I am NOT a Crossdresser!

You probably aren't either!
I'm sharing a post I wrote for "Hub Pages". Please read it carefully because I'm NOT really saying anything derogatory about crossdressing. Enough of that already exists.

I don't spend 100% of my life yet as a female, but when I do does that qualify me as a crossdresser? When I'm working as a guy...maybe I'm a crossdresser then?
Where is the mystical line? If you take the word in it's most basic form I am a crossdresser because I don't wear the clothes of my birth gender. Then again, who says what my birth gender really was?
What "clicks" in my brain when I'm a girl? I shop and eat and do girl stuff. I simply love the hair, clothes and makeup! The word cross dresser has no meaning. If I'm not a female, I'm certainly not a guy just dressed in ladies clothes trying to fool the world.
Are you a crossdresser? Even if you are walking through the mall in sky high heels, big hair and a short skirt you may not be. You could be going through your teen girl years. It happens to all of them. They grow up and so will you.
Don't get me wrong here. I know I will never be a genetic female. No amount of surgery or hormones has perfected that miracle of science yet. I am a mix of both genders and something I'm becoming very comfortable with. The crossdresser in you will disappear as you feel more comfortable and your female side establishes what she wants to be.
So,when someone refers to you as a crossdresser, maybe you are not. Think of it this way. I'm a guy out of convenience and a girl out of desire!
I know I'm repeating some of my other posts but hopefully you won't mind!
On "Hub Pages" I did come across an article from a slightly confused "straight" guy concerning a very attractive neighbor who turned out to be trans, as well as a friend's encounter with a beautiful "woman" in Las Vegas. I've included a video to make all women jealous... trans or genetic!

America's Hottest Transsexuals Compilation Part 1

What's Next?

It's quiet time.  A very long stressful day at work is over. As I sit here in front of this keyboard, I wonder what the future holds.
Is a bi-gender life feasible?  I certainly would not go back to a full time male lifestyle but it is certainly possible I could go the other direction in the future. Truly not much stands in the way except the present.
I've never been one to sit still and accept the status quo.  A "boat rocker" could be on my tombstone.
My latest toys "Hot or Not" and a "Big Beautiful Women" dating site have been good for recreational relief. I'm up to an unbelievable "8.8" out of ten on the "hot" site and at least 30 flirts on the other in a week.
All fun and games...with  lot of empty calories! When you eat that "value meal" at your fast food joint, you are hungry again in an hour.  Understandable because you ate nothing of substance.
That's exactly where I am. Sure I have my circle of friends I love dearly and it would be very interesting to see what they really thought of my direction. Several couldn't comment because they know nothing of my male side. A couple others don't know the real story anyhow and probably don't care.
It doesn't matter because I know however the only person capable of making decisions in my life of this magnitude is me.
In the meantime, I worry if my innate boredom and the desire to go ever forward will push me to hormones and the like.
A decision made from that point just can't be a good one. There just has to be more!

She Didn't Go There!

Yes she did!
I was sitting in a very crowded pub, quite satisfied to watch sports and drink some beer.
I had arrived quite some time earlier and even made a couple restroom trips without so much as a side glance.
Midway through the evening a group of five moved into the bar area where I was sitting. At least a half hour later the woman sitting next to me turned and said "Are you male?"
My mind clicked off many answers and finally decided on the truth. "Partially" I told her. She went on to ask did I have short hair when I was a guy or were the red curls all mine? She said she really wished she could get her her to look like mine. I told her that actually if I let my hair grow out, it is very thick and wavy. It would not be a stretch to think my hair could be colored and styled to look like this.
It was her birthday night and she quickly grew tired of my novelty and my evening was coming to an end.
The only problem I really had was getting read for male.  I'm not naive enough to know that it won't happen.
If "girls" on hormones and surgery get busted, certainly it will happen to me.
Then I considered , is this whole problem just a throw back to my male ego? Is it similar to making the last out in a big baseball game or getting pushed back into a hole in the line in football? OMG I hope not!
As luck would have it, about the time I was having all these deep thoughts I took a look at "Janie's" Blog.
I think she is a gorgeous woman and in her last post she talks about all the curiosity she encountered on one of her shopping trips.  I knew how she was going to approach the same situation I was in because she has written about it before. Essentially she likes being the "special person" she is and if people aren't hurtful or mean-go ahead and ask or look. It's OK!
So once again she got me back on track accepting the exotic critter I am.
The guy side of me will always remember the agony of sports defeats but my girl side will always cherish moments too.
How much fun will it be when I get to the point of answering questions about my gender with well thought of and concise answers?
Somehow I always get taken by surprise.Perhaps the best answer is "male by convenience, female by desire?"

Just Couldn't help it!

I signed up for a vanity sight and felt guilty about it.
Somehow it did not feel right but I wanted to see what others thought of my look...as a woman. There was no transgender tag attached to it at all.
I ever so slowly opened the email saying I received votes. I was very afraid of the results.  Why?
I suppose the score validates me as a girl somehow?  A rating attached to all the trial and error work over the years?
Then I thought, what the heck real women do it why shouldn't I? I'm sure it doesn't validate them as biological women but it does validate their looks. When a girl gets rated the magical "10", sure she feels good!
Well the site I went on was "Hot or Not". I've seen other trans girls explore it and I was certain I saw a couple on the site.
Well so far, my rating is an 8.5! Initially I was flattered and humored equally.
Now my reaction is "Wow"!  How  great is it to be rated close to the really beautiful girls on the site!
But you know, it's just a picture. The inner Cyrsti is flattered but it doesn't make her a better girl!

Damn, I'm Old!

As I was doing my usual "channel surf" a day or so before Thanksgiving, I saw one of my million channels was showing "Ally McBeal" reruns all Thanksgiving Day. If you have never seen the show, it centers around a yuppie law firm. A very quirky 90's show with Calista Flockhart as the star.
I remembered being excited when I saw the shows preview's originally.  Finally a realistic portrayal of one of us! "Ally" was going to change the life of a "transvestite prostitute."
Of course I wondered exactly how long ago was it? 1997!
I also recalled that two things stood out in the show. The first was how Stephanie the "transvestite prostitute" looked. Very attractive with dynamite legs was how I remembered her.
I was not disappointed! I returned home from my family's Thanksgiving feast and turned on the DVD disk. the episode is called "Boy to the World" and it stars "Wilson Cruz" as Stephanie.
In those days, the "outfits of choice" in the law office were business suits with short skirts and Cruz more than held his own with the rest of the women. The best shot was when he was walking down a short flight of steps with "Jane Krakowski". The camera started at their high heels and followed them down the steps in their short skirts. The fact that Cruz had better legs was even more amazing because "Krakowski" was a dancer too.
Unfortunately, Cruz's looks are where the positives end.
The "transvestite prostitute" title didn't thrill me but again the show aired well over a decade ago. Ally and "Stephanie" (Cruz) did see a shrink who briefly mentioned gender dysphoria but that was it.
Stephanie was also treated badly by Krakowski's character in the show. I would have thought an upscale group of yups would have done better.
I would be remiss if I didn't mention "Dyan Cannon" in this show! She had the most amazing hair! The best part was she supposedly was way too old to have all that curly wonderful blond hair!
Awright girls, I'm not smart enough to tell you how to track this episode down. I saw it on the "Reelz" Network on my satellite feed. The rest is up to you!

Take It Like A Man

I finished a very interesting and complex conversation with my BFF genetic girlfriend tonight. She wanted to think more like a man! An interesting subject since I'm trying so hard to think like a woman.
She had just finished a very frustrating week with a guy friend of hers. She felt the only success she was ever able to have with men was starting to think like one.
So here I was, listening as a woman to my genetic friend wanting to be more like a man?
Be patient with me as I try to explain!
A guy she has known for an long time really drained her emotionally last week. She felt she needed the male "quick fix" to move on. Get out and go!
Guys are good with the quick fix. Simplify a complex problem "Git r Done" and  move on. By her own definition she had to be more like a guy in this instance. I used to have this mindset of course.I knew exactly where she was coming from. Fortunately, my inner girl kept pushing me to hear her out. Do not toss a quick fix at her!
The second major issue she mentioned was the most common. Men don't listen, especially the needy ones. (Her description of the guy last week)  We all know this is true. I don't even have to relate some of the stories I have when I was delegated to a  second class citizen. She went on to say "If I force the issue, I go from being a nag to a bitch." So true again!
So what's a girl to do? Probably what women have since the days in a cave. Work the man from different angles or kick him to the curb. Is that thinking like a man? If so my friend was there!
I listened intently. My female side was being patient and hearing her out. What was she really telling me and where did she want to go with it. My male side was screaming "The guy's an idiot and a loser!" Dump him!
We talked for nearly an hour with no real resolution, again to the chagrin of my male side. My female self on the other hand was happy with the fact that my friend seemed to feel better. At that moment, it was all that mattered.
If I had to guess, my girlfriend won't be too successful at thinking like a guy. She already knows how the male mind works and really only needs the right guy to come along.
At least I hope not. I really don't want my best girlfriend to start thinking like a guy.  Been there...done that!

Dark and Sexy!

In the winter part of the world, darker hair just seems to fit the seasonal mood.
Your look can begin with those new black boots you just had to have. Tuck those skinny jeans into the boots and slide into that "oh so" soft black sweater that falls over your hips.
Pull that black leather jacket out of the closet and you are sexy and set. right?
Not so fast girl, lets check in with another opinion from Deborah Dunham on "the Frisky".

Oh, by the way girl, good luck with your Christmas shopping in those new boots!

Giving Thanks!

Once again it is time to take time out of our busy lives to give thanks for what we DO have!
If you are fortunate enough to have your health...that is number one!
Number two if you have loved or are loved...that is number two.
All the rest of life's problems are minor and can change on a dime! (If you have one!)
This time of year brings out the best or worst in our lives. Between now and Christmas, we have a chance to experience our families in the most positive of situations-or the worst.
Hopefully, this post finds you in the positive category. I do know though that many of the best of families don't accept their transgendered relations. So sad!
Finally, giving thanks includes a hope that all of you have a new family or friends to share just a touch of the season with.
Cyrsti