A Day in the Lifer?

When I was in the Army long ago, a military member who was planning to make it a "career" was called a "lifer." As I was writing this title, it occurred to me, most transgender women or trans men are "lifers" too-if we know it, fight it, live it-or not.  Actually, I screwed up -the title was supposed to be "A Day in the Life."

Today was mammogram day anyhow, so I knew from my last "mammy gram" the afternoon would provide it's own unique set of challenges. None particularly bad, just different. 

Since I am still operating under my male credentials, I raised a couple of eyebrows when I walked in-regardless of appearance.

To my surprise though, the receptionist didn't miss a beat and said she has a transgender woman friend who came out years ago. We had a brief conversation about how many trans folk there really are still in the closet. 

From then on, the visit went real smooth-from the technician and doctor to check out. Most importantly though, I was given a clean bill of health. I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo that my maternal grandmother passed from breast cancer in the 1950's, so there is an increased risk in the family.

Even the trip home was pretty uneventful as I was running slightly ahead of Cincinnati rush hour traffic. Once I got home Liz and I decided this gray, damp Monday night was prime for ordering in Asian.

So, I was closest to the door when the driver got there looking rather androgynous (at the best) and really confused the delivery driver. 

The tip I gave him though solved everything and he was on his way. My point is when you consider a Mtf 24/7 transition-consider this girl thing totally. Even if you are just meeting the delivery driver.  

Cyrsti's Condo "Remember?"

Angela Morley

From the Independent : "She was an Oscar-nominated, Emmy-winning composer from Yorkshire whose triumphs ranged from Watership Down to Dallas. But Angela Morley was also a transgender pioneer who faced the incomprehension of the music industry when she transitioned in the 1970s.

Now Morley’s story is being dramatized in a BBC play starring Rebecca Root, the first trans actor to play a leading transgender television role. The star of the BBC sitcom Boy Meets Girl, Root plays the musician who overcame prejudice to help bring the stirring scores to Star Wars and Schindler’s List to the screen.

Rebecca Root

Born Walter Stott in Leeds in 1924, the composer and conductor provided the orchestral arrangements for films including Peeping Tom (1960) as well dozens of albums, from Noël Coward to Dusty Springfield.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk! A Thanksgiving Sunday Edition is hitting your virtual front porch. It's a cold chilly gray day here in Ohio, but actually a little warmer than the norm and perfect for a toasty "Cup O Joe"- grab a cup and let's get started!

Page One-The Week That Was or Wasn't: Nothing jumps out which was radically different. We found out again, Caitlin Jenner peered out from her gilded closet and proclaimed support for all the politicians who want to discriminate the transgender community but then comes out and says "keep it together all-will be OK." No surprises, after all Caitlin has a whole new season of her show coming up. Plenty of time to establish a foundation for in need transgender kids and call for equal trans rights...or not. Jenner has to remember, transgender is not spelled with a "H" -for hypocrite. 

Page Two-Deep Sadness: As Transgender "Days or Remembrance"  have or will still be celebrated around the world. All of us should take the time to never forget our "sisters and brothers" who often have paid the ultimate price for simply being born.  May the elusive peace denied them during life, find them on the "other side." In the meantime, radical conversion therapy still continues to drive kids to suicide.

Page Three-Giving Thanks: Tis now the season to begin looking around at the people that some times form our new families. Take my brother for example. He stuck the turkey knife in my back and said his family would "rather not" have the real me at dinner. Sure I was hurt but Liz and my daughter were both pissed to the point of saying "hell no they won't go if I 'butch it up." I no I am so fortunate to have in essence a whole back up family in that Liz and I were invited to my daughter's in laws and her family's Thanksgiving get togethers. With open arms. Shame on my brother.

For those who aren't so fortunate, it is a desperately lonely and dark time. A season for us who have a little extra love to pass around - to do it!!!!

Page Four-The Back Page: Beginning this week for me is another round of medical "stuff."
Monday, it mammogram time, Wednesday is shrink time and time to drop off the rest of my gender marker paper work at the probate court. In the meantime, remember thanks for stopping by the "Condo" and I love you all!

Who Brought the Spirits?

A rather dark picture from our pre Thanksgiving Meet Up! But who brought  the "spirits?"

If You Bought a New Cadillac-Would You Drive It?

Years and years ago, I heard Oprah interview several transgender women and their spouses who decided to stay with them through transition. A couple all the way through SRS. 

She (Oprah) zeroed in on one of the transgender women and asked her about the surgical procedures she endured. Then, she pushed the envelope farther and asked the trans woman about her "sexual" future. In other words, if she had a chance to fall in love and be sexually attracted to a man now-would she "try out" her new "equipment?" After pausing and with her wife sitting there-the trans woman said "no."

I paraphrase here and quote Oprah's quick response as a non believing "if you bought a Cadillac, why wouldn't you drive it?" Which brings me to another point.

Katie and Arin Young, Trans and Looking for Love, BBC

Katie Glover editor and publisher of Frock Magazine recently wrote a thoughtful article for the Independent  about the BBC3 Documentary "If you're young, trans and looking for love" you may want to check out. Katie doesn't "skirt" the issue and gets quickly to the "meaty parts."-or the promise (failed or not) of SRS.


You may want to follow the link above to read it.

My only point to be made is Sex Realignment Surgery should never be presented as a be all end all to any transgender person. After all, sex is sex and gender is gender and many times the two don't have to meet for a trans person to live a meaningful life.

To each his own though, so if you do have a new Cadillac in the garage, don't you at the least have to "test" drive it to keep it usable if you need it?

Caitlin Trump?

Already, the "Caitlin Jenner" is a Republican- is becoming an issue-because the "Pub's" are SO opposed to LGBTQ rights. It's a shame because for me at least, a few of the potential Republican candidates I see have ideas I agree with. I have followed Autumn Sandeen (trans veteran) for some time now and I was very interested in her recent post in the LGBT Weekly:

Autumn Sandeen

"Caitlyn Jenner is arguably the most famous transgender woman in the U.S. and has identified herself as a Republican. She represents the transgender community to the general public whether the transgender community likes it or not, and I’m seeing in social media where a lot of the transgender community is falling into the “or not” side of the divide in significant part because of Jenner’s public politics."

I will let you read the in depth version here, but here are a few highlights:

Caitlin Trump

1. Trump referred to Jenner as "Bruce" then miss-pronouned Jenner.
2. Carson said we should have transgender restrooms - it's not fair for us to make them uncomfortable? (Kind of like the first years of integrated restrooms Ben?)
3. Rubio wants to block employment rights for LGBT people saying it's a "special right" not equal right. (Kind of like not hiring Hispanics? Mark?)
4. And my choice for the candidate most likely to come out of the closet - Ted Cruz, said "We shouldn't use the military as a cauldron for social experiment."

Of course, we have a long way to go until election time. Plenty of time for ALL the candidates to try to squirm out of former positions to gain votes. 

And plenty of time for us to write about it here in Cyrsti's Condo.

Sandbox?

Here in Cyrsti's Condo I used to call transitioning "playing in the girl's sandbox".

All I heard forever it seemed was "welcome to our world" from the cis women who did embrace me. (Bless their hearts-a bunch of embracing!)

Finally, I became just me to them and the world. And last night on Thanksgiving Eve, everything seemed to slow down and come into focus.  Indeed I knew I was going full circle into becoming the person I was born to be. 

In more of a traditional way, Liz and I went to a small meetup of friends celebrating a full moon. The group focused the power of the moon to heal ones in need-and the world. 

On the way home, Liz and I took the easy way out and shopped for our Thanksgiving dinner with her family on Saturday. I have a bad hip, so I wasn't expecting an easy way of the experience. 

Amazingly, the hip didn't bother me and here I was following Liz around like a puppy dog while she tore through the store, comparing prices/coupons and checking out. No side looks, no smirks no reaction of any kind-from anyone.

I felt great and ready to pass along all the thanks and goodwill I felt to all that I could. Ironically now, it's increasingly difficult to do that because like it or not I'm heading down a stealth path I didn't see coming. Being transgender is becoming less and less relevant to me.

My spot in the sandbox "seems" to be secure.

Thanks-Giving

It's that time of year to consider what the year has done for you - or what you can do moving forward in your life - in the community. You thank then give.

Of course that is all up to you. As I always repeat here in Cyrsti's Condo, no matter how small your contribution is, it will come back to you three fold.

Having written all of that though, this is the day to consider your blessings. Many times they are there, just hidden. 

Best wishes from the staff and management of Cyrsti's Condo (me!) and I decided to pass this along from a group which is working diligently to make transgender lives easier. 

Clean UP Dammit!

Finally, a couple nights ago, I broke down and colored by hair-basically by myself. I will explain.

"Basically" means I only made a mess with the color base in a couple spots, like the bathroom door and sink. If you have ever worked with hair color, it will stain almost anything and get you (me) hollered at. No pressure? Plus I sort of figured if I screwed up bad enough, Liz would help. I didn't and neither did she.

Lets back track a bit to where I got to this place. Looking back years ago to when I put my wigs aside and began attempting to style my own hair. Very simply, I called this the first time in my life I had to see the back of my head and brush out my hair. A "Pink Floyd" song? "The Dark Side of the Head?" Seriously, being able to experience the thrill of having/wearing my own hair has been worth the hassle. Having said that, if you are a transgender woman of means- you can afford the monthly trip to your hairdresser and is flat out wonderful.

I can't afford the luxury though so I had to enter the DIY hair color biz. From the school of hard hair mistakes-here are a few of mine:

1. Read the instructions...don't be a guy...read the instructions.
2. When those mean old instructions tell you to "PUT ON THE GLOVES"-do it.
3. Save back a couple of old towels you don't care if you color too for your removal process.
4. BE CAREFUL and don't get the color on walls, tile, carpet etc. Get it on your noggin. 
5. Make sure you color your roots completely. Or you will be like me and your gray hair will come back fast and look like a huge bald spot.
6. Don't worry about the color which gets on to your skin around your temples, DO worry about not coloring your temples. (hair)
7. The rest is up to you and the color product you purchased. Mine calls for rinse, two shampoos, and a conditioner. 

So, there you go, but to me totally worth it and I felt positively terrible until I colored my hair. We all learn early as cross dressers or transgender women what hair means to us. Plus with Thanksgiving here, I didn't want to go to the family with the way my hair looked.

I took my abuse for making a mess and feel quite satisfied with the job I did looks. The question is now how long more will I stick with my "Vibrant Violet" hair color.