Stepping Up Your Game

Referring back to a couple of recent Cyrsti's Condo posts, we have discussed in part, the need to "step up your game" in public.

I have always been a proponent of the idea women primarily dress for other women and men are brought along just for the ride. The exceptions of course are special romantic dates, etc.

That is why you see so many women who seemingly don't care about their appearance when placed upon the heightened levels of cross dressers and/or some transgender women.  Two factors (at least) come into play as I see it...time and finances. Very few of us can spend the extra hour it takes to reach a "swank or glam" level to go to the grocery store. Or have the finances to always have the newest and prettiest fashion. Then again, there are women like my daughter who are so busy with her three kids and a job, she is normally very casual in her dress.

When I am going out to a special venue with Liz, I do my best to step up my game and keep up with the "Josie's ".

Then there is the other end of the spectrum...the women of Walmart. For me, it's hard to dress down to their level. I just can't justify shopping in my pajama bottoms and an old sweat shirt of some sort.

Finally...there is this:

No, I did not get this from Connie...it came from Jackie!

The Morning After

Perhaps you caught the Cyrsti's Condo post concerning the New Years Day phone conversation with Connie. Perhaps you didn't catch her return comments. Including the question about what I was wearing: 

Connie Malone

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJanuary 2, 2019 at 1:25 PM

"I was joking, of course, when I asked what you were wearing. Hell, I told you that I had awakened on the chair I had plopped into when I got home the night before - still all swanked out from New Year's Eve. Although I did change clothes in order to make a quick grocery run for eggs and milk, I never completely removed the makeup I had applied for the big night (I did have to "rearrange" it, though, as I looked like a raccoon). Actually, since I had gone for the glam look in the first place, what was left after the morning cleanup was about what I normally wear. Anyway, there was a time, many years ago, when I would have had to put on the glam look just to go to the grocery store.

There are two major trans groups here; one for cross dressers that is mainly social, and another that is more for support. My understanding is that the two groups were, years ago, in alliance much more than they have been for the years since I came out. Having attended various meetings and functions put on by both groups, I have seen the general differences: cross dressers dressed to the nines, while those in transition wear the basic jeans and T-shirt. Neither group understands why the other present themselves the way they do. What I find interesting is that I hear the same question from both sides: What are they trying to prove? What makes it funny to me is that, while both sides ask the question, neither believes that they, themselves, are out to prove anything. From my point of view, they are, however.

Both sides are saying, "Look at me," in their respective presentations. While one is seeking acceptance for the ability to outwardly feminize, the other is wanting to be recognized for the ability to be feminine without the frills. I may be generalizing here, but there are extremes that people hold to; whether it be trans issues, politics, sports, or anything else.

So, I started the new year with a left-over modified glam look, jeans and a purple sweater (The U-Dub's color). I doubt that I impressed anyone at the grocery store with the way I looked, and my sweater had no influence on the outcome of the Rose Bowl. But, I wasn't trying to prove anything, anyway."

As you can see, Connie was kind enough to add a picture I could use so you could see where all the thoughtful comments come from. 

A New Year and a New You?

As the reality of a new year settles in, it's time to step back and take a look at steps forward and steps back we have taken in 2018.

One of the nice things I get out of the cross dresser - transgender support group meetings I go to is seeing the members who are just starting out. It takes me back to the days when I was doing the exact same thing. Sometimes though, I marvel at how some of them want to go too fast.

For me at least, learning the ropes of being feminine was very difficult and I am sure some say, I still have a ways to go. I am fairly sure I will always carry a bit of living for 60 years primarily as a guy will linger with me. Perhaps it's a good thing, if I can still appreciate evenings such as New Years Eve as much as I did.

If I could go back to the beginning, I would tell myself to relax and enjoy the journey.

By now, you maybe asking what does that have to do with the New Year?  For me, everything. I look forward to meeting my 70th year head on with a new renewal. I plan on renewing my spirituality, becoming a better person and enjoying the smaller things in life.

To a lesser degree, I plan on taking another look at my wardrobe and refining it to the best of my ability in the coming year. Plus, like so many others, I need to watch my weight (not go up) after the holidays. If you are thinking about your wardrobe too, here is a helpful link you can go to from the Fabulous After 40 blog about age appropriate dressing.

So, the more I think about it, the more the upcoming year is shaping up to be a self improvement year!

Fashion Plate?

Way back in the day, even before I started HRT, I had a couple of serious relationships to consider. As I thought them through though, I had to consider how the other person would accept me out of cross dressing mode. Remember, I was still wearing wigs back then and still had no hair removal on my face. (Still don't.)  I finally had the courage to choose one of the two possibilities and let the chips fall where they may.

What happened was, of course, is I went with Liz and so far have lived happily ever after. As far as my physical presence is concerned, estrodial/estrogen and spiro lowering my testosterone have helped to feminize  my appearance. Probably the biggest thing was being able to wear my own hair.

Yesterday, I called Connie before the Rose Bowl football game, since the "combatants" were in our backyards (so to speak)...The Ohio State University and Washington. During the conversation, Connie asked if I was decked out in fan wear and/or what was I wearing. Good point!

When I crossed over the gender frontier in my Mtf gender transition, slowly but surely I needed to make decisions on what kind of a woman I was to become. Was I going to be a blend of what I saw in everyday women around me, or a cross dressers dream fashion plate.

Let's say yesterday and most days, my fashion plate is very empty and I hang out in sweats, if I am not going to see anyone. If I am going out, I can dress in anything from jeans to a glittery red holiday top. As I see it, it's one benefit of being a woman. It's also the benefit from being comfortable and I have nothing to prove with Liz who has seen me all ways possible.

One of these nights, when I go to one of the cross dressers - transgender support meetings, I think I am going to wear my old jeans and sweater. Just because I can and I want to hear them gossip about me.

But then again, I probably won't. Like any other woman, I have an image to uphold...in public.

What's Wrong with These People?

Last night of course was New Years Eve and Liz and I had a wonderful time.

We went to two different places rode the new Cincinnati streetcar for the first time, drank some of my early beer favorites and ate some great food too!

First of all, we went to a place called the "MOTR Pub" in a restored downtown Cincy neighborhood called "Over the Rhein". If you didn't know, the City was (and is) heavily influenced by it's German past. The nice thing about the bar is, in it's Facebook page, it list's itself as transgender and LGBTQ friendly. The picture to the right is a coaster of one of the beers I was drinking which is now being brewed again.

From the "MOTR" we rode the streetcar down to the Ohio River front and our next stop. It's called the "Moerlein Lager House" and was voted last year as Ohio's top brewery. It sits between a historic bridge and the baseball stadium where the Reds play.

Moerlein is where Liz and I have gone (off and on) for the past five years to celebrate our first New Year's Eve together.

While we were there, the most amazing thing happened. Nobody paid me any attention! Even when I had to go to the women's restroom twice when I was there. What's wrong with those people?

I'm kidding of course, I was deeply humbled when I never had to worry about an occasional stare or snicker here and there.

I was wearing my new black sweater, boots and patterned leggings I so love. The sweater falls loosely over my hips, the leggings accentuate my legs and the whole outfit works to make me appear slimmer than I am.

All in all, it was a magical evening with my partner Liz.

If you were able to go out, or stay in and celebrate quietly, I hope you had the chance to pause and reflect on the past year and the one coming up.

New Years Eve

Since I have written very extensively about what I am doing on New Years Eve...here is wishing you the best too!

If you are planning to go to a party, or just a quiet evening with friends, I hope you enjoy your time!

By all means, be safe!

I Love It!

Yesterday, even though we were just going to run errands at the grocery store and other places, I decided to wear my new boots and one of my new sweaters.

I paired them with my paisley patterned leggings and black leather jacket. It was one of those outfits (rare) I felt really felt good in. The sweater and the leggings actually gave me some shape.

The only problem I had, was trying to get my hair to look halfway decent at all. It might be time to consider getting it colored again. As you may (or may not) remember, my hairdresser and I are letting my hair go back to it's natural color.

As the red fades, I think some sort of soft blond color might be an ulterior motive, I may have thought of.

I am still about three weeks away from my next salon appointment, so I have some time to think about it.

In the meantime, Liz and I seem to be on the rebound from nasty colds we have had, so New Years Eve seems to be a great go. The weather is supposed to be unseasonably warm but with rain.

I'm thinking about wearing my new fave outfit! 

Have a Transgender New Year?

New Years Eve is obviously right around the corner. Liz and I do have plans this year, rather than endure another stay at home evening as another year comes to an end.

We are going back to the venue where we celebrated our second New Years Eve together here in Cincinnati. Which was four years ago.

I always have liked celebrating the New Year because it gives us a chance to look back over the year just passed and ahead to a new year. Having said that though, I have never been a person to set huge goals. Obviously I wish for continued good health, for myself, family and loved ones. What I should resolve is to get to work putting together my second book and to become more active as I head towards my 70th birthday on this planet.

It's not like I am going to resolve to go full time as a trans woman, or anything like that. I do need to talk to my endocrinologist this year about the possibility of increasing my Estrodial. I feel like I have hit the wall so to speak with my feminine development. None of that happens until April. 

At this point in time, I need to figure out what I am going to wear. We are actually going to two or three places (time permitting). All are upscale casual, so I'm not expecting to have to really dress up. Probably, I will opt out for some sort of combination of new boots, leggings and sweater.

We plan on using the Uber taxi system to get downtown, then use the streetcar to get around from there.

All in all, I'm hoping for a great time!

Transgender Sexuality

When we transition from male to female, naturally enough, the world is driven to it's own conclusions over our sexuality.

If and when, I am given the chance, I love to insert my well worn phrase "Sex is between the legs, Gender is between the ears. I started to think about all of this again recently because of two recent happenings...one of which I wrote about here in Cyrsti's Condo, during the "Space Invader" post.

Very simply, the post was about another woman who wouldn't leave me alone. I don't like it when I am needlessly poked or prodded. Now, I'm not saying the whole thing was anything sexual but then again, I don't know. I am aware too, women are allowed to touch each other when men normally never do. One way or another, the advances were not liked or returned.

Of course too, we transgender women have the stigma of being promiscuous. Which comes from drag queens and fetish cross dressers.  I think if I see one more 50 ish crossdresser poured into a plaid mini skirt on other social media, I am going to scream.

Then again, going back to the original point, Connie has another idea:

"I dislike being nudged and poked, too. A gentle touch on the arm or hand is fine, as I enjoy platonic intimacy. Unfortunately, I am not prone to being the "toucher." I have a fear of having my affections misread as being sexual, just because my trans status may be misunderstood. This applies to both men and other women. Then, again, I have misread the touching by others as being platonic, only to discover that it was sexual. I have always been a bit naive, unable to readily recognize the difference between love and lust. I blame it, mostly, on the fact that I am a trans woman; a psychiatrist may have another take on it, though.

We, as trans woman, should have the same rights as anyone else to set our own boundaries, whether they be physical or verbal. You didn't deserve to be subjected to her invasions, but I doubt she knows that now any more than she did while she was committing them. Some people are always going to act in predictable ways. We can only recognize that fact and make the choice to either put up with it or stay away. Just know that it's her and not you". 

Especially now, in the era of the "Me Too" movement, it is especially important our boundaries are respected.