Too Damn Much - Too Damn Soon?

It's late, so I am going to write this before eating a late night salad and going to bed.

The big happenings today-before I forget (and I will) was the other transgender woman veteran Liz saw at the VA hospital today, and the LGBT Equality sticker I saw at the receptionist's window (Wow!)as I was setting up an appointment to start the gender marker process.

I was amused at how many times she did her best not to mis-pronoun me in the process AND act like she wasn't.'

And finally, going to Liz's Knitting Group tonight at a Panera's. No, I didn't knit-but I wrote.

More on all of this later!!!  

"Marking" the Future.

I am fairly sure I talk about gender markers, how the process works and how much I procrastinate about starting/completing the process more than the Republican prez candidates talk about hating all Obama does.

My latest "excuse" was waiting for some sort of a definitive answer on my health concerns which seem for the most part stem from a form of sun poisoning. The medical process literally was taking me at least once a week to my local or regional Veteran's Administration medical centers. So, to even consider going back to the VA to secure the therapist documents to begin the process was intimidating.

But Tuesday, when yet again I am back at the VA ( since I found out the psychologist who paved the way for my HRT is still there)-it's going to be appointment time again!

True "Transgender Privilege?"

Perhaps the greatest amount of "privilege" goes to transgender women and trans men. After all, in most cases we have walked the mile on either side of the gender fence. Of course I have written about it here in Cyrsti's Condo several times over the years. All well and good-until Paula came along and said it better!!!:

"Very true, nothing makes you understand privilege like giving it up. There are now places I will not go, certainly not when alone where as a couple of years ago I could go anywhere without worry.

It is also right that the companionship of women is so much more supportive than the fellowship of men."

Thanks Paula!

Headed for A Nursing Home Closet?

It is a very real fear to many transgender seniors: what will/could/maybe happen to us if we get in the wrong place at the wrong time in the wrong nursing home-and have nothing we can do about it. Not surprisingly, not much is written on the subject which I can pass along here in Cyrsti's Condo. It's from The Atlantic and is called "The Challenge of being Transgender in a Nursing Home." It goes on to say: Many elder-care facilities are ill-equipped to deal with the needs of transgender seniors, who fear that a move to assisted living may leave them vulnerable to discrimination and harassment.

 Plus (of course) it gets better: " In nursing homes, gender-segregated spaces like bedrooms and housing wings can be of particular concern to transgender seniors. As Alia Wong recently reported for The Atlantic, the U.S. Department of Education has affirmed that the protections of Title IX extend to transgender students; in July, citing Title IX, the Justice Department filed a statement in support of a transgender student suing a Virginia school district after being required to use an “alternative” restroom. But, Cook-Daniels said, there are currently no similar anti-discrimination regulations in place for nursing homes and other assisted-living facilities."

If you are of a more advanced age and are up for a less than uplifting read (scary) follow the link above.

Does't This Suck?

Unidentified Pinterest Photo-NOT Pat-no pearls!

From Pat, this experience which more than likely brings back stressful cross dressing memories to most of us:

"As you may know my ability to get out and about is somewhat dependent on when I am home alone.  Last night was one such opportunity and my plan was to eat, shower, shave, call my wife, dress and then head to the B Lounge, about 20 miles away.  They were doing their Enmoda Thursday with karaoke from 9-11 followed by a drag show.  I have been there on other Thursdays but since I get up at an ungodly early hour to go to work I always leave as the DQs (drag queens) are arriving and have never stayed for the drag show.   I do often do my part to try to clear the place out by singing a few songs.

Last night was proceeding as planned.  I had hoped to stay to see a part of the drag show or perhaps talk with one or two of the DQs before I left so I put a little extra effort into my dress and makeup.  I applied the foundation and blended on a top coat...a little extra blush, eye liner and shadow and I had a new tube of mascara so that went on extra thick, followed by lip-liner and lipstick.

I had on my black bra with breast forms, black slip, nude pantyhose and a silky nylon black and white print wrap dress with a light thin white jacket.  The blonde wig comb-out seemed to work well and with my 3" black pumps, the dangly clip on earrings, my double strand of pearls around my neck and small pearl strands on my wrist (costume jewelry)  I was ready to launch.

My typical M.O. is to open the garage door and wait the 3-5 minutes for the interior garage light to go out and then get into the car and drive away from the condo.  I figure that once in the car, even if the garage light goes back on when the car bumper breaks the electric eye at the garage entrance I will be out quickly enough to avoid detection.  The part of the condo development where I live are double units.  Each building has two units with adjoing garages facing the street.  Our adjoining neighbors are a nice Italian heritage couple in their 70s so I figure that they are in for the night when I head out dressed.

While waiting for the garage light to go out I loaded my purse, checked my hair and makeup, grabbed a large travel cup of coffee and a bag with my nicer 3.5" peep toe pumps for changing into when I got to my destination.

With the coffee in one hand, my purse over one arm, my bag with the spare shoes in the other hand and my car keys ready to go I opened the door to the garage, stepped down the two steps to the garage floor, heard my  heels clack on the garage floor for the 3-4 steps to the car door when the garage light came on as my neighbor entered the garage and broke the electic eye beam at the garage entrance.  To use the phrase "a deer caught in the headlights" comes close to describing my reaction.

I fled back into the condo and quickly stripped off the dress, wig and heels and stuck my head out the door when my neighbor said he wanted to show me something in the driveway.

Back into the house to throw on slacks, get rid of the bra, slip and breast forms and toss on a polo shirt and then splash some water on my face and wipe of as much makeup as I could.  I figured it was dark out and with my neighbor in his 70s perhaps his eyesight should not detect the traces of makeup, mostly my eyeliner and mascara.

With slip on shoes covering my stocking feet I went out to talk to the neighbor.  He had some rubberized squares that he was planning to bring to his summer house where he had built an arbor and he wanted to show me the squares as well as photos of the arbor trellis and the plans he had followed to build it.

Every encounter with this neighbor includes an update on his and his wife's current physical ailments, his exercise routine and the seasonal sports team.  He is a big Yankee fan and I had figured he would have been in his condo unit watching the Yankee game and this had been the case until he heard my garage door go up and he came out to show me the floor squares, arbor, etc.  After going through the current Yankee situation I quipped "how about those Mets" and that finally brought the conversation to an end. 

It was now an hour later than I had planned to get out and I just did not have the energy to redress and reapply my makeup so my plans for an evening out ended with a huge scare.

During our conversation in the driveways and our garages neither of us mentioned the way I was attired when the garage light went on and there were no comments about any makeup dregs on my face.  I have no clue as to what elements of my attire and presentation he may have seen or more importantly what may have registered in his mind.  This neighbor is a very nice guy, very friendly but a big time yenta.  I guess we just go forward living one day to the next now that my heartbeat is back closer to normal."

You have my sympathy Pat. Sometimes dealing with any 70 year old guy is a challenge. Then again he is a Yankee fan as sad as that may be.

Plus, maybe if he did see any vestiges of your makeup-he may want to compare products!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk! Another special Sunday edition has hit your virtual front porch! Our Sunday here in Southwestern Ohio is a very typical 85 degree with medium humidity. Even still, we have a big 'ol' cup of hot 'Joe' (coffee). Let's get started!

Page One: The Week that Was-or Wasn't: Here in the Condo we actually recovered several topics we haven't visited for awhile. One of which was gender privilege. It's a tricky subject because essentially we should know we will lose it as we transition. The first couple of times you are talked down to or around to other guys, the process was sort of a right of passage. Depending upon how far you do transition, the longer the passage of course. As with many "passages" a transgender journey between the genders provides many unforeseen  circumstances. The main one is losing the personal inherent security men naturally have over women. I too found myself in a couple rather dangerous situations early in my life as a cross dresser. To be sure, women have their privilege too, but typically it's less obvious and I think-less organized. Finally, some of us come to the point of saying why do I have to be treated as a second class citizen?

Page Two: Opinion- Women as a Cohesive Group: First of all, I am grouping all women (including transgender) into one group to make my point. Plus, with national elections front and center already on the scene, out of all the male politicians bending our ear-there are two women. Why only two? First, perhaps the nature of human evolution enables men to be better team builders/leaders?.I have always said it is much easier to fit into a man's "power" system. You could be more athletic,stronger,faster and/or richer-that's it. Women form clique's and they are a tough group. Many more layers to work with. Take Hillary Clinton for example, regardless of all the controversy surrounding her, how much of the considerable female vote will she lose because she is a "cold fish" or her stance on abortion-to name a few. More than a few of those same cliques are the ones who want to reject any or all trans women from their circles of potential influence. If you really want to get something done as a woman, do you really want to exclude those of us not born with a vagina? Or-is the topic just another indicator of playing in the women's sandbox?

Page Three: The Back Page- Last week, we did write about HRT and it's health benefits. My disclaimer was HRT is one of my most asked about questions, but one should never put tossing your body into a gender hormone turmoil over life itself. Sometimes though, taking the chance on hormones does define the only choice one can make and survive-at any age.

You all have a great week and thanks so much as always for stopping by "the Condo."

Drafted to the Losing Team?

Here is a topic we haven't delved into in a long time here in Cyrsti's Condo- male privilege. Truthfully, I ran back across the subject from an unexpected source: MarieClaire.com. In fact the site is running a whole transgender series called "Trans(form)". There is quite a bit of wonderful information in the post so I will pass along some of the highlights.  Including a book which hits home on the subject with the obvious and then goes farther, much farther:

Julia Serano

"A lot of trans women are aware that there is male privilege before we transition–that women are not treated with as much respect as men," says Julia Serano, author of Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity. "But there's a big difference between knowing privilege exists and the literal experience of losing it."  For Serano, the sexism hit her all at once. "All of a sudden, the world is, to a certain degree, a lot more dangerous or precarious," she says of discovering her new reality. 

The transgender women we (the author) spoke with cited a litany of new challenges on the other side of their transition, which will be painfully familiar to the cisgender women reading it: getting talked down to, getting talked over, getting catcalled in the street, getting dismissed in the workplace, and so on. "I would be talking about a patient, and a male medical student would be kind of glazed over, staring at my breasts," says Dr. Marci Bowers, the first transgender surgeon to ever perform a gender-reassignment procedure."

Dr Bowers though went on to say: "With their unique perspective of gender relations, some in the trans community actually find themselves sympathizing with men. "I think there's a lot of what I'd call female privilege, too," Dr. Bowers adds. "A man is never trusted like a woman is trusted: by strangers, children. When men deal with each other, there's a certain distance they keep. There's a sisterhood and a safety among women, and it's a very helpful feeling."

I always felt being admitted to the "girl's sandbox" was far from a "given" but once I was trusted and admitted, I did feel the strength of the"circle" as I had never did with men during my life.  I think I was drafted to the winning team!

Don't forget to follow your links for more!

HRT 201

We wrote here in Cyrsti's Condo yesterday about Connie's health problems. Just go back to the post and read her responses and see which treatment was started. The good news is she has not lost any of her humor or cynicism - at her age!

If she likes it or not, Connie is just my impetus to write about screwing around with your hormones at all IF you are "more mature." I believe the younger you do HRT the better -the older you are-the more you roll the dice on your health.

One of the main reasons I am so passionate about writing about writing on the subject is -it's one of the rare things I do know a lot about versus thinking I know about.

From the beginning. I knew HRT was a love/hate relationship for me. During my marriage, I knew starting hormones would be the end of life with her as I knew it. But when she passed on and several other things happened, amazingly the door to taking hormones totally opened. Which brought up a whole new set of problems.

First of course was my age and health. I was in my 60's and all vitals checked out-so I was fortunate. Even though I had to factor in HRT may actually take years off my life, I just had to do it. Had is the key term for me-had to.

I do have several warnings. First is, DO NOT do hormones without medical supervision. Blood clots, strokes and increased heart risks ARE potential risks.

So you may be asking why did I undertake HRT? To get a closer, up personal look at the feminine side of the gender fence and perhaps answer my age old question about my genderality. I did find out how natural the process was to me and how much more I was completed spiritually. Don't forget also, I am into three plus years on hormones, so the process for me was not overnight and of course is still evolving.

Sure, I gained some much needed "passing privilege" with my hair, skin and changing breasts etc. But my biggest changes were all internal and weren't achieved (or understood) overnight. Slowly but surely, my life became more layered, emotional and as I wrote spiritual. To me, an earth based faith which has become increasingly natural on HRT.

So these days I still get amused when the first comment I get from some is Wow! How does it feel to have your own breasts or hair. Naturally, great but if they had to go away tomorrow what would I do? Like any other strong woman-lose both and move on.

Get Well Connie

One of the very negative things which happen with a daily blog such as Cyrsti's Condo is when yet another of those of you I consider family fall ill. First there was Francine and now Connie. She messaged me last night when she had to go to the hospital for a swollen leg and intense pain:

" I dealt with no fewer than four doctors, 8-10 nurses & techs, and a half-dozen front desk people. The few awkward moments relating to my gender may have bugged me a bit, but the fact that I have a big f*****g blood clot, some of which may have entered my lungs, is so much more disturbing to me. It seems my reluctance to go with HRT was the correct route for me, since this very condition is one of the big possible side effects. Now that it's part of my medical history, I doubt any doctor would prescribe estrogen for me. I'll have to live without it, but at least I will live. I'm saddened by the fact that the option of HRT is gone for me - maybe better to know outright than being on the fence, though."

First of all get well Connie!!! Second of all, HRT should not be put ahead of life itself. In fact, I believe hormones should not be the be all and end all to a transition. (Similar to rushing into SRS.) Your transition is in your head.

Now, having said that, HRT will feminize your body, I have loved the changes to the lower half of my body these days. Plus I continue to love my hair. But! If I had to go back to wigs, I would and fall back on the padding I used to wear-to be alive.

So Connie, please take care of yourself and yes knowing for sure HRT won't be an option could indeed be better. My example comes from the old Vietnam War draft lottery days. If your number came up in the middle, you didn't really know what to expect. My number was like 27, so I was gone-in the military. I knew what was going to happen.

The world should never be able to take away from us our gender. Passing privilege comes and goes, as does life itself. As transgender women and men, we have been tossed a different deck of cards to play with. The secret (especially as we age) is to keep playing!