Remember When?

One of the most remarkable moments during the "Witches Ball" on Saturday, came with  remembering back to all the Halloween parties which played such an integral part in me beginning to find my way in the world as a transgender woman.

Back in those days, my goal was to (of course) do my best to transform from a guy into the most attractive or bizarre woman I could. These days I am taking a much shorter route from trans woman to woman.

It's difficult to believe how far I have been able to come in my journey and still have so much fun.

I was able to use the rest room as much as I wanted without incident and was even able to enjoy a couple of beers before we cleaned up and headed home after three in the morning.

To be able to walk through the crowd and feel all the eyes on me was a rush too. I guess I am just an incurable narcissist after all. I just loved all of the attention and I remembered to ask Liz to take a couple of pictures to illustrate my point.

Rarely (never) do I like my pictures but I had a fun time with these.

As I did with the evening. Long live Halloween! :)

Perception and Reality Intersected

Well, the 15th Annual Cincinnati Witches Ball has come and gone, and of course it was a transgender woman's right to change her mind about a costume.

Actually, I couldn't quite find what I wore last year, so I hurriedly threw together a costume that came a little closer to fitting the night's theme.

I found a sparkly sleeveless top (red) and paired it with my black wide gaucho pants and flats for comfort and topped it all off with a funky large fedora.

For makeup, I used a light foundation, smokey eyes and dark red lipstick. I even did a fairly good job of painting my own nails a variation of red.

The most interesting story of the night came early as I was helping dole out the appetizers and one of the young bartenders who I did not know came through to help distribute them throughout the venue.

He said, "I thought you were a real woman." I said thanks and I am...a transgender woman. He just said "Oh." and went on about his business.

I thought I was going to be in for a real interesting evening if it was starting like this. However, it calmed down quite a bit.

Of course, I got quite a few looks and was spoken to many times but the fun of the evening came from the ones who really didn't know what gender I was.

Plus I spent quite a bit of time chatting with a couple old acquaintances I hadn't seen for awhile.

I will have a couple more posts about the event plus I do have a couple more pictures to pass along (no pun intended) too. So stick around Cyrsti's Condo.

The Bitch (Witch) is Back!

After much consternation over the "gangster moll" costume not fitting well, I decided to save Liz the time to make it over and will come to the "Cincinnati Witches Ball" as ...a witch.

Witches Ball Costume...Five years ago

I use a long flowing black and white patterned dress with fish nets and flats and use a much lighter foundation to set off my "smoky eyes." If I can find a funky witches hat to go with it, I am going to add it this year too.

Last year, I did garner the attention of an "admirer" so it will be interesting to see if I do again this year.

It's a fun free wheeling costume to wear, so I'm looking forward to "gliding" through the evening. I suppose I could pick up a witches broom to go with the costume, but it would be something else I would have to keep track of and put out extra expense.

With a little luck I may be able to come up with a picture!

It will be interesting if I see any other cross dresser - transgender women there.

In Sync

Sometimes I'm a little slower than the average bear. This morning when I woke up, I had to brush my hair out of my face immediately and thought what a pain!

Then I thought back to the days when I woke up continually to the pain of "gender dysphoria." Which I can only describe as a tearing deep down inside. How was I going to make it through another day acting like a person I never was. It was ugly.

Now though, I am able to get immediate feedback on who I am, thanks in a large part to HRT and how I am able to live as a transgender woman. I can only describe it as a feeling like no other I have ever experienced.

So I don't know if the wait was worth it, but being "in-sync" with myself makes like so much easier and brushing my hair out was all right too!

The Wizard Was Kind

I had quite the day yesterday during the two transgender support group meetings I went to.

The first one at the Dayton, Ohio VA Hospital was a bit more boring since the on again/off again SRS trans woman didn't attend. She always aggravates me when she uses terms such as "transgendered" and "transgenders" when referring to others in the LGBT trans tribe. So overall, I found "boring" to be more pleasant. My lesbian friend was there to make up for the loss.

The second meeting was attended by a nice mix of trans women and transgender men with a wide variety of ages. I always an inspired somehow by being around transgender youth and feeling their energy. Being a new attendee, I was told I had to give my life story. A mistake to be sure. If I didn't give the abbreviated version, we would still be there :).

The whole day was good since I was going to accepting places and feeling good about the way I looked. I went with my gray boots, black leggings and a hip hugging gray sweater. Some days I feel I get my makeup right for the occasion and sometimes I don't. Yesterday, I felt I did.

So even though the second meeting is tough for me to get to (and back) I am going to try to get to it again. As the elder (?) in the group, I think sometimes my input means something. I told all of them how proud I was of their efforts in coming out.

The Wizard was good to me.

Off to See The Wizard

Today I have two transgender support groups to go to. Both are in Dayton, Ohio, about an hour and a half drive one way. So, it's not like I can stop somewhere and make any major outfit changes.

Since I have seen an increasing amount of women wearing boots, I am thinking about pulling out and dusting off mine from last winter and trying on some leggings. My problem is I could be walking some distances and I may have to break the boots in again. I still have an hour or so to check out leggings, jeans etc.

The first group today is the one I write about all the time at the Dayton Veterans Hospital. One of the attendees goes to the second meetup which I have never been to, but have been invited. If I tag along with her, at least I will know where I am going.

Whatever the case, I will have the chance to meet some new friends and set my network up for success. The second group does diversity days regularly at the VA hospital.

Now I just have to find something appropriate to wear. I want something with a little edge which is comfortable too!

It will be interesting to see how many transgender women and men versus cross dressers are attending the second meeting.  It is held above one of Dayton's biggest LGBT venues, so anything is possible,

"Gangsta-Revisited"

Well, although it didn't take all day :) to see if Liz's old "Gangster Moll" costume didn't really fit all the way, it is close enough to fix with her considerable sewing skills and a little elastic.

Now I get to pay the price for my considerable increase in appetite and weight. While I know I can blame some of it on the effects of HRT, I know I am to blame and I doubt if I can walk off enough weight before the witches ball this weekend. Sigh!

Maybe Connie's right...wear something orange and come as Trump.

Other than Halloween fast approaching, the "Me Too" campaign protesting male molestation of women is gaining ground. It is so entrenched, it will be interesting to see how much of a dent will be made in the problem. Perhaps you have seen, even Harvey Weinstein's brother has distanced himself from the "perve." However, as long as many people (including women) continue to think treating women this way is just a right of "male passage", it will continue to be a wrong of female passage.

Halloween with friend from five years ago. NOT my hair :)

I told you of my up bringing, and it was shocking and more than a little scary. In a split second I found out what it would be like to be held powerless against your will. And no, the experience was not a validation of my femininity, it was a lesson learned against my humanity. Cross dresser, transgender woman or whatever.

 

Short Sunday

Not much to write about today. Busy day coming up trying to see if an older "gangster moll" costume of Liz's still fits me. If it does, I may have to get a new pair of fishnets, Fedora hat and wear the costume to this years' Cincinnati Witches Ball. The whole event should be great fun with this years theme "The Mad Hatter." Free music and food treats with admission, pirates, belly dancers and so much more!

Those of you who are Saturday Night Live fans probably saw last night the show caught up with Harvey Weinstein. He was harpooned on the "Weekend News Update" segment after a weak attempt earlier in the show. Sadly it seems, men such as Weinstein see it as their duty to provide a very tragic and distasteful right of passage for some/most women. The process is just not limited to cis-women as even I was cornered one night at a cross dresser-transgender party by an "admirer." He was much bigger than I and had managed to maneuver me into a corner before my deceased wife came in to protect me. Lesson learned!

Past that, the Cincinnati Bengals won't lose (because they don't play today) and my "The Ohio State Buckeyes"  continued their march towards a terrific game in a couple of weeks against Penn State and Connie, how many undefeated teams are left in Washington State?

Enough football already! (If there is such a thing.) I must get on with my Sunday. I hope you all are getting along OK and my thoughts go out to all the victims of the California wildfires. May the force be with you all!

LGBT Coming Out Day

Actually, "Coming Out Day" was a couple days ago, so I am a little late writing about it. But, here it goes anyway.

Coming out for me was certainly the slippery slope. I was entertaining the idea literally for years until I could figure out a way to do it as easy as possible. What happened to me was a series of gentle/not so gentle nudges from friends until the deed was done. They were viewing me as a transgender woman with no strings attached, so, why shouldn't I?

One person, my partner Liz, gets the most credit for making me a trans believer in myself, although there were others too!

My daughter's total acceptance of me really helped and there was so much more like being asked to tag along to events such as an NFL Monday Night Football game, lesbian happy hour parties and many others.

After much consternation, it all became increasingly routine as I reached the point when I could start HRT, retire, grow my hair out and eventually change my MtF

Pre-HRT transition picture

gender markers. Again it was Liz pushing me ever so slightly to be myself.

So, I can't celebrate an actual "Coming Out Day" as some do. I can celebrate though, my partner, daughter and friends who wouldn't give up on me until I got it done.

What is next? Living my dream of navigating the world daily as a woman after jumping through all the LGBT hurdles I had to jump through.

I'm walking everyday to help jump anymore hurdles I may have to negotiate in the future and maybe there will be fewer of them too!