Friday, December 15, 2017

What If

I dwell on this topic quite a bit it seems. Perhaps it's because I get asked the question about what it's like to go "full time" as a transgender woman. All of a sudden, it wasn't which gender I was going to a party as, it became what I was going to find to wear. As a woman, I didn't want to embarrass myself. Didn't want to under-dress or over- dress for the evening.

In many ways, it's a tough question, yet easy to answer. First of all, it is different than anything I ever imagined. Back in my cross dressing days, I was obsessed with so called "passing." Now I'm obsessed with looking the best I can and letting the cards fall where they may.

Along the way, I have crossed so many frontiers, they are hard to remember. Communication barriers arose the more I lived as a woman. Both genders communicated with me different. For the most part I was ostracized by men and treated with curiosity by women. Along the way, I just came to expect it. I learned to be more of a listener and be on the outlook for passive aggressive behavior.

"Passing" was also replaced by comfort and blending. It became simply impossible for me to put together a complete "heels and hose" outfit for every occasion. Instead, I began to dress to blend...with other women. So, again, I was dressing for women and not men.

I think too, in many parts of the country, living as a transgender woman or trans man is becoming  somewhat easier. In fact, I recently gave job advice to a new trans woman friend. I asked her if there was a Kroger Grocery Store near her. At least around here, Kroger makes it a point to be very diverse.

Not to say life is a piece of cake for a trans person, but in someways there is a glimmer of hope on the sunrise. Especially with the political situation beginning to change. Even in Alabama.

Finally, if you really are thinking about going "full-time", dress to blend and go to the hardest places you perceive to go. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere!

Good luck...on your new gender skill.

1 comment:

  1. Making the decision to stay full time in one gender is not an easy one, particularly for those of us of more mature year! After living many years presenting one gender to then make a permanent switch takes a lot of thought. For me I felt I had to try out what it was like doing real life things presenting as a woman, not just the fun things like going out to concerts, bars or galleries. I joined an orchestra as Paula and found that I enjoyed my music more and played with more sensitivity (as much as is possible on the bass trombone!) and that I was just more comfortable.

    I would strongly recommend trying some real life experiences before making the decision, after all it may be possible to go back after going 24/7 but it could be both difficult and embarrassing!