedly unfashionable orthopedic boot for my left foot.

The visit with her (the Doc) didn't go so well. She didn't like the fact my left ankle was swollen and they couldn't get a clear EKG on me for some reason. Then, due to my age and the fact I am on hormones, she recommended they call the squad and take me to a nearby hospital. Of course I panicked and saw my life as I know it start slipping away.

To make a long story short though, after having an X-ray on the ankle  and vascular (vein) tests done on my legs, no blood clots were found and all I had was a slight break in the ankle which was swollen.  So I was fitted with a walking boot and kicked out.

Happily, my whole hospital experience came off wonderfully, I was treated with respect and pronouned properly. For some reason a former visit to another hospital years ago showed up on their records. A woman came up to me with a sheepish look on her face and asked if I used to go by a different name and then said my old dead name. Of course I told her the truth and she said someone would be by to change my records. Ironically, a very androgynous person came to do it. Possibly a transgender man.

So, for the time being, my hormone usage is safe until I start rounds of  tests on my heart possibly next week. Hopefully we will discover why I am so lethargic all of the sudden. Perhaps one of my bi-polar meds needs adjusted.

We will see. One way or another it has been one out of the ordinary week which started with a paranormal hunt and will end up with a trip to my hair dresser tomorrow.

Doctor Day

This afternoon I go to my new primary provider at a local Veteran's Administration Clinic which happens to be nearby. A "primary provider" is similar to having a family doctor. I haven't been to one in over two years.

Since I have been feeling very lethargic recently, I thought it was time to be checked out. My Mom had heart problems in her seventies before passing from heart disease. I'm not having any telltale chest pains but I figure it would be safe to have it checked out.

Also, since I seem to be experiencing all of a sudden this insane period of being mis-gendered, I probably will have to explain to a new nurse and doctor my proper pronouns are she and her.

Let's not forget too it's time again (after five years) for one of my most favorite procedures...a colonoscopy. If you haven't been through one, I will leave the fun details out. One way or another, it's better than the alternative, which is colon cancer. I just had a close friend pass away from it.

I'm also paranoid the Doc is going to find a reason to take me off my HRT hormones or simply mother time is catching up as I approach seventy.

Maybe too, my bi-polar
meds are causing me to feel too lethargic. We will see!