The Eyes Dont Have it!

Maybe all the time and effort I've been putting into my eyes is  mistake?
Read this "Frisky" article and you may start focusing on your lips instead!
I've got to get out tomorrow and purchase some "Heatwave" lipstick!

Soul Sisters?

I'm applying this definition to a whole different set of sisters we normally never discuss. I'm referring to butch lesbians.
I met a person who is right on the cusp of being a ftm trans and a butch lesbian (his term). He sent me an article he wrote on the subject, but I don't want to betray the trust. Until I get permission, here are some of the absolute highlights.
To begin with he points out the pain a "butch" feels growing up. There is no hiding, no real closet to dive into as most of us have.  The femme lesbian has the advantage of dissolving into society or going "stealth" in our terminology. Looking back in my life, I had a close girlfriend (genetic) who had a butch sister.  The family forced her into a dress a couple times. I felt her pain of wearing the clothes of a gender she obviously didn't feel comfortable with. I see her every once in a while.Nothing has changed with him.
How ironic that this group could have a kinship with us?
Over the years I've interacted with "butches" to varying degrees. As "guy to guy" the interaction was very smooth normally. As "girl" to guy (them), the time was most interesting. One of my earliest posts describes a "karaoke" experience I had with a "butch" in a cowboy hat in a lesbian bar.
Two overriding ideas emerged from past experience and my new friend. Number one, I didn't realize how trans they are. In fact the butch lesbian is the most visible form of a transgendered person today. Most don't pass you know who they are.
Number two, I didn't realize how possessive they are. In some ways, the butch is a throw back to a male stereotype of the past. Which is not a surprise.
How many of us would jump at the chance to be the submissive female? The butch sits directly on the other side of that fence.
I'm fascinated by this whole segment of our rainbow and with his permission, I will bring you more

Disaster Averted!

This adventure is actually part two of the last post and is another "bra" story. 
I guess I had this one coming. I wrote about the success of removing my bra without taking my top off. Along the way, I also mentioned the diminishing  feel of a fetish experience being replaced by the overall feel of being a girl. Which of course includes the bra. It has become  piece of clothing to make me look better. Not feel better...until last night.
It just so happened that one of  my bra straps gave it up and broke.  The good news was I was fairly close to the bathroom. With my breast form cradled in my arm and pushed against my body I made it to a stall for repairs.
Dammit! Where the heck is that safety pin I kept telling myself to put in my purse. The same place as the tampon and pad...in my other purse. This girl thing is tough!
Somehow I had to fix this problem.  Become a trans "McGuyver"? If you didn't know, he was the best at making complicated devices out of simple objects. Fortunately, the strap was somewhat fixable by taking the broken snap and  hooking it back to another spot.
I was able to get back to my seat, finish my drink, put my coat on and leave.
As I said, I had it coming.  Blah, blah blah!

Three for the Road?

I enjoyed a rare break from work this week and used the opportunity to visit friends again in a few of my regular stops.
Two nights ago was one of those rare evenings that was so smooth, it was almost boring.
Last night was OK but I learned another lesson on being out.
I've mentioned several times how I'm a weekly regular at about three spots. accepted by the crew, mgt etc. If I put it on a scale of one to ten, I would be at a nine with clientele not noticing me or caring. The easiest way to change all that is to have a genetic female complain about me using the restroom.
Last night as I was using the "room", a woman came out of a stall quite unexpected. We met on a close up face to face.  Now that girls is something I rarely pass. I didn't with her either. She left first and when I went back to my seat at the bar, her husband was putting the first class glare/stare on me.
I calmly met his stare for what seemed an eternity, threw my shoulders back and clipped by him in my boots. Now I don't care what he thinks but I don't want to cause any problems in the business.
As it turned out nothing more happened.
The whole episode reminded me of how easy or hard it is to cross gender lines...again!

Merging Transgender Fantasy With LIfe.

I've always believed that very few of us started down the transgendered path with a true goal or outcome in mind.
Many trans girls started with a basic fetish with female clothing. Others may have been initiated by a family member, Halloween party or school play.
 Along the way, the reasons for being transgendered in the first place just seemed to fade away and the reality of being took over.
In my own case, the clothes, makeup and hair became less of a thrill and more of a lifestyle. Not too say I can't still get a real thrill from the right outfit or public reaction. Not unlike the feelings a genetic girl would have.
Two other trans girls I follow have addressed this transition also. "Stana" and "Janie" interestingly enough approach the subject from different angles, but come up with the same answer.  All of the sudden, this female thing started to feel so natural..with all of us.
How does it happen without injecting hormones to change the body or the brain with chemicals? Number one you have to want to and then work to get there.  I said a number of times the majority of males can present female if they try and have the right help. That doesn't mean you are going out and winning your local beauty pageant anytime soon or you can go out and move effortlessly in public. Start somewhere slow.
In my case, I went to closeted meetings and then began to go with certain "girls" to gay clubs. Over the years I worked on my appearance and started to shop for my own clothes.  Finally I'm to the point I am today.
Others say they admire my looks or boldness. That's all good but my persistence is all that should be admired. I can't tell you how many times I've been reduced to tears over the years only to pull on the pantyhose and try again.
Then again maybe you will never get to the point where your transgender fantasy becomes life and that's OK.
The lifestyle is so varied and complex there is plenty of room for you! You just have to work hard to find your spot.

Meanderings

If you are a regular here on the blog (and I thank you!) you know we cover a lot of ground in many areas.
Not to disappoint you, here are a couple more!
Maybe you've seen my rants concerning the responses I get on line from many clueless guys who are in bred romantics.  "You are beautiful. When can we get together and...."  I'm sure you get the point.
Tonight during one of my incessant surfing adventures on the net, I ran across this post from a younger guy on how to land a "cougar". One of his major points was treating an older female with respect.
I immediately thought of writing a post on how to land a "trans-cougar".  Essentially, the main idea would be that we are not desperate, promiscuous and really wouldn't mind interacting with a decent guy.  At any rate, that's another post for another time! The fact of the matter is many of the inappropriate comments come from former or current crossdressers. That has always really surprised me.
Speaking of the much maligned crossdressing group, I ran across a site you might be interested in. http://www.thegirlinside.com/  is one of the more comprehensive collections of articles about men dressing as women that I have seen for awhile. Of course I have added a link for you.
I had gotten away from the notion that crossdressers are a separate entity from trans people for a number of complex reasons. I was easily settling into the notion that crossdressing was simply a stepping stone to a trans future. I stand corrected and please not too long in these heels!

Such A Geek!

OK, you can make fun of me now. I'm such a geek.
This morning it was cold in my house and I was wearing a cozy fleece top I had to change. The change included my bra.
Instead of going topless in a cold house...it was time to conquer another female mystery. It was time to take off my bra without removing my shirt. 
During my adolescent years, just getting the bra off a girl was a superhuman experience.  First of all, she had to agree to the move and then I had to negotiate the fasteners on the back. Keep in mind, this was after I had bras of my own!
Topping that though, was the absolute magical experience when a girl would take off her bra without removing her shirt! How did that work?
Until this morning, I had no idea.  Now, as I found how easy a task it is, I feel so naive and maybe a little sad.
The whole maneuver  has joined the women's rest room as another mystery solved. Yes genetic females have many intangibles but restrooms and bra removals are not the top of the list.
Now, I feel a little sad, a little satisfied and a little geekish. After all, sometimes it nice to still have a mystery or two!

Transition/Transition

Certainly we have followed similar paths to where we are today. More than likely, the young trans girl today faces many of the same obstacles as  many of us did years ago. The only true difference is the influence of the Internet. Certainly the younger girl today does not feel the isolation of her older sisters.  That in itself though doesn't solve all the problems she faces.
"Transition/Transition " is a brief look at the milestones we face as "T-girls".
Number one is the discovery we have a special attraction for the other gender. A real attraction, we want to be them. Closely following this discovery comes confusion, frustration and denial.
Number two is the action mode. In this mode, the overwhelming desire to act on the discovery results in borrowing Mom's or sisters clothes. The majority of the time this is of a sexual nature. Sexual or not, the compulsion to become the alternate gender is powerful.
Number three is getting in that closet and slamming the door.  No one needs to know of your weakness! It will go away.
Number four is forcing the demons out of your life. Surely if you are the most macho guy or the best athlete, you can forget this ever happened.
Number five is failure.  All the years of trying to be the "alpha" male has gotten you absolutely nowhere.  Many times you have now gained a wife and family who you feel would never understand. Many feel you have deceived them. This reaction could be unfair.  You didn't know the "depth" of your feelings and you were doing the "male" thing by fighting them.
Number six is desperation. The sneaking starts. You could be contacting transgirls on the web,  going on "business" trips as a girl or any number of other activities but all of it still is just a cover up of the real problem.
Number seven is fixing the problem. This could be as severe as suicide or as drastic as going all the way and living as a girl. Something had to give.
Number eight is the future. Hopefully you didn't try to harm yourself and you accepted yourself as a female.
This all has been a very simplistic look at the factors we face as trans.
In my case I wish the crystal ball had been a little clearer.  I would have listened a little closer to that first person that told me I made a better girl.

Copasetic?

What the heck is that? Sounds like some sort of medicine my Mom used to force down me when I was a kid.
By definition "copacetic"  means all is satisfactory or is fine.
My personality equates that with being in a rut.
What did the famous philosopher Randy "Macho Man" Savage say? If you are not living on the edge, you are taking up too much space?
When I feel too natural as a girl, does it take the edge away?
Yes and no.
"Back in the day", each step out the door was an adventure. The adrenalin was flowing. Would I be be busted or be the fairest of them all?
Over the years much ( if not all ) of that has subsided. The rush is now a warm satisfaction.  Is it good? Sure...but every now and then I miss the good old days!