Just Who the Hell do You Think You Are?

In my previous Cyrsti's Condo post, I mentioned the recommended way to start my journal-with the question of who did I think I was? Then I was positively blown away with the first question: how did I feel about being a woman? Then list 20 words I associate with "femaleness". 

Then, the second question asked "Did I ever consider being a man?" By this time I had barely noticed what the rest of the journal questions pertained to, I was so stunned.

As my noggin began to clear though, I began to think the questions through.

A quick example was how "back in the day" the great majority of the words I would have associated with "femaleness" would have been clothes/makeup/appearance orientated. Today, maybe only a few. (I am going to journal my "20" today.)

I simply flipped the "man question around: "Did I ever not consider being a man and how much pain did it cause me?" Again, I will  write down 20 words.

In future posts of course, I will pass along some of the other points from the journal list, such as if I wrote a book about my life (I did) what title would I give it "Stilettos on Thin Ice."
As well as other relevant questions about the type of women I get along with best, etc.

So, plenty of thought and words to pass along to all of you soon!!!

Keeping a "Trans Girl" Journal?

As I mentioned previously here in Cyrsti's Condo, I was reading a book my partner Liz gave me called "Awakening your Goddess". Very quickly, the book recommends keeping a journal.

Ironically, keeping a "journal" is a little tougher for a transgender woman because as boys we were gender biased into thinking a diary/journal was only for girls. Imagine if your family found your journal at all-let alone what was written in it???

I find the whole journal concept even more interesting because in many ways I "journal" here everyday. But as I read on, I found I didn't. I write, but I don't feel.

Recommendations from the author "Liz Simpson" include many sensory ideas which a lap top obviously can not provide. Ideas include, sounds, smell, daily writings and even a new pen for your journal. (And the feel of the paper!) All of this makes more sense if you realize she (Liz) is going on to give you a sampling of Goddess's in the book to compare yourself to.

But, as I was yet to find-the best was yet to come!

We were directed on page one of our journals to write down - who did we think we were. As I was to find, an enormous question which deep down I had been trying to answer for over 60 years.

So big in fact, I am going to write about it in my next post. 

The "T" Sneaks Back In.

One thing I can definitively tell you about being off the estrogen part of my HRT is I feel my old testosterone feelings creeping back in. It is not a good feeling.

Early in the process I was what I called weepy, now I am "trending" towards much of my old aggressive self.

The only positive I can see is, as I have written extensive about here in Cyrsti's Condo, there is a chance I will be allowed to go back on my estrogen in the future.

At that point, I can start the process all over again. 

Say It IS So Joe!

From the New York Times: 

"Vice President Joe Biden says there is no longer any question that transgender people can serve in the U.S. military.Biden is giving a keynote address to a prominent LGBT rights group, the Human Rights Campaign. He says all Americans are qualified to serve and should be permitted to serve.Biden is calling transgender rights the civil rights issue of our time.

The vice president's statement goes further than what the Obama administration has said before.

Defense Secretary Ash Carter has said the Pentagon's current regulations banning transgender individuals are outdated and has ordered a study aimed at ending the barrier. The White House has said President Barack Obama supports the approach.But neither Carter nor Obama has said unequivocally that transgender people should be able to serve."

Once again, is this more false hope being tossed at transgender military members. Plus, without getting too political here, if a Republican is elected, will we go back to point zero? Or worse yet another set of worthless studies which are only set up to stonewall the issue and provide a chance for coffee vendors to make more money in the Pentagon???

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk! Listen closely and you will hear another Sunday Edition has hit your virtual front porch! Another chilly fall day here in Southwestern Ohio as we shed the remnants of hurricane rain. Let's go fetch a hot "Cup o Joe" and get started.

Page One-The Week that Was or Wasn't: Again last week, there was nothing which "lit me up" on the transgender media stage. Most of my concerns still revolve around my evolving medical "condition" which is improving. It's definitely true, you have nothing without your health. Plus there were other massive situations going on like the "Pope's" visit and yet another shameful tragic mass shooting-which as a nation we seem to be powerless to do anything about. in.

Page Two-Opinion: In a sense, it was "girl's night out" last night. Liz and I were invited to a "Jamberry Nail Wrap Party" If you don't know, which I didn't, "nail wraps" provide yet another way for women to have in certain occasions - spectacular nails. But, they do take a certain amount of expertise and care of course. You can follow the link above for a look, but in the meantime for me there was the concept of the "party" itself.

Page Three-Party Time! Of course I always knew if you were invited to a party the hosts kind of wanted to see you but really liked you if you spent money. As luck would have it, the "Hostess" of the party is the one a couple months ago called me "Chris". I went on the site and explained in no uncertain terms I was not-nor had ever been a Chris and I consider it a real insult when someone calls me Chris. As it turns out she did it to me last night twice-before I confronted her. She was trying to get my attention on some sort of a prize I won and she said "Chris" and I didn't even look at her. She then came over to me and said something to the effect of you won this "Chris." I just said it's Cyrsti and no, I have NEVER been Chris. (My boy name wasn't even Chris) It must of worked because, she correctly called me Cyrsti the rest of the night.

Page Four-The Back Page: Well kids, it's time to go enjoy the day. I was wrong about my Cincinnati Bengal kitties rolling over in Baltimore last week and somehow my The Ohio State Buckeyes keep on stumbling to stay undefeated. You all have a wonderful week! Stay positive and I luv ya!!! (Just don't call me Chris.) 

Cyrsti's Condo Coming Attractions

Halloween make up model

Today in one of our "Meet Up" groups I saw an intriguing and almost scary Halloween party invitation.
It's for a private "gay couples" party.
Just thinking of a costume is a fun process though! This year I am leaning towards going a little "Sugar Skull" and away from my "Voo Doo" theme last year.
It's still a way away!

How Soon We Forget

Today was a quick trip to the grocery store to pick up "vittles" for Liz's 17 year old son, whose visit was this weekend.  It's quite the process in a huge busy store-just to feed the kid. I/we encounter many different kinds of peeps but mostly slightly upscale which I think makes a real difference in "passing" or not. (For a trans woman or cross dresser)

At any rate, I didn't think about any of it until check out. Then I briefly thought how long it took me to get to this point. The time it took me to attempt to present the best I could. Can't give you all many inspiring points of wisdom.

What worked for me was when I did stop dressing for myself and started dressing for the world. And, let's face it, for me and where I live, heels and hose are not the best choice for an outfit. My new tennis shoes, jeans and sweater today seemed to do just fine. 

The harder part (but maybe more important) came when I became able to wear my own hair-and when I began to develop a "go to hell" attitude.

Sort of like the attitude I developed today when I saw what the kid wanted to buy to eat! 

Called in to Transgender Counsel?

Yesterday when I went to my endocrinologist appt at the VA, it was no surprise when he had yet another resident "doctor in training" tagging along.

I sort of felt sorry for the resident in that my Doc was traveling about 200 miles an hour. It was obvious he was trying to catch up a bit when he said "Cyrsti, this is my resident today, Nate." Then said "Nate" had never seen a transgender patient before, so here was a chance to ask questions. 

Well. both of us were taken back immediately. Poor Nate didn't know how to start and for once neither did I. About that time though, my Doc turned around and called me a "he" and I told Nate "mis-pronouning" a trans patient was a major way to screw up. In all fairness to my Doc, he normally does really well. 

I went on to relate the extremely ugly time when a resident at another of my doctors was all too interested in my sexuality - rather than why I was on HRT.

Finally, Nate asked if I had ever been asked to speak to a medical class. Interestingly, no, but two or three 20 something residents I have encountered have asked me the same question. Since Laverne Cox spoke at the medical school they attend (last winter) I'm sure my credentials don't match up.

But with me (at the least) you can't beat the price! (Free)

Such a Day?

"Back in the day" just thinking about getting up at five in the morning was pretty much like this: either I was getting in at five from working or partying. We called it the "Butt Crack" of dawn.

I have had two "Butt Cracks" in a row the last couple days- I guess you could come up with some sort of an side name for me as a super "Butt Crack." Connie will fill in the blanks I'm sure.

This morning I left the house about "7 ish" for the hour or so trip to my clinic. As today was my second of two back to back "visit with the vampires."

My first stop is always to get my regular "lab blood tests" taken. Then, I head over to Hematology to have another of my "pints" removed(for my body to replace.)

When I arrived this morning, I got started with a "bang" as I sat in my first waiting room when a guy walked through and started hollering "Hi!" at me. I knew it was me he was referring to because there were only three of us in the room.

I thought, well either I look really good-or really bad. Or, I wanted the medication he was on. 

From there I always have to walk nearly the distance of the hospital for my other appointment. Going early does make this part of my visit much easier because the VA hospital I go to is much quieter at that hour and I can relax a bit more before more of my blood is taken and I don't have to encounter more peeps.

Before I knew it though, My "Butt Crack Date With the Vampires" was over-with good news.

It turns out my nasty blood levels have dropped dramatically and I don't have to go back for a couple weeks.

Maybe my "friend" will still be there to greet me!!!