Dominique Jackson

From television's Pose, the gorgeous Dominique Jackson:

Another Halloween

Another Halloween has came and gone...almost. I have seen a few places around here in Cincinnati which are having theme parties this weekend which are loosely Halloween based. After all, some people I know would want Halloween celebrated year around.

One of those is the "moderator" who I have mentioned extensively here in Cyrsti's Condo. She is the one who got bounced from the board (and all her activities as social director) of the established cross dresser-transgender support group I am a member of. I am rather proud of the fact I have taken the high road in the whole affair. In fact, at Monday's meeting, I was prodded to give my true feelings on the subject. But just shut up.

Since, to my knowledge, none of them read my blog, I can do it here.  I really only have a couple problems with the "moderator". I think she is and has been a little frenetic in the way she approached having "socials."  Her invitations began to take on the idea of when you went out, you were going to meet her. Leaving the "group" idea out. In other words, the socials became Stacey's and not Crossport (the group.) I think in her mind though, she was simply going out and inviting anyone else to join her.

On a bigger stage, I think her biggest problems came with her attitude concerning transgender safety as a whole.  Since she hadn't had much of a problem with going public with her transition, she figured society had changed and no one else should have a problem either. While times have changed, we all know they haven't changed that much. I think she was ignoring the people in the group going through heart wrenching times with spouses and family.

Finally, I think her total willingness to to throw caution to the wind and give out her personal phone number to anyone who wanted it was ill advised.

Going full circle back back to Halloween, Liz and I actually went to two themed events, so life was good. My costume was simple, I dressed as a witch. Complete with long flowing skirt and spider accessorized witches hat. My goal was simple, to be viewed as a woman dressed up in a simple costume.

Plus the actual Halloween evening was so nasty weather wise, there weren't even very many Trick or Treaters.

I do hope where ever you are, you accomplished all your Halloween dreams! 

Philippine Beauties

From the Philippines comes two beauties, Paolo Ballesterors and Martin del Rosario:

 

Dream...or Nightmare

Following up on my Cyrsti's Condo post from yesterday, if I had the dream of living as a woman for so long, was I living a nightmare as a guy?

As I look back on it, much of forcing myself to live a macho existence was a nightmare. Especially the closer I got to actual attempting a male to female gender transformation. I wouldn't wish the time on anyone when I was living three days a week as a girl and four as a guy. All of it culminated in a very active suicide attempt.

The whole problem was I refused to accept my true self.  When I did, the pressure was off. Off course I made quite a few mistakes as I was learning how to live on the other side of the gender fence but going through the learning curve was worth it.

As often is the case, Connie has another look on the gender nightmare issue which I would like to share:

"If living a life as a woman is the dream, living the lie has to be the nightmare. It's often the nightmare, though, that causes one to wake up and start living the dream.

I've known you since we were both having our own nightmares. In retrospect, yes, we both could have awakened earlier, but we can only go forward, being happy that our nightmares are over.

From that old song:

Oh, what can it mean,
To a daydream believer,
And a homecoming queen?"

Quoting the Monkee's too, I was the "daydream believer " but never made the homecoming queen! 

Blog Comment

I follow a non transgender based blog on Word Press called Lifes Fine Whine. Today she posted she wanted comments about childhood dreams and how they came out. I decided to provide a comment about mine. The comment was designed to explain some of the angst of being transgender without getting too in depth. Here it is:

All through my childhood, I wanted desperately to be just like the girl next door. Unfortunately I was a boy born into a male dominated family.
So, I played football when I wanted to be a cheerleader. Went to the prom in a tux instead of the beautiful dress my date wore.

After college, I was drafted into the military during the Vietnam War. I served my time but never lost the idea I was somehow living a lie. I cross-dressed every time I had the chance to relieve the pressure and explored the idea of living a feminine life.

Along the way, I went through two marriages to women who knew of my "secret." The second passed away quite unexpectedly leaving me free to make a decision in my life.

Finally, at the age of 60, I came out as transgender and started hormone replacement therapy to feminize my body as much as possible.
I began to live my life as a transgender woman. Found an incredibly accepting partner and settled into living my dream.

It took me awhile but now I feel blessed to have lived on both sides of the gender fence.
I have also benefited from my daughter and three grand kids who also are extremely accepting.
In many ways I feel I should come out sooner.
However the wait was worth it.