Muscle Memory

Have you heard the term? I've used it here in Cyrsti's Condo a couple times. Very simply it means what it says: "training your muscles to do a certain task."
As males attempting to jump into a feminine role obviously there is quite a bit of learning and relearning to do physically.

Some of us have farther to go than others. Several readers have asked for a before and after picture of me for a point of reference or even a positive example of how you may express your femininity. There is a certain picture of an bearded overweight me that I don't recognize that I'm trying to find, scan and post but have not yet located it.

Back to "muscle memory":  The more I began to consider a serious transgender transition, here's what I tried  to do. Anytime I was out dressed as a guy, I tried to think of my posture, the length of my steps and walking up on the balls of my feet. An easy rule of thumb is women glide and for most their center of gravity of course is around the hips. For most of us, all of this is a difficult process because we have spent so many years developing our male muscle memory. If you can do it observe how a woman moves not how she looks. As we all know, a successful feminine presentation does not have to be a thing of beauty. It needs to be a thing of confidence and reality.

Since I do almost everything backwards, I have always felt you should learn the feminine basics in flats. You can concentrate on your posture, hip and arm movements and then add the heels as you become more comfortable. But that's just me. I know heels are so beneficial to my overall look but they also take me above the 6 foot height limit I have set for myself. There is a big trade out!

The trick to all of this of course is how to flip a switch on your muscle memory.  To this day, I have to not get too comfortable and slip back into my male ways. Back in the day I often had to think about which situation I was in and was I flipping the female switch without thinking when I was working as a guy. This became more of a problem when I began to really try to incorporate more feminine voice patterns into to "the switch".

I am not going to sit here and tell you I'm even close to where I want to be in this process. On the other hand if I don't have a plan I will certainly never get to where I want to go.

In the meantime girls "shoulders back, chest out and glide!"

The Words We All Want to Hear!

This post is from the Baltimore OUTloud site:


"I volunteer with a number of organizations that interact with youth, mostly high-school age. I did this before transition and continued to do so during and after. One of these groups is focused on science, technology, and math. I’ve been an adult mentor with my son’s robotics team for five years. I love and enjoy helping develop young minds to solve problems. I’m happy to report that despite what the media might tell you the future is in great hands and these brilliant kids will solve many problems that vex us presently. When I transitioned I had concerns that this group might not embrace the change.
I didn’t know what to expect from a program of about 40 kids and their parents. It could have been a big deal. It turns out it wasn’t. Among all of the people and groups in my life, this robotics club turned out to be the one that seemed to care the least about me becoming “me.” My “rollout” was done via a parent- and then student meeting, and then, of course, my debut. Shortly after the first meeting I received an email from a concerned parent. It went more or less like this: “When I heard that our meeting was concerning you I was worried that you might be leaving our program. Thank goodness you are only changing your gender!” I was astonished to say the least."

Wow, won't it be great when the world gets to the point of "you are only changing your gender?"

This post has many other wonderful points such as when the author protests the catering by a "certain chicken chain" go here for more.

The Slippery Slope

Over the past several months or more here in Cyrsti's Condo, I have mentioned a friend I knew from my earliest days as a cross dresser. In fact I was the benefactor from his final purge way "back in the day". He walked away 30 plus years ago and in many ways has never looked back. We are quite fond in talking about the diverse individuals we knew in our little group. As it turned out we were quite diverse compared to our very small numbers. I know for sure three out of ten went on to SRS, one (me) now identifies as transgender, at least one has passed away and the rest I just lost track of.. Oh yes, there was one who ended up marrying a trans woman. 

You have perhaps noticed me use one of the women who went through the surgery - as one who probably shouldn't have.  I'm going to call her "A". "B" was her friend and incredibly at home after the surgery and has led a happy and successful life. The third transsexual had already gone through SRS when I met her and was doing well in life then too. She was pretty much stealth except to us. 

He talked about why he didn't go any farther then and referred to the cross dressing process as a "slippery slope". Here is my response:

"The slippery slope is indeed a complex concept. Here's how I think it worked with me. I spent my life looking up the slope wondering if I could climb to a feminine existence and how it would feel...or would I turn back. I certainly didn't look at the slope as a problem if I fell!"
He did and used "A" as an example. She was the person who started down the slope and couldn't get back to her male self. I said:
" Of course there is the need to look better and better and in that case you can slide down the hill as a man if you fall in love with yourself and your public perception. What's more fun, being an average looking guy or an attractive woman? ...(Cue the A tape)
Then there are the "naturals" who essentially start at the peak, look around and think "this is me" (Cue B tape)"
The conversation then went into what if we dated A or B as a man? The answer was dating "A" would be going out with a CD while dating "B" would be very much a challenge to interact with an intellectual, worldly, attractive woman.

"Then there are the seekers. Those who spend years wondering exactly why they feel the way they do. Could they be more comfortable as a girl. You can compare it to a slow mountain climb where you stop, explore and take refuge during storms in caves along the way (Cue the Cyrsti tape) Several years ago, I stopped in a cave and experienced a profound feeling of warmth and well being as a woman. I decided I would never want to go back down the mountain to who I used to be."

Maybe the "Slippery Slope" could be a topic in my Trans Ohio transgender workshop I'm presenting in April?

Young and Blond and on YouTube

Just another tremendous transgender transition from YouTube:

My Partner Came Out Trans

Part two of the xoJanes'  "It Happened to Me" contest entry which caught my eye.

Not only did her partner come out as transgender, the process happened while she was pregnant. It's quite the entry! :

"In one year, I got pregnant with my boyfriend and I gave birth with my girlfriend. 

For me, supporting my partner was a lot trickier than those famous people interviews let on. First, as my partner was sliding on down the spectrum of socially constructed gender, I was a becoming a full on female mammal. Not all women experience pregnancy that way, but I reveled in being a baby-making, milk-producing, female warrior. I got into making my nest, quite literally when it was time for our home birth. I let those new hormones flood my mind and make all my decisions for me, even if it meant my beloved bike riding was suddenly The World's Most Dangerous Activity and required a family-wide ban. I resisted verbalizing all the essentialist "My fertile uterus connects me to ALL THE WOMEN" feelings that I was feeling, but I still loved those feelings. Hell, I felt a connection with the mama squirrels in the park. It was quite a contradiction to how my partner was experiencing what it means to be a woman. This made for some strained conversations about our quickly changing lives, each of us not wanting to seem unsupportive of the other, but neither of us being able to fully understand where the other was coming from.

"

I'm sure you will want to read more here!

I Married a Cross Dresser!

No! Not me!!! What would possess a person do do something like that!! Just kidding.

One of the genetic female sites (I think) is called xoJane and their recent "It Happened to Me" topic was I married a Cross Dresser. Truly the post didn't end like I thought it would.
I won't ruin it for you. Go here to find out.

As I continued to look at the site I found an even more interesting contest entry which will be in my next post!

Mardi Gras Countdown

Well, I'm down to approximately a week before my trip to New Orleans and Mardi Gras.
I believe I can post to Cyrsti's Condo  from my girl friend's lap top so perhaps I can document this "epic" journey.
Typically, people who haven't seen me for awhile or check in with an email ask me if I am going on the whole trip as a woman. Yes I am!
While questions such as that from people( I think a couple should know better) sometimes aggravate me but overall I know I'm still an educational process for myself and those around me. Plus they remember my "in between days". Trying to explain I don't wear wigs anymore is often the hardest part. Perhaps some people didn't know I ever did? Not many I'm sure!
My fashion plans are simple: concentrating on being as attractive and comfortable as I can be.
I'm sooo looking forward this trip and it is occasions such as this which make all the struggles I've gone through worth the trouble.
In fact the whole idea seems surreal at times and I sometimes wonder why I didn't start the transition process earlier. A couple days ago on another site, another "person of age" reminded me of the days of our youth when it was possible to be arrested for "dressing in the clothes of the opposite sex". So I guess that could have been a deterrent. Too late to cry over spilled foundation now!
I'm just happy to have lasted this long on this world and am fortunate to take off on yet another part of my transgender journey- which just happens to pass through New Orleans!

The Beneficial Effects of Gay Bigots

Whats good about a bigot? They have the ability to make you step back, take a look at the situation and make your move.

Of course gay bigots are no different than any others. The gays have their own little club in many ways which can be as exclusive and bitter as the Ku Klux Klan. What leads me down this path is an email I received from a reader who came under a transphobic verbal attack from a gay man. I'm paraphrasing here but the message was "I'm gay but not that gay"! DUH! Neither are we you idiot!

I spent a brief amount of time wondering just how the hell we got lumped together with them to begin with but moved on quickly. Now I want to thank the gay male venue who blatantly discriminated against me one night. I took my money and headed to straight venues where I did not get discriminated against. They didn't understand where I was coming from (like the gays) but came to accept me quicker and the huge transphobic kick in the pants turned out to be a life changing experience for me.

Before I let my rant get out of control and end up sounding like them, I do think the gay world is slowly starting to realize who the transgender community is. I'm going to go out on a limb and say in my neck of the woods trans men could be having a huge impact. They don't have the "drag queen" stereotype to fight through to start with to effect change in thinking. "Out and Proud" seems to be more of a theme more than the "Stealth and Gone" policy of transsexual women. (Just my hunch.)

Finally, like it or not we are the "T" in their club. Surely I have seen cross dressers pull off some pretty dumb things in gay venues but then again no more than than gay guys.
Certainly,  there are always going to be bigots to be faced from all facets of society but if we all hold our ground they will fade as surely as the klan has.

Putting a Voice to the Face

Transsexual model Lea T:
From YouTube of course: