Happy Thanksgiving?

As I sit here watching the Macy's parade, it brings back all sorts of bittersweet memories. 

Looking back, Thanksgiving and Christmas were the two biggest days of the year for my second wife. She went all out for both, often feeding up to twenty people for Thanksgiving. Our door was never closed to anyone who needed a place to socialize and eat. The day also marked the beginning of a very serious stint of putting up all of her extensive decorations for the season. 

At the time, I took it all for granted and thought it would go on forever. As I grew older, I learned the hard way nothing lasts forever. I am fortunate in that I still have an extended family to celebrate  Thanksgiving with. If not for my daughter and my wife Liz, I would be joining no one for the holiday.

I used to have blood family with a brother. A decade ago I came out to my only brother and sister-in-law. I was naïve and thought I might receive the same positive reaction I had from my daughter. I was wrong and was told they did not want me at the family Thanksgiving Day dinner. Naturally, being  shunned  because I was coming out as my authentic self hurt me deeply. My brother and I have not spoken since. 

However to make up for it, I was invited to my daughter's in laws for the holiday. Plus I made up for the slight from my brother when I was invited to small get togethers in Liz's family when her Dad was still living. 

In the transgender world, sadly I am often not the example, as so many in our community have no family remaining to socialize with. Mainly because they were not accepted by their families. It is especially cruel when you have to remember times with the family by yourself.

On this Thanksgiving, I hope you have someone to socialize with. Even if it with a local LGBTQ organization. Many in our area often offer dinners you can participate in. 

Regardless, I hope you have a good turkey day!   

Trans Girl in a Wig Store

 

JJ Hart Blonde Look.

Perhaps I should say trans girl in as many wig stores as she could find. 

Once I arrived at the point where I could even afford a nice hairpiece, I was like a kid in a candy store. So many styles of wigs to choose from and so little time to try them all on. I wish I could say I quickly became better at the process of choosing my crowning glory. Sadly, similar to the rest of my outfits or fashion, I was going too trashy to blend in with the women in public. I was telling myself since I needed to overcome a large head and body, I needed large hair to do it.

Also, to find a wig store I had not been to, I needed to drive long distances. Primarily from my medium sized hometown which had no stores which specialized in wigs all the way to Dayton or even Cincinnati which had several. 

Once I made the trip, I needed to learn several of the shop owners were not really interested in how I presented in new hair but were very interested in how much I had to spend. The owners could not do much to direct me in the proper direction of what I needed to look better as a transgender woman. Being fair to them, my male ego was in the way, telling me how to choose because he thought I would look better. Many times, I ended up buying what I today call clown wigs which were guaranteed to get me recognized or clocked as a cross dressed man. The wigs were good for Halloween and not much else.

All in all, the choices were bewildering. I felt as if I was back in my beginning days in the makeup department when I was attempting to figure out what product I wanted to try. In the wig store, I had to choose a color of hair I wanted, style I wanted and even which hair I wanted, human or synthetic. The possibilities were endless. 

In the beginning, my default color was always red or auburn before I started to shift away to other shades. For years I rotated between dark colors and blond which became my favorite. I was enjoying the changes in my appearance until I needed to settle down into one look when people began to recognize me. No more changing my name with my wigs. Settling down was difficult but something I needed to do as I followed my path to transgender womanhood. 

Through the magic of gender affirming hormones and good genetics, I arrived at the point where I did not need to wear a wig at all. In fact, one of the best gifts I had ever received came from my daughter when she provided me with a visit to her own upscale beauty salon. Even though  the experience was terrifying at first, I ended up loving it and could not wait to go back. Almost immediately I understood why cis women spend so much time and money at their salon. 

Most certainly, I cannot overstate the importance of hair to our outfits and fashion as transgender women or cross dressers. Hair demands all the effort we put into it. 

Ditching Good for Better

 

JJ Hart with Ohio River.

As I made my way along my gender path, I was always looking to go from just good to better. 

I always wanted to present better as a girl my age all the way to moving like one and even doing my best to act like one. I did my best to be a keen observer of what the feminine gender around me was doing at all times.. If they were wearing mini-skirts, so should I was a prime example.

Sadly, I was hindered by my meager financial situation until I grew older and could afford more fancier accessories such as clothes and wigs. Even still, nothing was stopping me from pursuing my gender dreams of living as a woman. If only I could. That is where my path became more and more important. For example when I finally broke out of my closet and did all my own shopping, I learned the hard way what looked good on me and what did not. From there I could build on to my success and go from good to better.

I became especially good with my feminine business attire wardrobe. At thrift stores I managed to find a black pant's suit which paired nicely with heels or flats and my should length blond wig. I even had a wool full length coat to go with it for the winter time when I went shopping. For the warmer times of the year, I found a lime green business suit with a shorter skirt which I paired with pastel green opaque panty hose and matching kitten heels. I found I went from good to better either time of the year and presented relatively easier for the first time in my life. Gender euphoria at it's finest.

All of my fashion advances did not prepare me for face to face encounters with other women in the world. Chance encounters with store clerks were easy until I began to stop at restaurants to eat. I needed to order from a menu while at the same time doing my best to sound like another woman just having lunch away from her job. Until I gathered the confidence to practice it, the entire idea of talking like a woman was once of the most difficult things I had ever attempted.  I even went as far as going from good to better by taking vocal lessons to usher me into my transgender womanhood. 

I often think I inherited my drive to always do better from my parents. Nothing was ever good enough for them. If I had received a B in a class, why did not I get an A was the routine I grew up with. Imagine the irony my parents would have felt when they found I applied the same thought pattern to a gender issue they were very against. All I ever wanted was to be a woman, transgender or not and needed to work very hard to overcome my male bonds to do it. Plus I always felt if I was going to be successful as a transgender woman, I would have to try harder than the average woman to succeed. 

So along the way, I needed to not accept good and kept trying to achieve being better and better as a transgender woman. I wonder what my parents and my second wife would have thought of me now. Hopefully they would be happy for me, since I have arrived at the place I have always wanted to be in life. If I had done it sooner, I would have undoubtedly been an easier person to live with.