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| Old pix, circa 2008 |
Today she asked if there were any transgender perspectives which may have changed with me recently, or long term.
Over time though, I have experienced many changes. Most I have written about here in
Cyrsti's Condo before.
The biggest one is how I perceive what I wear and the importance I attach to it. When I look back on all my earliest blog posts, often I am amazed how attached I was to every small detail of what I was wearing. Indeed, every trip out in the trans feminine world I made, success or failure was determined about how well I "passed".
Now I realize, over the years, it took awhile to settle into my own style. Then I took extra time to mesh it with the real world of cis women. Learning (often the hard way) confidence not passing did equal privilege.
So, I did learn and change. I guess you can teach an old girl new tricks!
Whether one is cis or trans, men and women are sized up by others all the time (rightly or wrongly). First impressions have always been important, and those who can make a good one are more destined to be received favorably, i.e. passing muster. I have found that living under this premise has made my life so much easier. I even end up actually passing sometimes, and I take those incidences as pleasant surprises rather than accomplishments of a goal.
The man for whom I work during the summers is my next door neighbor. I had known him for a year before he hired me, and I never expected that I was passing to him. He had seen me when I was all gussied up and leaving to go out for the evening a few times, but our interactions were more often discussions over the back fence while I was working in the yard or taking the garbage out. I certainly was not concerned with passing on those occasions, but I was mindful of being a good neighbor and human being. After about a week into my employment, I needed to bring up a problem I was having with his designated supervisor, who had been mis-gendering me. When my neighbor gave a puzzled look to me and my complaint, I started thinking the worst, and that he was not sympathetic to my dilemma. I restated my concern, and began explaining how hurtful it is for a trans person to be mis-gendered. He then stopped me and said, "I didn't know that. I always thought you were a tall woman with a low voice."
As remarkable as that revelation was to me, I also learned later that I was the first woman he had hired to have successfully done this job in his 30 years of business. Since he hired me, he now has three other women in his employ. Maybe I am a sort-of advocate, after all! The disappointing thing, however, is that his solution to my problem with the supervisor was to keep us away from each other as much as possible. At least I've experienced no further mis-genederings during our short and infrequent encounters.