Sad and To the Point

Like so many of us, I have a young transgender friend locked in two major struggles. One is internal and the other external-pressure from peers. This makes the point better than most and I decided to pass it along to all of you. 

The Dance of the Genders

With the recent "explosion" of attention regarding the ongoing treatment of women in our society brought on by one of the presidential candidates, I can't help but comment on a very complx issue, brought on by the fact I identify as a transgender woman.

First of all, as a guy I heard every degrogative feminine comment- and as I transistioned put myself in the same category. Otherwise known as losing my male privilege. I find it interesting certain cis women say it's not my problem and I don't understand it, but I do. Maybe better because of my perch on both sides of the gender fence.

As I hit dating age "back in the day" I wondered how girls did it. They managed to walk that fine line between "being respectable" and holding the keys to reproduction for the most part. If a girl was attractive and didn't "put out" it put her in a different category than the ones who supposedly  did. The dance dictated much speculation between genders. (In a pre birth control era.)

Of course, those were more innocent days and now increasingly through social media we hear of women who are/were forced into sexual situations against their will. Especially and tragically, younger ones.

As a former member of the male gender, I simply don't understand the whys or hows of a guy drugging a woman for sex or other creepy actvities. As I have written here a number of times, being over powered by a guy was a very real possibility for me one night. Ironically, my wife said my dress had a lot to do with it it. NO, what ever you wear should not enable any man to take any advantage of you he wants. And no these are not an extended version of "boys being boys."

If it is, families need to take a closer look at what it means to raise a son inot manhood.

At my advanced age of 67 it seems to me the dance of the genders has been wrecked, then  again, whatever has been wrecked can be repaired. Afterall, the "Millennial Generation" seems to be the most accepting transgender group ever.

One way or another cis and trans women and men needs to talk about and help repair the dance.

Hiatus?

Perhaps, if you have noticed a lack of posts around here lately, you are right,

Due to techincal and logistical problems, I have had a tough time doing any posting.

Thanks for your understanding!

Jessie

Halloween, Connie Style

Presenting a great post from Connie on the Halloween season:

"Back in the 80's, when it seemed that cross dressers were the most sought-after guests for the talk shows like Oprah, Donahue, Geraldo, and Sally (many of the episodes I still have on VHS tapes somewhere), one comment from the audience of one such show stuck to me like glue: "Every day must be like Halloween for you people." It was meant to be a cheap shot, I'm sure, but it resonated with me because I was, at that time, closeted and trying to figure out just who (or what?) I was.

 The small wardrobe, makeup, and wigs I kept locked up did not seem to be the makings of a costume at all to me. Those things simply helped me to express the person I felt myself to be - if only to myself. However, I thought, if other people only perceived my expression to be that of a Halloween costuming, it would be best to stay home in my locked room. I was tempted every Halloween to go out, as the "excuse" would make my presentation more "acceptable", but I knew that it would end up being much less than satisfying for me. Even some years later, after my secret had been made known to my wife, I did not attend Halloween parties dressed as a woman. 

 The mixed review (or view?) from my wife was that I looked too good for anyone to believe that it was merely a costume I was wearing. It was not until I faced up to the fact that I was a woman deep inside, and I had ventured out as that woman a number of times, that I felt comfortable adorning a Halloween costume. I had finally reached a point where I felt I could be a woman wearing a woman's costume; not a man wearing a woman's costume. Whether anyone else might have found my presentation to be "acceptable" because of the season then made no difference to me, as I had finally come to accept myself for who I was. No, every day is NOT Halloween for me, but I do enjoy taking on a different character each October now."

Thanks Connie!!!

To Scare or Impress?

As we continue our mini Halloween series of posts, one aspect we haven't really covered in depth is what you expect your costume to convey, or do you expect it to be a costume at all?

Years ago, I got all dolled up to hit the Halloween parties in town with my ex wife. I slutted it up with a short skirt and heels but evened the outfit out with a black top and beret. My goal was to cross the line into what a cis woman would wear to an event like these.

It worked to a point in the darkened rooms with all the normal stares all the way to a few roaming hands on my rear. I was feeling pretty good about everything until a guy in a full mask came up and said "I know who you are."

I said "Really?" who am I? He said my name and said he knew because I looked like my Mom. Ironically he was right and had grown up close to us on the rural road we lived on in Ohio.

So there are as many kinds of costumes as your imagination can come up with, or depending upon your looks you could try a famous person. An example is years ago I had a friend who was Sarah Palin look alike and easily could have won a costume contest ot two.

I also think many figure just because they can dress as a good or great looking woman and win a costume contest are rare. Imagination is required like doing Hillary for example.

The good thing is, the bewitching hour is coming closer and closer and what ever costume/outfit you decide upon, the most important fact is to just have fun!

It's the Season of the Witch

Saturday night we went to and participated in putting together the first annual "Ohio Valley Witches Ball."
Outside of feeling like about ten miles of bad road, I had a good time. The theme was "Rocky Horror" and we had one female and one guy in drag do a wonderful "Frank-n-furter."

I wore a long black slitted skirt, patterned flowing Shaw and black flats. For make up I went with a very light (color) foundation, dark eyes and dark burgundy lipstick. The costume/outfit seemed to work OK because it felt fun and flowing and I even attracted an admirer at the event. (Been awhile.)

For you picture fanatics, don't panic, we are going to another Witches Ball on Halloween weekend. I am going to wear the same "costume" then and promise pictures.

In the mean time I am trying just to get well!

Office Wench

I know many of you work in an office environment and if you follow Stana at Femulate, this post may make a great deal of sense-depending how far out of the closet you may be.

If you are venturing out and "kind of, sort of" don't mind if everyone knows, dress in your best office wardrobe for the annual Halloween party.

From what I can gather, Stana has done it for years and it has opened the door even wider to step out as the transgender woman she is. Of course very few of us are as accomplished fashion wise as Stana, but if you want to get the point across there is more behind good old "Joe" in the office down the hall than meets the eye.

Common sense though is going to dictate how much "push back" if any you get from fellow workers. I have never worked in an office, so I don't have any personal experience except from what I hear from friends. A couple of them had began to MtF transition before joining their current job so much depends too on the age bracket of fellow workers and what kind of job you do of course.

One of the best examples I do have comes from many years ago. I became friends with another transgender woman from a very rural area of Ohio who was struggling with any acceptance and ended up living in her sister's garage. This was after she gave up a very promising career as a scuba diver, went back to school and graduated with a nursing degree and still couldn't find a job. She finally found employment at one of the frozen food packaging plants in the area and finally into their office.

She was very presentable and natural as a woman and did attract the attention of at least one man in the plant as I remember. Unfortunately we lost touch.

The moral to the story, is beware of the "costume" you wear to work!

Elvira Love

To quote a term, "I love me some Elvira, Mistress of the Dark!"

What's not to love? slit skirt, plenty of cleavage and all of that jet black hair. In many ways, she was the fore runner to the Goth craze  and possibly one of the most copied characters by drag queens everywhere.

I hope my life is far from over, but some Halloween I would love to dress as Elvira!

This year I'm coming close, but my costume is leaning more towards the goth side, or at the least, very dark- with a long black slit skirt, long straight black wig and black tight tank top. With black flats.

So there will be another year for Elvira and something to shoot for!

Living the Halloween Dream (Archive Post)

This experience goes way back into the days when I got out of the Army in the mid 1970's. I did what every other returning vet did (not),  used my GI Bill to get a second degree and bought a little bar with a friend.  My Dad came up with the classic quote about the bar when he said "At least it has two doors, so the flies don't have to stop when they pass through."

Of course I was into "warp" mode as far as my cross dressing activities were concerned. After years of forced depredation from anything feminine in the Army, the last Halloween party I went to before I got out primed the pump so to speak or the lipstick.

Last Halloween 

To put the time sequence in perspective, I was discharged in January, my first wife in March and we were married later that year.  I was out to her as a cross dresser and she made the comment (I have mentioned here in Crysti's Condo) that she really didn't know which one of me was going to pick her up at the airport.  She is a very good person, the mother of my daughter and we see each other and get along to this day...but... she is a just very easy going person. Sometimes I thought if I came home and said I'm going to go for SRS tomorrow, she just would have said that's cool dear. I know some of you will think,  "Wow, that IS  cool!" You have to understand me. If something is too easy then something is lurking in the shadows to nip you in the rear plus I had a very conservation macho family to consider too.

At any rate, Halloween that year turned out to be fun filled trip over to Columbus (Ohio) where one of the newly restored Victorian theaters was having a "Spook Out".  At midnight they were presenting the classic silent "Phantom of the Opera" with the restored house organ presenting the music. We went with another couple who were "kind of " in costume which I was too-mini skirt, long hair, heels, hose and all.

All these years later, I remember several things. First of all, this was one of my first experiences of feeling how uncomfortable an extended time walking in heels could be plus a mini skirt is wonderful to be admired in the mirror,  but took constant work to move in modestly.  Secondly, for the most part I wasn't even noticed at all because of all the other wonderful costumes. I still remember the guy dressed as the Pope, complete with two other guys following him in costume holding his cape.

As much of a rush these early Halloween's were though, the more painful they became later.  The next day I was already trying to figure out what my next cross dressing experience was going to be.  A very difficult process which made me a very grumpy person.  The problem was I knew staying home in front of the mirror in a dress just wasn't going to be enough and I had no idea of what enough may actually be.  So I took my "Halloween Fix" and moved on.