It's Just NOT about me!

In my forced absence from the blog, I had plenty of time to think about past ideas and expereinces of mine that may be useful. For some reason I had a chance meeting with a woman several months ago which was so forceful I probably missed the forest for the trees.
She was tall and beautiful, and the last seat at the bar just happened to be beside her and her friends were on the other side.
In a very short period of time she turned and used the typical female opening to a conversation by commenting on my purse. How nice and where did I get it.  Interestingly enough, she said very quickly I didn't need to be nervous. The statement surprised me. Sure the place I was in isn't my favorite place to go but I'm nomally recieved well enough. I guess I was showing nerves subconciously but then again I normally am nervous talking to people I really don't know.
I knew of course she was attempting to make me feel more at ease talking to her but then took the whole idea further. She was also talking about all the people who took the time to stare on my way in.
I'm paraphrasing here but what she said in essence was she was sick and tired of being stared at too by a bunch of unsophisticated idiots. Just because she was 5'11 and had big breasts and was a former Penthouse girl she was sick and tired of people staring and she knew how I felt being stared at too!
Deep down inside I was thinking if I had only a part of the reason she was being stared at for I would be happy.
On a larger scale she is right. I have experienced the men who never see my face only my chest...even with their wife standing next to them. I have experienced the invasion of a woman's personal space (also part of our conversation). None of it is right, but is an integral part of gender interaction where I live unfortunately.
As she left, my biggest lesson learned was "It's just not about me".
Trans woman or natural beauty, being looked at is just part of the game. Her insights just proved to me again how huge a part it is.

I Always Knew...

Out of the clear blue sky the other day I began to think of how "the other half" lives. I don't mean the rich folk across town. I mean the great majority of the population that lives a life never questioning their birth gender.
Quickly I realized the idea was as foreign to me as the way I live is to them.
I cannot begin to think of how it would have been to have never questioned my male gender.
At that very point I started to have a deeper respect for my friends who know and respect me for what I am.
How completely foreign it is to them that a person would question one of the basics of the human experience - gender. Not sex, gender. Not gay or straight but male or female.
I have written many times how I would not wish this gender journey on anyone. On ocasion though I secretly feel a life in one gender maybe rather boring!

She's Back!

Well finally I persuaded my Internet provider to put me in line for a technician to come to my house. What I mean "in line" I mean it took them a week and a half to get here. Really?
That's the bad news. The good news is he installed a brand new line almost directly to my computer which isn't the easiest thing to do because the house I live in is a brick monster built in the 1850's.
So now at least I'm faster! (I know some of you are thinking of the old cheap and easy line here too!)
At any rate, I'm overjoyed to be back and have missed all of you!
I'm flowing over with ideas of new posts and will put them together soon!
In the meantime, my first appointment with a medical doctor to discuss hormones is tomorrow. Very excited!
More to come!!!!!!!!!!

Growing Up To Be A Woman!

I surfed across this post on a site called "Are Women Human?". Debunking complementarianism and other myths of gender. Now I don't even know what complementarianism even means! I do know you all might want to check the link and a great insight to our lives and how our birth gender just didn't work!

Pretty Boys Make Pretty Girls!

Over the years we have seen pretty boys become pretty girls in several teen orientated shows. Here is another!
From Wingin' It 2x19 "I Carlie" comes this story line,
"After a clueless Carl offends Denise on their first date, she shows him what it is like to be a girl by turning him into one. It is not long before Serge falls for Carlie, the new girl at school, and the pressure is on Porter to find a solution. He turns Denise into Denny to give her a taste of her own medicine, but the only way to reverse the magic is for Carlie and Denny to have a perfect date"
Here are a couple
YouTube" links:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HRuGS3HO2c
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ti-1Tmy1R8   plus I will post a couple more pictures on our picture gallery page.

I'm sure you agree he looks good!

The Essence of Transgender Enjoyment?

As I move ever closer to a more complete feminine lifestyle, I experienced a pleasant discovery this morning.
As I was finishing my makeup and adding a touch of perfume I thought how much I enjoyed the whole process and dare I say natural.
I have been experimenting with wearing a soft cloth bra and my breast forms every night when I come home from work.  A job  I work in guy drag.
When I first started the process, I felt comforted by the whole experience. When I woke up in the middle of the night and in the morning I was able to come as close as I could (so far) to having my own breasts.
As time went on, I became more conditioned to having breasts and they gradually just became part of me.
Now I do know of course hormones will increase the sensitivity of my real breasts and all of this could be a moot point.
Sooner more than later though I think breasts just become part of the body for a woman except for obvious exceptions such as sexuality and appearance.
As I was getting ready the other morning, my breasts stopped being just a part of my body and became important in my choice of clothes. In other words they became very important to my overall feeling of femininity and that felt so natural.
I can never do anymore than just guess how a birth female feels with all of this and I am sure not a one thinks the same BUT  I know how a certain transgendered female feels about it. The same way she feels when her hair has grown long enough to brush out of her face...surprised and excited.
Something deep inside is telling me somehow this was the way it is supposed to be!

Meet the Old/New Me!

Recently we posted a story about transgender actress  Candis Cayne  who appeared not long ago in the television series  "Necessary Roughness".  Her character was the former "Gerald" at a class reunion.

"Jamie Clayton"

Yet another beautiful transgender actress is headed to the "HBO" series "Hung". In one of the episodes, Jamie Clayton's character also attends her class reunion. Clayton has a great take on why her character Kyla went:
"Ultimately Kyla’s goal of going to the reunion was to get these people to see her the way she has always seen herself. Obviously she was unable to do that when she was in high school so she sort of wants to go back and reclaim that moment and sort of do a time-machine moment and reclaim that moment and have a good experience. It does sort of backfire on her. But ultimately the way it ends up is so sweet — the moment that she has with Ray. Part of Kyla’s journey is coming to the realization that it doesn’t matter what everybody else thinks about you; in the end, it’s what you think of yourself."
I have a big class reunion coming up in a couple of years and I started to think...would I go?
First of all, I need to say I have never been to one of my high school reunions. I moved from a very small school district to a very big one and never deleveloped many close friendships plus I was very shy. My point to all of this is, very few at the reunion would remember my before let alone my current.
As profound and correct as Clayton's take on the reunion, none of it really works for me. I wish I could say I would be showing my true self all my classmates missed out on so many year ago but then again we didn't know each other then any better than now.
If I was fortunate enough to look half as beautiful as Cayne or Clayton, I supposed I could go show off for an old romantic interest from high (as Cayne did with an old girlfriend.). That wouldn't work either because my senior prom date committed suicide years ago because she thought life had no meaning because she was over weight, unattractive and divorced. (really).
So as revelvant and possibly entertaining the media makes the class reunion appear to be, I think I will  have to be a no show again. I certainly wasn't the social butterfly in high school. No need to become one now.

When Is Natural...Natural?

As I was going through a purse today looking for spare change, I didn't think a thing about it.
There was a time I would have stopped to reflect on the fact I had a purse at all and what a rush it was.
As I rush head long into a life changing month, I still do a lot of soul searching
The timetable looks something like this. In a week I have yet another visit with my VA Physcologist. She has given me an approval letter of course but we are far from being done with the VA's possible future role in the dispensing process. In another week I have my first appointment with a medical doctor who will dispense.
Around the first of the month the biggest step is coming up. Hopefully I will be transitioning out of my current job. The significance is I'm transitioning into basically a home based business.
My current work environment is the biggest connection to what is left of my current male life.
I know nothing of this is certain but I do see very clearly what I need to do to make all of this happen.
Finally natural has a chance to imitate life!

I LOVE This Saying!

Not the Gurl you bring home to Mother, I'm the one she didn't dream of warning you about. http://jackiesdepravedthoughts.blogspot.com/
Warning...follow this link at your own discretion. It is Very  X rated.
I didn't say I approved of the blog...just loved the description and decide to leave the rest up to you!
I will have to dig up the old blog post of mine that asked if I would be the kind of girl I would bring home to my mother.