R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Well, the colonoscopy has come and gone. With it went a whole new set of paranoia's.

Since the Veterans Medical Choice Program can't seem to get my name correct (unlike the rest of the VA), I was in the Doctor's office records under my male name. The staff was good though as I recoiled at the name and simply said what was my name preference was.

From there it was pretty much clear sailing with the name, pro noun and restroom usage. In fact, the "discharge" nurse (no pun intended) specifically showed me to the women's room before we left.

Now when I sleep off the rest of the anesthesia, life will be back to it's usual hot summer day (90). Looking ahead to Pride weekend Saturday, the weather peeps are calling for another steamy Ohio Saturday for a two mile walk through downtown Cincinnati.

Finally

In a previous life I was drafted into the military and fought in the Vietnam Era's debacle war. Seems like each generation has one.

I have always carried some guilt over my lack of protest when push came to shove. 

Very few of us though are fortunate enough to live second lives as transgender women or trans men and to make some sort of difference.

This time, I am finally working my way onto a couple committees to give of myself to help others in the Cincinnati Metro transgender community. 

I have spoken about both, but not together. 

The first is I'm working towards helping to put together this years "Transgender Day of Remembrance" in Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky which is turning out to be an exceeding intricate large process. Not to mention difficult, when all you are working with is volunteers from essentially two close but geographically diverse places.

The second will begin Tuesday for me at the Dayton VA. Some time ago, my therapist asked me if I would be interested in an "outreach" program of sorts for transgender veterans which would originate with her. At the time I said sure! Then out of the clear blue sky, she called Thursday and said she was trying to put the first meeting together for next week, and could I make it?

Again, I said sure. Anything I could do to help a fellow trans veteran along and sometimes even survive.

She said she is expecting a small group of four for the first group to organize for the future.

Making the most of what I have done, will prepare me for the future! "Momma Karma" has had to given me a second chance for a reason.

J'J's Sunday Edition

Ker Plunk! Another Sunday Edition is hitting your digital front porch!

Weather: Near 90 but medium humidity for another day or so before Momma Nature hits us with the dual H's...heat and humidity. Had a very respectful iced "Joe" (coffee) yesterday and am thinking about a hot one today! Let's get started:

Page One: The Week that Was-or Wasn't: Of course the tragedy at the Pulse Nightclub in Orlando transfixed us most of the week. Once again, people were trying to figure out where all the hate comes from to take it out on innocent people, and in this country, the debate over automatic rifle control flares up again. Both, to big of topics to bring up here. The good news was the huge Columbus, Ohio pride went off with out a hitch last week and the almost as big Cincinnati is coming up next week. Chances to celebrate our community.

Page Two: Opinion- Yesterday's Coffee: I started my prep work for Monday's colonoscopy If you never have had one, the Doc gives you a mix of something which with out a doubt will clean you out.

I start it tonight very near my fave toilet. In the meantime I have to catch up shaving my legs, working on my nails and changing out my estrogen patches. See, I told you this wasn't easy!!!!

Page Three: Father's Day: I am and always will be Dad to my daughter and she has always meant the world to me. This is what she wrote me this morning:

"Thank you for being my Dad growing up! Because of you I am a stronger woman, because of you I am more tolerant of others...don't judge others by their looks but by their actions and look for more than material possessions in life. 

I Love You. 

I used almost a box of tissues crying. Blessed be.

Page Four: The Back Page: Well,it's time to wrap this up and enjoy the day before it gets too hot. Thanks for spending your precious time with me. Love you all!!!!

A Hug or a Shake?

After all this time in Mtf transgender transition mode, one of my most awkward moments is whether to hug or shake a guys hand when I meet him.

If I know him well, I usually follow the lead of the women and go in for a hug and am feeling much more comfortable doing it these days. Without reading too much into it, I am enjoying it more also.

I supposed I am allowed but seeing I came from a family which didn't thrive on human contact it's been rough. Plus working all those years as a guy didn't help either as no one hugged each other.

If I am meeting someone for the first time though I still (sort of) extend a hand to see how the rest is going to play out, and go from there.

A softer, gentler me.

Reach Out

Yesterday my psychologist called and asked if I would be interested in helping to set up a sort of out reach program she is putting together for transgender veterans at the Dayton VA hospital.

Of course I said I would be flattered to help and indeed I am.

I consider it the greatest form of good karma to pay ahead and help anyone else with my experiences like changing gender markers etc.

It's going to be a busy day on Tuesday with the VA trans vets meeting, then that evening I have a meeting with the Transgender Day of Remembrance Planning Commission I'm on for Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky. 

Then of course Sunday I will be really going in prep for my colonoscopy early Monday morning.

Zoom-zoom

THE Reason For Me To Go Pride

Turns outs this S.O.B is supposed to be at Cincinnati Pride:
Back in my Army days. one of the prerequisites of Basic Training was complete knowledge
 of  the M-16. (automatic rifle) I hope this guy has some training and really knows just a little about love. I feel sorry too for the police who have to follow this hater around.

The Longer and Widening Road

I get asked over and over again, "When did I 'know'? A supposed easy answer for the "civilian" who expects me to say 1964.

My problem is I seriously don't know the exact day, week or month I first went exploring in my Mom's underwear drawer. I can only tell them it was over a half century ago and something just clicked. Not unlike the cylinders in a safe falling into place.

Little did I know where the trip through Mom's clothes would take me and the changes that would take place.

So, here we are approximately a half century later and I am working on getting my VA primary care (similar to your family doc) transferred down here to Cincinnati. Which saves me, time, gas and wear and tear on my "Roll Royce."

Now I have to face other set of eyes who have never met me, not to mention some not so mention looks. I suppose now, I should be getting used to it and I am-to an extent.

Going back to Mom, I often wonder how she would react under similar circumstances to say "Jazz Jennings" parents. She and Dad probably had the insurance and the resources to handle the cost of hormone blockers.

Oh well, both of them are gone now and with them the greatest majority of the WWII/Depression generation too. It's a mute point. It seems our country has gone nuts and we as LGBTQ citizens all of the sudden are in the cross fire.

I seriously doubt a bullet proof vest was hidden among the hose, bras and panties.

The Calm After the Storm

The calm after the storm. A rare double rainbow seen outside Liz's front door and dedicated to Orlando. She took the picture, I was busy crying...damn hormones!!!!

(Picture taken South over Ohio River East of Cincinnati.

Suck it Up Buttercup

Well, the much un-awaited moment of my first colonoscopy  is bearing down on me Monday. If you know anything about one, much of the difficult work is done the day before during a clean out period.

None of this is my first rodeo so to speak, after all I am a veteran of three former colonoscopies.

However this is my first procedure of any kind this far advanced into my MtF transition. As I have written, even though I know the nursing team has most likely seen it all before, perhaps, not so much with me. With my highly androgynous body.

I see Monday too, as an advanced look to at a medical future I am not sure I am ready for.

Not to be too crass here but it's time to bend over and get it started, I guess. The option of having colon cancer is much worse.