Transgender Validation Versus Reality

Being validated as a woman is what used to be called passing in my book.(or blog)
Reality is living an extended amount of time as a woman.
Yesterday was an exercise in reality for me.
I went to a fall festival with my friend and her 8th grade son. Yes she is a cis-female.
The nuances of finding parking standing in lines for entertainment, food and of course shopping were incredible.
After a short period of time I had to look down at my breasts and clothes to remind myself who I was. I was no longer worried about being validated as a woman by the public. I simply was one.
I will relate some of the smaller nuances of my date later....such as the porta potty and the bleacher seats!

Handmade Fashion For You!

A friend of mine designs her own line of bracelets, bags and jewelry.  I was looking over her web site and came across at least a couple of pieces that may be of interest to some of you.
Particuarly if you are into the "Goth" culture or are looking for a special addition to your exotic Halloween costume check out this hand made bracelet!

Fishnet hose, a short lacy black dress, boots and a head full of out of control dark hair and the evening is yours with this bracelet completing your outfit!
Check out more at Liz's website.
Cyrsti

Then there was Bob?

On my way back from my "session" with the "Doc" I stopped to relax and catch up on my phone messages at my favorite "pub".
I no more than settled in and brought the "droid" out of my purse (android phone) when I saw him eyeing me from across the bar. I figured nothing more would come of his interest. He was thinking one of two things anyhow. Either I was trans and he was curious or he was curious why a single woman was there in a sports pub to begin with.
The next thing I knew he was sitting next me and before I could react he had his hand on my thigh. Let me point out "Bob" was an older intoxicated man and quite the active one.  Quickly I learned a move I really didn't know I had...crossing my legs and putting my arm down the middle of the top leg so my hand was at my knee and elbow at my my waist.  Good old Bob couldn't get his wandering hands anywhere important.
About this time one of the female bartenders was going to intervene but I assured her I could take care of myself with good old Bob.
I simply changed the subject from me to him and started mentally harassing  him ever so gently. I even involved him in a conversation with one of the female regulars I knew would annihilate him!
He quickly grew tired of me fending off his six pair of hands and wobbled over to a pair of blonds who entered the pub. I went back to my world hoping he wasn't driving in that condition.
Good old Bob taught me an important lesson about women and their surroundings. The situation can change so fast. Not always for the best!

Glam Trans?

I don't know what this means...and I'm sure everyone on their mailing list got one but....

Fabulous After 40 Newsletter: September 22, 2011 | Volume I, Issue 119

Personal Note from Deborah and JoJami

 Cyrsti,

We hear you when you say that trying to figure out what to wear every season is a big challenge because most times the runway is not the reality. There's no denying that some of the clothes we see on the catwalk are fascinating and gorgeous, but more often, too over the top for a real woman to wear. That's where the confusion and overwhelm begins.

How do you translate these bold, and sometimes wacky looking styles and make them work for you?

We've written some posts to help you out. Check out our Fall Trends posts that give you the high fashion runway look - for inspiration, and the reality look - for real life.

Here's hoping that the next time you see a boa constrictor metallic jumpsuit, you'll be able to stop laughing long enough to consider how you might want to incorporate a little snakeskin accent into your fall wardrobe.

______

Cheers,

Deborah & JoJami, The Glam Gals

 Gee, I thought I would pretty good in that jumpsuit!!!! lol!
Seriously, their site is a wonderful fashion source!

Transgendered Veterans!

From "The Advocate" comes this update near and dear to my heart!
The story is called "Trans American Military Stories" and features interviews with four transgendered vets. The four transgendered vets are a very small part of the nearly 300,000 transgender people who may have served in the military — even though the government won’t officially allow it.
For you new visitors to the blog I am a transgendered vet and I am testing the hormone waters with them.
The number comes from The Transgender American Veterans Association.
"TAVA"  reports there could be up to 300,000 transgender military veterans in the U.S. today. In 2005, when the TAVA put a wreath on the Tomb of the Unknown Solider, there was a transgender person representing every U.S. military conflict since WWII.
Still, the very psychological diagnosis that allows transgender folks to get medical care — Gender Identity Disorder — makes them ineligible to serve. And those who’ve gone through corrective surgeries are listed as having “physical abnormalities.” Anyone who is caught wearing clothing of the perceived opposite sex receives a court martial.
According to “Transgender People in the U.S. Military: Summary and Analysis of the 2008 Survey” by the Transgender America Veterans Association the vast majority of transgender vets are trans women (of those using VA hospitals, 13% identified on the FTM spectrum, while 82% identified somewhere on the MTF spectrum) although trans men were three times more likely than trans women to have been asked by an officer about their sexual orientation (33% versus 11%).
Clearly our transgender community has come a long way. We have come close enough to the cliff to see how far the fall is and how hard the landing will be if we come out to the world.
Truly, I can't imagine coming out in the military I knew in the 70's. (Ironically though, I did come out for the first time as a crossdresser with a couple of close friends when I was in the Army.)
As I have posted, I do plan to challenge the initial statement by my therapist that the VA hospital I deal with does not dispense hormones like the VA centers "on the coasts". First of course, I need to get the letter and go from there. My point is why can a transgendered vet on the "coasts" get hormones and I can't?
Reading the stories in this article encouraged me to do more if I have the chance.  How great would it be to open some new doors if I can!

The Only "She" In The Room.

You would think I would be more aware of certain situations I encounter as a transgendered girl.
Before my session, I ended up waiting with a room full of men watching TV.
The television was turned to a soap opera. One guy looked at the others and said "there has to be something better on the television." One of the others said "turn the channel." I couldn't see it anyhow from where I was sitting and I was acting like I was really reading a magazine when yet another guy said "before you turn it, is she watching?" Relatively quickly, my inner self said Hey! I'm the only she in the room. Quickly I looked up from my magazine and shyly told them "No I wasn't watching, but thanks!" (More than they knew!)
Shortly the therapist came and she loved the story!
I also told her about the longest three minutes or so of my life as I waited with a group of ten or so patients, nurses and visitors at the main set of elevators. I couldn't make myself invisible so I tried to casually look disinterested in my surroundings. I'm fairly certain I looked at the directory sign about a hundred times! To my knowledge no one said a word or even noticed the transgendered girl dying inside!
As you all know I spend much of my life in the public eye as a girl and for the life of me I can't understand why this VA setting intimidates me so much.
My next visit corresponds with my birthday. What a great gift a letter would be and the mean old hospital may take on a different purpose!

Trip #2 In The Books.

I wish I could tell you the letter was mine from the VA psychologist approving me for hormone therapy.
No that didn't happen. Do I think it will? Yes and I will press the issue in our next visit. One of the biggest reasons I think I will get approval is how she said goodbye.
She made a really big point of calling me Cyrsti.
I believe during the session I settled two really big points she is concerned about.
I recounted the "tire" experience I posted a couple days ago.  She wondered how I would have approached the situation as Cyrsti. I simply told her I realize the difference in how genders approach problems and I would have went to more of a please help other than a do it. In addition I recounted stories of how my late wife was such a great mentor if she meant to or not. Bottom line, I had to prove to her I know being female is more than the clothes.
We transitioned (ha ha) into how I just don't feel much fulfillment from my male life. My female life is filled with a new set of friends I enjoy immensely. I can just be more compassionate and grounded and feel more from the world. I mentioned to her and you I just feel out of place now in most settings as a guy.
Finally, she asked about financial ideas.  I actually have several that I believe I can support my female life.
The hour seemed as if it went by in minutes and probably only contained 10 or 15 of key information.
I just hope the key's were clear enough to convince her and I think they will!

Transgender Liberation

Trans Liberation is the belief that all people have the right to express and define their own gender. Basically that drag queens/kings, gender queer, transsexuals and cross dressers are sane human beings with worth. Through education and better understanding of gender we can all be liberated to be who we really are."

From The Detroit News: http://detnews.com/article/20110916/OPINION03/109160312/‘Love-will-prevail’-in-transgender-issues#ixzz1YYhPnRlU

Just read this and thought you all may enjoy it!
Cysrti

Transgender Validation?

We talked about my experience as a guy at the tire store this weekend. Of course I thought a lot about it. Especially since I have my second therapist appoitment coming up today.
I needed validation of my desire to be female.  Were the feelings of warmth and contentment still there? What changes (if any) would there be dealing with the public?
Going to a place where validation and non validation has taken place in the past seemed to be a great idea.  You have read my posts about my adventures on Tuesday's at a huge sports pub filled with a 20 to 40 something crowd. Tuesday is 2-dollar pint night with 64 drafts so the pub is the place to be in the area.
Last night was just wonderful.  Not only was I accepted as a woman to the casual observer, I had to stand in line once in the women's room waiting for a stall. No problems.
All of that was well and good. The internal sensation was what I was really searching for.
The feelings of satisfaction and the realization I was at home with myself were the same.
I guess I reassured myself the brief macho me was only a return to a past I'm trying to put behind me.
Maybe I'm lucky he was there when I needed him...and leave it at that.