Reality or Fantasy?

Back in the day, my deceased wife and I would engage in many discussions/arguments over my cross dressing only being fantasy based and having nothing to do with knowing how a "real" woman lived. Little did she know, when she called me the "Pretty, pretty princess" I was motivated to learn exactly what she was talking about...learn how to live as a "real" woman.

It turns out Connie had a similar experience:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEDecember 9, 2017 at 2:10 PM

"As we both heard from our spouses early on, "You just want all the fun parts of being a girl!" For me, that comment made me really examine my gender identity. It caused me, at once, both shame and indignation. I hated myself for living out a fantasy at the expense of our relationship, but how dare she say that it was only a fantasy! By all appearances, though, she was right. I had been holding back my real femininity in order to be able to compartmentalize my feminine and masculine presentations. When I explained that to her later, and she graciously accepted my need to let go of the masculine, the freedom (and the responsibility) of embracing the feminine world opened the door to a life that was so much more natural to me than I'd ever experienced before.

As a man, I always preferred the company of women on a social level. I was seen by them as a sensitive and gentle man. Women would confide in me like they would not to most guys, and I learned so much about myself in the process. I actually had an empathy for women that most men could not ever comprehend. The thing that was so upsetting to me, though, is that I was not so well received by women when I was "just having fun" being one. Yes, I had been looking at life from both sides, but it wasn't until I melded them together - being who I really am - that I have been able to be seen by both women and men as having validity. Now, this validity may not be of a cis woman's, but it is close enough that I get respect for who I am. I can't ask for more than that."

As life went on, I found out my wife was right...I was just being a princess but my life was to change dramatically, and no I never became the "queen."

Thanks Connie for sharing.

How High or Low can You Go?

Liz was discussing with me my Cyrsti's Condo post about the socialization similarities between cis and transgender women.

I'm paraphrasing here, but she said she thought many cross dressers and/or trans women don't understand the seriousness cis women grow up with, when life comes down to appearance. How a whole day can be ruined when an outfit is under appreciated.

On the other hand she agreed with me when I brought up how good we can feel the moment we sense everything has come together and we look the best we can.

She also said, most cis women pass through a certain time of their lives when they are sure they look their best. But, as time passes by, the cis woman has to rely on other features to make them still feel attractive.

That's why, I do my best to take care of my aging skin. If you are on a budget and have an "Big Lots" store nearby, they sell cosmetic facial wipes for around a dollar a pack (30 wipes.) My personal faves are the "green tea" wipes. They do a fantastic job of removing all my makeup and deep cleansing my skin.

Older picture with shorter hair and old glasses.

Plus, as you have all probably read, I try to walk everyday for all the benefits it can provide-including the all important weight control. I figured long ago, if I was seriously considering playing in the girls sandbox as a transgender woman, I needed to start to work at it.

Sometimes I wonder, when someone says they "cannot pass", are they working hard enough to do it. Very, very few of us can naturally head out into a feminine world and be successful. I also tell everyone to not necessarily become enamored with all the pictures you see on the web. The best looking cross dresser - transgender woman in the world can not make it as a trans woman if she walks and talks like a linebacker.

In fact, Liz says "I'm such a girl" when she out cusses me. On the other hand she is always telling me I have a problem with my posture.

It's like everything else in life...highs and lows are part of existence. Just head on back to the drawing board and do better. No matter what age you are or how you perceive your appearance.

Let It Snow!

When it snows around here (Ohio) it is obviously not the same as it snowing throughout the deep South...Louisiana, Georgia, etc. I don't mind snow if I don't have to travel in it, and if I do, I have something to wear.

Somewhere in the dim recesses of my closet, I have a couple more pair of boots still to seek out. One pair resembles the classic "Ugh" boots and are tan in color with some sort of a faux wool interior. In other words, the ultimate snow boot. My old slouch boots have seen their better days, I have a pair of gray boots with two inch heels which are actually too big unless I wear heavy socks with them and finally I have a pair of heavy duty charcoal colored suede and fax fur boots too.

So I think I can make it through the winter! :)

Now sweaters are a different story. This transgender girl cannot have enough sweaters! Time permitting, I would still like to hit a couple of the pre-Christmas sales, use the remainder of my gift certificate and buy one or two more sharp sweaters.

I promise to try to remember to snap a selfie the next time I wear one for all of you.

In the meantime both Liz and I are using our resources to keeping our two aging cars on the street!

Can We Learn?

Some staunch transgender woman opponents say it is impossible for a person born a biological male to ever understand what it is like to truly transition into a cis woman's world.

Of course I am biased, but I say it is possible we transgender women can totally assimilate a cis woman's lifestyle.

I used to refer to the process as "playing in the girl's sandbox."  When one begins to try to survive in a feminine world, women teach us tons, if they know it or not.

Remembering the early scratch marks I received as I learned the terrain, it's a wonder I made it at all. But I did. Here's an example:

I had to learn where passively aggressive women carried their invisible knives and how to watch your back when they tried to use them. Also I had to fight those who thought I was some temporary cross dresser who would head home, put my pretty clothes away and resume my life as a guy. The fight didn't last long as I established my true feminine personality and flourished . 

Human beings are sharks and cis women are the top mental predators. Once cis women couldn't find any BS in my Mtf transgender transition, they, for the most part had no problems with me.

And then there are the ever expanding examples of gender violence and sexual predators. Both tie trans women even closer into the overall universal feminine experience.

Finally, most cis women will never understand the amount of time trans women spent during their life watching and learning from afar. The ultimate form of flattery. Most cis women just can't understand we were always women...just born different.

So, those are only a few of the reasons I believe we trans women can understand a cis woman's world and on some occasions, our male experiences even help.

A true " Both Sides Now."  (With all respect to Judy Collins)

Another Look

I have been fortunate enough to receive several fascinating comments from transgender women on their lifelong MtF transition from being a cross dresser, to where they truly belong...out and proud trans women.

The first came from Paula Goodwin and the second from Connie Malone:

"I have to say that I do not look back on cross dressing with any fondness. Sure, I felt terrific when I got all dolled up, but there was always an underlying feeling of guilt and shame associated with it. At first, I felt guilt and shame for doing something I could only understand as deviant behavior. However, the worst part of it was the deceit in trying to keep it a secret from loved ones and friends. Once I understood that I didn't need to cross dress in order to express my femininity, I began "fessing up" to myself and others. I asked for their forgiveness - not for my being trans, but for the lengths I would go to hide it from them. Coming out is one thing; coming clean is another.

My everyday wardrobe now - jeans, hoodie, and sneakers - is no different than what I used to wear in my male life. When I do have reason to dress up now, instead of a coat and tie, it's a dress and heels. The emotional and mental difference is like night and day, and the physical discomfort that may come with wearing foundation garments and heels is the only price I pay these days. I'm so lucky to feel pretty and not feel guilt. Freeing myself of the guilt, by the way, makes me all the more pretty!"

Nice! Thanks :)

Not Again!

Leelah Alcorn

An Ohio judge will decide whether a transgender boy whose parents, according to court documents, want "Christian-based" therapy for him can receive treatment at Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center.

The 16-year-old wants to transition in gender, but court documents say his parents have denied he is transgender, have refused services from Children's Hospital and at one point refused to allow him to change his "appearance to a male look."

The teen has reported that he was once forced to sit in a room and listen to Bible scriptures for more than six hours at a time, the documents say, the Cincinnati Enquirer reported.

All of this comes on the heels of Greater Cincinnati trans teenager "Leelal Alcorn's" suicide a couple years ago under similar circumstances.

How sad! Even tragic if you are willing to sacrifice your transgender child for some mis-guided principal.  

More Cross Dressers?

Our Cyrsti's Condo comment today comes from Paula Goodwin  and concerns two recent posts including "Psst, There are Cross dressers Here":

Paula GoodwinDecember 6, 2017 at 6:33 AM

"I refer you to my comment on Sunday's post! Of course we were all cross dressers at some point, and they are very definitely amongst us ~ I suspect many more than we suspect, they should be welcomed into the "Trans Community" if there is such a thing, as in many ways they are the pinnacle of divergent gender expression!

In some ways I rather miss my days as a cross dresser, the excitement of going out, the glee of preparation, even the fear of being "found out" added extra spice to my outings. On the other hand I do now feel comfortable with myself."

As do I! Thanks Paula.

Yesterday marked another trip to my Veterans Administration Hospital therapist in Dayton, Ohio. I wore my new green sweater, black leggings and knee hi boots. Even the hospital  was decked out very festively for the holidays, complete with a touring group of carolers. Personally, my trip was very uneventful as no one mis-gendered me except for one guy in a wheel chair who wouldn't stop staring but never spoke.  He made me feel very unsettled. I thought I looked very nice, but I can't vouch for him!

Going back to Paula's comment, I too sometimes miss the sheer (no pun intended) excitement of cross dressing all the way up and going shopping, or whatever. On the other hand, I have gained the pride that any cis-woman has when she dresses nice and does a good job at it.  Yesterday was a great example of being comfortable in my transgender skin...and beyond.

Psst! There are Cross Dressers Among Us

This Cyrsti's Condo post comes from 2012 but is still very relevant today:

Over the months and years here in the condo, we have labored over many different labels. Out of pure simplicity I have just decided to stay with a couple main ones such as transgender and transsexual. To take the whole step further the terms "culture and community" have come into discussion too.

Having said all of that, I wonder where all the semantic babble we indulge in leaves the cross dressers who often exist like the "elephant in the corner". First of all, here are some of my ideas of a cross dresser:

In the most basic sense, we are all crossdressers. If you came out of the womb as a male and dress as a female (or vice versa) you are a cross dresser. All the tons of information, ideas and theories why don't matter in this discussion. Where I'm going here is where being a crossdresser may take us-or not.

For a fact I know more than just a few of you who are content to be just a cross dresser  You may love the feeling of the clothes-physically and or sexually. You may not have any desires to experience the world as a female in any sense and t

hat's all good. Then, comes a much bigger cross dresser segment.

I use the term "transition crossdressers". You are the ones who are not certain what all this means. Is a sex change in your future? What about your life as you know it now? The bottom line is you know this is so much more than just putting on women's clothes in the privacy of your home. Exploration begins in so many areas  ranging from attending meetings to going public as a member of your chosen gender. (No matter how successful)

I was a transition crossdresser. What ever sexual thrill I initially experienced from women's clothes went away quickly and I was left wondering what was missing here? Like so many of you, I dug a hole, jumped into it and tried to bury that part of me. I was the crossdressed elephant in the corner of the room.  Silent and largely ignored by the rest of the transgender community and invisible to the transsexuals.

For the most part nothing has changed in our culture for the transition crossdresser except for the enormous amount information available today.

The only positives I can offer here are I know you are sitting in the corner and I remember the enormous struggles I have gone through to arrive at this point in my life. Referencing you becomes the problem because in some senses I believe you are the "silent majority" in the transgender culture because of necessity. Some seem to think if you have not made the blind leap of faith into absolute gender transition it makes you less of a person. I of course do not believe that and in many ways write this blog to provide any insight and help and can provide.

Yes Virginia, there are cross dressers among us!

Progress?

As I read over many of my old Cyrsti's Condo posts over the years, I wonder if we as a transgender community has progressed much at all.

Many times I believe it has since the "T" in the LGBT logo is not nearly as silent as it used to be. I remember the day when I was discriminated against in a gay bar and had a hard time even getting a cocktail.

It could be the HRT working for me, but today I don't think I am mistaken for a cross dresser or drag queen as much. Although I have nothing against either. Or, it could be society is more "used" to the idea of a non binary transgender type person.

Or perhaps, I just don't care what society thinks and the freedom gives me a better chance to lead whatever life I choose, which happens to be a feminine one.

Even with the current administration which at times seems to foster a particular dislike for us, a certain amount of society has used the time to accept us and even vote for transgender in the LGBT political tickets around the country.

So, I guess times are better. We now have established organizations such as Lambda Legal which can fight for our basic rights in courts. Plus as more and more people are lucky enough to meet or know a transgender person, the less foreign we seem.

Certainly progress is slow and even uncertain in the current times we live in, but our tribe has proven to be tough and resilient for the battles for trans equality ahead.