A "Liberating" Week?

Ah! Such a week!
Following my first "Doc" appointment, I went through a serious introspective journey.
I never had any doubts about embarking on the hormone journey and tracing the path to this part of my life became important again.
I'm sure all the questions the Doc asked triggered all of this.
Interestingly, I felt a strange sort of liberation even to the point of not carrying a purse  a couple times. (Wow) I simply carried a small amount of cash and an ID in my pockets and headed out the door. I see many women who don't carry a purse and wanted to see how it was!
Well, I have to tell you I love purses and couldn't live without one for any long term serious trips. What would I do without the essentials of a purse? Makeup, change, money and discount cards and more...really? No purse?
I do however have to tell you it is great fun to stroll along with the shoulders back and the chest out without a care in the world.
So I guess session one of "unloading" on the Doc did liberate me to an extent. Some of you older readers may expect me to burn my bra's next? Well, I have gone bra less on a couple occasions but no purse and no bra is too liberating!
Certainly, the liberation won't last long as session number two is only a week and a half away,
Already I'm wondering what she will ask and of course what I will wear.
I can be such the "girly girl" or a very casual one and both are me. 
Is it a woman's prerogative to change her mind a thousand times? We will find out! Now that's liberation!

A True Super Gendered Model

With her flawless skin and versatile look, it is little surprise that Michalina Manios is a favourite to win Poland's Next Top Model.
But the 22-year-old stunned viewers last night when she revealed to judges that she was born a hermaphrodite.
She explained that she had both male and female genitalia at birth, but was officially considered male until four years ago because doctors had initially assumed she was a boy. Follow the link to the story from the "Daily Mail" below.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2035608/Polands-Next-Top-Model-favourite-tells-born-hermaphrodite.html#ixzz1XcvC8XCp

Since we are on the subject of  transgendered models, another look at "Lea T" is never disappointing!

She Was A "Bee-atch" Before She Became One!

This is a great quote I wanted to pass along from a friend of mine.
We were discussing the effect of female hormones on men and women.By the way she was born female and had a particuarlly tough time in her late teens and early 20's with hormonal mood swings.
She was very concerned about their effects on me and was I prepared for the worst which was something like she went through.(I am.)
The conversation went on and I did mention a couple sisters who aren't seeming to fare so well in their chosen female gender. Both just don't seem to be nice people and at the least perfected one female trait very well.  They are mean bitches!
She went to the obvious and said "Well you know, they could have been bitches before they became one!".
Love it!!!!!!!!!

Rant Part Two

Hi all!
Just a little clarification of the "we don't dispense" hormones here statement.
I'm really don't think any of this is over. The whole story is just beginning.
First and foremost, I have to get the approval letter.
When and if that happens, then I can make the decision to attempt to open some doors that should not be closed to us!
We shall see!!!!!
cyrsti

The Visit, Part II

I'm splitting these posts into a couple parts on purpose. Sure I been known to be a tease on occasion but this isn't one!!!!
Doesn't take a genius to figure out "shrinks" are just listeners and this visit wasn't my first rodeo with one.
The first question was easy enough. When did all this happen?
I said "in a thousand words or less"? About this time I thought we both had no idea where this session would go so I started at the beginning.
My story is no different than most of yours. At the age of ten or so I started to raid my Mom's clothes and the rest is history.
The only "non surprise" she dropped on me was that this VA doesn't prescribe female hormones. (Only the ones on the "coasts") She could however write me a letter and recommend me to a  private Doc who could.
Well I do believe she has not read the latest VA updates on transgender treatment.  Even if she (or whoever dictates the policy here) knows the policy hasn't really changed; why can a vet on the coast receive hormone treatment and I can't????
I am going to leave that rant alone with all of you and her for the time being.
She wants a couple more meetings before she writes a letter on my behalf and certainly I want that.
Also, I have this deep down impression that I am educating them (VA) about our lifestyle.  In fact, she used the word brave with me. I know she meant it as a compliment but there is no brave with me. I am resolved to live my life the way I choose. I will explain the difference in our next session!
Meeting two is in a couple weeks and I feel it will be much more informative than the first on both ends.
The best part is she is nice and caring and is a she. Sharing all of this with a man could and would be more difficult for me.
OK let me give you the best question and answer of the session. "What's the rest of your day like?" (to me)
My answer was "Shopping!" She laughed and agreed. I followed up with "In many ways I'm just like any girl". Point made.
Perhaps I will think of more of the mundane questions of the session and I will certainly pass them along!

Step Number One!

I used my female prerogative and changed clothes a couple time before my visited to the "hormone doc" at the VA.
The day was overcast, rainy and chilly. Jeans, flats light sweater and jacket worked well. My goal was to be feminine without going too far.  I did not want to look as if I was trying too hard.
I arrived at the VA facility early and had a chance to sit and get really scared before I started the rather lengthy trip to her office.
The parking lot was a good chance to catch my breath and gather my thoughts.
The lobby of course was packed with older vets and while I did get a few looks. I walked right through, past the info area and up to the elevators. Fortunately, I ended up alone on the elevator but the trip to the seventh floor still seemed like an eternity.
The doors opened into a large hallway and amazingly I was able to follow signs to the area of the facility she was located.  The receptionist had nearly no reaction and simply said have a seat. I took a seat by the magazine table and grabbed one of the women's magazine, crossed my legs and waited.
The VA treats us in the metal health area which does make sense (as much as I resent it) since the psych docs who to have approve us work in the same area. I had a chance to watch quite a few different individuals who paid me no mind at all.
Finally my psychologist came and called me by my last name only and we took off for her office. She seemed very nice as we sat down in her office crossed our legs and got started....

It's Time!

The dawn will bring a major new possibility to my life. 
I have my first appointment with a doc concerning hormone therapy.
I have and will continue to discuss with you all the ramifications.
My major stress concerning our first meeting was deciding to attend as as man or a woman. I seriously have no anxiety of presenting all of my true self to the "Doc" from day one. In fact I want to.
The problem to me seemed to be wondering through a very good sized VA hospital complex. Of course there is going to be a showing of my very male ID.
All of you know this is not my first rodeo. From my everyday "girl" time to going to an NFL game, the world is not a stranger to me.
So why now?
I'm sooo fortunate to have a dear friend who made immediate sense of the situation.
She said go as the person I really want to be. If I really don't want to be Cyrsti then don't go as her and explain why I am considering hormones.
If I want to go forward and continue to push my male life away, then go and be proud of myself. Even her 8th grade son agreed!
How wonderful was her insight!!!!! Almost as if I was missing the forest for the trees.
I could toss you a rationalization I was being influenced by years in the closet.
Finally, she went on to say my male self was just a convenient crutch which was just weakening. 
It does seem tomorrow is the time to toss the crutch out!

A Great BIG OMG!

Thanks for all of you who have helped push the blog over the 100,000 hit mark!!!!!!!!!!!!
Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think my little on line "diary" would make it to this landmark.
I do know in the vast universe enabled by "Al Gores" Internet, 100 grand is barley a start.
To me however, it is wildly exciting and I thank you all again!

Is Lady Gaga Really Mister Gaga and Should We Care?

I've eavesdropped on several recent conversations in my world concerning the real sex of "Lady Gaga". Possibly by now you have heard of "Gaga's" latest "male invasion" during the "MTV Music Awards" late last month.
One account had her male ego "Jo Calderone" using the men's room through out the day.

"Lady Gaga as Jo Calderone or Jo is Gaga?

Certainly Gaga's support of several transgender causes is commendable. On the other hand,. some of her antics are a little "Jerry Springerish" and self serving.
I won't even begin to speculate on Gaga's true gender.
I do however have a healthy curiosity. Is Gaga really a guy who transforms into an exotic female star or a female star who can transform herself into a realistic guy?
Or should I care at all?