Freedom!!!!

I sincerely try every day for a brief moment or so to write in my journal (new age diary?) Light some incense (old hippie) and thank my **Goddess for a new day. Sure, you can accuse me of being a "rah-rah" type but health, life and so many other distractions come along, I have to be positive.

As life comes down to pushing and shoving me though, just being able to lead my life as I see fit is the ultimate freedom. 

Of course you all know where I'm going with this- if I can't live as a transgender woman-what's the point?

I did my 60 plus years of playing society's games to get here, so yes, I can be selfish and enjoy times like the last couple of days. As I have written about here in Cyrsti's Condo, Liz and I went out to a packed sports bar to watch football Saturday night, then Sunday afternoon we went to an art gallery to look at a mutual friends work.

My point is, I didn't have to worry about anything else in the world - but the world. No stares, no whispers etc. 

"Mama Freedom" is pretty fickle though, and I know that. She needs to be nourished and even fought for when needed. She is also good for giving you a gift - then taking it away. That's why I pause my life for a second everyday to add my appreciation.

**I believe deeply in a deity, I just don't believe for a second the deity has a specific gender, but I prefer mine to be feminine in nature. However, not a shy retiring femininity.

If you research the Hindu Goddess Kali  you will find her to be the black one and the force of time. Therefore Kali is called the Goddess of Time, Change, Power, Creation, Preservation, and Destruction.
Loosely based- I chose her because of my gender expressions-destroying the male and creating the female. 

For more radical images just Google "Kali Hindu Goddess"

R.I.P. David Bowie

As you have undoubtedly heard by now, David Bowie passed this Sunday. Many of us in and out of the LGBTQ community thought of him as a glam rocker-gender fluid music pioneer-which he was.

To others though, Bowie meant so much more. It was too easy to dismiss him as crossdressing glam rocker to explain my feelings.

For me though Bowie was soooo much more. He was a beacon of "gender fluid" hope for us (not unlike Andy Warhol.) in an age devoid of it.

And then, there was the music!



I will leave you with this: (My own take on Bowie's  Space Oddity Cut'  "Ground Control to Major David, take your place in the heavens and thanks!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "From the Hart"

"I've had 40 year old cars with less work than her!" 
After watching one of the "Real Housewives" shows.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

KerPlunk!!! Another "fantabulous" Sunday edition is hitting your virtual front porch. Winter has finally arrived here in the Cincinnati, Ohio area with a snowy blast of snow. As always 'Momma Nature' rules, so lets grab a hot 'cup o joe' (coffee) and get started.

Page One-the Week that Was or Wasn't: On the personal front, strides were made on the gender marker front as well. I received my 'permission' (hate that) to change my drivers license from male to female permanently which is huge in Ohio. Why? There is such a thing as a temporary change if your therapist does not check the proper box. Enough of that, I am going early this week for my new license!  And, no you don't have to throw the "women's driver" stereotype at me. Maybe my noggin has known more about me than I did. I have been a crummy driver for years.
Otherwise, I was doing the "bureaucratic boogie" in getting my male name to fit my female gender marker (of course.) I guess a committee of someone (or ones) has to sit down and figure out I am not a terrorist. Actually, the biggest deal is getting called by my male name at the clinic/hospital. 

Page Two-Yesterday's Coffee-Opinion: It is not uncommon for Momma Karma to pile on similar life experiences on me. This time it was my lifetime of loving sports. Earlier this week I wrote of the long time woman friend I came out to who wanted to know if I was "still a sports person?" Then, last night was the completely UGLY NFL game between the Cincinnati Bengals and Pittsburgh Squeelers. Pittsburgh won, but the display of non sportsmanship in the stadium and on the field was past terrible. The whole game reinforced in my mind a new relationship with sports; a girl can like sports but just not as passionately.

Page Three- Ooopps! : Liz and I did go out to watch the game last night in a large/very popular sports bar down the street. Of course not long into the game I had to potty. The "toilet clientele" turned out to be a mainly  20 something crowd-some of which were gossiping about kids and jailed fathers.  (Truly more important than football) But, I still had to wait for my chance to pee and as I leaned on the wall, I hit the switch and accidentally turned off the rest room lights. THE easiest way to get everyone's attention to be sure. Being the center of attention, I just said "Last Call Girls!" It worked and I got out alive!

Page Four-The Back Page: Last week I also got together with my daughter to discuss life as a whole and my oldest Grandson's Bar Mtzfah which is coming up soon (I will have a separate post.)
My problem is an almost a complete lack of knowledge concerning the Jewish religion. My daughter converted.
All in all though, the Bar Mitzfah is a prime time example for me to give back to my Grandson what he has given to me - acceptance.

That's it kids!!!! Time to go out and play in the snow-or not!!!! Luv ya all thanks for stopping by and be safe.

A "Coincidence? 'Me' thinks Not!

Of course those of us living in the "modern world" on the grid these days probably don't want to really know how many times our names are sold to whomever for what reason.

Changing your life as dramatically as one does when gender markers are concerned can provide a whole new look into how the legal "grid" works - good or bad.

This insight comes from Connie:

" Its been less than a month since I got my license "corrected", and just yesterday I received a home refinance offer that was addressed to my new name and started with "Dear Ms ___". The offer had all of the information that is specific to my house and current mortgage, but I have, if by magic, become the owner in my new name.

I have not yet contacted my mortgage company, the IRS, or Social Security to officially change my name and gender, but the changes have obviously been made somewhere that would allow a mortgage company to access the information, as it is public record. I guess that I've opened the proverbial can of worms, though. I am no longer anonymous! By the way, I just today received the first real paycheck made out to me with my new name. I plan on opening up a brand new bank account in which to deposit it. Anyway, we deserve to have these happy surprises after all of the years of uncertainty - which often led to unhappy surprises (if not merely the worry of them happening)."

At this point my Mom's words echo in my noggin "you made your bed, now lie in it."

Are Women Better Actors?

Yesterday at my therapist appointment (which has gone completely past the core reasons I originally went) we wondered into the world of women at large and my perceptions as a transgender woman.

I told her, and you Cyrsti's Condo readers will remember, I was fortunate to have worked for 30 plus years in restaurant business as a manager. During that time, it wasn't uncommon for me to try to manage approx fifty female servers. Also (of course) I worked with other women managers too. 

I learned up close and personal that women form cliques and men form teams and you always had to be on the outlook for the knife to the back from a woman. Women are vicious, men are brutal.

Knowledge that has served me well all the way through my transition. Let's take the Dayton, Ohio VA Medical Center for example. Yes, the same Dayton, Ohio Stana from Femulate who comes West to our 'neck of the woods' once a year on business comes to. In fact the hospital/complex isn't that far from the airport.

Stana has never flown there before as a woman and I hope her experiences are as good as mine at the VA.

"Kudos" to them yesterday! I think at least 90% of the women I came across in the hallways or was treated by in the clinics were sooooooo nice. Especially the one who tap danced her way around the wrong pronouns with me by even using "this veteran" at one point.

Even though as you all know, I have been doing this public trans woman thing for quite awhile, sometimes it is still very difficult for me to make eye contact with another woman every time I should - I nearly never do it with a man.

So yes, we women are better actresses and we transgender women have to be even better. After all, the world is a stage and we need to be comfortable in it to survive.

Plus I almost think we trans girls are getting to the place cross dressers have been for years. We are OK-if we aren't someone's brother or husband.

As The Bureaucracy Turns

As you may recall, today marked yet another of the latest milestone days of my 'Mtf gender marker" journey.

I was happy to see the State of Ohio sent me the approval to switch my driver's license from a 'M' to a 'F' (for a fee of course) and I plan on getting it done early next week. But, As I checked with my therapist at the Veteran's Administration today-I was still a "female called a male name." Ala Johnny Cash's 'A Boy Named Sue.' I sort of figured the VA would take a little more time to untangle itself and get the proper changes done. The privacy officer said something to the point of my name change had to go through some sort of committee to be signed off to prove I am not some sort of terrorist. I could change my gender easily enough but not my name-go figure.

However, the biggest surprise today though came in my mailbox.  I got my paperwork to turn in with my IRS Taxes saying indeed I did have coverage through the VA. It was addressed to "Ms. (insert male name) Hart"

With any luck though, I should have a brand new shiny female drivers license by next week!

And I am excited!!!!

It's Backwards Both Ways?

From People's Magazine: Jo Avelyn Grey knew from an early age that she was "different" from other kids. "Growing up in Boynton Beach, Florida, she was socially awkward (she would later be diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome), and was also struggling with a secret.Born a male named Joseph David Weaver, “I was 7 or 8, about the age you realize that girls and boys are different, when I realized something’s not quite right here,” Grey, now 27 and a computer engineer in Redwood City, California, tells PEOPLE. “I knew I was a woman and born in the wrong body.” By age 11 she felt brave enough to tell her conservative parents; her mother broke the news to Grey’s father. “That obviously didn’t go over very well, and I would say my weight problems started shortly thereafter,” she says."

Love the boots :) and the story!

Repossessing Your Life?

One of the few close friends I have felt the need to even come out to since I have moved away (a cis-woman) asked me a question which was rapid fired 'wedged' between five others-including "Am I going to have the 'parts is not parts' surgery. It was, did I still like sports?

I was a little humored until I gave the question time to set in. After all, not so long ago, I would have asked myself the same question. Would my proposed new life style center around "fluffy foo foo drinks" and no beer or sports? Beer and sports pretty much was my life as I drank with the guys. In fact, I think my eye balls are shot from too many big screen televisions in sports bars.

I too put some very serious thought into who the 'new' me was going to be. Years later though, I found the old and new me were much a like. We had the same interests for the most part and got along with peeps in the same way. Even though I was scared to death, as Connie says " a smile goes along way!" 

As I looked around in the world, I saw women drinking beer and watching sports with the best of them. And, I was even able to find a couple very close cis women friends by watching sports. So maybe I wouldn't have to be my non ideal woman sitting at the bar sipping wine with her legs crossed.

Also, with men of course it was different. Very few approached me to begin with but the few that did, I had to be very careful of where I went with my sports "knowledge." My 'fave' though was to be a part of a group of women and be quiet and observe two women friends go at it - with each other and the folks around us.

Just remember though, all of us are different of and your transitions will follow you down different paths. But just keep in mind you don't have to kick your current life to the gutter to do it.