Sunday, December 10, 2017

Reality or Fantasy?

Back in the day, my deceased wife and I would engage in many discussions/arguments over my cross dressing only being fantasy based and having nothing to do with knowing how a "real" woman lived. Little did she know, when she called me the "Pretty, pretty princess" I was motivated to learn exactly what she was talking about...learn how to live as a "real" woman.

It turns out Connie had a similar experience:

"As we both heard from our spouses early on, "You just want all the fun parts of being a girl!" For me, that comment made me really examine my gender identity. It caused me, at once, both shame and indignation. I hated myself for living out a fantasy at the expense of our relationship, but how dare she say that it was only a fantasy! By all appearances, though, she was right. I had been holding back my real femininity in order to be able to compartmentalize my feminine and masculine presentations. When I explained that to her later, and she graciously accepted my need to let go of the masculine, the freedom (and the responsibility) of embracing the feminine world opened the door to a life that was so much more natural to me than I'd ever experienced before.

As a man, I always preferred the company of women on a social level. I was seen by them as a sensitive and gentle man. Women would confide in me like they would not to most guys, and I learned so much about myself in the process. I actually had an empathy for women that most men could not ever comprehend. The thing that was so upsetting to me, though, is that I was not so well received by women when I was "just having fun" being one. Yes, I had been looking at life from both sides, but it wasn't until I melded them together - being who I really am - that I have been able to be seen by both women and men as having validity. Now, this validity may not be of a cis woman's, but it is close enough that I get respect for who I am. I can't ask for more than that."
As life went on, I found out my wife was right...I was just being a princess but my life was to change dramatically, and no I never became the "queen."
Thanks Connie for sharing.

1 comment:

  1. Likewise I had very similar conversations with my wife, of course it is true that there are some aspects of being a (physical) woman that I will never experience, and to tell the truth I'm quite happy about most of them! But it is only since moving over 24/7 that I have a much deeper understanding of what being a Woman can mean, and indeed what being me means.