Decisions, Decisions

Paula Goodwin responded to our Cyrsti's Condo post about going full time as a transgender woman:

Paula GoodwinDecember 15, 2017 at 7:24 AM

"Making the decision to stay full time in one gender is not an easy one, particularly for those of us of more mature year! After living many years presenting one gender to then make a permanent switch takes a lot of thought. For me I felt I had to try out what it was like doing real life things presenting as a woman, not just the fun things like going out to concerts, bars or galleries. I joined an orchestra as Paula and found that I enjoyed my music more and played with more sensitivity (as much as is possible on the bass trombone!) and that I was just more comfortable.

I would strongly recommend trying some real life experiences before making the decision, after all it may be possible to go back after going 24/7 but it could be both difficult and embarrassing!"

Thank you Paula!

I can't imagine ever going back, although I have to admit I miss doing several of the activities I did as a guy and I miss the simplicity of living as a guy.

My body is so feminized now from HRT, I know I could go back, but I can't ever imagining wanting to. Almost none of the people now ever knew my old male self.

What Makes a Man a Man?

Briefly, a couple of posts ago here in Cyrsti's Condo, we discussed how (for the most part) cis-men are intimidated by transgender women.

It's another complicated topic with no easy answers, but there are a couple. First, many men cling tenuously to their manhood to start with. Manhood is so confined, as compared to womanhood. After-all, woman have the children, keep a home and these days most must work too. Men have ego's which need to be maintained, etc.

Also the domains previously reserved for men are shrinking. Sports are a prime example. When, we, as trans women have played sports (and still have an active interest in) in our past, it's a problem with some men. Take Connie for example:

"I don't know if my high school successes as a football player intimidates any man, but I have disappointed a few who think that I was fooling them. I did play football as a diversion; a diversion for myself and a diversion for others to have no idea that I had a secret identity. The truth is that I loved playing the game - beyond the opportunities it afforded me to take out my anger and frustration on another human being. It was something I had a talent for, but, thank God, I had not the size for college ball. I don't have many occasions to talk about my past exploits in the game like a group of guys might do, trading stories and one-upping each other. That just doesn't fit my style anymore. 

There have been times, with people who are sincere in their curiosity, when I've used the example of my prior football days to explain how I dealt with my gender identity early on. Then I sing a verse of "If They Could See Me Now," and give a big wink. My days of intimidation were left on the football field. ;-)"

As most of you know, I too played football and some baseball in my past. When I was actively in the dating pool as a transgender woman, sometimes I just didn't say much about my knowledge of sports, or other "guy" things when dealing with a guy. A perfect example was when my car broke down one time and I had to sit back and play the perfect "dumb blond" as the driver explained to me how to get to my own house and how his tow truck worked.

I suppose it's an act most cis women learn growing up.

Maybe now, times are a changing and it's up to cis men to be better persons and catch up. They just can't rely on their "brawn" to make life work with women. Cis or trans. 

And thanks to Connie.

What If

I dwell on this topic quite a bit it seems. Perhaps it's because I get asked the question about what it's like to go "full time" as a transgender woman. All of a sudden, it wasn't which gender I was going to a party as, it became what I was going to find to wear. As a woman, I didn't want to embarrass myself. Didn't want to under-dress or over- dress for the evening.

In many ways, it's a tough question, yet easy to answer. First of all, it is different than anything I ever imagined. Back in my cross dressing days, I was obsessed with so called "passing." Now I'm obsessed with looking the best I can and letting the cards fall where they may.

Along the way, I have crossed so many frontiers, they are hard to remember. Communication barriers arose the more I lived as a woman. Both genders communicated with me different. For the most part I was ostracized by men and treated with curiosity by women. Along the way, I just came to expect it. I learned to be more of a listener and be on the outlook for passive aggressive behavior.

"Passing" was also replaced by comfort and blending. It became simply impossible for me to put together a complete "heels and hose" outfit for every occasion. Instead, I began to dress to blend...with other women. So, again, I was dressing for women and not men.

I think too, in many parts of the country, living as a transgender woman or trans man is becoming  somewhat easier. In fact, I recently gave job advice to a new trans woman friend. I asked her if there was a Kroger Grocery Store near her. At least around here, Kroger makes it a point to be very diverse.

Not to say life is a piece of cake for a trans person, but in someways there is a glimmer of hope on the sunrise. Especially with the political situation beginning to change. Even in Alabama.

Finally, if you really are thinking about going "full-time", dress to blend and go to the hardest places you perceive to go. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere!

Good luck...on your new gender skill.

Success in Columbia?

• From the Washington Blade:

BOGOTÁ, Colombia — A transgender woman who is running for the Colombian Senate hopes to make history in the South American country.

Tatiana Piñeros on Monday formally registered her candidacy with Colombian election officials.

Piñeros is ninth among the list of candidates for the “List of Decency” — a coalition that includes the center-left Independent Social Alliance and Patriotic Union parties and the Indigenous and Social Alternative Movement.

Congressional elections are scheduled to take place on March 11. Piñeros would become the first openly trans person elected to the Colombian congress if she receives enough votes.

“We need to have new voices,” she told the Washington Blade on Tuesday from the Colombian capital of Bogotá. “We need new leaders.”

For more, go here.

We Got Mail

We received several great comments on the Cyrsti's Condo post "He Protests too Much" here they are:

1. "FABULOUSCONNIEDEEDecember 13, 2017 at 11:55 AM

   Yeah, I like girls.....and football too! So what? Lots of women, trans and cis do, as well. How old is this guy, and how long has he been cross dressing? I spent most of my life questioning my gender identity, not coming to such conclusions as that. Obviously, though, he picked the wrong crowd to make that proclamation.
   
   When I came out to my family, my then 15-year-old grandson had two concerns: Would I leave his grandmother, and did I still like football. No, and yes were my answers, and everything was cool. I hope this cross dresser can open his mind as much as a 15-year-old.
2. 
   Paula GoodwinDecember 13, 2017 at 1:59 PM

   I am so tempted to repeat my favorite joke, you know the one, "What's the difference between a crossdresser and a trans sexual?" ~ "about three years" (actually that's a lie, my favorite joke is "A white horse walks into a bar and orders a beer, while he's pouring it the bar man says ~ "We've got a whisky named after you!" and the horse answers "What!? Nigel?"
   
   Anyway I digress the thing about trans people is that we reflect all of society, we are Black, White, and every other available colour; we are straight, gay, bi, pan, or asexual; we are liberal and conservative; we are fat and thin; male, female, or non binary; basically we are just the same as everybody else ~ and of course that means that some of us are liars, cheats, sexual predators, and of course some of us are simply stupid!"
3.   I think too, because some of us do like football or rugby and used to play them, we intimidate some men. After all,what actual domains do men have left? 
4. Plus, if some cross dressers find trans girls attractive, it brings up delicate serious insecurities. The guy at the meeting perhaps was dealing with one of those.  He is in his 40'sand has been cross dressing since his teens, but has never "gone all the way." He is into fetishes such as satin and corsets.
5. Thanks for the comments!

Me Thinks He Protests too Much!

At our transgender support group meeting last night, I heard a self professed cross dresser say emphatically he couldn't be transgender because he likes women. The whole outburst was a little unnerving to me because he looked straight (no pun intended) at me when he said it.

I simply said, don't tell my cis-woman partner of five plus years I can't like women because I'm trans.

From there, and I am not sure he listened, other's in the room tried to explain the difference between gender (between the ears) and sexuality (between the legs).

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised at his lack of understanding and hopefully a few more statements such as that will help him to understand. Plus, it just so happens, I know at least a couple more of the participants are married to, or live with cis women and a couple more participants are bi-sexual.

A learning experience for him to be sure. I hope a positive one.

Perhaps too, if you have heard the old saying "if a person protests too much they may have a skeleton or two dancing in their closet." He may be experiencing a fantasy or two keeping his skeletons dancing.

How Did I Get Here?

I used to write anti stealth posts here in Cyrsti's Condo about transgender women transitioning and then going stealth, to be never heard from again.

Many years later, I find myself in the same spot.

It has occurred to me I am the trans stealth person now for a couple of reasons. The first being, I really don't care what the public thinks of me and if the truth be known, most need to see and/or interact with a transgender person anyhow.

The second reason being is I think I am better in living a feminine lifestyle. Or, at the least I am used to it, through more error than trial over the years. I have settled in to the person I thought I could become and blend with other cis-women in the world.

In other words, going stealth was a natural turn of events. After all, I went through all the trouble of having my legal gender markers changed to female.

I used to see "landmarks" in my MtF gender transition.  Now all I see is life. So I guess, stealth is good after all. Looking back, I am pretty sure I know how I got here, now I sure as hell don't ever want to leave.

It's Amazing!

Well once again, it seems the "Dumptster" has been dealt dual set backs in his quest to deny transgender troops the right to serve in the military. A third judge as well as the Pentagon itself has said after January first, trans woman and trans men can enlist and serve in the U.S. military.

Since the people's minority president spends four hours of his day watching television, I'm sure he will be finding other activities to zero in on, like screwing up the Middle East or starting a nuclear war.

Locally, the news concerning trans students in a local school district was not good. Last night a major school district in the Cincinnati area voted not to extend LGBT transgender protections to their students. Of course the meeting was packed by local alt right Evangelicals who shot it down. To but it into perspective, this is close to the same area as Leelah Alcorns' parents live.

Not so amazing. I wish I could have written a "fluff" post today. But, I just couldn't. Sorry.

The Pendulum Swings

I believe the winding course which takes us from being a part time cross dresser to a full time transgender woman has a pendulum. It swings back and forth until you decide on the feminine person you ultimately will become as you regain your heritage.

You may always want/need to dress in heels and hose or (on the other hand) you may end up loving your girl jeans and boots. It's trans human nature, sort of like being a princess, per Connie:

"FABULOUSCONNIEDEEDecember 10, 2017 at 4:05 PM

It's OK to feel like a princess once in a while. In fact, every woman - cis or trans - has a right to it. Looking back, I see that my cross dressing experiences were like crossing a line each time. I was feeling the princess in me, but I was simultaneously trying to block out the essence of my self in order to do so. Soon after entering the women's world 24/7, I found myself more in a zone - a zone in which I might feel like a chambermaid one moment, and a princess the next. 

The princess feeling may come and go, and it may be as small and fleeting as having a man open a door for me or a knowing smile from another woman. Sure, I experienced a bit of that when cross dressed, but I had to cross a line first. I can tell you now, though, that these feelings are so much more affirming in my life as a woman (trans woman, if you insist) than they were when I was only temporarily presenting a facade.

Above it all is that I would rather live within the zone as a chambermaid, with fewer opportunities to be a princess, than to have to cross a line in order to feel like a princess for a few hours at a time. The princess feeling can come at any time, not just after I've made a conscious effort to step over a line."

Very true! Thanks! :)