Reliving the Past

Perhaps you recall me telling you about my new friendship with a transgender woman who is now starting more and more to find her way in a feminine world.

Much of what we talk about has to do with her "dating life" or, the attempts to establish one.

From her, I understand now there is a trans LGBT dating appt and, why wouldn't there be. I know back when I was seriously seeking dates from mainly men, there wasn't such a thing. If there was or wasn't, according to my friend, her initial results are largely the same as mine.

For example, one guy wanted her to dress up like a ten year old girl and another just wanted to wear her panties.

Of course I told her to be very careful and she said she always insists the guy wears a rubber. I said well, that is all well and good but make sure you don't get get caught off guard and basically raped or molested. Don't assume all of your old male privilege against it still exists.

Then, I related the story about the night I was cornered at a party by a man much larger than I, so quickly, it made my head spin. If it wasn't for a cis woman bailing me out, chances of my mini skirted rear making it out of the situation may have been dim. I am enclosing a picture of a close proximity to what I was wearing.

From that point on, it has been lesson learned. I have discovered I must be aware of what it going on behind my back...with men and women. I discovered early on too, a woman can smile to your face, while at the same time, stab you in the back.

I also told my friend to look at the dating process this way, she is just going through the same process every cis woman does!

Ponies in the Olympics

If you are an admirer of the feminine figure, many times, there is not a better place to view finely tuned bodies than the Olympics. Even though the winter games don't provide as many chances as the summer games do, many gorgeous women such as Lindsey Vaughn (right)  still compete.

As you can see, Lindsey has her long blond hair tied up in a high pony tail in the picture, which was the topic of a recent Cyrsti's Condo blog post.
 
As you know I do, I love to provide a different take on the subject, which often comes from Connie:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEFebruary 12, 2018 at 11:12 AM

"If you've been watching the Olympics coverage of the figure skating, you've seen many high pony tails, especially on the ladies on the ice dancing teams. The twizzles, twirls, and lifts really are accentuated by their pony tails flying in all directions. It's all far beyond my abilities, but fun for girl to dream of doing it. I may never be able to put myself in their skates, but I have managed to wear my "Stilettos on Thin Ice" (it's not shameless for me to make a plug for your book, is it?). :-) "

No! It's not shameless to plug my book except it's nearly impossible to find now that the publisher has gone out of business! Shame on me though for not working harder (or at all) on my second or third book. Seeing as how I have most of all the writing done. It just needs to be compiled. Plus, it is very expensive to find someone else to do a good job of publishing your book and I simply haven't the energy to find another "self publisher".

Finally, a girl has to dream...doesn't she? Without dreams, she has nothing!

Almost Heaven

I am sooo fortunate to have been able to grow out my own hair. No sensation is as heavenly for me than to wear a pony tail in the summer and feel my hair brush against my bare back. I guess sensual would be the best descriptor.

Of course I know, most transgender woman can't have their own long hair, for any number of reasons.
Now, let's check in with Connie, on hers:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEFebruary 10, 2018 at 3:59 PM

"I have always envied girls and women who could wear their hair in a high pony tail. In my more athletic days, I could only imagine the feeling of a pony tail bouncing and swaying as I ran. Of course, the undoing of the band afterward, allowing the hair to fall with a shake of the head was just plain alluring. My reality is that I am limited athletically these days, and I have no hair anyway. All I can do is to have a few wigs with different styles, but a high pony tail just doesn't happen to be one of them. The feeling could never be the same, and the look would be so obviously "wiggy."

Old Pix of my hair pulled back.
It is longer now. Beading by LizTDesigns

I know when I wear my hair tied back, I do so love the guilty pleasure of "fooling" with my pony tail. I usually hope no one else has noticed!  Plus there is a certain commercial on television now with a red headed woman wearing a high pony tail, I am so in love with.  I hope someday I will get as good as when she effortlessly pulls hers' back!

She is also driving a classic International Scout, all of which were made in my hometown. But Connie said it best!

Thanks (as always) for your perspective.

Perspectives

Old pix, circa 2008

When I have absolutely nothing to write about, I often ask my partner Liz for ideas (so you can blame her!)

Today she asked if there were any transgender perspectives which may have changed with me recently, or long term.

In the short term, it's hard to say, because trans life is so reactionary to me. After all these years, I still have a certain trepidation when I think about going out. Such as what am I going to wear to blend in and will I encounter any potential rest room issues. Sometimes I think these will carry with me forever and I also suppose what I'm going to wear is a normal response.

Over time though, I have experienced many changes. Most I have written about here in
Cyrsti's Condo before. 

The biggest one is how I perceive what I wear and the importance I attach to it. When I look back on all my earliest blog posts, often I am amazed how attached I was to every small detail of what I was wearing. Indeed, every trip out in the trans feminine world I made, success or failure was determined about how well I "passed".

Now I realize, over the years, it took awhile to settle into my own style. Then I took extra time to  mesh it with the real world of cis women.  Learning (often the hard way) confidence not passing did equal privilege.

So, I did learn and change. I guess you can teach an old girl new tricks!

More Privilege?

I received two excellent comments from the passing versus privilege post here in Cyrsti's Condo. Here they are:

1. FABULOUSCONNIEDEEFebruary 9, 2018 at 4:00 PM

   Sure, there is some privilege for one who may pass. The truth is, though, that very few trans women actually pass - especially those who have had to experience their male puberty. It was my thought that I couldn't pass that kept me in the closet for so many wasted years. What I finally learned is that I don't have to pass as a woman, but I do have to pass muster. That is, if I present myself with style, grace, and confidence, people are more apt to be accepting of me - if not as a true woman, at least as a true human being.
   
   Whether one is cis or trans, men and women are sized up by others all the time (rightly or wrongly). First impressions have always been important, and those who can make a good one are more destined to be received favorably, i.e. passing muster. I have found that living under this premise has made my life so much easier. I even end up actually passing sometimes, and I take those incidences as pleasant surprises rather than accomplishments of a goal.
   
   The man for whom I work during the summers is my next door neighbor. I had known him for a year before he hired me, and I never expected that I was passing to him. He had seen me when I was all gussied up and leaving to go out for the evening a few times, but our interactions were more often discussions over the back fence while I was working in the yard or taking the garbage out. I certainly was not concerned with passing on those occasions, but I was mindful of being a good neighbor and human being. After about a week into my employment, I needed to bring up a problem I was having with his designated supervisor, who had been mis-gendering me. When my neighbor gave a puzzled look to me and my complaint, I started thinking the worst, and that he was not sympathetic to my dilemma. I restated my concern, and began explaining how hurtful it is for a trans person to be mis-gendered. He then stopped me and said, "I didn't know that. I always thought you were a tall woman with a low voice."
   
   As remarkable as that revelation was to me, I also learned later that I was the first woman he had hired to have successfully done this job in his 30 years of business. Since he hired me, he now has three other women in his employ. Maybe I am a sort-of advocate, after all! The disappointing thing, however, is that his solution to my problem with the supervisor was to keep us away from each other as much as possible. At least I've experienced no further mis-genederings during our short and infrequent encounters.
2. 
   Emma GrayFebruary 9, 2018 at 10:07 PM

   Fully agree that no one is more trans or above any others. We are each on our own journeys, and all are valid.
   
   I’ve also contemplated the problem for all trans that passing privilege perpetuates. Of course, this intersects with those for whom achieving a high level of passing is of utmost importance.
   
   And then there are these youngsters who’re receiving puberty blockers and, later, HRT, and just entering their lives as the gender they are in their hearts. By definition almost they will disappear into society.
   
   In the meantime I am what I am. I just try to look nice and appropriate, behave as a nice woman, and smile. Maybe that helps in a small way to normalize our transgender presence, validity, and awareness.

Thanks to Connie and Emma for your comments. As we have said here many times, every time we interact with the public, many times we are carrying the load of the entire transgender community with us.  As both of you said, if we all present ourselves with some sort of grace and behavior, which does provide us all with more LGBT privilege. 

Pull It Back

Today for some reason, I decided to pull back this wild mane of hair I have into a pony tail which reaches halfway down my back. Liz and I had three shopping stops to make plus her karate class.

As the day progressed, per norm I didn't seem to cause any unwanted or unneeded attention. But I did notice the number of other women whom I assumed were "cis", who had their hair pulled back too...which gave me a certain amount of security, somehow.

As far as shopping went, Liz and I went to a huge thrift store, which was having a half off sale on everything in the store. She found items she could use the fabric from for her sewing projects. I found two more nice sweaters. A black one and a longer red one, both nice and soft!

Other than the sweaters, nothing else (as I wrote) really happened except three real positive interactions with other clerks and/or cashiers, who I don't think took me for anything else than another woman shopping.

I am going to have to get on the selfie craze and try to get a picture or two to pass along here on Cyrsti's Condo, with my hair pulled back. The closest picture I have is the one I shared with you on a recent post. It was taken on a "day vacation" Liz and I went on a couple summers ago.

How to Dress for Your Sign

This time I am not talking about a stop sign!

I am referring back to Fabulous After 40 and their series about dressing for your astrological sign.

Deborah from Fabulous is doing a fun feature based on when we were born. Here is my sign, Libra, plus a few famous Libra women. Also, I'm sure you will enjoy all the other fashion tips and more you will discover by following the link above.

HOW TO DRESS FOR YOUR ZODIAC SIGN: LIBRA

   I hope you’ve been enjoying   my How To Dress For Your  Zodiac Sign series. 

   Today I’m featuring the Libra woman, born between September 23rd and           October 22nd.

Susan Sarandon, Marie Osmond, Gwyneth Paltrow, Catherine Zeta-Jones

  Libra women are known for being balanced. They are an interesting mix of logic and   emotion, seriousness and playfulness.

  People are naturally drawn to the Libra woman and it’s no   wonder. She is charming,   tactful and diplomatic. The Libra woman is also efficient and known for getting things   done.

Romantic, intelligent, peaceful and fun all describe the Libra woman.

LIBRA STYLE

• Easily takes their style from day-to-night
• Likes classics, with a twist
• Easily balances high and low fashion, bold and soft colors, and sexy and modest silhouettes
• Goes for lush fabrics like silk and suede
• Wears a variety of looks

It's fashion sites such as Fabulous After 40, which help transgender women and cross dressers help compete in a very competitive feminine world! 

Does "Passing" Equal Privilege?

If you are fortunate enough to have (or are transitioning) favorably, does that give you the right to say you are more trans than another, or worse yet, turn your back on the entire LGBT community? Well, first of all, no one is more trans than another. Where does that even come from?

All of you of a certain (more mature) age, may remember that "back in the day" you were expected to go all the way to genital realignment surgery and then disappear into society. The problem of course was, we (as a community) lost all of our possible activists or advocates.

Old picture from two summers ago, overlooking the
Ohio River...Ripley, Ohio

These days, of course, the times may be "a-changin' ". One can easily see, with the number of new transgender politicians alone, the amount of trans activists is increasing.

Being under the so called "transgender unbrella" where we are so good at eating our young though, unity is still hard to come by. I am still waiting to read about some IQ-45 supporting trans women taking to task the rules being changed to support her. I haven't yet, although Jenner came close and I know a few trans women who still support t-rump. And I'm off subject!

It used to be, simple "passing" just meant relief from transphobic or homephobic remarks. Now, it's supposed to be relegated to a lesser problem with societies' new found understanding of the differences within the LGBT community.

Dare I say, anymore passing now, is not as much a product of protection, as one of vanity. Take my case as an example, I have worked damn hard to get to where I am, and I don't want to give it up and will fight to keep it. Vanity, or not.

Are You Welcome Where?

I think it's safe to say, it's still tough to assume we transgender women and trans men for the most part are "welcomed" in the rest rooms of their choice.

Going back to the casino story here in Cyrsti's Condo, Connie commented on her experiences in a casino restroom, which happen to be close to mine, except I was not with a cross dresser -transgender group:

" FABULOUSCONNIEDEEFebruary 7, 2018 at 12:15 PM

It would be prudent to be aware that Native American casinos do not always have to follow the same rules or laws that you may be used to off the Reservation. I think that most of them try to be accommodating (they want as many people to come in and lose their money as possible, anyway).

A number of years ago, the trans social group I have mentioned before went, en mass and en femme, to a nearby casino. While a couple of them were using the ladies room, they were detained by security (sans cuffs) in much the same way. This casino, however, came to an agreement with the group that allowed them to use the family-friendly restroom (which this group so femininely call a "single holer") at the far end of the casino. I have been to that casino a couple of times, but not with that group. I disregarded the rule, though, and used the ladies room without incident. I imagine it could have much to do with being discreet, but there are always many eyes watching you in a casino - no matter who you are."

Plus, the casino I was in at the time, was not Native American owned. 

On a larger scale, Paula Goodwin, checked in on how it is to live in London (UK):

"Paula GoodwinFebruary 7, 2018 at 1:25 PM

I feel very blessed to live in busy, liberal, accepting London (UK) and have very little acknowledgement never mind issues! I usually find that the most frequent reaction to my presence is simply to ignore. Since this is the way everybody gets treated in London that's fine by me.

I suspect that generally the UK is more liberal and accepting than the US, however that does not mean we all have it easy, I have recently been hearing of the major problems I trans woman is having in a nice bit of Berkshire with frequent unwanted sexual advances/ on street abuse. I know that in some places this is simply the nature of being a woman, but in Berkshire! ~ I had expected better."

Paula, I can't speak to Berkshire and to excess sexual advances, but overall, I think it is safe to assume in the United States, your larger metro areas have a real tendency to be more liberal and LGBT friendly.

Thanks to both of you, for your comments.