This post was written back in 2012 and considers the idea of a cross dressing = transgender addiction:
"I was working on my book last night and going over chapter ideas. One of the old ideas I always felt ridiculous was cross dressing being an entry gateway to transsexualism. Not unlike the marijuana/ heroine connection. If you put on your Mom or sister's clothes, sooner or later you would be going under the SRS knife. If you took a hit on a bong, heroine and ruin was in your future.
Years later as I think about it, I can see how the connection can be made. As I explored my life as a closeted cross dresser, for the most part I was just confused. Nothing was enough. Dressing more, a new outfit or wig and even passing well at the mall were only temporary fixes. Something was missing.
I have smoked the "heathen weed" but thank goodness never went any farther in the drug culture but have heard the impact cocaine or heroin has on a mind. I can compare my fix in a similar sense I guess. Of course without the terrible health problems drug use causes.
The end result was I finally ended the short term fixes and faced up to my true self. I found my own transgender religion. I vividly remember the night not so long ago it happened. I was me and I embraced myself totally for the first time in my life.
I can see however the feeling that night could have been compared to the great feeling of wellness heroine supposedly gives you. The difference is I don't need a hit every day to maintain the high.
That's the reason I can say cross dressing was not a gateway drug for me, I found I used it to mask who I really was. The whole time I was transgender...DUH! But certainly others may be different in that cross dressing may be the only gender fix they ever need for whatever reason. No different than drinking a beer when you come home from work and not a fifth of bourbon.
Life is kind of like that...right?"
Sunday, December 3, 2017
A Lazy Sunday?
It's hard to believe my fave time of the year (fall) is nearly over and Christmas is approaching quickly with a touch of snow even in the forecast later in the week.
The good news is my "The Ohio State Buckeye" football team pulled out a hard fought victory over Wisconsin with a crippled quarterback none the less. Also, the Bengals can't lose to the Steelers today because they don't play until Monday night.
I did see a cute Buckeye sweat shirt yesterday with a "V" neck which may look sharp with leggings and slouch boots I could wear around football bowl time. I am still looking for an article or two of clothing to buy with my gift card from my daughter. (It's burning a hole in my purse!)
Essentially, I am looking for a longer black or silver gray sweater top I could possibly wear on New Year's Eve this year. It's looking as if I also will have a couple of potential "dress up" affairs coming up for the holidays. I really don't want to wear the same thing if I can help it, even though I won't be seeing the same people.
So, while this Sunday is a bit lazy, looking ahead isn't. Naturally, you will find how a transgender woman's life gets as cluttered as a cis woman quickly, as we cross the MtF gender boundaries.
The good news is my "The Ohio State Buckeye" football team pulled out a hard fought victory over Wisconsin with a crippled quarterback none the less. Also, the Bengals can't lose to the Steelers today because they don't play until Monday night.
I did see a cute Buckeye sweat shirt yesterday with a "V" neck which may look sharp with leggings and slouch boots I could wear around football bowl time. I am still looking for an article or two of clothing to buy with my gift card from my daughter. (It's burning a hole in my purse!)
Essentially, I am looking for a longer black or silver gray sweater top I could possibly wear on New Year's Eve this year. It's looking as if I also will have a couple of potential "dress up" affairs coming up for the holidays. I really don't want to wear the same thing if I can help it, even though I won't be seeing the same people.
So, while this Sunday is a bit lazy, looking ahead isn't. Naturally, you will find how a transgender woman's life gets as cluttered as a cis woman quickly, as we cross the MtF gender boundaries.
Saturday, December 2, 2017
Thanks to All!
This morning I went shopping for a new top or two, to make good use of my daughter's gift of a birthday gift card.
I ended up picking out a forest green hip length sweater top with lace inserts across the shoulders and down the arms. I then added a pair of rose gold hoop earrings to finish my mini buying spree, which was completed as we had to take both cars to the garage to get fixed, too.
Throughout the morning (including a stop at another store) I was never mis-gendered. In fact, when I went to the dressing room to try on the top, the lady in charge took me straight to the woman'a dressing rooms.
Plus, at the auto repair shop we go to, Liz and I were referred to as "ladies" several times.
I suppose it helped I finally colored my hair again and replaced the predominant gray theme with a dark auburn one.
If I do it correctly, my hair is so soft I can't hardly believe it. I think I am finally getting it through my thick noggin (and hair) how to rinse all the color rinse out of my hair and use the proper amount of conditioner and make sure it is properly rinsed also.
At the least, it all gives me the extra confidence to face the world as a transgender woman.
While we are on the subject of confidence, thanks to all of you loyal followers here in Cyrsti's Condo, Twitter and through Facebook! It's all appreciated.:)
I ended up picking out a forest green hip length sweater top with lace inserts across the shoulders and down the arms. I then added a pair of rose gold hoop earrings to finish my mini buying spree, which was completed as we had to take both cars to the garage to get fixed, too.
Throughout the morning (including a stop at another store) I was never mis-gendered. In fact, when I went to the dressing room to try on the top, the lady in charge took me straight to the woman'a dressing rooms.
Plus, at the auto repair shop we go to, Liz and I were referred to as "ladies" several times.
I suppose it helped I finally colored my hair again and replaced the predominant gray theme with a dark auburn one.
If I do it correctly, my hair is so soft I can't hardly believe it. I think I am finally getting it through my thick noggin (and hair) how to rinse all the color rinse out of my hair and use the proper amount of conditioner and make sure it is properly rinsed also.
At the least, it all gives me the extra confidence to face the world as a transgender woman.
While we are on the subject of confidence, thanks to all of you loyal followers here in Cyrsti's Condo, Twitter and through Facebook! It's all appreciated.:)
Friday, December 1, 2017
Eddie Izzard Transgender Politician
Eddie Izzard is attempting to become the first elected transgender member of the UK's Labour Party.
The comedian and activist who came out as trans in 1985, previously missed out on a NEC spot by a few thousand votes in 2016.
If she wins the election he would become one of the most important trans political figures in Britain, having a key say in Labour internal governance.
The comedian and activist who came out as trans in 1985, previously missed out on a NEC spot by a few thousand votes in 2016.
If she wins the election he would become one of the most important trans political figures in Britain, having a key say in Labour internal governance.
In a new manifesto, Izzard says: “The barriers facing trans people in politics still need to be broken-down, and whilst there have been a few trans candidates for Parliament, disappointingly we have not seen a breakthrough in this area.”
(Quote from the "Pink News" with the pronouns changed.)
A Fantastic "Trans Woman"
Here is another look from Cyrsti's Condo at the Chilean film "A Fantastic Woman" starring Daniela Vega from the "Los Angeles Blade":
"For the first few minutes of Chilean director Sebastián Lelio’s “A Fantastic Woman” (Una mujer fantástica), life seems to be pretty sweet for its transgender heroine, Marina.
An aspiring singer who earns her living working as a waitress, she is involved with Orlando, a successful older businessman. They adore each other and are deeply committed to building a future together.
This blissful existence is turned upside down in an instant when Orlando dies from a sudden aneurysm.
This blissful existence is turned upside down in an instant when Orlando dies from a sudden aneurysm.
Instead of being treated with compassion, Marina is mistrusted by hospital staff, suspected of wrongdoing by legal authorities investigating the death, and viewed as an embarrassment and an interloper by Orlando’s family – who consider her an “aberration” and immediately begin pressuring her to move out of the apartment she shared with him.
It’s a stark reality with which Lelio’s film confronts us. The notion of unexpectedly losing a partner is dreadful enough, but to be faced with hostility and prejudice in the wake of such tragedy, to be denied the right to grieve the loss – even actively prevented from doing so – is a nightmare most of us are loath to imagine.
For more, follow the link above."
In many aspects, this film contains some of the same paranoia's older transgender women face as they age. An example is myself who wonders what will become of me in a nursing home and will all of a sudden I will lose all the hard earned LGBT gender equality I worked for.
At my age, I am closer to the fact than farther.
Thursday, November 30, 2017
Coming Out...2012
This is a Cyrsti's Condo post from 2012.when I detailed telling a close friend I was transgender:
"Due to need, the Labor Day week in my life (a couple weeks ago) was an extreme reversion to my male self. Of course it was tough mentally and physically.
I also know even mentioning such heresy would lead me to extreme degradation at the hands of the trans nazi's and rad fem's just to name a few.
Were they right? Was I really a gender impostor because I waited so long to transition?
No. I am who I am. As all of you know (in a similar situation) there is and has been considerable soul searching in my life to arrive at this point.
The whole experience proved to me the extreme gender fluidity of my existence.
I don't believe I mentioned last week I also came out to the oldest closest friend still left in my life. She was visiting for the weekend and working with me again.
Unfortunately, timing was at it's best and worst to do it and had to be very confusing to her. Here I was telling her I was taking female hormones and wanted to spend the rest of my life as a woman-in the midst of one of the most masculine throw back weeks of the previous year. I was not a cross dresser, I was transgender and did she know what that meant?
Her reaction was she kind of knew but didn't totally believe it because I was one of the most masculine men she had ever known. She also didn't know how she would react in the future to the new me. Fair enough. Can't ask for anything more. I should mention she lives quite a distance from me now and here I was in my most male mode telling her all of this?
My initial reaction was, why would she even believe it?
So, you are thinking where is the best of this?
The best was telling her to say goodbye. The new me wouldn't be able to handle the heat and the physical part of out project like I used to and this was only the beginning. It was very easy for me at that point to tell her I hoped we would remain the close friends we had always been but the changes were coming. There was nothing she could do about it and I was extremely happy about the process.
Conversation over.
She is four hours away and I am refilling my feminine gender fluids. She is off my "coming out" bucket list and we are still on speaking terms.
Bottom line is I am sooooo happy all of that is over!"
"Due to need, the Labor Day week in my life (a couple weeks ago) was an extreme reversion to my male self. Of course it was tough mentally and physically.
I also know even mentioning such heresy would lead me to extreme degradation at the hands of the trans nazi's and rad fem's just to name a few.
Were they right? Was I really a gender impostor because I waited so long to transition?
No. I am who I am. As all of you know (in a similar situation) there is and has been considerable soul searching in my life to arrive at this point.
The whole experience proved to me the extreme gender fluidity of my existence.
I don't believe I mentioned last week I also came out to the oldest closest friend still left in my life. She was visiting for the weekend and working with me again.
Unfortunately, timing was at it's best and worst to do it and had to be very confusing to her. Here I was telling her I was taking female hormones and wanted to spend the rest of my life as a woman-in the midst of one of the most masculine throw back weeks of the previous year. I was not a cross dresser, I was transgender and did she know what that meant?
Her reaction was she kind of knew but didn't totally believe it because I was one of the most masculine men she had ever known. She also didn't know how she would react in the future to the new me. Fair enough. Can't ask for anything more. I should mention she lives quite a distance from me now and here I was in my most male mode telling her all of this?
My initial reaction was, why would she even believe it?
So, you are thinking where is the best of this?
The best was telling her to say goodbye. The new me wouldn't be able to handle the heat and the physical part of out project like I used to and this was only the beginning. It was very easy for me at that point to tell her I hoped we would remain the close friends we had always been but the changes were coming. There was nothing she could do about it and I was extremely happy about the process.
Conversation over.
She is four hours away and I am refilling my feminine gender fluids. She is off my "coming out" bucket list and we are still on speaking terms.
Bottom line is I am sooooo happy all of that is over!"
Chilled
I wish I could write another sweetness and light post here in Cyrsti's Condo, today I can't.
Unfortunately, this morning I caught child molester Roy Moore's act on the national news. I was literally chilled to the bone as this guy proceeds to blame the LGBT community for all the ills of society. Not child molestation.
Then again, I wasn't surprised. After all, Moore is from Alabama and has been more or less supported by our president and is a serious candidate for the U.S. Senate.
Alabama and it's evangelical "Christian" base seems to embrace sell outs of the transgender and LGBT community. Unlike North Carolina, which was really affected by the anti trans backlash, Alabama just doesn't seem to care.
Anytime a perverted clown like Moore has a serious chance to make it to the Senate of the U.S., I am at once ashamed and scared.
You see, a cross dressing post about shaving my legs and slipping on hose and heels would have been so much better.
Unfortunately, this morning I caught child molester Roy Moore's act on the national news. I was literally chilled to the bone as this guy proceeds to blame the LGBT community for all the ills of society. Not child molestation.
Then again, I wasn't surprised. After all, Moore is from Alabama and has been more or less supported by our president and is a serious candidate for the U.S. Senate.
Alabama and it's evangelical "Christian" base seems to embrace sell outs of the transgender and LGBT community. Unlike North Carolina, which was really affected by the anti trans backlash, Alabama just doesn't seem to care.
Anytime a perverted clown like Moore has a serious chance to make it to the Senate of the U.S., I am at once ashamed and scared.
You see, a cross dressing post about shaving my legs and slipping on hose and heels would have been so much better.
Wednesday, November 29, 2017
Another One Bites the Dust
As you may have heard by now, Matt Lauer of NBC's Today Show followed CBS's Charlie Rose out the door for alleged sexual misconduct at work.
You may ask, what does it mean to the average transgender woman? Quite a bit, if you ever have been accosted by a so called "trans admirer." Unfortunately some of the worst admirers may be cross dressed. I know of one who always seemed to be "helping" young pretty transgender girls/women in need. Including a close friend of mine who ended up with an unwanted tongue down her throat during a so called "innocent" kiss.
In fact, over the years several of you Cyrsti's Condo regulars have written in depth about their interactions with often intoxicated cis-men. All of a sudden your validation as a woman becomes a case of very unwanted attention.
From those instances we (as trans women) should learn what cis women understand from an early age. No, simply does not mean no to some men and it is very difficult to gracefully exit the situation.
Depending on how well you transition and where you go, unfortunately you may have to live through this distasteful business.
Be careful and don't become a statistic!
You may ask, what does it mean to the average transgender woman? Quite a bit, if you ever have been accosted by a so called "trans admirer." Unfortunately some of the worst admirers may be cross dressed. I know of one who always seemed to be "helping" young pretty transgender girls/women in need. Including a close friend of mine who ended up with an unwanted tongue down her throat during a so called "innocent" kiss.
In fact, over the years several of you Cyrsti's Condo regulars have written in depth about their interactions with often intoxicated cis-men. All of a sudden your validation as a woman becomes a case of very unwanted attention.
From those instances we (as trans women) should learn what cis women understand from an early age. No, simply does not mean no to some men and it is very difficult to gracefully exit the situation.
Depending on how well you transition and where you go, unfortunately you may have to live through this distasteful business.
Be careful and don't become a statistic!
Transitioning Later in Life
Over the past several days I have received here in Cyrsti's Condo, several comments about accomplishing a MtF gender transition later in life (such as I did). The first comes from Emma:
" I started my transition room roughly five months ago. I’m 61 and, perhaps like you, had always feared the slippery slope. With much help and support I started facing my fears about three years ago, and especially in the last few months as I gradually started dressing in public (now full time), started HRT, and now, just living my life. I no longer see it as a slippery slope. Each step was/is an experiment where I gauge my feelings after allowing them to settle. I will probably change my name legally in the next year but I’m not at all sure if I want or need surgery(s). Time will tell!
But as you wrote, the landing has been good. I’ve never felt better in my life than I do today."
Congratulations Emma! Yay!!
And thanks to Paula and Connie for these comments!::
" I started my transition room roughly five months ago. I’m 61 and, perhaps like you, had always feared the slippery slope. With much help and support I started facing my fears about three years ago, and especially in the last few months as I gradually started dressing in public (now full time), started HRT, and now, just living my life. I no longer see it as a slippery slope. Each step was/is an experiment where I gauge my feelings after allowing them to settle. I will probably change my name legally in the next year but I’m not at all sure if I want or need surgery(s). Time will tell!
But as you wrote, the landing has been good. I’ve never felt better in my life than I do today."
Congratulations Emma! Yay!!
And thanks to Paula and Connie for these comments!::
-
"To "b" or not to "b"; that is the question. It's not really the point, however. I'm not really sure that I believe, totally, that life - and transition - is a journey, but I do know that my transition - and my life - will end at the same time. There are so many things left to REdiscover; I really have not enough time to get to them now. I'm sure as hell gonna try, though."
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Feeling the Pain
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I am now looking forward to the rest of my life and all the changes expected and unexpected."