Purge It-Dammit!

We all know one of the most wasteful and non productive parts of our cross dressing experiences have been the "purges" we have gone through. My own non official definition of a purge is to get rid of an article or articles of something you don't want.

Many of us have been forced by others such as a spouse, girlfriend or parent to purge ourselves of our feminine clothing, shoes and makeup. I know I have done it out of a sense of shame or even a resolution never to cross dress again. The whole process soon becomes similar to cutting a weed in the yard. The more you cut it, the faster it wants to come back. At a cost, of course.

Here is a more extreme case from Connie in response to a post I had written about my "stash" mysteriously disappearing from an apartment I lived in back before I was inducted into the Army:

" My mother once, despite my extraordinary efforts to hide it, found my "stash" when I was 16. She had bagged it up and put it on the kitchen table while I was at school, and then further shamed me by ordering me to throw it in the garbage can outside. I was so ashamed that I told her I'd go one better and take it straight to the dump (partially because my messed-up mind thought that the garbage man might put two and two together, thus knowing my secret).

 It wasn't long, though, before I had assembled a whole new - and upgraded - "stash", which I hid even better that time. I used to wonder "what if" I had not been made to endure such shame. I've let go of that notion, as I came to realize that I was feeling shame for something I didn't even understand at the time. The shame is that I really had nothing to be ashamed about - except for my deviousness and deception."

She (Connie) also mentioned the guy I wrote about who displayed a little extra interest in me "dressing up" after the fact:

"My first thought would have been "what if" it were that guy who ended up with my stuff. "

Good point and truly one I haven't given much thought to, except the timing wasn't quite right and besides that I was in full fledged damage control before I finally calmed down and thought what were they going to do to me? Draft me? Quickly it became too late to cry over spilled/lost panty hose anyway. 

I was out of there and off to Ft. Knox for a winter vacation (basic training) a month later anyhow. If the guy did end up with my "stash" I hope he enjoyed it as much as I did.

Estrogen Contact Buzz

This morning was my second visit to Liz's weight life style group. The group so far has been approximately 25 to 30 cis women, one transgender woman and two cis guys (I think) all packed into a small room.

During the meeting I have a chance to look around the room and learn among other things how so many cis women deal with being over weight their entire lives. I am coming to an understanding of how body image ranks right up towards the top with most women and why so many take such good salon care of their hair and nails. It is all part of being part of the high maintenance gender.

Do they do it for men? Or for other women? Both I feel, which is one mistake beginning cross dressers make when entering the world. They dress how they think a man would want to view them, not how the other women do. Leading to an overly sexed image. As we all know, there is a fine line between classy and trashy.

After this morning's meeting, I almost think I can skip one of my rounds of estrogen patches this week!

Speaking of estrogen and HRT, I have a friend who just got permission to start her own (estrodial & spiro) this week! She was so excited :)

You go girl!!!!!

Do I Know You?

This post should have been added to my "Life Turns on a Dime" series, but somehow became lost in the dusty recesses of my mind. It happened  way before I had even considered being transgender and referred to myself as a cross dresser or transvestite.

It goes all the way back to 1972 when I was waiting to be inducted into the Army and I was working at a radio station in the college town of Bowling Green, Ohio. I had just broken up with my finance and headed north from my home for the job and stayed in an apartment with a couple other guys. Just in case I had the chance, I packed my meager supply of women's clothes/makeup and moved along with my other belongings.

My other two roommates were college students so during breaks they went home, leaving the place all to me. Seemingly an empty college town brings out the best and worst of who was left hanging around. For example, I was just wasting time one night walking in the snow when a hippie girl showed up on the gray night. After a brief snowball fight, she treated me to a sexual adventure. After saying goodbye we never saw each other again. I hope it was good for her!

There was also a quiet guy who was sort of a "hanger on" around the apartment. For some reason he stayed behind too during the Christmas break that year.

In the meantime, one weekend I went home for a day or two and by the time I returned, I found out someone had stolen my wig, dress etc under the guise of "straitening" out my room. Not long after that the guy casually mentioned "dressing up" like a woman. I agreed and headed for my "stash" only to find it gone.

I have always wondered what would have happened if I had still had my clothes, wig etc.

Another "what if" lost in time.

And the Trans Kids Suffer

Nearly all of my transgender email feeds today had to do with "45's" administration rolling back the Obama school transgender bathroom executive order.

Just saying...if you are trans and or an ally, (and voted for 45) you helped sell the trans kids up the creek. You had to know it would happen. Just saying.

On a more pleasant subject, I had several of you check in with comments on the power of presenting "natural." Looking back, it was and is one of the hardest lessons to learn. In my case, be gentle with my use of eye shadow. And, if I try to bring out my eyes, go easy on the lips...or vice versus.

I have also started a more structured pre-bed time routine which includes a gentle soap wash, residue make up tissue remover (with Vitamin E and collagen) and an anti wrinkle moisturizer. Of course at my age (67) I need all the skin care I can get. Finally, I brush my hair out, which is becoming quite the project as I have a lot of it.

With our unseasonably warm February weather, I am also trying to take some of the winter weight I have gained off by walking. I feel  (no pun intended) I need to take off at least ten pounds.

So, as I have always said, this girl thing is not a joke. It is so much more than applying makeup and buying the right clothes. As any cis woman knows, it is the work no one sees which makes the difference!

"Lazy versus "Blending?"

Everyday I have to put together a new outfit or put on my makeup to get ready to go out, I am envious of cis women (even though I have willingly entered their world.)

For one, if I am going anywhere I will face the public at all, I have to put my best feminine face forward. I am very fortunate in that I have the process down to a half hour.

I operate on the cusp of a very sharp double edged sword. At the best I came into to this ultra serious game at the best marginally presentable. These days without the help of surgery and with the help of hormones (HRT) I can navigate the world. Most importantly I have to look like I'm not trying-like any other cis woman.

I guess if I had any advice, practice makes perfect and don't get discouraged. No matter how hard you try, there most likely someone who will "sniff" you out and make your business their business. These days too, a sizable percentage of people are attracted to your transgender-ness. Sort of like the drive thru window girl yesterday who commented on my "LGBT rainbow ring." She liked it :)

I am not a proponent either of cis women who let themselves go which in the slightly upscale area I live in, I don't see many.

On the other hand, I attended one of Liz's weight loss classes Saturday and saw my share of cis women dressed in workout garb. I am not quite to that point in my dressing to blend development. The fun part was no one paid my much attention. They were more impressed I came as her support person than if I was or wasn't transgender.

Finally, no matter how grumpy I am, I need to carry Connie's famous accessory..."FFS" . A fast and friendly smile. Especially if I am going out before my morning coffee!

Football Bigot?

From Connie:

"I guess I'm a football bigot. I just assumed she played American football until I got half-way through the post, only to find that she played soccer. So, is she paying forward or is she playing forward? Maybe both, I suppose. :-)

Cultures that recognize a third gender are few and far between, and although it is certainly worthwhile to educate the rest of the world that a third gender is recognized somewhere else. However, I have doubts that general worldwide acceptance will come about through a third gender view of trans people. The major religions would have to subscribe to it first, I think. Governments may be more apt to move toward the notion, but, as we can see in the US now, there is volatility on that front. I do find it interesting that she spoke in North Carolina, though."

More work needs to be done on recognizing the ancient Native American Indian cultures who also accepted a "third gender". In fact, some recognized a "dual or two spirited" person to be very special.

Two-Spirited Marchers San Francisco Pride 2014

It's unfortunate the major religions you write of have lost that path of thought. What an easier life we would have as transgender women and trans men.

Also, moving too far out of the traditional gender binaries for many seems to be too difficult to grasp somehow, along with other facets of modern society. Thus returning to a simplistic religious belief mechanism, among other things.

Paying Forward

From RNZ:

"A star of the award-winning film about American Samoa's national football team has given the keynote address at the 40th Annual Conference of the East Coast Asian American Student Union at Raleigh, North Carolina.

Jaiyah Saelua talked about her experience of sex discrimination at a college campus in Hawaii, how football and the film Next Goal Wins, in which she starred have opened doors for her and how faaSamoa embraces and accepts faafafine like herself as the third gender and as human beings.

The East Coast Asian American Student Union mission is to inspire, educate and empower Asian American & Pacific Islander students in higher education."

Jaiyah Saelua speaking at the East Coast Asian American Student Union conference. Photo: Supplied

"In 2009 when Saelua was dismissed from the University of Hawaii Hilo men's soccer team tryouts, she said it felt that she didn't have a voice.

But she told the conference that the title of being the first transgender in the world to play in a FIFA World Cup Qualifier gave her that voice.

She said it gave her an international platform and a responsibility to be the voice of many others like herself.

She pondered whether to remain in American Samoa and continue to live comfortably in an atmosphere that respects her, while the world of football continued to be completely careless to transgender interests, or whether she should capitalize on this opportunity to make a difference in the world."

For more, follow the link above.

Laverne Cox and the Politics of Trans Beauty

From the Daily Beast, a lengthy post about Trans is Beautiful becoming more than just a hash tag:

"In 2015, transgender actress Laverne Cox told the world that “trans is beautiful.” Two years later, there’s proof of that everywhere you look.

Carmen Carrera

Take just the past 30 days, for instance: Transgender model Carmen Carrera walked the runway at Chromat’s New York Fashion Week show, YouTube star and fashion icon Gigi Gorgeous released a new documentary, and Cox has been rocking the awards-show red carpet—as well as the press circuit for her new CBS drama Doubt—in an array of stunning dresses and gowns, like the remarkable one-shoulder chain-link get-up that she wore to the Grammys.

But wait, there’s more: French Vogue announced its first transgender cover model Valentina Sampaio, model Anjali Lama became the first transgender woman to model at India’s Lakmé Fashion Week, and teenage transgender TV star Jazz Jennings got her very own doll sporting a white beret and a tiered tulle skirt.

And there is so much more! Go here.

Boy Meets Girl

Following our Cyrsti's Condo post concerning the premier of "Doubt" with Laverne Cox, Paula Goodwin astutely mentioned the movie "Boy Meets Girl" with another transgender actress Rebecca Root.

The film is on my list of "must see's" which I just haven't seen yet! Thanks Paula :)

Connie also commented on the show:

"I was unable to catch the premier (Doubt) last night, but it's probably "on demand". I'm disappointed, too, about the "reveal" - especially right off the bat. Not knowing the question to which she responded, I don't know if her response was a very good one. I consider myself to have been a woman all my life; I only played the part of a man because I had to. 

I think most of us come to this realization at some point, and I'm sure Laverne, herself, has. Being a transgender woman is hard enough to explain, anyway, but it bothers me when one of us is portrayed as a "woman who used to be a man". The answer to someones question should either be, "It's none of your business" or "Do you really want to learn something?". Of course, an attorney is going to charge for every minute of the lesson if it's done in her office! :)"

Connie, since it is on CBS and if the ratings are half way decent, I am sure they will show it again! Plus since the transgender subject has already been covered, maybe that will be the last we will see of it.