What Makes a Man a Man?

Briefly, a couple of posts ago here in Cyrsti's Condo, we discussed how (for the most part) cis-men are intimidated by transgender women.

It's another complicated topic with no easy answers, but there are a couple. First, many men cling tenuously to their manhood to start with. Manhood is so confined, as compared to womanhood. After-all, woman have the children, keep a home and these days most must work too. Men have ego's which need to be maintained, etc.

Also the domains previously reserved for men are shrinking. Sports are a prime example. When, we, as trans women have played sports (and still have an active interest in) in our past, it's a problem with some men. Take Connie for example:

"I don't know if my high school successes as a football player intimidates any man, but I have disappointed a few who think that I was fooling them. I did play football as a diversion; a diversion for myself and a diversion for others to have no idea that I had a secret identity. The truth is that I loved playing the game - beyond the opportunities it afforded me to take out my anger and frustration on another human being. It was something I had a talent for, but, thank God, I had not the size for college ball. I don't have many occasions to talk about my past exploits in the game like a group of guys might do, trading stories and one-upping each other. That just doesn't fit my style anymore. 

There have been times, with people who are sincere in their curiosity, when I've used the example of my prior football days to explain how I dealt with my gender identity early on. Then I sing a verse of "If They Could See Me Now," and give a big wink. My days of intimidation were left on the football field. ;-)"

As most of you know, I too played football and some baseball in my past. When I was actively in the dating pool as a transgender woman, sometimes I just didn't say much about my knowledge of sports, or other "guy" things when dealing with a guy. A perfect example was when my car broke down one time and I had to sit back and play the perfect "dumb blond" as the driver explained to me how to get to my own house and how his tow truck worked.

I suppose it's an act most cis women learn growing up.

Maybe now, times are a changing and it's up to cis men to be better persons and catch up. They just can't rely on their "brawn" to make life work with women. Cis or trans. 

And thanks to Connie.


Paula said…
I always thought that American Football was a girls game anyway! Sometimes when I am with friends who have known me for a long time, and the conversation turns to my game (Rugby Union ~ I played in the front row!) anyone who overhears the conversation can get a little confused. I am sure that there are some men who have felt their masculinity undermined when somebody as apparently Macho as I appeared to be rejects their own masculinity, but, I suspect that this often indicates a lack of security in their own sexuality or masculinity.

I make it point of pride only to wear rugby shirts of teams I have played for or against, I still have the shirt I used at my last club, it's just that now I wear it as a mini dress!
I had to laugh when you were describing how you dealt with the tow truck driver.

And yes you are right about how women start learning early on how to act around men (basically how to stroke their egos) to accomplish a goal.