To Pee or Not to Pee

On one of my email platforms, I receive at least 25-30 emails a day concerning various places around the US/world about transgender women or trans men and rest rooms.

Recently I have even began to see a bit of a "push back" from what I used to call "trans nazi's" . Their point is should any cross dresser, regardless of "sophistication" in their dressing be free to use the women's rest room?

At the risk of sounding too high and mighty, I say no. The simple act of throwing on a dress once or twice a week and then going out, should not punch your ticket to the women's room. Why? I have always considered it a privilege of sorts using the rest room I identify with and have not literally used a men's room in over five years.

I studied hard for the right. Some consider I the simple rest room test is to at the least sit to pee. In order to blend though, don't forget to wipe, flush the toilet, clean up after yourself, wash your hands and check your makeup before you leave. Plus, I am sure others of you can add to that partial list, like never sitting your purse on the floor and how you aim your urine stream into the bowl. I even used to carry a Tampon in case a woman in the next stall was testing me out. Now, I am way too old!

I supposed I am biased too, by the times I have seen cross dressers abuse the rest room privilege in primarily gay venues and get them placed off limits to the rest of us.

So, common sense should rule I suppose. But in today's world I know it is a rare commodity. If you have taken the time effort to present well as a cross dresser in the real world, there is no reason not to be able to use the women's room. But if you look like some sort of a drag queen on the loose, then it could be a different story.   

Transgender Day of Visibility

This years Transgender Day of Visibility  has come and gone and this year with sort of a special emphasis for me.

My visibility is with me at all times because to many "I yam what I yam"...a proud trans woman. I have often broken down the number of peeps percentage wise who just don't seem to care, notice or are curious from those who are truly curious, even impressed. But mythical figures are not what this post is all about. Plus the worse that happens to me is the occasional mis-gendering pronoun usage.

What the post is about are the two millennials I met this week where they worked. One a server at a restaurant and the other a bagger at a grocery store. One female (I assume) and one male. The young woman smiled and zeroed in on me when waiting on us and the very pretty young guy and I had a brief moment to interact as he bagged our groceries. The first thing he said was how much he liked my top and I almost said I would trade it for his looks and personality.

As the conversation went on, the poor kid almost got flustered around me! Perhaps (I thought) he was transgender or LGBT curious. But all too fast the encounter ended.

Connie made the comment to me on another platform visibility is nothing without viability and if we don't remember we all are ambassadors and/or teachers to the world, much is lost.

So, please take the time to remember, no matter if you are full time or part time, whatever you do in the public eye is so important as we celebrated another Transgender Day of Visibility.

O-H-I-O

There is transgender hope in the heartland of the United States in Ohio. (My home state.)

This post is from Salon:

"Columbus, Ohio struck down conversion therapy on Monday night when its City Council voted unanimously to pass an ordinance banning the discredited practice. Also known as “ex-gay therapy” or “reparative therapy,” Columbus is just one of a handful of municipalities across the United States to ban mental health professionals from seeking to change the sexual orientation or gender identity of LGBT youth.

The capital, however, is actually the third city in Ohio to outlaw conversion therapy in the past two years. Cincinnati became the first city in the U.S. to prohibit “pray the gay away” clinics back in 2015. Toledo followed suit in February.

The decision by the Columbus City Council is the latest in a surprising wave of legislation passed in support of the LGBT community in Ohio, a state with a Republican governor and a GOP-controlled legislature. The Buckeye State could become just the second Red State in the nation to pass nondiscrimination protections to prohibit bias in housing and employment against LGBT people. As Arkansas, Tennessee, and Texas move to the extreme right on LGBT issues, Ohio offers a tiny glimmer of hope from the heartland.

Rep. Nickie Antonio, the state’s first openly gay legislator, introduced the nondiscrimination bill last Thursday, and Gov. John Kasich signaled that he could be persuaded to back it.

“I don’t want anybody to be discriminated against because they happen to be gay,” Kasich said when approached by press last week. “I don’t favor discrimination in any way. I haven’t heard much about this but if it’s happening we have to deal with it.”

Ohio is currently one of 28 states in the nation where it is perfectly legal to be fired for being LGBT. But in recent years, cities across the state have moved to either pass affirming legislation or strengthen their existing statutes."

For more, go here.

More on Trans Feminism

Connie commented:

"I think that gender identity should have nothing to do with feminism, as a concept. If one is a humanist, s/he is a feminist by default. Problems evolve from the agendas people attach to the concept. For some, their approach to feminism may be centered on anti-misogyny, which is valid, but antagonistic nonetheless. Still, the concept of feminism remains available for anyone to follow - man, woman, or trans. The fact that it is women, cis or trans, who most often have a chip in the game may well lead to having a chip on their shoulders, as well. I look at feminism as inclusive rather than anti-anything, though, so a radical feminist would probably not view me so favorably. On a human level, we should all be considered to be equal, but our differences - as they correspond to our gender identities - should be celebrated at the same time. If there were not those differences, after all, there would be no trans people!

As far as a military draft goes, God forbid that we ever need to have one again. If we do, though, I wonder just how those radical feminists would react to the drafting of women (in equal numbers, of course), along with men. Thanks, again, for your service, btw, even if you might have been both at the same time.;-)"

Great points! Especially the one about the draft. I still carry some resentment towards the young women back in the day who said, they would go fight if they could. Knowing full well they couldn't back then. It was easy enough for them to hide behind their gender during a very unpopular war (conflict). I was (and am) a proponent of an universal draft where everyone has to do something. Male, female or transgender, there are enough major problems in our country to keep everyone busy.

Thanks for thanking me for my service :). At the least the three years gave me more time to run from the realization of who I really was. I knew somehow I was transgender and wanted to live as a woman, just had no idea of a good way to do it back in the early to mid 1970's.

Maybe a topic for another blog post: When I put my cross dressing toys aside!"

Jazz Returns

Jazz Jenning's show on the "TLC" is returning this June with Jazz facing the thoughts of gender realignment surgery. Check this video for more:

Transgender Feminism

Cyrsti's Condo archive post from August 2013:

:Have you ever considered how feminism effects us as transgender women? Does it at all and are we accepted if we try to participate?

On some levels we are met with a resounding NO by the more radical of the feminists who view us as little more than impostors. On other levels YES by those who need whatever political clout we can offer.

Truly over the years I have believed in total equality between the genders. Back in the day when men of my age bracket were being drafted to fight in the non war no one wants to remember, I perceived the process of blatant gender discrimination. Men and women both should have been drafted! All in all though the process turned out to be another dose of my wonderful male privilege!

Of course I read loads of the feminist posts and do believe in equality but I wonder if once again as a trans woman how much really effects me? I just don't read much from genetic feminists mentioning the enormous injustices we are subjected to. Regardless of our birth genders the rift seems too wide to cross. Certainly we deserve the same amount of money as men for the same job...if we can get one at all.

Recently I received an invitation to a dinner/speaker local "Women in Government" meeting. The invite gave me a chance to consider if I wanted to shell out the 25 dollars to hear the speaker and the possible consequences if I went.  Per norm I certainly would have been the "one of a kind" person in the room with a chance to network the transgender culture. All the warm and fuzzies to be sure but would it have been the time to ask the women in government about their views of transgender feminism? Undoubtedly not what the participants would have expected I'm sure.

So, I didn't go and in some senses felt bad about not doing it. I do however have a couple other avenues I'm considering such as an youth LGBT group in town.  They of course are always looking for help.

In today's world, everyone tries to protect and build their own little hill of sand including the genetic feminists. It's another part of the girls sandbox I'm not sure of wanting to play in."

Damn Mailbox

As I have written numerous times here in Cyrsti's Condo, the trip to the mailbox was one of my first ventures into the world as a cross dressed boy. Of course I stressed forever it seemed to be able to make that trip into the world.

All these years later, some days it seems nothing has changed. Even now I think I have to make sure I apply the basics of makeup just to go to the mailbox. The difference these days is I have several very close neighbors (most know I am transgender I am sure by now.)

How odd is it the more things change, the more they stay the same!

Gender Identity Conceptions and Misconceptions

Recently, CBSN weighed in on the difference in genders: This post may be a bit wonky...but if you follow the CBSN link to the video it will be worthwhile. (At the bottom of the page.) Here is a quick intro:

"It’s a common misconception that gender identity and sexual orientation are connected. If someone is transgender, for example, many people automatically assume that they must also be gay. That, however, is not the case. Gender and sexuality are different, and it’s an important distinction to understand.

“People often perceive that they intersect. But many of us are working very hard to unhinge one from the other,” said sj Miller, deputy director at NYU’s Metropolitan Center for Research on Equity and the Transformation of Schools. “They’ve been conflated for so long, and they’re completely different.” 

Play VIDEO

Gender - The Space Between

Could I...Would I?

Around here, it's the time of the year when Girl Scouts jump up everywhere it seems to peddle their ubiquitous cookies. Including my granddaughter.

As I see them do it, I wonder how it must have been to have been able to join the Girl Scouts. Instead of my exceedingly short miserable stay in the Boy Scouts. Of course I will never know, just like not being able to take Home Economics in high school and learning to cook and sew, etc. Way before transgender, and LGBT were even words for the most part.

I believe now, the most important lesson I would have learned is how girls/young women interacted among themselves when boys were not present. Back in those days where I went to school, the genders were pretty much segregated. Girls to Home Ec, boys to Auto Mechanics. So of course I wanted to be in with the girls as a girl, not as a boy cross dressed as one.

Closets being what they were (and are still) I evaded much of the derision and bullying I would have had to put up with. I played sports, followed the college prep studies and went to proms. Or, I played the game enough to get by, get home and steal away some precious time to cross dress alone.

As time has a way of doing, it went so slow back then and seems like a blur now. Time though does not heal all, as I still wonder "what if." What if I had done more to express myself and had the courage to at least try to step out of the closet. I do know then, the life I had would have been seriously impacted under the harsh lights of an ignorant world.

So on and on I went and here I am finally where I wanted to be...almost. Yesterday was a good example of being called a "he" at one stop and treated like a star by a millennial at another.

Overall the "could" came true and the "would" provided me all I could ask for so far!