Perspectives

Old pix, circa 2008

When I have absolutely nothing to write about, I often ask my partner Liz for ideas (so you can blame her!)

Today she asked if there were any transgender perspectives which may have changed with me recently, or long term.

In the short term, it's hard to say, because trans life is so reactionary to me. After all these years, I still have a certain trepidation when I think about going out. Such as what am I going to wear to blend in and will I encounter any potential rest room issues. Sometimes I think these will carry with me forever and I also suppose what I'm going to wear is a normal response.

Over time though, I have experienced many changes. Most I have written about here in
Cyrsti's Condo before. 

The biggest one is how I perceive what I wear and the importance I attach to it. When I look back on all my earliest blog posts, often I am amazed how attached I was to every small detail of what I was wearing. Indeed, every trip out in the trans feminine world I made, success or failure was determined about how well I "passed".

Now I realize, over the years, it took awhile to settle into my own style. Then I took extra time to  mesh it with the real world of cis women.  Learning (often the hard way) confidence not passing did equal privilege.

So, I did learn and change. I guess you can teach an old girl new tricks!

More Privilege?

I received two excellent comments from the passing versus privilege post here in Cyrsti's Condo. Here they are:

1. FABULOUSCONNIEDEEFebruary 9, 2018 at 4:00 PM

   Sure, there is some privilege for one who may pass. The truth is, though, that very few trans women actually pass - especially those who have had to experience their male puberty. It was my thought that I couldn't pass that kept me in the closet for so many wasted years. What I finally learned is that I don't have to pass as a woman, but I do have to pass muster. That is, if I present myself with style, grace, and confidence, people are more apt to be accepting of me - if not as a true woman, at least as a true human being.
   
   Whether one is cis or trans, men and women are sized up by others all the time (rightly or wrongly). First impressions have always been important, and those who can make a good one are more destined to be received favorably, i.e. passing muster. I have found that living under this premise has made my life so much easier. I even end up actually passing sometimes, and I take those incidences as pleasant surprises rather than accomplishments of a goal.
   
   The man for whom I work during the summers is my next door neighbor. I had known him for a year before he hired me, and I never expected that I was passing to him. He had seen me when I was all gussied up and leaving to go out for the evening a few times, but our interactions were more often discussions over the back fence while I was working in the yard or taking the garbage out. I certainly was not concerned with passing on those occasions, but I was mindful of being a good neighbor and human being. After about a week into my employment, I needed to bring up a problem I was having with his designated supervisor, who had been mis-gendering me. When my neighbor gave a puzzled look to me and my complaint, I started thinking the worst, and that he was not sympathetic to my dilemma. I restated my concern, and began explaining how hurtful it is for a trans person to be mis-gendered. He then stopped me and said, "I didn't know that. I always thought you were a tall woman with a low voice."
   
   As remarkable as that revelation was to me, I also learned later that I was the first woman he had hired to have successfully done this job in his 30 years of business. Since he hired me, he now has three other women in his employ. Maybe I am a sort-of advocate, after all! The disappointing thing, however, is that his solution to my problem with the supervisor was to keep us away from each other as much as possible. At least I've experienced no further mis-genederings during our short and infrequent encounters.
2. 
   Emma GrayFebruary 9, 2018 at 10:07 PM

   Fully agree that no one is more trans or above any others. We are each on our own journeys, and all are valid.
   
   I’ve also contemplated the problem for all trans that passing privilege perpetuates. Of course, this intersects with those for whom achieving a high level of passing is of utmost importance.
   
   And then there are these youngsters who’re receiving puberty blockers and, later, HRT, and just entering their lives as the gender they are in their hearts. By definition almost they will disappear into society.
   
   In the meantime I am what I am. I just try to look nice and appropriate, behave as a nice woman, and smile. Maybe that helps in a small way to normalize our transgender presence, validity, and awareness.

Thanks to Connie and Emma for your comments. As we have said here many times, every time we interact with the public, many times we are carrying the load of the entire transgender community with us.  As both of you said, if we all present ourselves with some sort of grace and behavior, which does provide us all with more LGBT privilege. 

Pull It Back

Today for some reason, I decided to pull back this wild mane of hair I have into a pony tail which reaches halfway down my back. Liz and I had three shopping stops to make plus her karate class.

As the day progressed, per norm I didn't seem to cause any unwanted or unneeded attention. But I did notice the number of other women whom I assumed were "cis", who had their hair pulled back too...which gave me a certain amount of security, somehow.

As far as shopping went, Liz and I went to a huge thrift store, which was having a half off sale on everything in the store. She found items she could use the fabric from for her sewing projects. I found two more nice sweaters. A black one and a longer red one, both nice and soft!

Other than the sweaters, nothing else (as I wrote) really happened except three real positive interactions with other clerks and/or cashiers, who I don't think took me for anything else than another woman shopping.

I am going to have to get on the selfie craze and try to get a picture or two to pass along here on Cyrsti's Condo, with my hair pulled back. The closest picture I have is the one I shared with you on a recent post. It was taken on a "day vacation" Liz and I went on a couple summers ago.

How to Dress for Your Sign

This time I am not talking about a stop sign!

I am referring back to Fabulous After 40 and their series about dressing for your astrological sign.

Deborah from Fabulous is doing a fun feature based on when we were born. Here is my sign, Libra, plus a few famous Libra women. Also, I'm sure you will enjoy all the other fashion tips and more you will discover by following the link above.

HOW TO DRESS FOR YOUR ZODIAC SIGN: LIBRA

   I hope you’ve been enjoying   my How To Dress For Your  Zodiac Sign series. 

   Today I’m featuring the Libra woman, born between September 23rd and           October 22nd.

Susan Sarandon, Marie Osmond, Gwyneth Paltrow, Catherine Zeta-Jones

  Libra women are known for being balanced. They are an interesting mix of logic and   emotion, seriousness and playfulness.

  People are naturally drawn to the Libra woman and it’s no   wonder. She is charming,   tactful and diplomatic. The Libra woman is also efficient and known for getting things   done.

Romantic, intelligent, peaceful and fun all describe the Libra woman.

LIBRA STYLE

• Easily takes their style from day-to-night
• Likes classics, with a twist
• Easily balances high and low fashion, bold and soft colors, and sexy and modest silhouettes
• Goes for lush fabrics like silk and suede
• Wears a variety of looks

It's fashion sites such as Fabulous After 40, which help transgender women and cross dressers help compete in a very competitive feminine world! 

Does "Passing" Equal Privilege?

If you are fortunate enough to have (or are transitioning) favorably, does that give you the right to say you are more trans than another, or worse yet, turn your back on the entire LGBT community? Well, first of all, no one is more trans than another. Where does that even come from?

All of you of a certain (more mature) age, may remember that "back in the day" you were expected to go all the way to genital realignment surgery and then disappear into society. The problem of course was, we (as a community) lost all of our possible activists or advocates.

Old picture from two summers ago, overlooking the
Ohio River...Ripley, Ohio

These days, of course, the times may be "a-changin' ". One can easily see, with the number of new transgender politicians alone, the amount of trans activists is increasing.

Being under the so called "transgender unbrella" where we are so good at eating our young though, unity is still hard to come by. I am still waiting to read about some IQ-45 supporting trans women taking to task the rules being changed to support her. I haven't yet, although Jenner came close and I know a few trans women who still support t-rump. And I'm off subject!

It used to be, simple "passing" just meant relief from transphobic or homephobic remarks. Now, it's supposed to be relegated to a lesser problem with societies' new found understanding of the differences within the LGBT community.

Dare I say, anymore passing now, is not as much a product of protection, as one of vanity. Take my case as an example, I have worked damn hard to get to where I am, and I don't want to give it up and will fight to keep it. Vanity, or not.

Are You Welcome Where?

I think it's safe to say, it's still tough to assume we transgender women and trans men for the most part are "welcomed" in the rest rooms of their choice.

Going back to the casino story here in Cyrsti's Condo, Connie commented on her experiences in a casino restroom, which happen to be close to mine, except I was not with a cross dresser -transgender group:

" FABULOUSCONNIEDEEFebruary 7, 2018 at 12:15 PM

It would be prudent to be aware that Native American casinos do not always have to follow the same rules or laws that you may be used to off the Reservation. I think that most of them try to be accommodating (they want as many people to come in and lose their money as possible, anyway).

A number of years ago, the trans social group I have mentioned before went, en mass and en femme, to a nearby casino. While a couple of them were using the ladies room, they were detained by security (sans cuffs) in much the same way. This casino, however, came to an agreement with the group that allowed them to use the family-friendly restroom (which this group so femininely call a "single holer") at the far end of the casino. I have been to that casino a couple of times, but not with that group. I disregarded the rule, though, and used the ladies room without incident. I imagine it could have much to do with being discreet, but there are always many eyes watching you in a casino - no matter who you are."

Plus, the casino I was in at the time, was not Native American owned. 

On a larger scale, Paula Goodwin, checked in on how it is to live in London (UK):

"Paula GoodwinFebruary 7, 2018 at 1:25 PM

I feel very blessed to live in busy, liberal, accepting London (UK) and have very little acknowledgement never mind issues! I usually find that the most frequent reaction to my presence is simply to ignore. Since this is the way everybody gets treated in London that's fine by me.

I suspect that generally the UK is more liberal and accepting than the US, however that does not mean we all have it easy, I have recently been hearing of the major problems I trans woman is having in a nice bit of Berkshire with frequent unwanted sexual advances/ on street abuse. I know that in some places this is simply the nature of being a woman, but in Berkshire! ~ I had expected better."

Paula, I can't speak to Berkshire and to excess sexual advances, but overall, I think it is safe to assume in the United States, your larger metro areas have a real tendency to be more liberal and LGBT friendly.

Thanks to both of you, for your comments.

Andrea Marra

Joining a record number of transgender candidates this year is New York's Andrea Marra according to the Gay Star News:

Andrea Marra, an activist and transgender New Yorker, has announced  her candidacy for the New York State Senate.

She’s running for District 13, representing the borough Queens and neighborhoods like Astoria and Jackson Heights. Per the press release GSN obtained, 60% of residents identify as immigrants and there’s also a vibrant LGBTQ community.

In the race, she’s challenging Democrat incumbent José Peralta. He’s a member of the Independent Democratic Conference (IDC), a group of Democrats who support Republican leadership in the Senate.

Marra describes Peralta as a ‘turncoat’.

‘We need new, honest leadership to protect and expand affordable housing; modernize the broken MTA; deliver the funding our schools need and deserve; and invest in New York’s overburdened public hospitals, including Elmhurst Hospital,’ she stated.

There is more to this story, to follow it, go here.

Just When You Thought it Was Safe

Following the Cyrsti's Condo post about Walgreens and the trans woman who was denied access to the woman's restroom who sought relief from the ACLU (Successfully)...comes another transgender rest room experience:

The transgender woman who claims she was harassed, handcuffed, and detained for using the women's restroom at Fantasy Springs reaches an agreement with the casino.

The woman described the experience as making her feel "sub-human" and the handcuffs even left bruises on her wrists.

The casino in question is in California and "Ella" was released when she told deputies she had done nothing wrong.

Details of the settlement were not released.

Where Are You From?

Off the top of my flat head, a couple people I know read Cyrsti's Condo are fortunate to live in LGBT friendly areas of the country. They would be Connie and Stana from Femulate. Stana, I believe, lives in Connecticut. I am right in the middle here in Ohio which has pockets of acceptance around the big cities, combined with non acceptance in the rural areas. Plus, I live in a relatively liberal Cincinnati, Ohio suburb, and normally don't have any problems.

I know too, so many of you aren't fortunate to live in to a "liberal, accepting" transgender area. Even if you don't though, rest assured all of us have to deal with the occasional idiot/bigot.

Here's Connie's take:

"I can't argue that there is a cruel world out there, some of it more cruel than others. I know that I am fortunate to live in Seattle, which may be the easiest place for a transgender woman to live. Sure, there is still some cruelty to be found here, but it is tempered by an overall atmosphere of tolerance, even if much of it is due to political correctness. 

I am not a big fan of political correctness, but I do believe in tolerance. I feel that I must allow myself to have as much tolerance for others as I expect them to have for me. In doing so, I guess that I have to trade some warm and fuzzy for a little nitty gritty. This does not mean that I need to accept any intolerance displayed by others; I don't have to give it credence, either.

I was the victim of bullies more often in my youth than I am today. I was a weird kid who was trying so hard to hide my gender confusion that I just oozed a lack of self confidence. I was an easy target, the bullies thought, because of this. I learned, though, that the bullies were often even less self confident than was I, and a few well-placed words were more effective than allowing myself to buy in to their game. 

I am now living as a more confident person - the woman I have always seen myself becoming. I purposely put myself out in the world, both to test myself and a world with which I must be a part. In doing so, I grow as a person and as a woman, even if much of the world may still see me as a freak and as a "transgender' woman. I won't allow those monkeys to define me, however. I may have been born with a penis, but then we were all born with an asshole - it's none of my business that there are those out there who identify themselves by a body part they possess, and it's none of theirs how I identify myself."

So, there you go. The grass on the other side, may not quite be that greener. Thanks Connie.